


To Live Comfortably

by MsRenai21



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Animal Death, F/M, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Genderbending, Minor Character Death, Teen Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, fem!Jean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-02-22 13:11:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 117,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2509025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsRenai21/pseuds/MsRenai21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeanne Kirstein wants nothing more than to hurry on through secondary school so she can live an easy and carefree life within Sina country. The only problem is that she finds out things don't always turn out the way we want them to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, I just wanted to let you know that I track the tag **fic: tlc** on tumblr, so if you've got questions, comments or wanna create anything; just use that tag! I'm open to anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We didn't need a story, we didn't need a real world  
> We just had to keep walking  
> And we became the stories, we became the places  
> We were the lights, the deserts, the faraway worlds  
> We were you before you even existed  
> \- [_Intro_ , M83](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwZR0CFbJ4M)

_I was scared._

_My heart was beating so fast I felt as though it would rip right through my chest. But I was here. I was finally here._

_“Hey, Jeannie, what's up? Why did you wanna see me here?"_

_My face was hot and I knew the blush would stand out against my pale skin. I inhaled and looked into his intense green eyes, gaining a moment of courage._

_“I, uh... I just wanted to hang out is all." I was never good at lying._

_"Then why not invite Mikasa or Armin as well?" He tilted his head to the side. God, he's perfect._

_I sighed and looked away from him. “Eren, I needed to tell you something. And I can't do it if they're both here."_

_It was time._

_"The truth is...I like you. I like you a lot, so much that I can't stand it. I want to be your girlfriend. I want to go on stupid dates with you and hold your hand and all the gross stuff that boyfriends and girlfriends do."_

_I wish I didn't look up to his face, to those green eyes. Those green eyes that screamed rejection. He was never good at hiding what he was thinking._

_“Jeannie, I...I don't...I don't know what to say."_

_Too late. I knew what you wanted to say. I couldn't stop myself._

_"It's because of Mikasa, right?" I screamed at him. "You're more interested in her, aren't you? What does she have that I don't? I'm just as good as her!" My eyes stung; I was about to cry. "She's all you ever noticed."_

_He wasn't happy about that. I'd never seen those green eyes look so angry before, especially directed towards me. It hurt to see that._

_He took a step forward. "What's your problem? You knew I liked her; why are you acting like this? Jeannie, this isn-"_

_"Just shut the hell up, you trash!" I was beyond reason. Oh god, he looked hurt. It wasn't supposed to end up like this. "Why do you want someone who's so clingy?"_

_Why did I fuck it up?_

_Why did I fuck everything up?_

_"And what makes you think I want to have a girlfriend with a horse face?"_

\--

I shoot out of bed. Did I seriously dream about that shit again? I rub my eyes a few times before turning to look at my alarm. Great, waking up five minutes before my alarm even goes off. I shift to my night stand and just turn the thing off. At least I'm spared from that disgusting noise. 

I let out a big yawn as I stretch, hearing a couple of bones crack. Besides, who fucking has dreams about getting rejected by a douchebag anyway? Most people have dreams of their past lives or something. You know, cool things like meeting a half snake monster or fighting supernatural demons and saving the world. 

I sit in my bed for a few more minutes before reluctantly moving my amazing and warm covers off of me. I step onto my plush rug that has fortunately saved me from the freezing cold hardwood floor. It, however, doesn't save me from the loud creaking it makes as I walk across it. Gotta love old homes. I hear my mom moving around downstairs as I head into the bathroom and begin my morning routine. Which consists of staring at myself in the mirror and eventually brushing my teeth. 

I head straight back into my room, trying to make as little noise as possible. I don't want my mom knowing I'm up just yet. Today's a big day and she'll be crying all over me. I really don't want that right now. It's too early, you know?

Oh, yeah, I guess I should mention I start secondary school today. Not only that, I'm starting at Trost Secondary school, one of the most prestigious schools around. But I'll get to that later. 

I rummage through my dresser and closet a little until I find something appropriate to wear. I happen to pick the usual: an olive green top with black jeans. Green is my favorite color, by the way. Expect me to wear it a lot. I finish the look off with a plain black vest before tending to my hair. Not much work is needed in that department, since half of it is shaved off. 

I love my shaved hair, but I can't say the same for my mom, who cried over it when she first saw it. She didn't care that I dyed it blonde, she just doesn't understand the shaved look. 

Oh well, her loss. My hair is amazing. 

And speaking of my mom, I can hear her loud footsteps coming up the stairs. She comes bustling into my room. 

"Jeanne-bo, you need to hurry up. I made you breakfast and you need to eat it before you leave." 

I sigh. "All right, I'll be downstairs in a minute don't worry."

She lingers in my doorway, giving me a concerned look before turning to leave finally. "Just hurry up, please. You can't skip out on breakfast; monsieur omelette is waiting for you." I groan loudly. She's done this since I was a child. Calling the fucking food “monsieur omelette.” Dammit mom, I literally just turned fifteen yesterday, stop talking to me like I'm five. 

Yeah, lucky me. My birthday will always fall on the first week of school, sometimes even the first day. I heard that some cultures used to start school in September but nope, here in Rose country we start in April. 

I finish dealing with my hair, grab my bag, and head downstairs into the kitchen. I actually smile seeing the omelette on the table despite not really wanting to sit down and eat. "It looks good, maman. But...shouldn't you be at work already? I really don't want you to be in trouble."

She waves at me dismissively. "Oh please, Jeanne-bo, I'm the owner. I can go in whenever I want." I give her a concerned look. "Don't worry sweetheart, I asked Sylvie to come in early and open up for me. I told her about your big day." My mom's smiling at me. That sweet, proud mother smile. Oh no, here come the waterworks. She walks over to me and hugs me, sniffling a little. "Oh my beautiful little Jeanne-bo. I'm so proud of you. You're an intelligent and talented young woman." She pets the part of my hair that's still there. Incredible. 

I manage to wiggle free of her grasp and head over to the table and eat. I'll never outright admit it but I love Mom's omelettes. I start eating it fast, wanting to hurry up and get out before my mom starts crying again. She moves about the kitchen and cleans her mess up as I eat. 

I finish up and basically have to rush out before she grabs on to me again. Our house is also connected to mom's bakery so when I leave, I enter the store. I wave shyly to Sylvie, Mom's old friend and employee. She's older but she's pretty nice. As I leave the store, I turn around and see Mom has followed me. I give her a small wave and she returns it. She'll be fine. By the time she gets to work it'll be busy and she'll have more to worry about than just me. 

Did I mention that I live right in the heart of the Trost district? No? Well shit. Yeah, I live downtown where it's an interesting mix of urban and really old houses and apartments. Like the kind of houses that are built upwards. Something like mine, where it's a three story building and the ground floor is mom's little shop. Of course, not all places here have shops connected to them like ours. 

I walk briskly through the city. It's actually pretty chilly this morning and I didn't even think to bring a hoodie. At least I live relatively close to the school so the walk there isn't too bad. I notice a couple of groups of kids heading the same way as me but I avoid being anywhere near them. 

I don't know them and they'll probably just annoy me. 

I turn the corner up ahead after walking on a straight path for about ten minutes. I look up and there it is in all its glory, Trost Secondary. I've passed by this school a number of times but it feels different now. It feels a little more intimidating and daunting. This school is colossal. 

I stop walking real quick to retrieve my schedule from my bag. Hey, I just don't want to look like those lost new kids with their noses in a piece of paper and not paying attention to where I'm going. Besides, it's just not cool at all. All right so...I've been assigned to classroom number 104. Sounds good I guess? I promptly stuff the paper back in my bag and keep walking. 

I finally enter the school grounds and all of a sudden I feel hyperaware of my actions. I see a few groups of kids scattered around and chatting. Some girls to my left giggle. Shit, shit, I hope they're not giggling at me. Fuck this noise. I hurry up and try to get into the school quickly. So far, I haven't seen anyone I know yet. Good. 

The first thing you see upon entering this school is a huge foyer where, again, different groups of students are just hanging around and chatting. I mean, I know I'm here a little early than I need to but still, you guys should just go talk in your classrooms. 

As I stride across the foyer something catches my eye. There's a poor girl against the lockers being bullied by...oh no, is that Ymir? Shit, that's Ymir. Oh that girl is dead; you know she's dead. Ymir is an upperclassmen and I think she's about seventeen. The only reason I know her is because she used to babysit me. She was never one with gentleness or kindness. Well, if she was, she had a really funny way of showing it...with constant headlocks and noogies. 

Anyway, she's got this poor girl backed up into the lockers, looming over her. The other girl is a little shorter and has a bushy ponytail. Hmm, guess I can call her 'ponytail girl'. She doesn't have any other striking features. Suddenly, a tiny blonde girl enters the fray and wedges herself in between Ymir and the ponytail girl. Rest in peace, tiny blonde girl. I will tell your story to th- What!? Ymir backs off and argues a little with the tiny blonde girl. However, it's clear that Ymir isn't really putting up a fight. Eventually, she just shrugs and walks away. 

The whole time these events happened, I realize that I've just been standing right in the middle of the foyer. Good job, me, let's be a little more obvious next time. 

Whatever. 

I continue walking through the foyer ignoring whatever ponytail girl and tiny blonde girl are doing. I reach the first set of hallways and realize this all the teacher's rooms and general offices. Well, shit. I backtrack a little and enter into a different hallway. These classes are labeled 110-114. Amazing, I have to try a different set of halls. I didn't realize this school also doubled as a maze. I exit these hallways and head back to the main foyer. I lean against a wall and try to scope the area without looking too obvious that I'm hopelessly lost. Kind of. In a way. 

At least I know my classroom number, right? I reach in my pocket and pull out my phone to check the time. It's 8:15. Shit, only fifteen minutes left ‘till class starts. Well...no that's actually not too bad. I'll make it. I look around real quick to see if anyone's noticed that I was a little lost. No one is looking my way. In fact, some other people are looking terribly lost. I smirk before heading off to one of the hallways on my left. 

Dear god, please be the right one. I check the sign on the wall. Yes, these are classrooms 100-104. Jeanne Kirstein, you are amazing. 

It only took three tries. 

...We're not going to talk about this. 

I walk down the hall, passing the other classrooms and finally reach mine. Room 104. I take a deep breath and walk inside without stopping. Some of the kids turn and look at me but not all. I take a moment to look around. These classrooms are really small, though; no wonder the damn school is so big. I think it can only fit like eighteen ki-

Oh my god. Oh my dear lord in heaven you have got to be shitting me. 

I'm unable to stop myself from shouting. I'm also unable to stop myself from running over to this fucker and grabbing him by the collar. 

"Eren fucking Jäger. Who the hell let you into this school?!" Saying that I'm furious would be the understatement of the year. I'm livid beyond all comprehension. 

“Jeannie back off holy fuck!" He wrenches my hands from his collar and glares back at me. "Calm down, you almost ripped my fucking clothes."

"I don't give a damn about your clothes! You're not supposed to be here! Get out already!" My vision is going red and my blood is pulsing. It's too early in the morning for me to get this angry but the mere sight of this fucker sends me into an incomprehensible rage. 

“Hey, I passed the entrance exam fair and square." We're in each other's faces now, my golden amber eyes versus his bright green ones. 

I open my mouth to shout out more insults but Mikasa swoops in between us and effectively cuts me off. She turns to me first and gives me a warning look before turning to Eren. "It's not even nine in the morning and you're already fighting." 

Eren gestures frantically at me. "Did you not see her come after me first?"

"I don't care who attacked first, you need to stop." 

Eren grumbles and glances back to me. “Jeanne, you're really going to need to stop pulling this shit all the time. I was actually excited to see you in here but now you just fucked that up. Learn how to be an adult for a change." He turns around and goes back to his seat next to the window. Mikasa sits next to him and I think Armin is sitting right behind him. Tch, whatever, like I care about the golden trio. I turn around myself and sit on the opposite side of the classroom away from that bastard, closest to the door. I throw my bag on the desk and just lay my head down. This is literally going to be the worst four years of my life. I can't believe I have to be stuck with that asshole and his group. 

Where is a falling piano when I need one?

As I keep my head down, I hear more students walking in and chatting. Oh god, I think I even hear Thomas's voice. How the hell did he get in this school? Dumbass couldn't even write his way out of a box; there's no way he passed that test. Whatever, I just keep my head down until I hear someone plop down next to me. 

“Hey, are you okay?" Her voice is in my right ear. I shoot up immediately and almost fall out of my chair. Dammit, hasn't anyone ever heard of personal space?

Oh shit. It's ponytail girl! In my class and sitting next to me. 

I should start calling her the girl that lived. Because she was lucky someone came and stopped Ymir. 

I realize that I've been doing nothing but stare at her while I have my own monologue about what to call her. She still looks concerned, but seems a little nervous. "A-Are you okay?" She repeats softly. 

I readjust my position on my chair and try to answer her properly. “Y-Yeah, I'm fine. I'm perfectly normal, by the way."

“Okay...uh, you just looked a little sad." She holds her hand out to me. "My name is Sasha Braus. I'm from the Dauper district in Rose country." She's smiling so wide. Is she even all there in the head? 

I find myself shaking her hand regardless of my thoughts. “Uh, hi, I'm Jeanne Kirstein. I was born and raised here in Trost." I gesture down to the ground. 

Her eyes light up and she grabs my hand with both of hers. "Oh my god! Kirstein as in, like, the bakery down the road?"

Oh no. 

"Yeah, it's my mom's store." She starts bouncing up and down. I'm trying so hard to ignore all the looks we're getting from the other classmates but it's insanely difficult. People who know me or at least those who have lived here long enough know not to bring this up. And yet here she is announcing it for the entire classroom. I tug her hands down and bring her closer to me and look her dead in the eyes. "Don't go parading this information around. I can't even begin to tell you how embarrassing it is for me."

She raised an eyebrow and moves her head to the side. "Why? I'd love it if my father owned a bakery. It would be so cool!" I frown. 

And if this morning couldn't get any worse, well, it just fucking did. 

A short guy with a buzz cut came and sat down behind Sasha and he was just staring at us. Is he...? Is he fucking blushing? “Oh, sorry guys, don't let me ruin your love fest. It's kinda hot, to be honest."

Love fest...? I turn back to Sasha and realize not only are we both holding hands - well, her two hands are over mine - but our faces are really close to each other's. I pull back immediately and turn to face the bald kid. "Look here, fucker, don't assume shit like that." I try to give him my most menacing glare. It kind of works. 

He holds his hands up in defense. “Whoa, whoa, I'm really sorry." Sasha is giggling the entire time. I'm glad she thinks this is funny. 

As I say a few more derogatory words about buzz cuts to this boy, tiny blonde girl sits right next to him. I immediately turn my attention to her. Apparently Sasha did the same as she's now thrown herself onto tiny blonde girl's half of the desk, clutching onto her hands. "Thank you so much for saving me! Are you a god? You must be God because of how kind and righteous you are!" How in the hell can you act like that and not feel any sort of embarrassment? 

I gently remove Sasha from her desk and turn to ask her a question. "How do you know Ymir? She would never stop for anyone unless she really liked them." 

The tiny blonde smiles at me. "Oh, that's because I'm her girlfriend." 

How those two got together I will never understand. They seem like polar opposites. "And I'm really sorry about her attacking you earlier,” she says to Sasha. "Ymir gets easily jealous sometimes and she completely overreacted. I promise that she won't do it again, though." She then jumps as if she just remembered something. "I'm sorry, I should introduce myself. My name is Historia Reiss. I just moved to Trost over the break from Sina country." 

We look at her in awe. Why the hell would you choose dinky little Trost over the districts in Sina? Maybe she just wanted to be closer to Ymir? How the fuck did they even meet?

Just then, the bald guy next to her speaks up as well, thinking he's a part of our little group. Fucking nerd. "Yo, the name's Connie Springer. I'm from the Ragako district in the southern part of Rose country." 

Sasha smiles at him and talks next. "Oh hey, that's close to where I'm from!" She introduces herself to Connie and Historia and then all three turn their attention towards me. I give them my name and that I'm from Trost. Of course, they immediately talk about my mom's bakery. I swear that establishment will haunt me for the rest of my life. 

When I look back up at the class, I notice that all the seats are taken up, except for the one next to Armin. It seems that we're going to have a late student in the class. I can't wait to see their stupid face. Everyone is just idly chatting as the bell signifying the beginning of the day goes off. Wait...where is our teacher? They should have definitely been here by now. 

Fifteen minutes pass by before our teacher finally appears. And holy shit, is he a big man. He hurries over to the desk on the opposite wall from mine and sets his briefcase down. Oh god, and I should mention that disaster of an outfit he's wearing. He has on khakis that are clearly too short for him. Sorry, but most companies don't make clothes in size 'colossal'. And to top it all off, he's got a musty, old beige colored tweed jacket. This man looks absolutely hysterical. He doesn't say a word or look at any of us as he gets himself ready. Kind of interesting how a teacher is late the first day. I think this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I will cherish this memory. 

After a few minutes, he straightens up and clears his throat. "Good morning, honor students. My name is Mike Zacharius and I will be both your homeroom teacher and mathematics teacher for your entire time at Trost Secondary. Whether that be for today only or the entire four years is up to you. Now if you will give me a mome- ponytail girl to my left, please put the candy away; I can smell it from here." He glances over to Sasha and flares his nostrils. Damn, I didn't even notice her grab the candy and I'm sitting right next to her. This teacher has an amazing sense of smell. He has a titanic size nose to boot. 

Maybe he has...titan olfactory skills. Hmm. 

Sasha points to herself in a state of pure confusion. The teacher simply nods at her and she hastily shoves her candy back into her bag. Afterwards, she puts her head down in shame and tries to ignore a few snickers from Connie. "All right, now without any further interruptions, allow me call the roll. I'll only do this for the first week until I learn all your names and faces."

He grabs his attendance sheet and moves to the middle of the room. "Ackerman?" Mikasa raises her hand silently and he checks her off. "Arlert?" Armin mimics Mikasa's movements and vocalizes his presence. He calls Sasha's name next and she offers a small squeak to note her presence. He then calls Mina, Hannah and...Dazzmond? His name is Dazzmond?

"No last name?" Mike calls out. 

"Uh n-no sir, but please, just call me Dazz,” he speaks up, obviously nervous and embarrassed by his name. 

Mike jots down a note and continues calling out names. When he says “Jäger" I immediately cringe and send a glare Eren's way. However, he doesn't look at my direction. Damn you, look at me while I'm angry at you. 

Next up is Franz and then me. Of course, I'm too busy fuming over Eren to respond quickly, and Mike calls my name out one more time. Sasha gently taps me on the shoulder. "Uhm he's calling you." 

I snap my head up quickly to face the front of the classroom. "Shit, here!" Mike gives me an unimpressed look and continues calling out the rest of the names. I cover my face in an attempt to hide the bright red blush that has crept onto my face. It's only the morning and I have embarrassed myself more times than I can even count. 

“Hm, it's a little strange to have only seventeen kids in the class, but I'm not one who arranges these things. All right, since homeroom time has obviously passed us, let us begin your first day of geometry." Mike takes out his instructor's version of our textbook, which, by the way, we had to buy, and tells us to open up to the introduction. 

Today is going to be a long day. Seriously, who puts math first?

\--

Forty five minutes of geometry felt more like three hours of suffering. Now, I'm not that bad at math, however Mike likes to not only drill us with a multitude of information but also create his own problems for us. And I think...I think I caught him sniffing at a few students. I just...?

Once his time is over, he thanks us for our attention and hard work and leaves, ducking his head under the doorway as he does. And now we have a five minute break until our next teacher comes in. I hear a few sighs and tired yawns behind me. I guess others are already exhausted by Mike's strenuous teaching. I know I am and poor Sasha next to me has her head shoved in her geometry textbook. 

I nudge her not so gently. "Hey, get up. It's not naptime.” I look behind me and see that Connie is doing the same. What a bunch of idiots. I jump slightly as I turn to face the front again because Armin is now in front of me desk. He waves shyly. “Hey, Jeanne, I'm glad to see you in this class. Did you enjoy your break?"

Now I might hate Eren's guts and might be kind of jealous of Mikasa but I never found it in me to dislike Armin, despite his association with those two. I sigh and answer him quietly, "It was all right, nothing too eventful, yeah?" 

Armin nods and smiles at me. “Well, that can still be good in a way. Oh, here I have this for you." He reaches in his pocket and pulls out an envelope with my name on it. 

"Here, happy one day late birthday, Jeanne. You don't have to open it right now but whenever you get a chance. Uh, I guess I'll talk to you later." I slowly reach for the envelope and quietly thank him. He returns to his desk just in time for our second teacher to come barreling into the classroom. I stuff the envelope away in my bag and prepare for the next forty five minutes. I pray that this teacher is normal. 

"Good morning, class! How are you all today? Good, I hope. My name is Hanji Zoë and I'm the head of department of science in this school. You guys are so lucky to have me." Well, this teacher is probably as far from normal as anyone could be. 

"Oh, I'd also like to say that I prefer neutral pronouns, such as they or them. So no calling me Ms. Zoë or Mr. Zoë. Hanji is perfectly okay!" They scatter their notes and textbook onto the once-clean teacher's desk. The rest of the class takes out their textbooks and try to keep up with our teacher's sporadic movements and overall energy. I mean, seriously, it's like 9:40 in the morning; please calm down. 

They call roll, mainly to learn our names and faces and we finally begin our life science class, which is just a variety of sciences in one class, such as astronomy and meteorology. I'm pretty sure I won't need this at all, ever. Nevertheless, I take out my notes and try my best to follow along because this teacher is moving at light speed. 

\--

Once again, the teacher crams us with an immense amount of information and we're left in our seats contemplating whether or not we made a wrong choice in entering this school. We're going to have these same teachers for the next four years. I don't even think I can stand them for that long. Once Hanji leaves, we have yet another five minute break. Two classes down, four more to go. 

It's going to be a very long day. 

\--

The next class is history with Dot Pixis. He's the eldest of the teachers we've had so far and he took things a lot slower than the other two. However, he kept taking small sips out a little flask he had hidden in his jacket. I'm surprised he's still working here because of that and I think a few students were very concerned. 

After another forty-five minutes of hearing an old man go off on a rant about how our government works, we finally make it to our fourth period, the elective period. This is the first of two classes where we actually leave our classroom, and we each got to pick our elective, so we don't all share the same class. 

Students begin to murmur as they check their schedules and see if the others have the same elective. Mine is art and I'm pretty damn sure I won't see any of these people in there. Good, I'm looking forward to forty five minutes of peace and quiet away from them and Eren. I quietly gather my bag and head out of the room first. As soon as I leave the class, I realize that I only have five minutes to find a classroom that I've never been too. I hurry my pace down the hall and back into the main foyer that's now crowded with other first year students chatting and scurrying along. A few people bump into me and apologize but despite this I still shoot them a glare. I maneuver my way through the crowd to the other side of the foyer. 

I have no idea where I'm going and I feel myself getting frustrated. I can at least rule out a couple of hallways, the obvious ones being where our normal classrooms are located, the halls with the offices and one of these new ones looks like it leads to a gym. I take a deep breath and head straight to the hallway directly in front of me. I remember from my schedule that the elective classes have a letter before the class number and I'm relieved to see that these rooms have letters. 

As I make my way down the hall, I see someone from my class. I think her name is Hannah? She peers up from her paper and smiles at me, looking very relieved. She walks over to me. "Oh thank goodness...Jeanne is it?" I simply nod. "You wouldn't happen to know where the art room is, would you? I'm in Petra Ral's class." 

I look at her wide-eyed. “Oh, that's actually the class I'm heading to next. I guess we can find it together." She seems nice and she hasn't done anything terrible to me yet so there's no point in being hostile...yet. She thanks me a few times and we both weave through the groups of students. 

We find the room on our left and quickly go in. Hannah tugs slightly on my sleeve. "Do you mind if I sit by you? I get a little nervous around people I don't really know." Despite my desire to be alone, I tell her I don't mind. We find a table with two open seats and I take the time to scope out the room. Thankfully no one else here is from my class so that's a plus. The teacher is sitting at the front, presumably going over her notes. She seems very young to be a teacher, though. She's a petite woman with reddish hair and overall appears friendly. 

The bell signals the start of the class and our teacher looks up at us eagerly, not even trying to hide her smile. "Good morning, everyone. Wow, it's really great to see this many students for art. My name is Petra Ral and I'll be your art teacher for this semester." She gives us a slight nod and begins talking about the basics of the class and what she expects from us. 

About ten minutes into the class, she gives us our first assignment, which is to simply sketch what is in front of us. This is exactly where I belong and this is the exact kind of art I feel the most comfortable creating. I try not to make it too public, especially around my mother, but I sketch as much as I can in my room. I have a few sketchbooks filled up with doodles and sketches of whatever I thought was interesting, whether it be a random stranger standing outside or a random object in my room. 

This is what I want to do. Get through secondary school, get to an amazing art university in Sina, become a famous artist, and live the rest of my life in comfort and wealth. I just want an easy life. 

For my sketch, I choose to draw my bag. It’s on hand and I can show off my skill to the teacher. Ms. Ral quietly walks around the room, observing the other students’ art and giving helpful comments here and there. She finally gets to mine and Hannah's table and takes a look at my work. I'm not too fast at drawing but I'm not too slow either, so I've got enough detail down for her to see what I can do. She stays a few minutes longer than she did with the others. I slowly glance up to see her smiling. 

"You're doing such a lovely job, Jeanne. I love how subtle your lines are and how well you've modeled part of the bag. I guess I need to keep my eye out for you." I am completely stunned. Never once did I expect to get such a compliment, especially with how much I generally hate my drawings sometimes. I stutter out a reply. "Th-thank you." She nods and continues hovering over the other students. I'm completely frozen. A few people glance up in my direction and I simply keep my head down at my paper, trying to conceal the blush I know that has crept onto my face. 

The rest of the period goes smoothly and I even chat a little bit with Hannah. She really isn't that bad. She has a habit of talking a lot, though, and I find out that she thinks that Franz guy in our class is cute. 

Now it's finally time for lunch. I can't believe the school day is just about halfway over, although art class is the one class I wish could have lasted longer. I take my time walking back to class because honestly, I forgot to pack a lunch. Looks like I'll have to wait till I get home and stuff my face. I'm one of the last ones to get back to the classroom and I find that everyone is seated in different places getting to know one another. Sasha, Connie, and Historia have remained in their places, at least. I throw myself into my chair and put my head down on the desk. Historia gives me a concerned look. "Did you bring a lunch today, Jeanne?"

"No, I forgot about it this morning while I was prying myself from my mother's clutches." 

She doesn't laugh at that. She's giving me the same look that my mother does when I skip meals sometimes. "Here, please eat this. I'd feel bad if you went hungry, especially since we have gym next period." She hands me an apple. I sigh and take it from her. 

"You don't have to do that. I would have been fine." 

Connie butts in this time. Glad to know my mistake of not bringing in food is one of the most taboo things around. "Yeah you need to eat something because I heard we have coach Shadis for gym. People say he's the worst one around." 

Sasha shudders at the thought, taking a big bite of her sandwich. "What do people say?" 

Connie leans forward. "They say on the first day he makes you run the entire class, and if you stop, he'll write you up and keep you for the rest of day. All you can do is run." 

Sasha looks absolutely terrified, but Historia and I give him a skeptical look. "Really? So he's gonna keep us from our other classes because we can't run for an hour?" I take a bite of the apple. 

Connie nods his head. "Yeah, some of the upperclassmen told me that."

"Right...and if the upperclassmen told you there was a pool on the fifth floor would you go around asking about that?" 

Connie and Sasha jump up in surprise. "There's a pool on the fifth floor?" they shout in unison. 

I have never face palmed so fast in my entire life. "There's not even a fifth floor, you idiots!" 

Connie groans. "Then why would you even say that?" 

"It's a prank that the upperclassmen play on unsuspecting first years like you. You're welcome, by the way. I just saved you from embarrassment." 

Connie grumbles in response and shoves a few chips in his mouth. 

\--

It's hard to believe that we have to change into our gym uniforms and participate on our first day. I remember back in primary we had the first two days as a free period. Maybe those rumors that Connie heard are somewhat true? No, what the fuck Jeanne, don't buy into gossip like that. Maybe this is just life in secondary school. It's time to put your big girl panties on. 

...Did I just fucking say that?

I hurry up and change to my gym uniform and we're instructed to meet outside. Dammit, it's too cold for this. April in Trost is still very cold and very damp. Shit, and I think it just rained like a day or two ago. There's going to be goddamn mud everywhere. 

The girls file outside at the same time the boys do so. I glance over a bit and realize how tiny Connie actually is. That is hilarious. From what I can see, I'm a good 4-5 inches taller. You can never tell someone's height while they're sitting down. I also noticed back in the locker room that Sasha is the same height as me so that's something. I look around some more and see Eren. I shoot him a disgusted look but, unfortunately, my eyes get a little distracted. I trail down to his uncovered legs and wow, they're just...they're just so well shaped and toned and so...

Oh my fucking God.

What have I done. Mistakes were made. Very grave mistakes. 

I look away, blushing furiously and begin berating myself. He is the enemy; I can't slip up like that. As I wallow in my self-loathing, Sasha gives me a weird look. It's a strange cross between sympathy and wanting to laugh. No doubt in my mind she'll ask me about this later. I wish a piano would fall on me right now. 

Coach Shadis walks over to our group, looking incredibly intimidating. This man is looming over us, scanning us with his hardened eyes. No one can even stand up straight; we're all scared shitless. 

That piano would be great right about now. 

"All right, listen up, students!" he calls out in a booming voice. A few of us flinch. He narrows his eyes at us. "I am your instructor, Keith Shadis, and I will make damn sure that none of you will ever slack off in this class. Am I understood?"

None of us are brave enough to speak up so we settle for giving him a nod. He doesn’t appreciate that. I think I even see his eye twitch a little. "I said am I understood?" he yells louder. 

"Y-Yes sir!" This man is not a gym instructor; he's a goddamn drill sergeant. 

He tells us to line up side by side to start our class off with some stretching. All goes well until Thomas, a few rows away, accidentally smacks his hand while stretching right into Dazz's face. I want to feel bad for him because the guy doesn't seem to get a break in his bad luck but I can't help but almost laugh at his bloody nose. Shadis sends him off to the infirmary and sends Thomas out to run his laps early. Oh no, I'm starting to think Connie is right about the running the whole time. My lungs are already crying. 

After our set of stretches, he sends us out into the track. Today's exercise is to test our endurance and see how long we can run for. 

Connie was right. The bald son of a bitch was right. 

Coach Shadis makes it sound like he'll give us a break and that this is all part of training for a fitness test coming up in a few weeks. A test on running and speed. I don't want to make any mistakes in case he was lying out his ass to trick us. He blows his whistle and signals our time to run. Sasha and I stay close together the whole time. 

\--

The entirety of gym was hell, living hell. No matter how much you pace yourself, running is still a bitch. My lungs were on fire. 

That and I think I also got Sasha and Connie in trouble. That's kind of funny though. Basically what happened was I ran close to another group and hid behind them so I could walk and catch my breath. Sasha and Connie saw me doing this and got the bright idea of following me and mimicking me. It worked well for some time until Shadis caught them walking. I panicked so hard that I ran away from them so I didn't get caught. 

From that point on, Shadis personally followed behind them making sure that they don't stop running. I ran alone the rest of the way. 

Back in the locker room, Sasha clung to me almost in tears. She was going on about how horrible I was for leaving her and that I should have been punished too. I had to quickly remind her that she didn't have to copy me, and if she chooses to copy me in the future, she should do it correctly. She called me mean again so, not wanting to argue anymore, I promised to give her some free pastries from my mom's shop. 

She was instantly appeased. 

\--

We're back in the classroom now waiting for our final lesson of the day. It's grammar and comprehension. I've never heard of this class before but if it's anything like the literature classes we had in primary then it shouldn't be too bad, right?

The door to the classroom flies open. Everyone looks up, alert, bracing for what's to come. We all are surprised with what we see: a tiny man with an angry expression and a weird undercut. Seriously, his expression is somewhere between that of a serial killer and someone who has a stick shoved so far up their ass. He sets his things down neatly in the teacher's desk, completely opposite of how he entered the room. He looks at the desk in disgust and rearranges a few items to his liking. He also wipes his hand across the desk. 

"Oi, did you all have an instructor by the name of Hanji?" A few us bod our head. "Tch, I can tell. All right, I'm not big on introductions so let's get on with it. My name is Levi. Don't ever refer to me by my surname." This one is almost as intimidating as Shadis but at least he's not killing us with physical education. He scans the room briefly and purposefully skips Eren and Mikasa's table. I take a small peek in their direction and notice that Mikasa is very tense. That is a sight I've rarely seen, so I wonder if she's familiar with Levi? Who knows. He probably looked at Eren the wrong way and she's getting territorial. I never really understood her, nor do I want to. 

Am I really that jealous? Whatever. 

Levi goes on to explain what exactly this course offers and what it is. We find out that he's one of the few teachers in Rose country that teaches it and shows his disgust with the lack of grammar being taught in school. He tells us that literature courses are somewhat useless without learning the basics of grammar. 

He turns towards the whiteboard and begins giving us our first set of notes for the class. While he writes, he tells us we won't even need our textbook because of how much he despises it. Great! I'm glad we won't need our most expensive textbook of the set. I might keep it around just in case. Levi moves on to tell us that all our exams will come from his lectures, whether they are put on the board or verbal. Which means we have to pay attention to his class.

Let's also not forget we will also have multiple writing assignments to prove our understanding of the lectures. 

And to make matters far worse, which is amazing to think that it could get worse, Levi's handwriting is equivalent to that of a child's scrawl. I can barely make out any of the words, so I look over at Sasha to see if she has any luck. Her scrunched up face and squinting eyes say it all. We're doomed in this class. 

\--

My left hand has never hurt so much in my life. Levi writes an insane amount of notes on the board and I think we can safely rename the whiteboard to the blackboard because of how much is written up there. I massage my hand for a bit when the bell rings and signifies our final homeroom period. So we start off with Mike in our first homeroom and finish off with Levi. I don't think that's fair in the slightest. 

For these last ten minutes or so, we don't have to do anything at all. I think we just have these parts for student and teacher interaction but I'm sure no one wants to interact with this teacher. Levi checks the time on his watch and clears his throat. "I know all of you are familiar with cleaning up after classes, am I correct? From now on I'm going to pick two of you to stay back each day and clean up. I will also be monitoring you for quality."

Eren makes a fatal mistake in sighing a little too loud. Levi turns on him immediately and says, "it looks like Jäger just volunteered to stay back every day this week. I'll just need to find one other person for today." Eren's face is priceless as he looks up at Levi. Mikasa's hand shoots up immediately. "I will stay back with him today." Levi glances over to her and stays silent, thinking over her proposal. 

"All right, fine. It makes my job easier anyway. Don't make me regret this decision."

Another bell rings to signify the end of the homeroom period. All the students are free to go off to their clubs or home now. We start to gather our bags until Levi glares at us and gestures for us to sit back down. 

"Who the hell do you think you all are? I am the teacher so I will dismiss you, not the bell."

We quickly get back into our seats and wait patiently for this short angry man to free us from hell. I don't dare look up at him because I've seen these kinds of teachers before. Always so damn offended that we leave when the school wants us to leave. We sit for about two or three minutes before he dismisses us all except for Eren and Mikasa. 

Sasha and I are first ones out of classroom with Connie and Historia trailing behind us. Sasha holds onto my bag and uses me as I weave through the sea of other children. We make it into the foyer where Historia stops and asks us three if we wanted to swap numbers. Sasha and Connie smile and immediately take out their phones and trade numbers. Historia looks to me, smiling. I sigh and slowly take out my phone. 

Historia is really nice. You just can't say no to that face. I also don't want Ymir coming after me because I denied her girlfriend's request. She thanks me and leaves our little group. I gesture for the other two to follow me and we finally get out to the front gates of the school. Sasha speaks up, “Hey, maybe all of us should exchange numbers. I really like you guys and, well, with how difficult those classes are I would need all the help I could get!" Connie nods in agreement and I can't help but smile a little. We get each other's numbers and I start to walk away when Sasha calls out to me. 

"Hey! Can we come by your mom's bakery? We should totally hang out!" 

I raise an eyebrow at her. "If I catch you two in there today I'm throwing you out. Save it for another time." I walk away swiftly before she has time to speak again. 

Well, I managed to make some friends today and absolutely no enemies. That's a first. I wonder how long I'll be able to keep this lucky streak up. I walk along the main road again on the way to my home and my wonderful, comfy bed. I yawn on the way just thinking about it. 

Homework can wait until later tonight. 

\--

The second day of school isn't eventful at all and is almost identical to the first. Well, without as many embarrassing moments. 

But on the third day, Sasha and I notice something peculiar. Connie hasn't shown up for homeroom yet. 

I turn to Sasha. "Do you think he dropped out?" 

She shrugs but looks very concerned. "I hope not! He's not allowed to drop out." The pout on her face is amusing. I open my mouth to say something else but Sasha grabs onto my arm before I can get a word out. "Today at some point we have to find him and beat him up. Are you with me, friend?" Now as much fun as it sounds to double team the bald shorty, I shake my head. 

"Just give it a rest; he might show up later. Don't freak out so much." Behind us, Mike clears his throat and signals the beginning of class. Still no sight of Connie. Sasha's extreme concern for the boy has started to rub off on me because I find myself wondering where he'll he is while I'm trying to take notes. In the corner of my eye, I see Sasha sneaking texts on her phone whenever Mike has his back turned. 

I wonder if he can smell phones...? 

By the time our first class ends at about 9:30, we still see no sign of Connie, and apparently Sasha has been texting him all morning. Her messages varied from asking where he is to telling him he's horrible for skipping. You'd think they were almost a couple with how she texts him. When she checks her phone again for the millionth time, she sighs when she sees no reply. I offer her my condolences in the form of shaking my head at her in shame. She sticks her tongue at me. 

About halfway through our second class, around 10 or so, Sasha jumps slightly from her phone vibrating on her lap. Thankfully Hanji is too preoccupied in her thorough explanation of why Pluto should never have been declassified as a planet. It's difficult keeping a straight face at how much they gesture and flail their arms when speaking excitedly. Sasha slides her phone onto my lap and gestures for me to read. 

I look back and forth between her and the phone a few times before giving in and reading. Oh joy, Connie is alive after all. 

**To: Conman  
> Connie you're horrible  
> where r u??????  
> u can't skip out like this!!!!  
> cooonnnnniiiieeeeee**

Those are a few of Sasha's millions of messages. I scroll down a little to see what Connie has to say for his tragic mistake. 

**From: Conman  
> hOLy sHIt!!!  
> Damn yo im really sorry  
> I slept in brah  
> fuck me sideways**

As I hand back the phone, another text pops up from Connie. 

**From: Conman  
> hey its pretty cool to have two hot girls asking 4 me lol**

I roll my eyes so hard. I take the liberty of responding for Sasha. 

**To: Conman  
> shut the fuck up u nerd  
> nobody wants ur bald head**

Content with the insult, I hand the phone back to Sasha just in time for Hanji to finish their long winded rant. They now begin talking about an upcoming lab meeting next week as an introduction to the lab rooms. Sasha nudges me with her elbow. I slowly turn my head to the side and look at her. "What is it, Sasha?" I whisper angrily. 

Uh oh, her face. She's plotting something and I'm not sure I'm ready for this. Sasha raises her eyebrows. "We should skip and head over to Connie's house." I stare at her incredulously. Who in their right mind would be so stupid to even consider something like that?

It's the third day. 

And she wants to skip class all because the bald fuck boy couldn't get out of bed this morning. But I'm conflicted because I really don't want to stay here. I guess it sounds fun. But shouldn't Connie's parents be home? Shouldn't they rush his ass to school now?

While I question everything to myself, Sasha has been texting Connie again and she whispers to me, "He is basically begging us to come over. Come on, we'll leave right after this class."

A small voice in my head says 'no' but my heart says get the fuck out of this school. It's actually screaming at me. I reluctantly nod to Sasha. "Fine, I'll go. But we need to be fast, okay?" Sasha smiles back at me and starts to slowly pack her bag. 

Once Hanji's class is over and they leave the room, Sasha and I gather our things and slip out. The hallways are eerily quiet now without any students hanging around. They're all sitting in class like good little angels, not like us. We peek our heads around corners just in case a teacher or Pixis should walk by. The coast is clear so we beeline for the foyer. My heart is pounding and adrenaline is pumping through me. I'm only skipping class but it feels like I've just robbed a bank. I glance at Sasha and she seems to be fine, albeit giggling a lot. I swat at her shoulder to stop her but she ends up giggling even harder. 

I guess it's contagious because I can't help but giggle as well. 

“Sasha, we're not out of the school yet. We need to focus." We rush quickly through the foyer and out to the school grounds. Over to my left I see coach Shadis out with a class. His back is turned to us but he could turn around at any moment. Shit, what do we do? As I question myself, Sasha tugs on my bag and rushes me behind a bush. "We can't hide behind here forever!" 

She throws her hand over my mouth to silence me. She raises a finger to her mouth and tells me to be quiet. 

Sasha looks over the bush and watches Shadis carefully. I can hear him shouting from here and it almost sounds like...like its getting quieter? "Come on, let's go now!" She pulls me to my feet and holds onto my wrist as she leads across the grounds and past the school gate. We're free from school and I feel a mix of excitement and despair. Sasha starts leading me down the main road but I stop her. 

“Sasha, we can't go that way; my mom's store is there!" I panic at the thought of my mother seeing me skip school. She would never ever let me live it down. Not to mention the amount of trouble I would be in and my father would probably give me a four hour lecture about it over the phone. 

Sasha pauses for a moment and thinks. I hope she doesn't hurt herself. "Well, you've lived here all your life, yeah? Do you know a better way to the school's dormitories? We literally have to pass your mom's store." 

I stand there at a loss of what to do. We've come this far and not its all fucked up. I sigh. "We would need to turn around and take the back roads. It will take longer but I really don't want to get caught by my mom." She nods and we turn around, pass the school again, and head towards the alleys linking to the main road. There's still a lot of people around, of course, but none of them recognize me, thankfully. While I'm carefully mapping out the area in my head, Sasha is taking her time and sightseeing. There's not much to see since it's all just buildings close together and windows and people. Trost can be really boring, okay? 

We exit the alley ways and are back on the main road. Good news is that we've completely passed my mom's shop. Bad news is that we didn't pass it by much and there's still a good chance of me being seen by one of mom's friends. I tell Sasha to walk quickly down the sidewalk. It doesn't make sense for the school's dormitories to be a damn fifteen to twenty minute walk away from the school. Then it dawns on me. Doesn't Sasha live at the dorms too? Shouldn't she fucking know where it is?

"I thought you were only living here because of the school. Don't you live at the dorms?" I ask angrily. 

She shakes her head. "Nope! I have an aunt who lives here so I'm just staying with her. My dad never wants to be near Trost. He says it's awful." She smiles awkwardly. "N-No offense to you, I mean." 

I just shrug and roll my eyes. "It's not a big deal. Come on, let's go see what the bald one wants." I gesture for the dorms and we head inside. We come upon a lounge area to our left and we see our tiny friend hanging out on one of the couches, browsing his phone. The fucker is still in his pajamas and looking like a complete slob. 

He looks up when we approach and hops up from the couch. “Hey, guys you actually came! Did you have trouble sneaking out?" 

I open my mouth to complain but Sasha speaks over me. "Nope! None at all. We almost ran into Shadis but he left in time." 

I start wishing I never left. It feels awkward just standing here with two people I barely know. Connie gestures towards the stairs. "Ready to head up? I swear my room isn't that bad yet." I cringe slightly from his words but follow him reluctantly. 

He was right. He has a disgusting habit of being right all the time. His room is pretty decent aside from a few dirty shirts tossed to the side and some school notes on the floor. I look around the room some more. This is actually pretty spacious from what I've heard. And he doesn't share the room with anyone so that's a plus I guess. Connie shrugs. "So what should we do?"

I am shocked. "You begged us to skip class and you don't even know what you wanted to fucking do?" 

He puts his hands up in defense. "Hey I was just lonely and didn't feel like coming to school." 

Before I have a chance to wrap my fingers around that shorty' neck, Sasha comes in between and suggests that we all watch a movie together. Connie's eyes light up immediately and he dashes over to a box near his TV and starts picking out random movies. I sigh and find a place in his bed to sit down while Sasha meanders over to his DVD box, gushing over the movies he has. 

They end up selecting the entire Saw series. It turns out that Connie and Sasha are huge fans of horror films, to my dismay. When they ask for my approval, I gulp and reluctantly agree. I can't let them know that I can't stand horror films, especially the ones with an immense amount of gore. 

Well, it's time. I watch with anxious eyes as they set up the film. 

\--

We got through the first two films when Sasha and Connie decided that they were hungry. I don't know how. How can you eat after...after THAT? Unfortunately, they know that I'm not good with horror films due to my constant yelping and covering my eyes. Sasha laughed at me and Connie smirked like the little bastard he is. They're both bastards. 

After much discussion, they decide on Taco Bell for lunch. I seriously don't think I can stomach anything but I can hear the rumbles of protest. I guess I should try and eat something. And of course we have to fucking leave and risk getting caught again. 

Connie settles for a hoodie over his T-shirt and keeps his plaid pajama bottoms on. Fucking slob. I berate him for his life choices and he simply brushes me off. All three of us head out of the dorms and back out to the streets to Taco Bell. It's not close to my mom's store so I'm safe. We chat for awhile on the way and I realize that these two bastards are actually funny, when they're not being fucking idiots. Once we reach the place, Sasha bounds in, quickly followed by Connie and I. 

As predicted, Sasha orders a fuck ton of food and surprisingly Connie does the same. I haven't fully recovered from the gory shit so I settle for a quesadilla. We sit down at one of the tables and I watch as they devour their meals at record speed. I can't help by smile. I should stop that somehow. I take out my phone real quick and check the time. My heart almost skips a beat to see that not only has school just ended but...I have two missed calls from my mom and a voicemail waiting. I stare at my phone for a long time and I think Sasha and Connie both notice. 

“Hey, Jeanne? What's up? You look like you've just seen a ghost." Sasha at least sounds concerned, unlike Connie who spits out, "Did you get a message from Jigsaw?" I'm going to punch that fucking smirk off his face. But first, there's something more important to attend to. Like seeing why my mother has been calling me. And speak of the goddamn devil she's calling me right now. I slip away from the table and shakily answer the phone. 

"H-Hello?" I brace for impact. 

"Jeanne Kirstein, where on earth are you? I've been waiting by your school to come see you and I was told you aren't here?" I'm frozen in place and I can't seem to find anything to say. Of course, my mother takes the silence as a personal offense and screams at me some more. "Where in the hell are you?" 

I gulp. "I-I'm out with friends. I'm only...only like ten minutes from the store." 

"Come back home this instant." She hangs up and I'm left standing there just staring at the floor. 

After a few moments, Sasha comes over to me and gently places a hand on my shoulder. "Are you all right? Jeanne, you look like you're going to cry." 

I shake my head. "My m-mom wants me to come back now. I-I'll see you guys tomorrow." I stuff my phone back into my pocket, grab my bag from the chair, and leave. 

\--

"What are you thinking? Skipping school already? It's only the third day, Jeanne!" My mother shouts at me. It's been like this for ten minutes now and I haven't been able to get a word in. I'm not so much scared anymore as I'm furious. I don't back down in arguments; they only make me more confrontational. 

"Just leave it alone, maman. It's not a big deal. It was only one day." 

I interrupt her and she doesn't like that. "It is a big deal. You finally get into the school of your dreams and here you are wasting your chance at being successful."

"It was only one fucking day!"

"Don't you dare speak to me like that. I am your mother. My god, Jeanne, I can't wait for your father to hear about this. Squandering your chance at a good life."

That's it. I've had it; I'm done with this argument. I get up and head for my room with my mother in tow. She's yelling at me to come back but I'm ignoring her. It was just a small, one time mistake. Why can't she just fuck off. 

I reach the sanctuary that is my room but my mother is right here with me. "Don't walk away from me while I talk to you, Jeanne. You did something stupid so you have no choice but to do as I say!"

"Get the fuck out of my room, old hag!" I turn on her and she backs away through the door and I slam it in her face. My vision is red from how furious I am. I hear her stomp off, cursing my name but I don't care right now. 

She'll probably bring this up later as well but I don't care. 

I don't fucking care. 

\--

On that night, my mother and I managed to calm down enough to reach an agreement of me being grounded for a week. Well, I didn't agree but I wasn't in the mood to fight anymore. 

Thursday was rainy and uneventful. The skies mourned for me and my new punishment. Sasha and Connie apologized to me constantly that day and Sasha even offered me half of her lunch. 

A very rare event indeed. I accepted it graciously. 

After school, I came straight home and my mother was pleased to see that I had listened to her. I'm not stupid. I'm not going to go around acting like a fool when I'm already in trouble. The worst part about the punishment is that she told my father. So I'm expecting a phone call from him sometime this weekend. 

I should quickly mention that my dad is currently stationed at Stohess in Sina country. One of the few requirements of his military service.

I'm not sure what's worse though. Him lecturing me in person or on the phone. At least on the phone he can't see me roll my eyes. 

\--

Today is Friday and it's still rainy and cold out. 

I had a difficult time getting out of my warm, comfy bed. The covers had never felt so warm and soft in my life. I get up, do my routine, and put on one of my father's sweatshirts that I stole from his room. He only lives with us for half of the year so I doubt he'd even notice it was gone. 

It's nice and baggy and it makes me feel safe. 

I go downstairs to search for an umbrella because I'll be damned if I get soaked before even reaching the school. The first thing that I notice is that mom is down at the shop. Friday mornings are always so busy for us. She left me a note saying she made me lunch and I find myself getting a little more excited than I should. I grab it and head out. 

Mom waves at me as I pass her and I give her a small nod in response. She's still incredibly angry with me. 

\--

I make it to school just fine and a little wet. When I reach the class, Sasha bounds up and hugs me, telling me I'm such an amazing friend. I politely tell her to stop hugging me and that she's a weirdo. 

Because she's the biggest weirdo in the world. 

I sit down and close my eyes. I just want this day to be over with quickly. The bell rings at the beginning of homeroom and once again Mike is late. This is like the third time this week. Aren't teachers supposed to be amazingly punctual? Maybe he's not coming in today? You can't just show up late after getting kids’ hopes up, making them think you're not coming in. 

It's not until about ten minutes later he shows up with...with a new student or somebody? I'm not sure but this kid looks so out of place. His clothes look almost like hand me downs. Everyone in the class has quieted down to glance or stare at the newcomer. He's avoiding eye contact with the class and only focusing on what Mike is telling him but he looks extremely worried. From what I know about Mike, he seems quite happy despite not showing it on his face. 

After handing the boy a few papers, Mike clears his throat to get our attention. He stands a head taller than the boy and places a hand firmly on his shoulder. The boy moves to face the class and offers a nervous smile. Jesus, look at all those freckles, how the fuck old are you? It's like, he looks like a person our age but he's got such a baby face and really big brown eyes. They probably look bigger now because of how nervous he is. 

“Class, I'd like to introduce you to our newest student. We'll finally have the even eighteen that we were supposed to in the beginning." He gestures for the boy to speak up, taking his hand off his shoulder. 

"G-Good morning everyone! My name is Marco Bodt and I recently moved here from Jinae. Uh, I hope to get along with you all and that all of us are successful!" What a fucking dork. I guess he's one of those goody two shoes honor students. I hate those kinds of people. Before he move to sit down next to Armin, Mike stands closer to him. Marco shrinks away awkwardly and Mike...did he just sniff him?

I think he just sniffed Marco. 

Mike pulls back and smiles approvingly. "You lived in a deep rural area, didn't you? Did you, by chance, live on a farm?" Marco nods weakly and Mike chuckles. He tells Marco to take his seat and that class is about to begin. 

Marco takes a quick survey of the room and stops when he looks at me. He's looking right at me. 

What the fuck, Marco? You wanna fight? Stop fucking staring, you freckled rube. 

I look back at him and he blushes. This whole time he's also been walking to the seat next to Armin but not paying attention because the fucker won't stop looking at me. Tch, whatever. I've entertained this for far too long, so I look away. 

Next thing I hear is a yelp and thud. I turn around quickly to see what happened and it turns out that Marco tripped over something and fell over. He's scratching the back of his head nervously as Eren and Armin come to his aid. 

I can't believe this. 

I can't fucking believe we have another idiot in this circus of a classroom. 

Welcome to Trost Secondary's freak show.


	2. Teen Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How fast we burn  
> How fast we cry  
> The more we learn  
> The more we die  
> \- [_Teen Angst_ , M83](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMirdNSKbho)

"He likes you." 

"Shut the fuck up, Sasha."

"No, I'm serious. I think it was love at first sight."

"Sasha, _I'm serious._ Shut the fuck up."

I don't want to hear this bullshit right now. I'm trying to forget that Marco Bodt even exists. That freckled rube is literally a walking disaster. Why the fuck was he staring at me so hard? And blushing for that matter?

We just may never know. 

However, the entire class saw it, so Sasha hasn't been the only one to heckle me about it. Her little wingman Connie has not relented in his comments as well. His, however, have been a little more vulgar, often implying that we should date or at least fuck. 

Fuck off, you bald little shit. 

We're currently in Pixis' history class now, although it's about to end. Good, I can't wait to have a solid forty five minutes away from these idiots. 

Pixis decides to end class a little early for "Friday's sake" so we have a few minutes before we can actually leave. Goddamnit, this is literally the last thing I wanted. I start packing my bag, getting ready to bolt out of the classroom when it's time. Sasha is leaning over Connie's table and they're chatting idly. 

I hope they're not talking about me. Just...just gossip about how stupid Marco is. Speaking of him, I see our other classmates talking to him and wanting to get to know him. He's smiling from ear to ear and laughs a little when he's explaining something. Even Eren leans over and cracks a joke. _Disgusting._ I glare at Eren before turning my attention back to Marco, who I might add, looks in my direction. He blushes a little and offers me a smile. I frown back at him. 

The bell rings just a few seconds later and I find myself praising every deity that can hear me. I'm the first one out of the class and I beeline towards the art room. I leave poor Hannah behind because I couldn't bear it if she talks to me about Marco. 

Marco. Marco. Marco. 

That's all I've heard for the past three hours. 

\--

Art class, with easily my favorite teacher, sweet Ms. Petra, offers me peace of mind. Hannah doesn't bring up freckled-boy-who-must-not-be-named and I silently thank her for that. Well, I thank her in my mind, but she doesn’t respond. My telepathy must not be working today. 

In today's art class, our assignment is to continue practicing pencil sketches in hopes that we can master it by time we go to do our portraits of someone. 

I haven't really decided yet who I'll do a portrait of, though. Maybe I'll draw Sasha. But wait, can she even sit still for that long? Does she even have the attention span to remember she's being drawn?

It’s not like I have any other friends. 

Well, there's Connie and Historia as well but I'm not really feeling it. Connie would be to annoying and probably fidget around a lot and with Historia...her and Ymir are like a bundle plan. And I really, really don't want to be within five feet of her. I still break out into cold sweats thinking about her babysitting days. 

I swear I have a permanent mark on my head from her noogies. 

Sasha it is, then. I'll ask her when I begrudgingly return to class. 

\--

Classes for the day are finished and I snicker as Levi hands Eren the broom and duster. Armin was unfortunately called up next to help clean after school. Maybe he'll go down the line by our last names? That means it'll be awhile before I'm called for duty and thankfully today is Eren's last day of clean up punishment. So it's highly likely that I won't be paired with him. 

I sling my back over my shoulder and head out of the class with Sasha and Connie. They're both going on about how terrible Levi's class is and there's no hope for them. I barely listen to them as we walk through the school; my thoughts are elsewhere. 

I'm really not looking forward to the phone call with my father later this weekend. 

_I really am not._

"She's zoning out again." Sasha's voice pulls me back into reality. I give them, from what I can tell, a very confused and almost scared look. I fix that immediately. 

"What? What the hell do you want?"

"Connie was asking you a question."

I turn my attention downward and raise an eyebrow at Connie. 

"I said, did you wanna hang out with us today after school?"

My eyes narrow at him as I reply. "Don't forget that I'm still fucking grounded, pipsqueak."

"Oh shit, I forgot!" He slaps his hand to his forehead.

I almost do the same but opt for throwing my hands up in exasperation. Yeah, it's easy to fucking forget because you're not the one grounded, you little shit. 

Before we separate on the school grounds, Sasha turns to me and tells me to let her know when I can draw her portrait. I sigh and tell her I'll text her. I have to ask my mom if I'm allowed to have a friend over during my punishment. That won't be fun at all. But if it's for an assignment she'd have to let me. 

We'll see. 

Sasha gives me a small hug and I find myself returning it slightly. She hugs me a lot so I've gotten fairly used to it. We wave at each other and I take the lonely road home. 

_The only road I've ever known._

...I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from. 

As I enter the shop in order to get into the actual house, Sylvie and my mother both greet me. It's only a little after three in the afternoon so the shop is fairly quiet. Before I make it to the back of the shop, my mother stops me. 

"Jeanne-bo, I'll need some help over the weekend in the shop. Do you think you could be a dear and help me?"

She disguises it as a question but I know her game. Saying “no” would be a death sentence. 

"Sure, I'll help."

She smiles at me and dismisses me. 

I trudge up the stairs in the back of the store and sigh in relief as I come back into familiar territory. 

My plan of action involves my bed and some good old napping. My bed is the only one who has ever understood me. It asks no questions and allows me to sleep on its plushy goodness. And the best part? Absolutely no need for commitment and no awkward moments!

I think this why I need more human interaction. I think I should be grateful for Connie and Sasha. But why do all the weird people gravitate toward me? Why can't I have normal friends for once? I'm normal enough, right?

Once again, I get lost in my own damn monologues that I just stand in place staring blankly at nothing. I realize that I've been standing in front of my door the whole time. I should really be more careful; I can't let anyone at school know about this. 

I open the old wooden door and lo and behold, my beautiful bed. I drop my bag in some random space on the floor and throw myself onto the bed. I revel in the softness and close my eyes for a few moments. 

Maybe a little nap won't hurt. Just a quick nap. 

Not even five minutes in and I'm already interrupted by the high-pitched, squeaky sounds of a child. And by child I mean _my mom's cat._ Let it be known that I, Jeanne Kirstein, do _not_ have children. I just simply call this cat a child because she fucking acts like one. 

I also call her an assortment of other names such as _Lady_ or simply _Cat._ Her actual name is Josephine. She doesn't care either way; she'll fucking answer to anything. 

My mom got her around the same time I was born. In a sense, this chubby little calico cat is my soul sister. Once again I find myself associating myself with nonhumans. 

Although I think cats are better than people. 

I manage to turn my head over to my open door and I see the little fucker just sitting there in the hall. 

"What is it, child?"

She just looks at me. Good. I'm glad I waited for a response from a cat. I snap my fingers a few times and click my tongue. She doesn't even budge; she instead opts for licking her paw. This damned cat. I know for a fact I'll have to get out of the bed in a moment. I lean over the side slightly and call for her once more. 

"Josephine. Come here, baby,” I coo at her. Maybe gross baby talk will convince her to get in bed with me. It appears I'm wrong because she doesn't glance at me. Fucking cat. Whatever the circumstances, I refuse to leave this bed. Cat be damned. 

I pull my body out of the bed some more so that my upper half is hanging off. I pat the floor a little bit. That gets her attention because she finally fucking looks at me. I click my tongue some more and keep patting the floor. She finally gets off her fat ass and waddles over to me. 

She comes but not close enough. She stops just a few inches from my reach and starts cleaning herself. You fucking cat, if only I could reach you, I'd yank you so hard. Okay, no I wouldn't. I would never hurt her like that. 

But she's really got me feeling some type of way. 

I hit the floor a few more times and try to reach for her. Her name escapes my lips and sounds more like a fucking growl than anything else. Finally, she's had enough teasing me and she rubs her stupid fluffy cat head into my hand. I sadly can't resist petting her, despite the torment she just exposed me to. 

I slowly retreat back into my bed, coaxing her to me with my hand and a few pets. She takes a few tries to hop on my bed but here she is. She's finally in the bed and I can finally fucking sleep. I let out a sigh of content as Josephine makes herself comfy right next to my side. I turn and lie on my left side, holding her close, and slowly shut my eyes. 

Sleep comes fairly easy to me. 

\--

I awake a few hours later and it's dark out. I look up to see my bedroom door still open. Whoops, I didn't mean for that to happen. I sit up on my elbows and yawn. My eyes refuse to open up completely. 

"Are you awake now, Jeanne-bo?"

I nearly jump out of bed. 

" _Maman!_ Don't sneak up on me like that!" I'm clutching at my chest now, waiting for my heart to stop beating so violently. She just chuckles and flips the switch to my light. Of course, I'm not ready so it blinds me. What a way to wake up, fucking hell. 

"I'm sorry, but you left your door open." 

Josephine leaps from my bed and waddles on over to my mother, meowing loudly. She rubs herself against my mother and asks to be held. Fucking traitor. Is this the thanks I get for letting you in my bed?

"Don't forget you said you would help out in the store this weekend, Jeanne."

“Yes, maman, I know."

"And your father should have a small break Sunday evening. He said he'll call you around then so be sure to have your phone close by.”

"Yes, maman." I understand, so please stop talking to me about all this since I've just woken up. 

"And don't start getting an attitude with me, Jeanne. You're in place to do so. Besides, you would have completely forgotten everything I said earlier by tomorrow so I had to remind you."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. 

"Now come down for dinner. I know you must be hungry." She gestures for me to get out of bed and heads downstairs. 

I don't know where she gets all this energy to cook dinner right after closing the shop. I can barely stay awake after school and I sit most of the day. 

\--

Saturday rolls by without much trouble. I don't do much in my mom's bakery other than manage the cash register. My mom and Sylvie are the ones who bustle around, making sure customers are doing all right and that they leave completely satisfied. 

Despite there being a few idiots that came into the store, because this is Trost, after all, I've learned to be polite with them. I can't let my piss poor attitude ruin my mom's reputation. 

I even manage to ask my mom if I can invite Sasha over on Sunday. She almost immediately says no, but I threw in the fact that it's for a school assignment. She hesitates at first but agrees to it. I need to start throwing school assignments in the discussion more often so I can actually do more fun things. 

That wouldn't make me a liar, right?

I mean, I _am_ an honest woman, after all. 

\--

Sunday mornings in the shop are always so slow, but it's the day we get the most of our regulars. Well, that and Monday. We also get a multitude of church goers during lunch time as well. 

I slump over the cashier's counter and look around the currently empty store. I told Sasha to come in after the church rush, but that ended over an hour ago. She has absolutely no sense of time, or punctuality for that matter. 

I find myself glancing out the window frequently, looking for Sasha. I can't believe I'm so fucking bored that I'm _eager_ for her to come by. Drawing her will give me something to do. 

I flick my eyes over to the clock and then over to my mother, who's currently chatting with Sylvie. I don't know how they can handle this boredom. 

The bells at the door jingle as some customers walk in. Mom and Sylvie greet them with a smile and I glance over. 

It's Sasha _and_ Connie. She brought that little bald shit with her. I'm going to throttle them. 

“Hi, Jeanne!" They both squeak in unison. I offer them a small wave. If only they could understand my annoyance right now. They hop on over to the counter and Sasha slams her hands down. I recoil from the sound. 

"Now before you draw me, _you_ forgot about something!"

Connie points at me. "Yeah! We didn't forget!"

"What in the world are you two going on about?” Like seriously, what the hell?

Sasha points at me as well. "The free pastries you said you'd give me and Connie as condolence for getting us in trouble in gym the other day!" 

I stare at them incredulously. "That was a _week ago._ How in the hell did you remember that? _I_ even forgot about it."

My arms are crossed and I'm looking Sasha dead in the eye. Apparently my intimidation tactics aren't working today because her gaze doesn't falter. Same with Connie, although I can barely see his tiny ass from over the cash register. 

“Well, you owe us!" Connie speaks up. 

I shake my head and put my hands up. "Excuse me? But I believe I only offered this to Sasha while we were in the locker room." I turn over to Sasha, who's currently looking extremely guilty. "You told him."

She went from an angry face to an almost pouty face. If I wasn't a little pissed off now I would laugh. 

"Sasha. That was an A and B conversation." I turn to Connie. "No C's _allowed._ " I'm fucking hilarious. Get it? C as in Connie?

You're not laughing? Fuck you. 

"But I got in trouble too!"

To make matters worse, my mom comes over to our little group to see what's happening. I try to shoo her off but she ignores me. 

"Is everything all right? I hope my dear Jeanne-bo isn't giving you too much trouble." That was dirty, Maman. That was low and dirty and _oh god_ Connie's face is turning bright red. 

"Jeanne-bo?" he shouts out before clutching his stomach and laughing. "Heyyyy, _Jeanne-bo!_ " He walks away a little bit and cackles. Sasha giggles slightly and turns to my mother. 

"Oh no, ma'am, everything is just fine. However, your daughter offered me a few free pastries because she got me in trouble at school."

I'm awestruck. Why is this happening to me? What have I done? My mother gives me a questioning look. “Oh, really? Well, then, of course you may have a few free pastries. Both you _and_ your friend."

Maman! Whose side are you on?

Connie joins our little group again once he's done laughing at my expense. Sasha gives me a snarky grin as she points out what she and Connie want. I begrudgingly gather their pastries and hand it over to them. While doing so, they introduce themselves to my mother. She's surprised to say the least to find out that that's the Sasha I'm going to be drawing but she's...smiling? Uh oh, my mom likes them. 

Wait...she actually likes my friends. Well, that makes life easier. 

After chatting for a few minutes, my mother relieves me of bakery duties and I lead Sasha and Connie upstairs to the actual house. Sasha finds it amazing that I live right above the bakery and won't stop bombarding me with questions about it. I tell her that sometimes I get tired of seeing all that bread to the point I can't bring myself to eat it. 

She gives me the most scandalized look. I almost want to take a picture. 

I tell Connie and Sasha to wait for me in the living room and they both plop down onto the couch. I run upstairs quickly to my room to retrieve my sketchbook and a few good pencils. I'll do the final portrait from my sketchbook drawings. Thankfully it's not due until the end of the week so I'll have minimal distractions from Sasha. 

I head back downstairs, cringing at all the boards creaking beneath my feet. Old-ass house. When I get back in the living room, I see that Connie has already made himself at home and has turned on the television. Sasha watches with him as she munches on one of her treats. I make my presence known by knocking on the wall and they look over to me. 

"All right, fucktrucks, I need to do this assignment and make sure it's done right. So Connie, shut up, and Sasha, don't fucking move."

Connie sticks his tongue out at me and Sasha...gets into a very ridiculous pose on the couch. 

"Draw me like one of your French girls, Jeanne."

"Okay two things. First off, how about no. I'm not drawing you in that position. Second of all, I'm not drawing you eating a fucking cheese danish."

Sasha sighs and sits up properly. I walk over to her and position her to my liking; I am shocked that she didn't put up fuss when I did so. I take a chair out of the adjoining kitchen and set it up so I'm sitting right in front of her. 

"Okay, and you promise not to move around too much or to jerk around a lot, right?"

She nods in response. I open up the sketchbook and place it in my lap. I nervously grab a pencil and start sketching a few lines. Connie looks over to me and claps, breaking my concentration slightly. 

"Hey! You're left-handed too!" 

I roll my eyes and go back to sketching. “Yes, dumbass, haven't you noticed this yet from school?"

"No. I sit behind you, remember?"

"Wait, both of you are left-handed?" Sasha decides to throw her two cents in. 

"Sasha, you said you wouldn't move around so much." I try my hardest to sound annoyed. She squeaks and moves back into place and Connie returns to his television show. 

All is right with the world. 

About an hour and a half later, I get down a few pages of some really good sketches. At one point, Connie migrated over to my side and watched me. Normally, I hate it when people watch me draw but I felt oddly confident with him watching. Especially when I turned to him and saw his jaw was dropped. 

I tell Sasha she can move again and she lets out a huge sigh of relief. She stands up and stretches before coming over to me to see my progress. 

"Oh my god, Jeanne! You never told me you were this good!"

"Hah?" I mean, they're just preliminary sketches. They're nothing to run home about. 

I feel a slight blush coming on because these two idiots won't stop complimenting me. I think at one point Connie even said that I could rule the world with this kind of talent. I highly doubt that, but _goddammit_ it made me feel good about the assignment. 

The two little nerds of mine hang out for a couple more hours before I have to kick them out when my mom gets done in the bakery. They thank my mother for letting them over and leave quickly. My mom tells me that I have such kind and loving friends. I almost gag from the sentiment. 

But all good things must come to an end when I realize that it's the evening and my father should be calling soon. I check my phone a few times just to make sure I haven't missed the call yet. It's almost strange how my mom won't take my phone away during punishment. She's so afraid that the moment she does, I'll get into some horrible freak accident and lose an arm or an eye. 

It's around six in the evening when my father finally calls me. I stare at the phone for a few seconds, dreading the lecture that awaits me. Also because my dad is a fucking broken record and he says almost the same exact shit to me all the time. 

You know what? I'm gonna go ahead and call it right now. He's gonna tell me, _Jeanne, your actions have consequences._ I'm so calling that shit right now. 

Oh, fuck, I should answer the phone. 

I press the green call button and slowly put the phone to my ear. 

"H-Hello?"

_“Hello, sweetheart, how are you doing?"_

I gulp. "I'm all right. How’s uh...how's the army thing?" I still don't know exactly what he fucking does. 

I hear him chuckle on the other end. _"The army thing is going great. Thank you for asking."_ There's a small pause. My father isn't really a man of many words, unless he has a clear goal of what he needs to say. If not, then he’s just an uncomfortable and quiet mess. Plus I would assume that lecturing your child over the phone could get pretty awkward. You think he’d be used to this by now though, since I only ever seem to get into trouble while he’s gone. 

_"So your mother told me some interesting news? Care to tell me about it?"_

I sigh. "About...me skipping class? Y-yeah, I kinda did."

_"Well, Jeanne-bo, there isn't an in between with this. You either skipped or you didn't. Which is it?"_

"I skipped." I roll my eyes as well. Good thing he can't see that. 

_"Jeanne, you know your education is important and yes, I know you're a smart girl, but you can't carry on with this sort of behavior. What gets me is that your mother told me this happened on your third day of school? What on earth were you thinking?"_

I know that tone. It's his 'I don't want to scare you but I'm actually pretty pissed at you' tone. I know my parents too well. 

"I don't know. I don't know why it happened or why I did it!" I'm trying not to sound too defensive or angry but I was never good at hiding that. Unfortunately, my father picks up on that. 

_"Jeanne Kirstein, do not get an attitude with me. This conversation can either go smoothly or be a complete disaster. It's your pick."_

I clench my right fist and give him a small response that I understood him. I begin to explain that my friend and I were worried about another friend who didn't show up. He texted us later and asked us to skip and even though _I_ didn't want to, I went ahead and did it. 

He offers me his "parental wisdom," which normally just involves berating me in a non-aggressive manner and telling me how wrong I was. This goes on for about twenty to thirty minutes. Not gonna lie, I sort of tune him out. It's just the same thing over and over again. 

However, he throws a curve ball. Just when I thought this useless lecture was over, he brings another thing up. 

_"There is also something else you've done that your mother told me about. Do you remember it?"_

Now what in the hell is he talking about? I take a few seconds to think before answering him. 

"N-Not really?" I shrug my shoulders for emphasis but quickly realize that he can't see that. 

I hear him sigh over the phone. Wow, excuse you. 

_"You slammed the door on your mother, Jeanne."_

Oh, yeah. 

Whoops. 

"Oh, right. I uh, I almost forgot about that." I brace myself for the shitstorm. 

_"Now understand this, child. I'm not happy at all about what you did in school; however, I'm much angrier about what you did to your mother. You had absolutely no right to disrespect her like that. She was worried sick about you and treated her like garbage. And that's why you were punished so harshly Jeanne."_

I'm cringing so hard from his words. Okay, I know I _may_ have overreacted but please, she wouldn't leave me alone. 

_"Remember, your actions have consequences."_

Oh my god, I so fucking called it. 

"Yes, Dad, I know." I just want this phone conversation to be finished. I already know I fucked up; I don't need to hear it from him. 

He drones on for another thirty minutes about how she's my mother and that I'm in no position to treat her badly, _blah blah blah._ Okay, I get it. I'll fucking apologize to her when we're done. If we're ever going to be done that is. 

_"And remember Jeanne-bo, no matter what, I still love you, okay? Please try to be more mindful of your mother next time."_

And with that, he tells me goodbye and ends the conversation. I hang up after doing the same and just sit there on the couch. I hear my mom washing some dishes in the kitchen and I think about going to help her. I think I'm actually starting to feel bad. 

Lectures with my dad always put me in a weird mood. I feel like a kicked puppy with its tail in between its legs. I hop off the couch and drag myself into the kitchen. My mom looks up and smiles at me. I look down out of guilt and ask if she'd like any help with the dishes. She continues smiling as she hands me the towel to dry. I slowly take it and try to keep up with how fast my mom cleans the dishes. 

"So how did it go with your father?"

"All right, I guess..."

"Is there anything you'd like to say?"

And here it comes. Here comes all the guilt and the "maman's always right and Jeanne is just a fucking idiot."

"I'm sorry I was so disrespectful to you. I'm sorry for skipping school and I promise not to be so horrible." I don't look at her when I say that. I dry off a few plates she sends my way. I'm feeling even worse now. I hate feeling like this. 

"I'm really sorry, _maman._ " I put the towel down. 

Mom dries her hands and gives me a hug. She holds me close to her and I find myself hugging her back. "Oh Jeanne-bo, you know I can't stay angry at you for too long. Just please, next time think of your dear old parents before you do make a wrong decision. Your father and I just want the best for you."

I stay quiet. They always know how to make me feel bad.

"And since you genuinely feel remorseful, I will relieve your punishment effective immediately. Besides, your friends seem like really wonderful people. I enjoyed their company. You tell them that they're welcome over anytime they like."

That surprised me. I move to look up at her and can't help but smile. "Thank you, maman."

She kisses my forehead and lets me go back up to my room. Aside from the annoying lecture from my father, everything went much better than expected. I rush upstairs, feeling immensely giddy, and flop into my bed. Josephine waddles into my room with me and to my surprise she doesn't fucking give me a difficult time. She just bounces into my bed and gives her signature squeaky meow. 

Who can resist such a chubby kitty with a smushed face? I click my tongue and she settles herself into my lap. Well, I guess I'm not moving from this spot, but I really don't care. I get comfortable in the bed and decide to turn my television on and spend the night watching random shows. 

I fall asleep in that same spot and for once, I feel content. 

\--

Two weeks. It's not until two weeks later that anything worth noting happens. I had finished my portrait of Sasha on time and to my surprise, I got the highest grade in the class for that assignment. Ms. Petra was absolutely delighted when she critiqued it and told me that she couldn't wait to see my next project. 

I blush a lot in that class. Don't get me wrong, she doesn't always praise me. There's been a few times where I've got nothing but constructive criticism. I guess it's just how she says it that doesn't upset me too much. 

And now, let me return to this oh-so-wonderful Monday morning. I'm just sitting in my seat, listening to Sasha go on about stuff she and her aunt did over the weekend and waiting for our second class to start. I lean my head over to the left a little to take a peek at the freckled object of my hate. 

What was his name again? Marco Butt?

I snort out a laugh. 

Butt. 

How unfortunate it must be to have a last name that sounds so fucking much like that. 

Bodt. Butt. 

As I continue finding new ways of laughing at his name, I hear Sasha clear her throat. I turn my attention to her and she timidly points over to my left. Feeling extremely curious, I look to my left. I instantly wished I hadn't. 

Speak of the fucking devil.

Marco Butt. 

Goddammit, I mean Bodt. 

He looks at me nervously and offers a tiny wave. 

"H-Hi, you're Jeannie Kirstein, right?"

Shocked. Abhorred. Disgusted? None of these words could truly explain how I feel right now. _He called me Jeannie._ No one is _ever allowed_ to call me Jeannie. Not even my parents call me that nickname. Only one soul on this planet called me that. 

And that fucker is in this room. 

Eren Jäger. 

I slowly pan over to Eren and catch him snickering. Never mind Marco right now, I'll deal with that freckled fuck later. I need to annihilate Eren for the crime he has committed. 

Marco looks extremely uncomfortable as I jump up from my chair; knocking it over in the process. 

Eren laughs even harder. 

"I'm going to fucking kill the both of you!"

“Please, Jeanne. No killing students on school grounds, you know the rules."

Hanji's voice comes from behind Marco as they enter the room. They pat Marco's shoulder, signaling for him to sit back down. He gulps and does exactly what he's told. 

"Besides, you wouldn't _believe_ how hard it is to get blood off of these floors!"

That shuts everyone in the room up. Hanji simply chuckles and offers absolutely no explanation whatsoever. I'm starting to get the feeling that they do more than dissect animals. What exactly is in their lab?

The class is very quiet during the lecture. 

\--

You'll never guess what we're doing in Shadis's class today! If you guessed more running, then you're absolutely fucking right!

I can't complain too much because my running has improved a lot because, you know, we've been running every day since the start of school a couple of weeks ago. I've also learned not to stay too close to Connie and Sasha. Those two attract the unwanted attention of the coach and manage to get into trouble almost all the time. 

And now we have Marco in the picture. For someone so awkward and dorky, the boy can run. He can run really well, actually. Not to mention he's pretty tall and it's all thanks to those legs of his. My god, they're so long and wow, look at the muscl-

Stop! _Stop! Stop! Oh my god, stop!_

Am I forgetting the fact that he called me _Jeannie_ today thanks to fucking Eren? I won't let that shit slide. But can I just say that Marco has really nice legs. Okay, fuck, I'll stop now. 

As I daydream about his damn legs some more, he slows down and runs next to me. I try to make an angry face to show that I'm both mad at him and to hide the fact that I'm ogling over him. How in the world did this happen to me?

He looks completely apologetic. Here we go. 

"Hey, I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about earlier and, uh, no hard feelings all right? I didn't realize Eren was going to trick me."

I roll my eyes at the mention of his name. Also, this fucker has such good guy attitude I almost want to gag. 

"So I, uh, I want to start off correctly this time. I'm Marco Bodt!"

I laugh. Fine, I'll humor him. "Jeanne Kirstein. Nice to meet you." 

He chuckles and smiles brightly. "It's very nice to meet you too, Jeanne." 

He's not that bad. I almost feel bad for insulting him all those times in my head. _Almost._ However, just as we're about to share some weird bonding moment, Sasha and Connie make their presence known. 

They've got sly grins on their faces and I have never felt fear until now. They're planning something and I'm not looking forward to the outcome. 

"Yo, Marco! Wanna hang out with our group later on? We're gonna head over to Taco Bell!" Connie waggles his eyebrows as he speaks. Sasha does the same and nudges me with her elbow. Seriously, fuck the both of them. 

"We could even make you an honorary member! You'll have special permission to hang out with us whenever you want. All you'd need to do for initiation into the group is to come with us today."

Marco gives them both a huge smile. "W-Well that sounds really nice, but...I don't exactly have the money to pay for myself." He looks down slightly in disappointment. 

Without even thinking, I speak up. "I'll pay for you!"

Connie and Sasha stare at me awestruck. Marco almost trips over himself. Goddammit, now I've done it. I don't even know why the fuck I said it. But it's done. I'll just need to find a way to make it not so needy sounding. 

"I-I mean, o-only if you really wanna come with us. It's kinda lame anyway."

Good job, Jeanne. Excellent save. 

Sasha instead comes to my rescue seeing as I just made this shit even worse for myself. "We'll all chip in to pay for you, Marco. It's certainly not a problem, I promise!"

He looks around at all three of us and nods. "All right, I'll come by. Thank you guys so much." He stops when he looks at me. I kind of just stare back at him. This is an extremely awkward moment but I can't even bring myself to glare at him or anything. That stupid baby face of his is really hard to glare at directly. 

I'm quickly taken out of that trance when I trip over a rock. 

\--

Okay so I'll admit, Marco isn't a bad guy after all. His staring thing is still kind of creepy and it's _painfully_ obvious that this boy has a crush on me. I mean, he stares at me like he wants me to have his babies. It's really weird. But once you get past that, he's an all right guy to be around. 

I just don't understand why he'd set his standards so low as to have a crush on me, but whatever. He'll learn in due time that I'm not worth the effort. 

The four of us chat idly as we walk down the main road to our destination. I only really jump into the conversation when I'm relevant but I don't mind just listening to them. It's also a little weird getting used to Marco's voice in the gang. And I can't really explain it but, I almost feel calmer hearing it. 

Kind of like, when I'm only with Sasha and Connie, I feel this strange urge to slam dunk them into the nearest river. But when Marco is around, I only feel like nudging them out of way. It's a very strange and conflicting feeling. 

We finally reach Taco Bell and Sasha and Connie rejoice upon entering the building. Marco steps in front of me to hold the door open for me. What the fuck, dude. The two little dorks order their shit ton of food, while Marco and I stay on the reasonable side. Actually, I even have to coax him to get some more food. He looks at me to protest but I give him the look. The look telling him that he _will_ get more food. 

“Jeanne, I feel really bad about you having to spend money on me.”

“It’s fine, now hurry up and get your shit.”

He sighs in defeat. “Okay fine, but I promise- no, I swear, I will pay you back one day!”

We all take our seats at a small table. Sasha and Connie are on one side while Marco and I are on the other. We happily eat our food with minimal distractions. At one point Connie starts cracking jokes about Marco's crush on me, much to his dismay. 

“So when are you two gonna get together?”

Marco and I almost choke on our food. “E-Excuse me?”

“Dude! You’re so obvious! You stare at her a lot.”

I go between glaring at Connie to almost laughing at how red Marco’s face has gotten. It also doesn’t help much that Marco is sitting on my left, so I can’t exactly cover my face with my hair. He might look over at me again, okay?

“Connie, give it a rest. He’s gonna run away screaming if you don’t stop pestering him.”

Marco looks over to me, extremely flustered, and thanks me. Under the table, I kick Connie’s shin. He yelps and holds onto his leg. I give him a smirk.

Sasha has been quiet this whole time, though. I assumed it was because she was too busy stuffing her face with nachos but now it seems like she’s deep in thought. I hope she’s not hurting herself.

“Hey, Sasha, what’s up? You’re quiet and it’s making me uncomfortable.” She snaps out of her thoughts and looks at me.

“Oh, it’s nothing, I was just thinking about something.” She faces Marco now. “How come you didn’t come in until the last day of class during the first week?” Oh yeah, even I forgot about that. That’s very odd, because Trost is very strict about their deadlines with paperwork. I wonder if he bribed them to let him in the school. Marco doesn’t really seem like that type of guy but what do I know? I just met him.

“Oh, uh, I had a small issue with my application. Apparently, I forgot to fill some stuff out?” He shrugs.

I look at him incredulously. I’m starting to believe he bribed them. “Well, you’re insanely lucky because I’ve never heard of them giving pity to someone who forgot to put in some information.” 

He looks around nervously. “Y-Yeah, that’s what they told me until they saw my last name. That, and they had to deal with my angry mom.”

“What, is Bodt special or something?” Connie speaks up.

Marco waves dismissively. “N-No, no, it’s nothing special at all. Hey, so, Levi’s class is really interesting, huh? I never had a grammar course before!” Is he…is he changing the subject on us?

Too bad Connie and Sasha fall for it. They chime in with their opinions on Levi and the class as well. Connie also starts going on about how much of a hardass Levi was to him before Marco got there.

Despite his blatant avoidance of how he got here exactly, the get together is a success and Marco is officially part of the group. Good job, freckles. 

After our late lunch we head out and Connie and Sasha split off from us as soon as we leave Taco Bell. Great, they left me alone with Marco. They fucking did this on purpose. The walk home is pretty quiet and extremely awkward. I keep my eyes on the sidewalk in front of me at all times. I don't dare glance up Marco for fear of repeating that strange incident from gym earlier. 

However, I can feel his gaze on me. That's it. I'll just...ask him why he keeps staring.   
I walk a little faster and stop right in front of him causing him to stop walking as well. He gives me a curious look. 

"All right, spill. Why have you been staring at me since day fucking one of you being in the school?"

His eyes widen and he looks around at everything but me. I think he's even blushing as well. 

"Ah yeah...s-sorry about that, it's just...I really like your hair. It's pretty and different." He holds his hands up immediately. "But not different in a bad way! I just mean, like, I've never seen a style like that before. It uh, it suits you, Jeannie, er, Jeanne." I sigh and let it slide again. 

"Okay, fair enough." I'm not doing a good job of hiding my own blush. He is the first person ever to compliment my hair. My parents cried over it. I turn on my heel and continue walking home. Marco follows right behind me. Is there a real reason for him to be following me? I know he's from Jinae, but he's been in Trost for a while, he should know his way around. 

I glance over my shoulder to him. He offers a smile. 

"I hope you don't mind me still being here. In order to get home I kinda have to pass your mom's store." He scratches the back of his neck. I've noticed that he does that whenever he's nervous. 

"Well hurry up, you big baby. You can walk me home until then." I go back to walking next to him. Hmm, it’s getting pretty uncomfortable walking silence; especially with him looking like he wants to say something. What should I ask him though? Oh yeah, Jinae is a big agricultural district, I’ll just ask about that.

“So…you lived on a farm, right? What, uh, what was that like?” I don’t know shit about farms other than that they’re probably really dirty or something. Or smelly? Pigs and horses seem kind of gross from what I’ve heard.

Marco smiles and looks up in thought. “I take it you’ve never been to one, huh?”

I shake my head in response. “I’ve never really left Trost before.”

“Well…it was a nice farm. My dad bought it sometime before I was born and I was basically raised on it. I lived there with my parents and my aunt.”

There’s almost a hint of sadness in his voice. I’m not sure if I’m hearing things, though; maybe he just misses his old home.

“Did you have to, like, harvest crops?”

He snorts and starts rubbing his nose. “Yes, that’s the whole point of a farm, Jeanne.” Wow, okay, rude, I was just curious. Dammit, I can’t be mad because I know he wasn’t trying to come off like an ass.

“Did you have animals?” I must sound so ignorant right now. This is what urban life does to you.

He nods his head. “Of course, we had many! Anything from cows to horses…I think we may have also had a llama. Oh! And we had a lot of chickens, too. They’re surprisingly affectionate.”

I can’t help but let out a giggle at the image of a little Marco hugging a chicken. As I giggle, Marco starts to blush and look away from me.

“Y-You’re okay with me hanging around right?”

This time, I let out an obnoxious laugh that has him distressed. He looks genuinely worried that I'm fucking with him; that makes me laugh even more. We stop just in front of the store so I can finish my laughing fit. Once I've recovered enough, I straighten up and look him in the eye.   
"You idiot. If I really didn't want you around, you would have known."

He raises an eyebrow curiously. Looks like I need to spell it out for him. 

"Yes, we can be friends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyy I managed chapter 2 wooo! I'm really proud of myself for being able to get this out so easily.
> 
> I've dreamed of writing a fanfic before.
> 
> So I hope you all enjoyed the "Josephine Fiasco".


	3. New Map

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a hole in your heart, begging for adventure.  
> Play yourself a new track, set traps for the future.  
> On your own.  
> Can you do it?  
> The unknown.  
> Can you face it?  
> Shifting desire, shifting desire, shifting desire...  
> \- [_New Map_ , M83](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pbj3EYc6NFE)

Okay, so I may or may not have been wrong about Marco. And I may or may not actually enjoy having him around. He's a nice change from the ever energetic Sasha and spastic Connie. He's laid back and pretty normal. 

Not to my level of normal, but hey, not everyone can attain perfection. 

With the four of us together a lot, we've started frequenting Taco Bell. It's almost embarrassing because the workers there are starting to recognize us, especially since we go _every_ Friday. I need to be careful because I think I've gained some weight from going each week. 

Right now, I'm currently in my room and sitting at my desk. I've been studying for the past hour or so; I'm in need of a break or some distraction. We're about halfway through May now and the workload has picked up immensely. I'm even considering letting the gang come over to study every once in a while. 

Then again, do Sasha and Connie ever study? I know Marco does because he's the biggest and dorkiest honor student on the planet. Yeah, right up there with Armin. 

Nerds. 

Oh, and will you look at that, Marco just texted me. What the hell does he want?

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> hey jeannie did u start the math homework yet?**

Yeah, he still calls me Jeannie. He messes up with that a lot and I constantly would have to correct him. He apologized every time and after a while it just got too troublesome to keep yelling at him. So I let him call me that. 

**To: None pizza with left beef  
> ya i just finished**

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> oh good! think u can help me out? :))))**

Ugh. Look at that gross smiley face. 

I go through my phone and find his name to call him. Too much shit to explain over texting. 

After two rings he picks up. 

We end up talking about everything _but_ our homework. 

\--

School is hell. Homework is hell. I don't even want to be in school today. Especially because a certain bubbly brunette and bald boy won't leave me alone. 

Connie and Sasha still find it to be their life goal to embarrass the hell out of Marco and I. Well, mainly him. They know better than to get on my bad side. Hell, even Marco quickly learned not to piss me off. He's a smart one. 

It's even worse when Marco decides he wants to walk me from my art class back to our classroom. Connie and Sasha can't get enough of that shit. 

"You know my art class is completely out of your way, right?" I nudge him playfully with my elbow. He laughs it off and glances down to me. 

"I really don't mind. I mean, we're heading to the same place, yeah?" Yeah, I guess. It's still kind of weird getting used to all this attention. 

"S-So you're in art class? What exactly do you do?" 

I look around and pretend I'm thinking hard. "Hmm, well despite it being called 'art class', we've been solving mathematical equations." I know, I'm a sarcastic little shit. But he walked himself right into that one. Marco sighs but puts a smile on his face, although I don’t believe it to be a true smile.

"You didn't have to say it like that. I was just curious is all." Fuck. Fucking fuck. 

I actually feel bad. "Sorry..." I'm not sure if he can even hear my apology; I barely got it out. We walk in silence the rest of the way to class. I glance around a bit as we walk, feeling pretty uncomfortable. I never paid much attention before because I would rush back to class but it's really loud in here. A lot of students just stand around the main foyer, chatting with each other. 

I wouldn't care so much about their lives if it weren't for the fact that they fucking stand in the middle of where you need to walk. And it doesn't matter what you do to get their attention; they won't move. I weave my way past the students and knock into some of them by accident. I don't apologize, though. They don't need to stand in my way. 

I look to my left and realize Marco isn't next to me anymore. I stop walking and look behind me to see the poor boy politely weaving through everyone. He looks absolutely uncomfortable and I can't help but laugh. I walk back a few feet to retrieve my freckled friend. Marco gives me a questioning look when I grab onto his arm and lead him back to the classroom. 

Of course I don't realize I'm still holding onto his arm until Sasha points it out for the entire class to hear. Both Marco and I blush and I throw his arm down and stomp to my desk. He returns to his side of the classroom to sit with Armin today. That bastard left me all alone with these two. He will pay for this. 

"Hey, how come Marco isn't sitting with us?" Connie asks, stuffing a sandwich in his face. I turn around in my chair to look him straight in the eye. 

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because you keep teasing him. He might eventually leave our little gang of you keep that up." I'm not sure why I sounded a little sad saying that. Probably because if he left, there goes the only source of _normal_ human interaction I'd get. 

I see the gears turning as Connie thinks about this little predicament. "But wait, he's an official member of the group. Actually, he's a permanent member of the 'Springles' gang, so he's not allowed to leave."

"Springles?" What in the actual fuck. 

"Yeah! You know, like, Pringles? Just add Connie's last name to it and you get 'Springles'! I thought of it myself!" Sasha points excitedly to herself. Of course she'd make up something stupid like that. 

However, something Connie said has my attention. Permanent member? And Marco isn't allowed to leave? 

"Okay, so what the fuck do you mean by he can't leave the group?"

Connie puts his sandwich down and clears his throat. "Once a part of Springles, always a part of Springles." He gives me a smirk. I'm glad Historia is not sitting in her normal seat today; she's been spared from the stupidity. 

“Remember, Jeanne, you're here forever." Sasha says to me innocently. 

Never in my life have I felt fear to this degree. 

"I'm going to trip the both of you in gym today."

Both Sasha and Connie give me a horrified look and I turn back to face the front of the room. They give me peace as I eat my lunch. 

\--

After school, Marco offers to walk me home. Sure, why not? It's a short walk and some company wouldn't be too bad. Besides, I've got some more questions for him. I haven't forgotten how much he avoided explaining why the school let him in so late. That's really weird. 

We're quiet at first but I'm trying to think up a way to ask him. I have to get it right so I won't sound like a dumbass. In this case, I don't think blurting out the question would be too beneficial. 

I glance over to my left and see Marco taking in the sights, looking at everything and anything. My eyes start to wander around as well. The main road is busy with the usual three o'clock traffic. I feel bad for these people sometimes since everything I need is within walking distance. My mother doesn't even own a car! We just walk everywhere. 

One car catches my eye. Oh my god, is it gorgeous. It's a vibrant red and completely stands out from the rest of boring old cars that range from dull beige to black. I know I'm staring hard but I can't help it. This car is amazing; even the engine sounds great. I definitely want a car like this when I live in Sina. Ahh, that would be wonderful. 

Marco starts whistling a small tune as we walk. And it...sounds kind of sad. Shit, I forgot I'm supposed to be interrogating him. No time to think about dream sports cars. 

"Hey you." I smack his arm. He jumps slightly and gives me his undivided attention. "So tell me exactly how they let you into Trost secondary so late."

Amazing. That wasn't a question, Jeanne; that was a fucking demand. 

Marco looks around at everything but me, sweating bullets. "I-I told you, they just let me fill that one thing out."

"Okay but what was that _thing_?" I hope I'm not sounding too aggressive but I'm really fucking curious. 

Marco's hand makes its way up to his neck, for his trademark quirk. He's still not looking at me. I almost start feeling really shitty because he's starting to look really uncomfortable. Did he kill someone to get in? Is he actually rich and bribed them to get in? Is he really a teen?

Okay, wow Jeanne, way to let your mind wander. 

I squint at Marco suspiciously. "Wait, didn't you say once that it was your name that helped you?"

"Jeanne, just drop it." His tone is so harsh and final that I wince at the sound. Well, I've obviously overstepped some boundaries. Great, he might hold this against me now. I offer a quick glance but he doesn't return it. In fact, he's looking down at the ground with an unreadable expression. His brows are furrowed and his dark brown eyes look even darker. 

Fuck, why am I paying so much attention to his face? I mean, he doesn't look too angry? In fact, he looks a little sad. 

I fucked up. I need to apologize big time. 

I hope he likes sweets. 

"H-Hey, I'm sorry. I should've....I should've kept my mouth shut."

"It's fine."

Fuck, I really did bad. His response was abrupt, like he wanted to interrupt me. 

I see my mom's bakery up ahead but I keep quiet. Once we get there, he'll say his goodbyes and turn around to leave. Except, after the shit I pulled, he might just fucking leave without a word. For some reason, I don't want that. 

When we're in front of the store, I grab onto his arm again. He finally looks at me and I'm glad to see he doesn't look as upset as he just did. "Come inside for a few minutes. I, uh, I got something for you. You like sweets right?"

I've never seen someone's eyes light up so fast. 

He smiles and nods. "Yeah, I love them." I smile as well. I enter the store first with him right behind me. There's a few customers in line, so I won't bother my mom right away. I offer her a wave and take Marco towards the back where the stairs to the house are. 

"Sit here until Mom is free."

"But Jeannie, am I even allowed to be back here?"

"Oh my god, Marco. We're in a bakery, not robbing a bank. I just...wanna introduce you to my mom, but she's busy now."

Marco nods in understanding and sits quietly on the bottom steps. I stand about two feet away from him, crossing my arms and looking over at the diminishing line of customers. 

Ugh, hurry up already, you nerds. It doesn't take that long to buy fucking bread. Marco looks around curiously, taking in every inch of the store. I didn't realize he hasn't been inside before; I would have invited him in earlier. 

A couple of minutes pass and the customers finally leave. My mother walks over to us and Marco stands up immediately. Someone's a little too excited. He holds out his hand to my mom. 

"Hello there. My name is Marco and, uh, Jeannie has been a really great friend to me since I've moved here."

I almost want to gag at his politeness. My mother shakes his hand and smiles warmly at him. 

"It's very nice to meet you Marco. I'm Mrs. Kirstein. I do hope hope my little Jeanne-bo hasn't caused you any trouble at all."

My eyes go wide as she says the _other_ forbidden nickname. She just really does not care about my well being or reputation. Come on, Mom, I'm trying to be cool here. You've already embarrassed me enough in front of Connie and Sasha. 

Marco lets out a small laugh and rubs his nose. "No, no, she's been a really good friend to me so far. She hasn't stepped out of line yet."

_Stepped out of line yet?_ Excuse you, Marco. 

I guess I should go ahead and speak up now before anything else is said that could be used against me. "He's a part of my little group with Sasha and Connie so he'll be around a lot."

Mom nods in understanding. "Of course, you're welcome here anytime, Marco. Now if you don't mind, I need to tend to the store. Will you be staying around here for a while?"

Marco shakes his head. "Oh no, I don't want to impose. That and I should be getting home now. Jeanne brought me in here to meet you."

"And I kinda sorta offered him some sweets, _maman._ " I knew Marco would not bring that up; he dislikes when I hand stuff out for free to him. 

Mom clicks her tongue. “Jeanne-bo, you're going to run me out of business if you keep that up. But go ahead and pick what you like." She returns to her spot at the counter and starts wiping it down. I sneak behind the counter as well and grab the first pastry I find. I hope he likes cinnamon rolls. I mean, who doesn't?

I walk back over to Marco and hand him his bagged sweets and gesture to the door. As we head back out, he calls over his shoulder, thanking my mom. She offers him a wave and goes back to work. Once we’re outside, I exhale deeply. I didn't realize I was holding my breath. 

"Your mom seems really nice."

"Yeah? You don't live with her. Introducing my friends to her is always a production."

"I don't get what you mean. I liked her a lot."

I sigh. The poor, ignorant fool. "She loves to talk to me like I'm still five years old. It's like she purposefully forgets that I'm older now and I'm starting to make friends. She embarrasses me _all the time._ "

Marco simply chuckles. I'm glad my despair amuses him. "It's okay, Jeannie. All mothers are like that; mine is no exception. She just really cares about you." Ugh, don't get all preachy with me. We stand in kind of an awkward silence for a few moments before he speaks up again. "So, uh, see you tomorrow?"

"Yup. I'll see you at the ass crack of dawn." He snorts at my comment. I have waited so long to say that properly. I can't use the same exact phrase with my mom unless I want to hear her shriek my name. 

Marco walks away and heads back home and I go back inside the store. My mother is watching me like a hawk. _What did I do this time?_

"Jeanne-bo, you didn't tell me you had a boyfriend."

I almost trip over my feet. I give her the most scandalized look I can muster and manage to sputter out, "W-Why in the w-world would you ever say something like that?" That was low. That was low and dirty, _maman._

"He called you 'Jeannie'. I haven't heard that name since Ere-" I hold my hand up to stop her. 

"Augh! Don't ever say that name around me, _oh my god._ " 

"Jeanne, honestly, it's just a n-"

"Nope! Stop right there!"

"Jeanne, stop it. You're acting like a child right now." She looks a little miffed. I sigh in defeat and look her straight in the eye. 

"Marco is not my boyfriend. He will never _ever_ be my boyfriend. Don't worry about it."

She taps her fingers on the counter a few times, contemplating my words. Oh god, that look. I don't like that look because I can't even tell what she's thinking. I brace for impact. 

"You know I worry about you, Jeanne. And as your mother, it is my duty to worry about your education and safety. Going to Trost is a big deal for you." I think you mean it's a big deal for you. 

"Yes, _maman_ , I know that." I pray to every deity that this conversation doesn't go in a _certain direction._

"And I swear, Jeanne-bo, if you were to ever get pregnant I just...I don't know what I would do. That would be such a stupid mistake and you can't ruin your life like that. Wait until you're thirty and then, maybe, I'll allow it."

_It fucking went in that direction!_

"Oh my god, Mom. I'm going upstairs." I walk past the counter and rush up the stairs before she has a chance to continue this absolutely unnecessary conversation. 

She does this constantly. She's always so goddamn worried that I'll do something stupid and "ruin myself." Mom claims she's being the concerned parent but honestly, it makes me feel like she doesn't fucking trust me. Besides, doesn't she know how hard it is to date these days? No one is good enough for me. 

It also makes me feel like...if something were to happen that she'd drop me completely. Disown me and turn her head. I hate thinking like that and maybe I'm overthinking it. Dammit, I don't want to think about this, it's bumming me out. 

Maybe I'll just watch TV in the living room for a while. Unwind and watch some completely mindless reality shows. Or cartoons. 

_Fuck, why did I say “reality shows.”_ I'm turning into my mom. 

\--

Nothing amazing ever happens in Pixis’ history class. He either gives us a boring lecture with some notes on the board or he sits at the teacher’s desk and reminisces about his old war days. Most students just take a nap in this class anyway; I think Pixis really does not care. His motto is “I’m just here to give you the material.”

Surprisingly I’m able to stay awake today. That must’ve been from the adequate sleep I managed to get last night. The one time I actually _want_ to be asleep in Pixis’ class for fuck’s sake. As I sulk at my desk, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Who in the fuck is texting me now?

I pull my phone out and set it onto my lap. It’s Marco? The fuck, I just glanced over to him and I didn’t seem with his phone. Unless he’s a crafty motherfucker and I didn’t know it. I unlock it and check what was so important he couldn’t wait until later to say.

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> pffft erens asleep right in front of us u should look! armins trying hard not to laugh**

I sneak a peek over to Eren and sure enough, the bastard is knocked out for the day. Oh my god, even better, he’s drooling _all over_ his notes! Ha ha!

**To: None pizza with left beef  
> i hope none of u will share ur shit with him let him suffer**

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> aww no that would be too mean**

**To: None pizza with left beef  
> wtf says the guy pointing out erens embarrassing moments to his archnemesis**

I turn to smirk at Marco and he meets my gaze, smiling wide. I quickly send him another text while he’s distracted by me.

**To: None pizza with left beef  
> u kno ur not much of an honor student   
> texting in class, for shame**

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> heyy i…ok I know but this class is a little boring**

**To: None pizza with left beef  
> the truth revealed….marco is not a perfect student**

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> what!? armin is texting too!**

**To: None pizza with left beef  
> omg u have taken the smartest kid in the class down with ur delinquent ways  
> the world order has shifted and chaos will now reign among us**

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> omg jeannie ur being soooo dramatic :)**

**To: None pizza with left beef  
> yea but u laughed like a nerd so….?**

I can hear Marco trying to stifle his laughter as he shows Armin what we just texted. Both of them cover their mouths in fear of catching Pixis’ attention, which we’ve learned is very difficult to do. An idea comes to mind and wow, I can’t believe it did. I hurry back down to my phone.

**To: None pizza with left beef  
> heyy since you’re on the road to being a bad student…wanna skip 4th period and hang out with me?**

Marco drops his phone on the ground after he gets my text. Oh shit, and I think he has an iPhone; I hope it didn’t land on the screen. I look to my left and see him scrambling for his phone and dusting it off carefully, inspecting it for any damage. It must be safe because he lets out a relieved sigh. I check on our teacher to find him droning on about this one war he participated in and he actually won. Good, so Marco is still safe.

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> jeannie we cant do that!**

**To: None pizza with left beef  
> pssshh yea we can. I didn’t say to leave the school I mean like…we just stay in this classroom  
> we could always pretend to study in case a teacher comes in but I doubt anyone would**

He takes his sweet ass time replying back.

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> okay…**

Excellent! I wasn’t feeling art today anyway.

\--

It's June. Hot ass, muggy ass June. I hate it. And especially since Trost is just an hour away from the ocean, the weather here gets crazy humid. This normally starts in May but by June it's insane. 

And I really dislike wearing shorts unless it's absolutely necessary. I mainly wear my jeans and capris. That's it. No one in the world deserves to be blinded by the whiteness that is my legs. 

Never mind the fact that we wear shorts in gym. They're at least really long and go to our knees. They're decent enough. 

I'm talking about the shit that the other girls wear, especially fucking Sasha. Doesn't she know they crank the air conditioning up in the school? Can't she tell how cold it is? Does she even feel cold?

I'm shivering just thinking about how cold that school is going to be when I get to it. God, even the mornings are humid. I hate this place. I hate Trost. 

I enter the school and I'm assaulted by the freezing cold air within. This is bullshit. I cross my arms in a poor attempt to retain what little heat that's left in my body. Standing outside in the heat is almost preferable to this. I vote that we have class outside. 

Halfway down the foyer, I'm greeted with an interesting sight. Eren is standing next to Marco and talking to him. Okay, I know Marco is always the "good guy" but seeing this doesn't sit well with me. I stride over to their direction to see what's going on. They both laugh and Marco must've seen me in the corner of his eye because he jumps and gestures for Eren to stop talking. 

Okay, that doesn't seem right. I sure as hell hope they weren't talking about me. Marco offers me a smile and Eren looks at me indifferently. I see you, Jäger. 

I don't take my eyes off of Eren as I grab Marco's arm and lead him away from the beast. Instead of taking Marco down the hallway to our classroom, because I know Eren will walk by any minute, I take him to a more secluded one. I'm still holding on to his arm as I drill him with questions. 

"What the hell was that about? Are you siding with the enemy now, Marco?"

He looks completely confused. "W-What? I was just asking him about classwork. How am I an enemy?"

"Because you know Jäger is always up to no good. He can't be trusted." I squint my eyes at him. "You're a suspicious character."

"I still don't understand. He's actually really nice, Jeanne. Why do you dislike him so much? He only ever talks well about you." Marco clamps his mouth shut. 

So Eren has been talking about me! I'm going to get to the bottom of this. 

"So what is it, Marco? Are you Team Jäger or Team Kirstein? I need answers here so I can tell Sasha that we might lose a member of Springles soon." Did I really just say our stupid, unofficial group name. Those two just keep rubbing off on me. 

Wait. An idea just came to my head. What if Marco was telling Eren why he came to Trost so late and he saw me and had to stop because he doesn't want to tell me. That bastard. But wait...would Marco really do something like that to me?

"So really, why do you dislike Eren so much?" he asks again. I sigh and look up at him; my grip on his arm has tightened. 

"I'm not talking about it." He doesn't need to know how badly I embarrassed myself that day. No. Never. "Just know that he did something awful to me." 

Well this conversation didn't go anywhere. I actually feel even worse than I did five minutes ago. I'm trying to think of something, _anything_ to say to make this less awkward. I'm too paranoid and nosy about Marco's business. _But I genuinely want to know!_

He and I end up just staring at each other for a few moments. He doesn't look angry but he looks a little uncomfortable. I almost wish Connie and Sasha would appear and mock us. Someone, I don't care if they say we're dating, just come by. 

"I think we should probably get to class." Marco finally speaks up. Thank god. 

"Uh, yeah okay."

I don't let go of his arm as we head to class. 

\--

Art class ends and Marco is nowhere to be seen. What kind of class escort is he? He never fails to show up to walk me back to lunch. I wonder if I really made him upset. I think he'll denounce our friendship. 

That legitimately scares me. 

Marco's one of those weird people who show up in your life one day and you feel like you've known him forever. And being apart is strange and uncomfortable. I mean, I'd be lying if I said that I wouldn't miss Connie or Sasha if they dumped me on the spot. But Marco is different...

Goddammit, how does Marco not showing up make me feel hurt. If they all reject me, then it's fine. It's really fine. I've dealt with worse. I'll just move on, get good grades, get an amazing job and be a rich little shit. Who needs anyone if you're at the top? They'll just bring you down. 

Okay, I need to stop before I rile myself up. 

Oh my god, Marco where the fuck are you? Seriously, the bell is about to ring again and everyone's already out of the art class. You know what, whatever. I'm just going to head back myself. I don't have time for this nonsense. 

The halls are much clearer now, so I don't have to worry about bumping into the gross bodies of other students. I get back to class to see that Connie not only has taken my seat, but also is getting crumbs and shit all over my desk. Neither he nor Sasha have noticed me yet, so I take the opportunity and slam my hands on the desk. 

Connie jumps so high and nearly falls out the seat. Oh god, that's amazing. Everyone in the class has glanced over at the commotion but I don't care; he had it coming, dammit!

As I'm on the floor laughing, Sasha leans over the desk to scold me. "Jeanne, that was awful. He could've choked!"

“Yeah, I could've died!"

"Oh shut up, Connie, you're fine." I manage between the residing giggles from my laughing fit. "Now get the hell out of my seat, you little spaz."

He cross his arms and keeps his ass firmly planted in my seat. "Nuh uh! I was here first so tough luck."

Before I have the chance to yell back, Marco enters the room behind me and sighs. 

"I knew I heard your voice from down the hall."

I jump slightly at his sudden arrival and Connie snickers. 

"Marco to the rescue! Jeanne was being awful to Connie." Sasha mumbles as she chews on her food. Gross. Marco walks around to get the two remaining seats in the class and puts them in front of mine and Sasha's table. I flop onto the one in front of Sasha and Marco takes the one in front of Connie. 

Marco scratches the back of his head and faces me. "Sorry for not meeting up with you earlier."

I shrug and Sasha looks questioningly at Marco. "Oh? Did you not walk Jeanne back here? Where were you?"

Before Marco can utter out a reply, I slap my hand on his shoulder and lean closer to him, still facing Sasha. "Our Marco here is a super secret spy for the government. Watch out, because he knows every stupid thing the two of you have done."

I've never seen Marco look so done in my life. Regardless of my shit, he still manages to smile at the two. "Well, she got me. I'm actually a thirty five year-old cop posing as a teenager to weed out the delinquents. Like Jeanne over here." He points to me. 

Bastard!

He holds his hands up and talks again. "Now if you'd like the truth, my class just ended late so by the time I was out, you were already gone." He turns to look at me and holy shit, I didn't realize that I'm actually much closer to him than I had thought. But I don't move. Why aren't we moving? 

Wait, is there a freckle on his eyelid? Is that even possible? I should research the genetics behind freckles and get to the bottom of this. Connie clears his throat which attracts both mine and Marco's attention. 

"Okay, so like, I'm eating right now and I really don't want to see this romance bullshit in my face."

Now is when I blush hard. And my face must be really fucking red too. I push away from Marco and scoot my chair to the side a little bit so mistakes like that won't happen again. Marco does the almost the same as me except he keeps his chair in its place. He takes his lunch out of his bag and, just to be funny, I push it off the desk as soon as he places it down. 

He lets out a surprised squeak. Yes, squeak. The boy just squeaked. He turns to me with the saddest expression he can muster and I just grin at him. This is what he gets for leaving me in front of the art room. 

I'm the best friend anyone ever had, goddammit. 

\--

Shit. It's my turn again for cleaning duty. Or _cleaning hell_ as it's called by the class. And lo and behold guess who my partner is. 

It's Marco. 

Okay, to be fair, Marco isn’t the _worst_ choice for this sort of thing. The last time I was a part of cleaning hell, Connie was my partner. Levi was so livid with us and it was a disaster. Just thinking about it now sends shivers down my spine. I don’t think Levi ever looked at us the same way after that experience. 

I can tell just by the glare the old man is giving me. I’d normally retaliate with a look of my own but every voice in my head is screaming against that decision. So instead I try to avoid eye contact with him as much as possible.

Marco and I start the cleaning process by picking up the chairs and putting the flat parts onto the tables. Marco gets done with his half of the room first and walks over to help me. Yes, I know I’m lazy and I really don’t want to be wasting my time with this nonsense. I glance back at Levi real quick to see him reclining in the chair at the teacher’s desk, just staring at us. I think I’ve finally found the reason as to why his class is the last one for the day. Because he’s the _pickiest_ neat freak in the world. Why doesn’t he just get up and clean the room himself? I mean, he goes back over our work anyway.

I take the broom and start sweeping under the desks in the front and Marco works in the back. As I grumble about cleaning and every other problem I have in the world, a knock can be heard on our classroom door. Both Marco and I look up immediately while Levi just slightly turns to his left. He scowls upon seeing the visitor.

“What is it, Erwin?”

Erwin? As in, Erwin Smith? The principal?

_Holy shit._

He steps quietly into the class room and stands in front of the door. Okay, I’ve heard rumors about this man, but seeing him in the flesh is a whole different experience. He’s tall, not Mike tall, but still up there. His blond hair is perfectly parted on the left and slicked back. Even his dark, navy blue suit fits so well against his sturdy body. This man is the epitome of a Greek god; I didn’t know creatures like him existed.

_Fuck, even his eyebrows are on point. And I really don’t care for huge eyebrows!_

Erwin offers us a smile and I swear I just saw a tinkle in those steel blue eyes of his.

“Good afternoon, students. I hope your classes were insightful and challenging today.” He shifts his glance towards Levi. “I also hope that he hasn’t given you too much trouble during the semester so far.”

Marco and I can only shake our heads.

“Now, Levi, I need to speak with you in my office. Do you have fifteen minutes?”

Levi growls but stands up from his chair anyway. “This better be important, Erwin. I need to make sure these brats don’t skip out on cleaning.” He gestures to us.

“There’s something…I need _you_ to take care of. It’s urgent.”

Levi walks to him, never taking his eyes off of Erwin’s. Before they exit the room finally, Levi turns on us immediately.

“If I come back here and find you two fucking on the desk, I’ll make sure that’s the last time you ever do. Understood? And don’t you dare think of leaving until I’ve checked the entire room.”

“Y-Yes, sir.” Marco gulps.

Erwin waves his hand dismissively. “No, no. I trust that you two will do an excellent job. You may leave once you have finished your cleaning duties.” He leads Levi out of the room. Marco and I don’t move until we’ve made sure that we can’t hear their footsteps anymore. Once everything is quiet, we both let out a sigh of relief.

“Did you see that man?”

“Y-Yeah. He has such a presence.”

“Marco, I think I want to marry him.”

“Me too.”

I crack a smile and we both end up laughing out loud. Marco leans against the wall and snorts, which makes me laugh even harder. Fuck, that was cute. We start calming down some and actually get back to cleaning. I start cleaning up a little bit faster because, to be honest, I want to get out of here before Levi comes back. I have no idea what Erwin wants to discuss with him and I’m worried that it might put Levi in a foul mood. Even more so then he usually is.

What’s really bugging me though is the fact that Marco isn’t talking to me too much. Actually, he’s not talking at all. He might still be a little upset about this morning, when I interrogated him. I should say something; I really don’t like awkward silences like this.

Especially when it’s my fault.

We finish sweeping the floors and I start mopping; Marco cleans the board while he waits for the floor to dry a little bit. I sigh. I’m so bad at coming up with apologies and it’s not like I can keep throwing cinnamon rolls at him. I just…don’t want to fuck this up.

Fuck my inability to speak in situations when I need to.

“H-Hey, Marco?”

He doesn’t take his eyes away from the board. “Hmm?”

All right, I guess him not looking straight at me with those big, brown eyes of his kind of helps.

“I really want to say that, uh, I’m sorry. About earlier. You didn’t deserve that and…yeah.”

He speaks up and I can almost hear the smile in his voice. “You’re amazing at apologies, Jeannie.”

Phew, him calling me “Jeannie” is a good sign. So he’s not too mad. Does he…even hold grudges though?

“Shut up, loser, or I’ll take it back.”

Great way to show you feel bad, Jeanne.

He chuckles warmly and turns to me. “It’s all right. I accept your apology.”

I chew on my lip trying to think of something else to say. He beats me to it though.

“Just…I know you must be extremely curious, hell, _everyone_ is. But all I ask is that you give me some time. I do want to tell you one day, Jeannie, but now is not a good time. I don’t…really feel comfortable talking about it, okay?”

Fair enough. I still feel like shit though. “Yeah, I’ll…keep quiet about it. No hard feelings right?” I look at him eagerly, hoping for a favorable response. I’ve stopped mopping long ago, worrying about how this was going turn out. 

“Of course no hard feelings. You’re…one of the best friends I’ve ever had, Jeanne. I’m just really proud that you can admit to your mistakes.” He’s smiling so wide at me. I blush from his words and look away. That’s so sweet and it’s something…that I haven’t heard in a long time.

_I would never do this for anyone else. But Marco is different._

Sasha and Connie are good friends too, don’t get me wrong. And, I’d probably never say this to their face but, I really appreciate them and the fact that they take notice of me. But their friendship feels different from the one Marco and I share. Goddammit, I’m getting sentimental again.

“Now, I don’t know about you, but I’d like to get done before Levi gets back. I’m sure you want the same.” Marco gestures for me to continue. Thank god, I needed a quick distraction from my inner ramblings. I nod quickly and continue mopping the rest of the room.

“Yeah…I’d like to be done before he comes back too. Otherwise we’ll be here well into the night.”

We finish about ten minutes later and run out of the class room before Levi has a chance to return. I take Marco’s hand in mine and lead him down the hall quickly. We poke our heads around the corner just to make sure Levi’s not walking by. If he’s around here then he’ll make us go back. Giggling like fools, we sprint across the foyer of the school, gaining a few curious looks from the remaining students.

Whatever, fuck them. They don’t understand our triumphant victory. We escaped the big, bad Levi and lived to tell the tale.

We escape the school, hand in hand, and slow down to a more normal pace. I don’t like running if I don’t have to. Marco walks me home as usual and I don’t know how to explain it, but everything feels fine. Something about this feels completely normal.

His hand is really nice and warm. It’s almost comforting.

When we reach my mom’s store, I almost forget to take my hand off of his. We both kind of blush awkwardly but I look at him seriously.

“Hey, since exams are coming up in a few weeks, do you think we should have group study sessions? Like, even today would be fine?”

Marco nods quickly. “Uh, yeah, sure. That would be great. I’ll text Sasha and Connie now.” He points to the door. “Shall we go in?” He smiles to me.

I nod and we head inside. I inform my mother that we’re going to hold a study group with the other two friends and she, of course, has no problem with it. Just throw “school” or “studying” into the mix and she’s all for it. Marco and I head upstairs and settle down in the living room. He does the deed of texting the others and I throw myself onto the couch. Ah, it feels nice to sit on my ass after that rigorous cleaning job. I hate cleaning days.

Marco takes a seat next to me and smiles. “They said they’d be over in ten minutes.” I take a deep breath.

“All right, then. Ten minutes to mentally prepare ourselves for their silliness.” Marco laughs and relaxes as well. Today has been an interesting day to say the least. Especially since I’m feeling so…happy? Giddy? I don’t know but, hell, I could get used to this. It’s better than my normal, cynical self.

We’re quiet. A little too quiet. Fuck, it’s getting weird again. I need to say something. And I know just the thing.

“Hey, Marco?”

“Hm?”

“Okay, I know this will sound extremely weird, but just hear me out. I was wondering…if we could hold hands again.”

Marco does a double take and just stares at me, blushing furiously. “W-What…?”

“Ugh, you heard me. Your hands are really warm and I dunno, kind of comforting.” You fucking idiot, you’re making this much worse than it needs to be. Do you understand how difficult this is to ask?

“U-Uh, o-okay, if you w-want but…friends don’t normally d-do this, y’know.”

I give him an annoyed look. “Look, just because we’re of different genders doesn’t mean we can’t do certain things. For fuck’s sake, Marco, we’re just holding hands. It’s not like we’re gonna have sex.” He face goes completely red at that and I resist the urge to laugh. “Besides, Sasha, Connie, and I have held hands many times. Blame Sasha when you see her, because I got this habit from her.” 

I reach my left hand out for him and he carefully takes it into his right hand. We stay sitting like this until the other two make their grand appearance.

I’m reluctant to let go.

\--

Now, I said that June in Trost is pretty miserable. Let me explain to you the hell that is July. It’s hotter than Satan’s ass crack. Seriously, you could lose so much weight from all the sweating your body goes through in this weather and _not even know._ It’s humid all throughout the day; the air is dense and just _wet._ Then add that to the fact we live in an urban area, so the heat coming off of the asphalt roads makes it seem hotter. And sadly, we still have school in July; however it’s only for a few weeks, and then we’ll finally be released for summer break. I’m so happy. I’m going to sit in bed in the nice air conditioning all summer.

I’m not doing shit.

Although I think Sasha has other plans for me. The whole first week of July, which conveniently started on a Tuesday, she has not shut her mouth about summer activities and fun. Now, some of it actually sounds pretty cool but _there are so many things._

“Ah! I got it! We should go to the beach this weekend!”

I look up at her curiously. “Why this weekend? Why not wait until the actual break?”

“Because, _Jeanne_ , everyone will be heading to the beach when school’s over. This way we can beat all the crowds.”

That’s just about the smartest idea she’s had yet. It’s true that beach just north of Trost is really popular and we get an insane amount of tourists in the summertime. Fuck, that’s a brilliant idea.

But then I remember how pale I am. I am going to burn so bad.

“Do you want to go, Jeanne? Connie said he’s already on board and we just need to ask Marco.”

Oh shit, Marco. He’s going to be there, in swim trunks, and no shirt. If his other half looks as good as his legs then I don’t know what I’m going to do. 

Sasha gently puts her hand on my shoulder and smiles. “Oh, you’re blushing kind of hard, are you all right?”

“Oh yeah, I’m amazing.”

“Were you thinking about Marco?” She coos, and draws out the last syllable in his name.

“What? No, fuck you. I was just…feeling a little embarrassed, that’s all.”

“Aww, Jeanne, don’t worry. No one will make fun of you! And if they do, you and I can beat them up, okay?”

Good save there. I honestly don’t know what the fuck went through my mind. I sigh at the upcoming conversation with Marco. Apparently, Sasha wants to tackle him on our way to lunch. I’m not going to warn him.

\--

She did it. I can’t believe she actually fucking did it. While Marco and I were innocently walking back to class for lunch, Sasha rounded the corner and leapt onto his back. Marco lets out a yelp but manages to keeps his balance.

As for me? I fucking laugh my ass off. That shit was too amazing and hilarious. I fall to the ground trying to recover and make the mistake of looking back at Marco. He has a mix of both betrayal and fear on his face. This makes me laugh harder.

“Hi, Marco!” Sasha squeals in delight.

“H-Hey, Sasha. W-What are you doing?” he says in between breaths, trying to recover.

“Jeanne and I have a question for you.” At this point, I decide to get off of the floor and try to pry Sasha off of him. She detaches her limbs from around him and hops off safely.

Marco brushes himself off and listens intently. “What’s up?”

“We’re all planning a get together at the beach this Saturday. Would you like to join us?”

I try not to look too hopefully over at Marco. His face drops from a smile to an indiscernible frown. Fuck, I don’t like that.

“S-Sorry but…Saturday is my dad’s birthday. I can’t go.” He looks at the ground and shuffles his feet a little bit. I feel my stomach drop at his words. No, I want him to go. I don’t give a fuck if I’m being selfish.

Sasha looks disappointed as well, but not the same way as I am. “Oh, that’s too bad.”

“B-But please, don’t let my plans ruin yours. You guys can go without me and I-I’ll tag along the next time, yeah?” Marco doesn’t look Sasha directly in the eye as he says that. In fact, that smile he’s giving her is so forced. Something’s wrong.

Sasha nods in understanding and says that we’ll miss him this weekend. The plan is still in motion, it seems. She turns to me and asks for my opinion and I just shrug and utter an affirmative response. I really don’t want to talk right now. I feel so…blah, knowing he won’t be there.

I haven’t felt this level of disappointment in years.

\--

The only downside to not owning a car is now that we have to walk to the beach. Sasha’s aunt is the only one in the group to own a car but she’s at work right now, although she did promise to pick us up afterwards, so thankfully we won’t have to trudge back home all sunburnt and exhausted.

But that means a one hour walk with Connie and Sasha.

A one hour walk in this unforgiving heat. It’s only ten in the morning but it feels like death. It’s only going to get worse from here.

It’s a good thing I only packed a really small bag for the beach. Just a simple change of clothes, a towel, and some sunscreen. Sasha and Connie are lugging things like their essentials and a numerous amount of snacks and drinks. Connie has been elected as official “cooler-bearer” so at least he’s dealing with the bulkiest item.

Sasha is completely ready to just jump in the water as soon as we get there. All she’s wearing is her bright orange bikini top, her shorts, and flip flops. Connie actually has a shirt and he’s just wearing his swim trunks as shorts. I’m more dressed than any of them. I’ve got a grey T-shirt on, some jeans, a straw hat, and sunglasses. I need to protect my fair skin as much as possible. The sunburn will happen, regardless if I want it or not, so the best thing to do is to lessen my exposure. I don’t need those fuckers in school calling me a tomato.

While Sasha and Connie banter about all the things they’re going to do once we get to the beach, I reach into my pocket for my phone to text Marco. He said it’s his dad’s birthday today right? Maybe I should be nice and send him a message.

**To: None pizza with left beef  
> heyyy tell ur dad i said happy bday!**

I decide against using those obnoxious smiley faces that Marco is so fond of and send the message. I hope this is a good thing to do because I’ve never told someone’s parent this before. Is this weird?

Okay fuck, I need to stop because I know where inner monologues lead me while I’m walking. A first class ticket to the concrete below. I’m not in the mood to ruin my face, because it’s looking great right now. Too bad Marco can’t see it; all this effort has been wasted for these two losers.

The hour walk has passed and we’re finally at our destination. Of course, no beach is ever empty at all, especially Trost beach, but there really aren’t that many people out here. We see a few colorful umbrellas lined up towards the shore and take in the smell of sea salt. I smile slightly when we arrive but that quickly turns back to a frown. 

I don’t mind being at the beach and I really don’t mind swimming but…it just seems so boring now. Marco’s really missing out, but I guess he had an acceptable excuse. 

Sasha practically runs out ahead of us towards the water, screaming, “We’re at the beach!”

“Hey, hey, hey! Wait up, I’ve got all this shit to carry, yo!” Connie turns to me. “You’ve been here before, yeah? Are there any places you can recommend to unpack?”

I tilt my head back to think. “Uhhh, there’s this one little area almost everyone avoids that I really like.” I scan the entire beach before setting my eyes to our left. “Ah, there it is! Do you see that little rocky area over there?”

Connie squints and puts his hands over his eyes, to block out the sun. “Yeah, I think I see it. Are you sure that’s a good place to go?”

I nod quickly. “Of course. Those rocks look huge and really uncomfortable but they’re actually blocking the view of a small little area. No one goes there because the rocks throw them off.”

Connie whistles for Sasha and we point her to the left where the rocks are. She gives us a look of confusion but Connie holds his thumb up, saying it’s something good. We trudge along the sand, far away from the other beach goers. We get to the rock formation and I gesture for the two to go around it. Sure enough, the small section I mentioned is still there and unoccupied. I also picked this spot because of the shade the rocks offer. I can protect my white-ass skin from the sun’s harmful rays.

Connie and Sasha set their towels down onto the sand and basically rip off their excess clothes and run straight into the water. Unlike them, I take my time setting up and remove my clothes carefully. I don’t them to get all sandy and shit, what the fuck. Yes, I understand that I am at the beach and there’s sand literally everywhere, but I still must take precautions. Despite covering up immensely, my swimwear consists of just a plain black bikini top and bottom. No green this time, so sorry about that. I take out my bottle of sunscreen and realize that neither of them put any on before they catapulted themselves into the water.

“Hey, you two, you should definitely put some of this on, otherwise you’re going to get extremely sunburnt,” I call out to them, interrupting their splashing game.

“Aww, Jeanne, don’t be such a damn buzzkill, we’ll be fine!” Connie shouts back to me. 

I throw my hands up in the air. “All right, fine! Get burnt! See if I care when you two come back to school looking like a pair of fools.”

They ignore me and continue to play in the water. I shrug and squeeze the liquid out of the bottle onto my arms and start spreading it all over my body. Once I’m completely covered in the thick sunscreen, I take my phone out of my bag to check it. Nothing. No text from Marco. I guess it must be a really good party if he’s not answering because normally he’d be all over his phone when I text him.

This doesn’t help me feel any better. I’m trying to have fun with the other two but it’s not the same. They’re fun, but they’re not Marco fun, if that even makes sense. I’m still really sour about him not showing up.

With nothing left to do, I head out into the water and join the two maniacs in their splashing games.

We end up staying in the water for _hours._ It’s surprising at how much time actually passes when you’re splashing around in salt water. I drag the two aquatic creatures out of the water and the pressure of the world hits us again; we’ve lost our feeling of weightlessness we had while swimming. I flop down onto my towel and take deep breaths. Sasha rummages through her bags and pulls out our lunches and some snacks. 

The menu for today consists of beautifully prepared sandwiches and chips. Good. Sasha offered to make the sandwiches and Connie jumped in saying he’d provide the chips. When he said that, he actually meant that he was going to steal them from his mates in his dorm.

As for me, I didn’t bring shit.

Eating food is the only time Sasha and Connie are quiet and I revel in the silence. I’m really not in the mood to talk, so I quietly munch on my food as well. This little get together isn’t all that exciting to be honest. The best part so far was when seaweed wrapped around Sasha’s leg and she _freaked the fuck out._ It was amazing. 

I wish Marco could have seen it.

After our meal, I have to remind my little losers not to go swimming right away unless they want to get a nasty cramp. So we opt for building sand castles. I’ll have to admit, I’ve never done this before so for the first few tries I fuck up really bad. I can’t seem to get the sand to stay up properly. Sasha helps me out and points out that I’m not using wet enough sand. Well I feel fucking stupid, but Sasha spares me and doesn’t make fun of me.

We also learn that Connie has an affinity for sculpture because his sand castle is absolutely stunning. _And he built it by himself!_ I look the one Sasha helped me build and it’s mediocre at best but Sasha just laughs. Connie stands up triumphantly and puts his hands on his hips.

I lean over to Sasha. “I think you should “accidentally” trip on his castle. What do you say?” She smirks and nods quickly. We both get up slowly and stalk over to Connie’s wonderful pile of sand. I distract him by asking for his techniques while Sasha _actually_ trips and lands face first into his sandy sculpture. He whips around immediately and I fall to my knees not even trying to hold in my laughter.

Sasha lifts herself up and laughs while wiping sand off of her face. Connie is holding his head in agony at the destruction of his masterpiece. As a peace offering, we let him destroy ours. We laugh it off for a few minutes and decide again to head into the water to wash all this sand off.

I forget to put on my sunscreen.

\--

Sasha’s aunt calls us around six in the evening to tell us she’s on the way to pick us up. We repack and gather our things together slowly. There’s a few changing booths back on the main part of the beach so we hurry there to dry off and change into our dry clothes. I just throw on what I wore to the beach originally and head back out to meet everyone out on the boardwalk.

Her aunt pulls up in a fairly old Jeep. This thing looks like it has seen better days and I’m very reluctant to step inside. Before I can decide if I really want to walk, Sasha gestures me to get in. I do so begrudgingly. 

The car ride is much quicker than the initial walk, taking only about fifteen minutes. Sasha converses with her aunt while Connie watches all the things we pass by on the road. I pull out my phone again to check my messages.

Still nothing from Marco. That’s extremely disappointing.

I’m the first to be dropped off. I thank Sasha and her aunt for the ride and head inside. Showering is at the very top of my list of priorities even though I’m scared at the same time because I _know_ I was sunburnt. I manage to slip past my mother’s watchful eye and hide the redness. I throw my bag into my room, grab some clothes and head into what will be known as the best and worst shower yet.

Just as I had predicted, I’m terribly sunburnt, as I find out when the water spraying on me gives me excruciating pain on my shoulders. _Fuck!_ I don’t need this. Sleeping for the next few nights will be hell. I hope Mom still has aloe somewhere…

I lazily trudge back into my room and fall onto my bed. Ahh, it feels so soft and comfortable. I also put on my softest pair of sweat pants and a thin black tank top. Despite the throbbing pain and heat of the sunburn, this feels really nice. I stay on my stomach for a long time until I hear my phone go off. 

_A text message!_

Oh dear god, I’m praying that it’s from Marco, but I know with my luck, it will probably be from Sasha. Regardless, I dig through my bag and retrieve my phone.

It’s Marco! 

I smile so wide and I swear my heart skips a beat. I unlock the phone and go to his name.

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> ...thanks that really means a lot to us**

**To: None pizza with left beef  
> im glad**

I bit my lip and hope he answers back. In just a few minutes, I get a reply. He must have his phone back.

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> ur a kind person jeannie…i really like u**

_Excuse me?_ Where the fuck did that come from, holy shit. I just told your dad to have a happy birthday; I didn’t do anything special. I set the phone next to me and just lay in bed blushing hard. Actually, I’m going to blame this on the sunburn. I’m not blushing. 

And I certainly am going to blame the sunburn on my rapidly beating heart.

Yeah, my mind isn’t in its normal place right now. It must’ve been from all the sun I was exposed to today. It’s got me thinking of Marco in a different way.

Fuck, where is that aloe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Define proper pacing.
> 
> Okay, I swear, I never planned to put Erwin into this chapter at all but he just... _made his presence known himself._ Oh well.
> 
> The next chapter will hold even more development as well as some more awkward moments between these two goobs~


	4. OK Pal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think I feel when I, when I, take it with you?  
> What do you think I see when I, when I, take it with you?  
> Somewhere else, somewhere else, somewhere else...
> 
> What do you think I feel when I, when I'm kissing you?  
> Somewhere else, somewhere else, somewhere else...  
> \- [_OK Pal_ , M83](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAFlBd7SNcE)

“I don’t ever want to see another test again. As a matter of fact, I never want to see another piece of paper or pencil in front of me ever again…” Sasha groans, sprawled all over my floor and playing with Josephine. My fat, little calico is lying on her back, swatting playfully at Sasha’s hand whenever it gets too close. Heh, I’m surprised she hasn’t tired herself out yet.

“Well, I hate to break it to you, Sasha, but those were only our first set of exams,” I blurt out, feeling the effects of the exams on my brain. I’m relieved that they are over, but at what cost? My brain feels like mush; _I_ feel like mush. I’m just a pile of sentient mush sprawled all over this couch. Connie is somewhere; I honestly forgot where he went because my brain just cannot function properly at the moment. Marco is hanging around the couch near me. He seems like the only one of us who has kept some form of intelligence.

Our exams were split into two days because of how long they were, with our last set being today. Somehow, we managed to survive. I’d throw my arm in the air in triumph, but I’m too busy being sentient mush.

But then again…these weren’t even the final exams. Yup, I’m definitely not throwing my arm in the air. My thoughts are interrupted as Sasha lets out a distressed squeal. I turn over again and see that Josephine has stepped onto Sasha’s stomach and is kneading her paws on her. Sasha doesn’t make any attempt to move but she just groans at the weight of the cat on top of her.

“Jeanne…your cat is murdering me. Send help.”

“Nah.”

She lets out a small whine as my fat cat settles herself down on her stomach. I know the feel, Sasha. Rest in peace; you were a good friend. Josephine takes the chance to stare at me from Sasha’s belly and meows at me. I really don’t fucking understand this cat.

Connie returns to the living room and flops onto the floor close to Sasha. I eye him curiously and he meets my gaze. 

“Where the fuck were you?”

“Bathroom, yo. Can’t a guy go without an interrogation?”

“That’s gross.”

I hear his stomach grumble from all the way over here. As if on cue, Sasha’s grumbles as well. These two are going to be the death of me with their constant hunger. Marco simply giggles at the chorus of empty stomachs. That’s the first noise he’s made all afternoon. Good to know he’s alive.

“Ugh, I’m hungryyyy,” Connie draws out.

“Me too,” Sasha and Marco chime in.

“Maybe we should order a pizza.”

“Yes, let’s bring a pizza to a bakery. I’m pretty sure Mom would love that.” Pizza does sound good right now, especially since I’m beginning to feel the pains of starvation as I didn’t eat breakfast nor lunch today. I was more preoccupied with getting a decent grade on these exams rather than absorbing nutrition. This couch is also starting to feel uncomfortable the longer I lie on it. Why can’t I have nice things?

“Well, maybe all of us could go to a pizza place; that way we’re not disrupting Jeanne’s mom’s store,” Marco offers politely. Sasha and Connie groan in protest to the mere idea of walking. I wonder if they’ve forgotten how to walk after today. I’m torn between the idea of just lying here for the rest of my life and actually moving and doing normal human activities. These stomach pains aren’t exactly being kind to me.

In one fluid motion, I sit up quickly on the couch and keep my balance. Shit, fuck! I sat up too fast; I clutch my head, trying to rid myself of being dizzy. Marco peers curiously up to me, concern written all over his face.

“You okay?” 

“Yeah, fuck, I just sat up way too fast.”

I shake my head and I can see clearly again. Okay good. I get off of the couch and walk about five steps towards Sasha and loom over her. Josephine gets up and stretches right on top of her and Sasha lets out another squeal of pain. My loyal cat hops down and rubs against my leg, purring like no tomorrow. Cat, seriously, I was not five feet away; you could have come and slept on my stomach. I kneel down and pet Josephine and scratch behind her ears. Such a soft kitty.

Okay shit, this is not what I came over here to do. I prod Sasha in the side roughly with my finger and she looks right at me.

“Why are you and your cat so horrible to me?”

“Miss lady here only lies on top of people she likes. Take it as a compliment. Now get up, we’re going.” I look over my shoulder to Connie’s pathetic figure. “You too, baldy. Hurry up.” I clap my hands together. Where in the world did all this energy come from?

Marco gets up from his seat on the floor as well, smiling like an idiot. He walks over to Connie and offers to help him off of the floor because Connie is _oh so exhausted_. I’m not as gentle with Sasha as I yank her arm up, causing her to hop up immediately, otherwise her arm might get twisted the wrong way. Oops.

After Marco and I have gotten the children up and standing properly, I pat myself down checking for my phone and some money. Fuck my bag; I’m not lugging that shit with me. I nod to Marco and the others and we head out of the living room, into the kitchen, and down the stairs to the bakery. I tell Mom that we’re off to cause mayhem and panic and she just tells me to not get arrested.

Thanks.

\--

Ah, yes, Trost’s little pizzeria. It’s a small place on the outskirts of the city, closer to the sleepy suburbs. It’s a fair walk, maybe about twenty to twenty five minutes from where I live, but so worth it. Once our group settled into a booth, Sasha and Connie’s enthusiasm increased tenfold and were very eager to order almost everything on the menu. That is until Papa Marco intervened and we decided on two large pizzas: one pepperoni and the other with a little bit of everything you could imagine.

Connie and Sasha are engaged in a heated conversation about which Pokémon is the best and I can just feel the righteous anger oozing from Connie as Sasha mocks his favorite. I believe this is the first time I’ve ever witnessed a nerd off and, to be honest, it’s exciting. Marco’s just as amused, it seems, because he’s watching them intently and trying to stifle his laughter. I sigh quietly and cross my legs under the table and look the window to my left.

The sky is still lit with a mix of blue and orange light and doesn’t look anywhere close to getting dark soon. That’s the disadvantage of summer time; it takes way too long to actually get dark. I place my chin in my hand and just stare blankly outside. There’s really nothing out there other than a decently packed parking lot and some trees. Like I said, it’s close to the suburbs so nothing too exciting is out here.

I nearly jump out of my skin as I feel Marco’s knee gently nudge my leg. I turn to him so fast you’d think my neck would snap. 

Marco gives a small smile and speaks softly to me. “Are you all right?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” I look away from his dark brown eyes. Maybe chocolaty brown? Whiskey brown? Who knows these days? 

Wait shit, am I really concentrating on his eyes. 

He nudges my leg again and I look up to see him shift his gaze immediately to his right. Oh okay, I see what game you’re playing here. I take my hand off of the table and quickly poke his knee with my finger and look back out the window. He turns his head to me and stifles his laughter. I feel myself about to burst out laughing but I bite my lip to stop it from happening. We continue this little game for a few more minutes until our pizzas finally arrive. I noticed Sasha gave me a questioning look but I tried my best to ignore her; especially since she gave me that fucking grin, trying to imply something.

Connie immediately drops his argument on how – I think he said Fearow – is the best Pokémon and gives a toothy grin upon seeing the cheesy, greasy goodness that is our food. Connie and Sasha dig into their supreme, every-topping-imaginable pizza while I settle for plain old pepperoni. Nothing wrong with something simple, right? I grab the first slice from the dish and oh god, it’s so cheesy because as I lift it up, the cheese stretches and forms thin lines. I put it on my plate but it’s still connected to the rest of the damn pie.

“God Jeanne, stop stealing all of the cheese; you’re ruining the pizza,” Connie exclaims with a mouthful.

“Jesus Christ, don’t talk with your mouth full, you uncultured swine. I got this.” I grab the nearest utensil next to me, which happens to be a fork, and cut the remaining cheese strings away and push them back to the pizza. Sorry Marco, you’re going to have to deal with my inability to grab a slice of pizza. I glance at him, offering him a go at the food and he just smiles at me. He carefully lifts up the slice next to where mine was and brings his knife up to cut the cheese strings off. Okay, he’s just showing me up now. Carefully, he places the piece onto my plate and then works on his own.

“What was that for?”

“Oh come one, Jeannie. You’re telling me you can survive on only one slice?”

“Who the fuck are you, my mother now? I’ll grab as much as I want.” I cross my arms and pout. Honestly, I gave up after feeling so embarrassed from getting my own piece. I mean, who does that? Who gets embarrassed over cheese?

Connie and Sasha seem to have forgotten the entire cheese debacle and are contently eating away at their behemoth pizza. Marco is doing the same with his pepperoni in hand and I guess I should start eating too. I pick up the top slice with the ripped up cheese all over it and take a bite. Ahh, heavenly is the only word I can use to describe it. The sauce is a little salty but thankfully it’s not overpowering and the cheese just melts in your mouth. I’ve forgotten how good this place actually is since Mom never brings us anywhere to eat. 

As I’m enjoying this delightful meal, Sasha’s wiping sauce from her mouth with her napkin and clears her throat, ready to speak. Oh boy, what’s going on now? I grab a few more bites of my pizza before Connie and Marco turn their attention to Sasha as well.

“All right guys! It’s the beginning of the summer vacation and dammit, I wanna make every minute of it fun!” Sasha slams her hand on the table dramatically, causing our silverware to clatter and Marco steadies his drink before it can fall to its untimely demise. I set my pizza down and grab a napkin to wipe the grease from my hands.

“So we have to spend every minute of every day together?”

“Absolutely correct!”

I shake my head. “I’m sorry but I’d like to have some days to myself.”

“Ugh, Jeanne you’re no fun.” Sasha sticks her tongue out at me and I do the same to her. I lean back into the booth and accidentally slide down the seat. These fucking things are too goddamn smooth. Marco catches me immediately and helps me sit up like a normal person and Connie snickers. I reach my leg under the table and kick him in the shin, offering him a victorious grin as I do. 

“All right, all right. Settle down you two. Let’s listen to what Sasha has to say.” Marco rests his hand on my thigh, just above my knee, to keep me from kicking more and doesn’t move it. It’s a light touch, nothing too rough or overbearing, but I’m hyperaware of it and of how warm and comforting it feels. Does he know he’s doing this? Is he doing it on purpose? I’m not sure, but what I am sure of is how fast my heart is beating in my chest. 

Sasha’s started talking again but I’m not paying attention to a word she’s saying. My attention is completely focused on Marco and how he’s not even looking at me. Shit, what should I do? I should be chill with this but I don’t know. I’ve held the guy’s hand a few times, so this shouldn’t be any different. Fuck, this should be comforting me but instead it’s got me overthinking everything about what’s going on in this situation.

“Hey, Jeannie?” Sweet Jesus, his voice came out of nowhere. I snap my eyes up to Marco, who’s now giving me a concerned look with those big brown eyes of his. Yeah, definitely like chocolate. Wait...fuck!

“Y-Yeah?! What?” My voice comes out a few pitches too high. His eyebrow is arched high, just watching as I continuously make a fool out of myself. He takes his hand off of me and settles it back into his other hand. I'm disappointed from the loss of contact, especially since the place his hand was feels so cold now. 

"You're looking a little red...uh, Sasha's trying to get your attention," he says in that angelic voice of his. I slowly turn to Sasha and she's got her head slightly to the side. 

"The food wasn't too spicy for you, was it? I know people like you can't rea-" 

"Oh shut up and say what you needed to say." 

She smiles and waves her hand to the side a few times. "Well, one of the first things I thought we could do is go to the beach again since Marco missed it last time." Sasha glances over to Marco with a hopeful expression. 

“Yeah, I can go this time around. Just not...on the weekends, okay?" He scratches the back of his neck and smiles sheepishly. Ah yes, that's his go-to quirk when he's feeling nervous or hiding something. I've learned before not to press into the matter, despite being so curious that it's all I've thought about on more than on occasion. 

I sigh quietly. He said he'd tell me one day, maybe. I guess I'll just hold onto that sorry excuse for a promise. 

“Well, that's not a problem at all, really. I'm sure the weekdays will be less crowded, so it all works,” Connie chimes in after finishing his fourth slice of pizza. "Hey, Sasha, can your aunt at least pick us up again?"

Sasha nods quickly. "Mhm, as long as we can last until she gets off of work. Maybe we can hang around the boardwalk for a bit and look at the shops."

"And get some hella ice cream!" Connie smirks at Sasha. They give each other a high five and I almost want to gag at his use of the word "hella."

Sasha opens her arms up wide and points them at me. “And our good friend Jeanne over here will show us all the good spots to shop at! Right, best friend?” I roll my eyes but smile anyway. Best friend, huh?

“Yeah, yeah, sure I will.” I think over her words for a moment before snapping my fingers and looking back up to her. “Hey, I bet you didn’t know that there is a small little amusement park next to the boardwalk!”

I have never seen their eyes light up so much; it’s almost blinding. Shit, even Marco is exceptionally excited. I guess out-of-town people really enjoy shitty Ferris wheels and carousels? 

I shrug and let my arms fall limp to my sides, acting like it’s nothing special, when in reality I’m glad for the attention I’m getting now. “Yeah, and it stays open pretty late during the summer months. I think even through September, because my dad, when he’d come back home on leave from duty, would always take me as a child.”

Sasha squeals and bounces in her seat. “I think we’ll be going there a lot over the summer break. Oh my god, Jeanne, that’s so exciting! I love Trost!” I almost choke on my soda as she pitches out those words. Fuck, such bad timing on my end to grab a sip of my drink. I cough a few times and give Sasha a skeptical look as Marco helps to pat my back. 

Now there’s a useful friend.

“Sure, whatever you say. If you love Trost so much, why don’t you just live here forever? As for me, I’m gonna get into a nice university in Sina and settle down in a nice place there!” I snort out an obnoxious laugh and the faces they make at me are priceless. “I’ll come by and visit you all when I’m a famous artist, okay?” They sigh and continue on with their conversation about our summer plans. I finish laughing and look at Marco, giving him my trademark grin. He smiles back at me and goddammit, his hand is still on my back.

You touchy fucker.

I point back to his hand. “You can take that off now.”

He blushes hard and moves his hand away quickly, looking away sheepishly. I snicker at him and decide it’s high time to poke fun at him. I reach up to pinch his cheeks.

“Awww, look at sweet little Marco blushing like a tomato. So cute!” He swats my hand away gently and laughs a little too.

“S-Stop it, that’s embarrassing.”

I had to do something to get my mind off of how fast my heart beats whenever I see him smile at me like that.

Such a warm, loving smile.

\--

It takes us a little over a week to finally get out to the beach. Our first step in this plan was to of course ask all available adults for permission. My mom and Marco’s mom were all for it as long as we didn’t do anything stupid. Connie didn’t have to ask his parents since they don’t even live in this city, that lucky bastard. The problem came with Sasha’s aunt since we need a ride from her. Surprisingly enough, the aunt of our favorite bubbly goob is not so bubbly herself. She’s pretty much a normal, exhausted adult; I don’t know how she even puts up with Sasha.

Because of her mature attitude, she refused Sasha the first fifty times she asked, saying she would need to wait for a better day. During that first week of negative responses, Sasha stayed over my house for a few nights. To be quite honest, it doesn’t seem like a good idea to nag your aunt about a ride and run away to your friend’s house when she says no, but that’s just me.

We finally got a confirmation from her aunt and our beach trip was set for July 31st, exactly ten days after summer break began. Fucking finally.

It seems that the good old Kirstein Bakery is the hot spot for the teens in the area because we always gather at my place. I don’t know why, since Marco lives in a set of apartments much further down the road we have to take anyway. Poor Marco, having to backtrack after meeting with us because of terrible planning; I feel really bad for him.

Speaking of Marco and the gang, their asses are running late. The one time I opt for waiting _outside_ of the bakery so as not to disturb my mom, they have the audacity to take their sweet ass time. Sasha should be here first considering she lives the closest and Connie is always last because the dorms are pretty far from here. I sigh out loud and lean my head back on the brick wall of the building. Fuck standing, I sat down instead and thankfully there’s some shade here, otherwise I’d be burning my legs on that hot concrete.

I’ve been passing the time by watching cars zoom by on the road. Sadly, they only offer me fumes from the burning oil and a warm breeze as they pass by. 

Not exactly refreshing in this already scorching heat.

I slide my sunglasses on and just focus my attention on some random spot across the street. I wiggle my phone free from my pocket and check the time real quick. It’s 11:37. They’re thirty-seven minutes late, what the fuck.

Of course, speak of the devil, Marco arrives on the scene, entering in from my right peripheral. He offers me his usual wave and cheery smile and I almost fall over laughing at his stupid get up. He comes up wearing an outdated white polo shirt with thin blue stripes across his chest and some bright orange shorts. Never mind his plain ass bag and stupid flip flops, this outfit does _not_ work with him in the slightest. Marco frowns while I’m sprawled out onto the sidewalk laughing at his expense.

“What’s so funny?”

“Your fucking clothes. Jesus, you look like a rich, spoiled boy in those clothes! Did your daddy pick ‘em out for you?” I look up in time to see Marco visibly flinch and tense up. Oh? Was I being too harsh on him?

He chuckles nervously and wipes his nose with his index finger after a short pause. “Ahaha, yeah…guess you could say my dad, uh, got them for me.”

I feel a small pang of sadness from his tone but before I can apologize, Sasha and Connie spring on me from my left without warning. I squeal as they both land on top of me, discarding their bags to the side.

“We saw you being mean to Marco, so we came to save him!” Connie shouts out while I wrestle with Sasha. Holy shit, she has a strong grip because I can barely move. From underneath her body I can hear Marco politely asking them to get off of me while laughing hard. You fucking traitor! He pulls Sasha off and sets her upright and offers his hand to me; I take it ungratefully and sit up, wiping off all the dirt that I’ve accumulated from being stuck on the ground.

“You fuckers are so late.”

“Oh yeah, sorry. I went over to Connie’s dorm so we could walk here together and I tried _so_ hard to wake his ass up.” Connie gives Sasha a scandalized look as she rats him out. He huffs out a breath and turns to pick their bags up along with his ginormous cooler. Seriously, why was it that important to bring when you’re only coming to this city for school? I stare at the two incredulously for a few moments before turning towards the road we need to walk on for an hour.

One hour of Sasha and Connie behind us cracking jokes to each other and holding hands.

One hour of being so close to Marco that it almost hurts not being able to hold his hand.

One hour to realize how doomed I am that _I’m going to the fucking beach with my fucking crush._

What the hell was I thinking when I agreed to this?

\--

Thank God we chose a Thursday to go to the beach because it’s fairly tame. There are still a lot of people out but for what it’s worth, it’s honestly not that bad.

Besides, I see no one near our favorite rock spot. Excellent!

Sasha and Connie hurry up ahead of Marco and I as I grab his wrist to tug him along with me. Marco must have some arched feet or something because he keeps tripping over the sand as I pull him along. I almost fall a few times as I drag him but instead of getting annoyed, his sweet laughter is what keeps me level headed. Sort of. I find the sound of his laughter so much more calming than the rhythmic sounds of the waves crashing onto the shore. 

We catch up with Sasha and Connie a few minutes later and are delighted to see that they’ve already set up our little area with towels and such. They’ve both got their shirts off and Sasha’s spreading sunscreen on Connie’s back and shoulders.

“Hey, don’t forget that bald ass head of his so he doesn’t become a redhead for a few days.” I should become a fucking comedian.

Connie and Sasha groan at my genius joke as Marco and I set our stuff down next to theirs and take our towels out. Connie hops up from his spot and takes the lotion from Sasha’s hands and starts working on her back as well. I’d consider the whole thing cute if I wasn’t ready to gag at their overly friendly display. I slowly shift through my things and pull out my own, even stronger sunscreen out and kick my flip flops off. Marco does the same and just idly sits on his towel, avoiding eye contact with me.

“Hey, Marco, you should check your phone, I sent you a text like a couple minutes ago,” I hear Connie call over to him. Marco perks up and blushes like crazy. What the fuck is wrong with him? Oh well, it’s probably about some gross boy shit anyway. But fuck, I’m really scared about taking my shirt off with Marco _right there_. Jesus, it’s not like I’m completely naked but…I can’t help the fact that my stomach feels like doing flips and my heart is beating faster than it definitely should. Fuck, I had no problem being almost exposed in front of Connie and Sasha, so this shouldn’t be too different.

Oh fuck. Fuck fuck _fuck_. Marco’s already pulled his shirt over his head and I have to stop myself from drooling at the display before me. He has freckles splattered _all over_ his body. I thought they were just a facial thing but oh god, was I wrong. His shoulders and chest have a nice cluster of freckles but that’s not the only thing I notice about him. He’s incredibly tan too; I mean, his skin is so dark and wonderful. If we were to hold our arms out together, the difference would be literally that of night and day. Something tells me that’s not a normal tan and that maybe his family’s from somewhere far off. Either way, it doesn’t do anything to stop me from staring.

I pry my eyes off of him and look down at my towel. Yes, just focus on the towel. It’s got bright colors and all sorts of generic fish on it. Definitely not shirtless Marco with freckles all over the pla– FUCK.

Okay, plan B, I’ll just slowly and carefully start undressing, slap on some sunscreen, and run like hell into the water. Yeah! That sounds good.

The hardest thing is to not look at Marco. At all.

I lift the grey T-shirt over my head, tossing it gently on my bag and quickly check my bikini top to make sure everything is in place. Good, boobs have been accounted for and they aren’t falling out. I peek over my shoulder real quick to check on Marco and look away immediately while he’s getting his sunscreen on. Okay, so, maybe I should ask Sasha to help me with mine instead of asking him; I don’t think I could honestly handle it right now.

Connie has already bolted for the ocean, shouting that whoever is last in is a rotten egg. 

Fucker.

Sasha’s wrestling with her shorts and is about to do the same but I stop her in her tracks. She peers at me curiously. 

“H-Hey, wanna help me with this?” I ask nervously, pointing to my sunscreen. She smiles and drops down right behind me, grabbing the bottle quickly from my hands. She pops open the lid and I move my hair over the front of my shoulder, bracing for the cold that’s about to assault my back and shoulders.

“Okay, I’m about to start.” She spreads the cold, thick cream onto my back and I hiss from the initial contact. Normally this shit shouldn’t be so fucking cold but a _certain mother of mine_ insisted that it be kept in the fridge with the aloe so it’ll feel nice in the summer heat. Who the fuck does that, Mom? No one, that’s who. I hear Sasha giggle behind me as I shiver from how ridiculous this is.

In front of me, about ten feet away, Connie’s screaming something about seeing a fish and that he’s going to go catch it. Swim on, little man. Sasha whimpers and quickly finishes up her business with me. I offer her thanks as she stands up and she looks over to my left where Marco is still apparently sitting.

I glance at him as well, this time feeling a little braver and keeping myself under control.

“You know, you don’t have to wait for us, Marco. You can jump in at any time!”

“O-Oh, yeah, I know. It’s all right, don’t worry about me.” He smiles and waves Sasha off. She shrugs and sprints to join Connie in catching the illusive fish, leaving Marco and I alone and shirtless. He’s blushing hard like a madman and I’m starting to think it’s because of me. Great, both of us can’t be going red in the cheeks over each other.

Besides, I’m just some pasty girl with a lanky body and knobby knees. He’s the amazing one with his bronze skin, nice chest, broad shoulders and those long legs that go on forever and and _and_ -

Fuck, I’m not doing so well in the acting normal department.

I take a deep breath and turn back to remove my shorts so I can finish coating myself with the sunscreen. I can hear my pulse in my ears as I try so hard to focus on the sound of laughter coming from my hyper friends and the sloshing of the waves on the sand. As I work on my legs, I hear the sand shift slightly next to me and I look up to see Marco standing over me.

“Uh, hey, when you’re done…c-c-can I talk to you…you know…” He points to a few rocks behind us. “…o-over there?”

That’s uh…oh boy, that’s really weird. I try to answer with a verbal response but my mouth has run dry, so instead I nod quickly, a little too quickly. Marco smiles but doesn’t make eye contact with me. He helps me up and offers to let me go first.

Fuck, my heart is beating so fast and I’m so fucking nervous. What the hell does he want to talk about? Does this have something to do with what Connie mentioned earlier? My thoughts are flying at a hundred miles a second and I can’t keep up with them. I need to just concentrate on stepping over these rocks.

They’re smooth and hot and if I step on them wrong, my bony ass will get both burnt and scratched up. Needless to say I don’t need that shit, especially if I’m about to head into salt water soon.

I climb over them successfully and step out onto the sand safely before turning to help Marco over. If he’s as clumsy and unbalanced just walking on the sand, then I don’t trust him to be okay climbing over a couple rocks. He accepts my hand graciously and I keep him steady the best I can.

Here we go again; the warmth of his hand is enough to set me off. It’s not even sweaty or gross considering the heat, it’s just…comforting. My hand fits easily in his and his long, slender fingers wrap around mine. I hope my hand doesn’t feel clammy or weird to him but who knows considering how perfect his hand is.

Once safely over the rocks, Marco and I don’t let go of each other’s hand and we opt for looking at each other awkwardly. He’s looking down at the ground awkwardly, only giving me quick glances and blushing while doing so. He’s also scratching his neck with his free hand which means he’s hella nervous.

…fucking Connie and his “hella” bullshit.

Marco opens his mouth to speak a few times but nothing comes out. I stand a little closer to him, keeping us about a foot apart, and try to listen just in case he says something.

This is getting _painfully_ awkward; I need to do something or say _something_. I notice that he’s still on a small rock, so he’s much taller than normal.

“H-Hey, why don’t you come down and make yourself more approachable. You look like a goddamned giant on that rock.” I chuckle nervously. He lets out a small “oh” and steps down, shaking a little bit. I try to steady him down but it’s too late.

It happens so fast that I barely have time to register Marco slipping on his way down and knocking us both over. We both yelp as we fall right into the soft sand, landing with a dull thump. Ugh, I landed on my back so now all this sand is going to get stuck where I have my sunsc–

–why is there something heavy on me?

I open my eyes slowly.

_Holy shit._

Not two inches from my face is _fucking Marco Bodt_ , hovering over me and staring back at me with an equally horrified expression. He’s taking very short, shallow breaths and just looking at me with those big brown eyes of his.

Fuck.

_Fuck._

What do I do?

I mean…

_…he’s right there!_

“U-Uh, I-I, uh…” he sputters out, trying to get his brain working as well.

My eyes flick down to his slightly parted lips as I wrap my brain around the situation. Okay, let’s state the obvious. My crush is literally on top of me and very _very_ close. This is everyone’s dream, right? Too bad I feel like I’m about to have a damn heart attack.

And it’s not even that he’s so close to me that’s causing me to almost panic; he’s literally _touching me_. Our legs are tangled together and fuck I feel so fucking exposed in nothing but a swimsuit.

_But his skin is so warm and soft._

Maybe if I…inch up a little.

His lips look soft as well and I want to find out if they truly are.

“C-Can I…?” I whisper softly, my voice is tiny and shaky. Marco’s eyes shift all over my face for any sign of discomfort. He swallows and slowly leans down.

It’s hot. Everything is so hot. My face, my breath, my body, his body, just…everything. My stomach is in coils and knots and I even feel slick in between my legs. 

Will it always feel like this?

I feel Marco’s hot breath against my lips as he leans down so fucking slowly. Impatient and running on adrenaline, I close the gap between our lips and he squeaks. I completely ignore the sound, focusing only on the sensation of our lips together and feeling him tremble as he slowly kisses back. Marco’s lips are surprisingly soft; I thought guys’ lips were supposed to be rough and chapped.

Fuck, my hands are shaking so bad. What do I even do with them? Should I touch him? I’m going to touch him.

Slowly and carefully, I slide my hands up his arms to his shoulders and he shudders from the ghostly touch. Marco reciprocates by shifting himself on top of me, keeping our bodies pressed close together. I squirm a little beneath him and he pulls away, leaving us both panting from the rushed kiss.

“I-Is this okay? A-Are you a-all right?” Marco whispers to me, leaving only a few inches between us. I nod and blush furiously as he settles himself in between my legs and keeps his hands close to my waist.

“D-Do it more,” I quietly beg him. I swear his face must be darker than a tomato. Without much grace, he smashes his lips against mine again, knocking our teeth together.

“S-Sorry,” he mutters against my lips and I close my eyes, wincing from the pain. We start off better this time and we kiss each other harder. Feeling bolder, Marco slides his hands up and down my waist, sending shivers down my spine. He presses himself closer to me and _oh my god_.

_I can feel him._

I can _feel_ him pressing up against my lower abdomen. He’s so…hard. My brain is being overloaded with all this new information and all these new sensations and feelings and just _fuck it_. I’m going to enjoy this kiss, dammit. Leave it to me to overthink things at the most crucial moment.

I move one of my hands up from his shoulder to his cheek and up to his head, tangling my fingers in his thick, dark hair. Marco responds by deepening the kiss and carefully sliding his tongue past my parted lips. It’s soft and wet against my own and I timidly offer mine to him. I feel his muscles slowly relax and he starts rubbing himself against me. Fuck! I moan into the softly into the kiss and he pulls away again.

“W-Will you be m-my girlfriend, Jeannie?”

I-

You fucking idiot.

_Don’t interrupt our kiss like that!_

I bite my lip in order to stifle my laughter. This is too amazing, what with him interrupting us to ask that and just…that it’s even happening. He must think I’m insane for laughing at a time like this.

Not to mention, he looks so scared and hurt right now.

“Y-You idiot.”

Was that really the best thing to say right now? Fuck me.

Marco looks away to his side, sighing in defeat. I reach up, grabbing his face, and offer him a small, sweet kiss. The look on his face is priceless.

“I meant, yes. Yes, Marco.”

I have no idea how long we’ve been like this but I couldn’t care less. So long as Sasha and Connie don’t come around snooping, I would stay like this all day. With Marco on top, kissing me, and feeling how warm and hard he is against me.

His eyes light up as he gives me the biggest smile. I can’t help but smile back at him as well because this is just…so surreal. Am I sure I’m not dreaming? Oh no, I definitely am not. Not when Marco grinds our hips together, causing me to make another lewd sound. I turn my head to the side, away from Marco, fearing that I’m actually making a very hideous face. I can’t handle him having a boner for me one second and then losing it from seeing my face.

He plants a small kiss on my cheek and coaxes me to look at him. Marco takes my lips again with a desperate kiss and we’re at it again. I nearly jump out of my skin when his hands roam around and grope at my breasts. This fucker is feeling extremely bold but honestly, I’m not complaining. I’m moaning and arching my back against him, grabbing at him desperately. Marco thrusts himself against me, the friction between us becoming hotter and almost unbearable. 

I only break away from his kisses to catch my breath but it never lasts more than a few seconds. I moan softly into the kiss as he squeezes and fondles me and _oh god_ , I feel so dizzy. There are so many things going on I can’t…I can’t keep up. My brain is fried and all I can think about is how dirty this feels. 

_About how right it feels._

He groans as he grinds his hardened cock against my crotch and I quiver from such an intimate touch. Marco slides his right hand under my bikini top and _fuck_ , it feels good having the warmth of his hand on me like that. I claw at his back and nip at his lips, desperately trying to get as much of him as I possibly can. He shudders against me and moans harder, gasping my name between his our kisses and licks.

“J-Jeeeeannie,” Marco stammers, his breath hitching. His body jerks and tenses on top of me before going completely still. I look up at him curiously and find that he’s staring down at me hard.

Dear god, if his face gets any redder than it is now, I just might have to call 911 or something.

Marco takes his hands off of me and jumps off of me completely. His eyes dart around everywhere and he holds his hand out to me.

“H-Hey, let’s, uh, let’s go swimming now! I b-bet S-Sasha and C-Connie must be really worried!” I stare at him completely dazed and confused. My hand comes up to my face to wipe the excess saliva off and I reach up, taking his hand.

“Marco, are you o-“ 

“Perfectly fine!”

I blink a few times. He’s obviously fucking hiding something but I’ll just…forget about it. I’d rather reflect on what the hell just transpired a few minutes ago.

The feeling of his lips on mine still lingers even after being separated. _Shit_ , everything about what just happened is…is amazing. I’ve never felt so needy or dirty like that before in my life.

I could definitely get used to that. 

That kind of kissing and feeling his hands roam all over me like that.

Oh fuck, Jeanne, now’s not the time to pop a lady boner. It’s time to be civil and act like that didn’t happen at all. Even though it did and I don’t think I could honestly stop myself from thinking about it for the rest of the day.

Marco and I slowly and carefully climb over the rocks again, making sure that he does _not_ fall on top of me again. We run back to the water and join our friends again. It’s painfully obvious that we were gone a significant amount of time but I thank every deity known to man that Sasha and Connie let it slide.

For now, at least.

\--

We know that Sasha’s aunt won’t be able to pick us up until after six o’clock, so after we’re completely exhausted from swimming and lying on towels, we haul our shit up and head over to the nearest changing rooms. Sasha and I both opt for putting our hair up in some way. Not going to lie, my hair must look hilarious with only one half in a messy, wet bun. 

Oh well, if people have a problem, they can deal.

I think they’ll be more likely to stare at Connie lugging around a cooler behind him as we make our way down the boardwalk and towards all the little shops. I throw him a smirk over my shoulder as he gripes about carrying it around. That was your fault little man.

And we must look like a bunch of fools in general, walking down the sidewalk in a single file instead of all next to each other. I suppose it would be an asshole move on our part to take up the entire sidewalk, but I seriously wouldn’t give a shit about these people.

Sasha is the leader of the line; Marco is behind her, followed by me, and poor little Connie behind me. 

I look around at all the commotion going on at the boardwalk. There are plenty of people here, no doubt about that. It’s not too much to be overcrowded but way more than I would like. Although, I’ll have to thank somebody or something that it’s not as crowded as the foyer of good old Trost Secondary when everyone is hurrying off to their fourth class. Now that is the true nightmare.

It’s a little past four in the afternoon but the sun is still up high and isn’t showing any signs of setting soon. This means we’ve got another two hours to kill so I hope we’ll find something interesting to keep our attention. Then again, with Connie and Sasha and their enthusiastic spirits, that might not be too hard. At least they were smart enough to pick the side where the most shade is. It’s still pretty hot out here, but the buildings next to us offer a wonderful chance to cool down.

Of course, I can’t get the smell of fucking salt water out of my nose but the shops and vendors around here offer something better at least. We pass by a small hot dog vendor and then a barbecue restaurant a few feet away. Ah, shit, that really smells good. Too bad all of us ate much earlier.

Marco makes a few glances back at me before offering his hand shyly. I look down to the sidewalk and slowly lift my hand up to his.

“You’re such a dork, Marco.”

I hear two sets of chuckles. 

_Fucking Connie._

I whip my head around and see Connie whistling innocently while pretending to gaze at the scenery. His eyes meet mine for a second and he bursts out laughing.

“Oh my god, you should see your face. You look so flustered!”

“Shut up, little man.”

Marco tugs gently on my hand and winds our fingers together, coaxing me closer to him. Connie laughs some more but fuck it. He’s not worth it right now, especially since Sasha is leading us straight to the little ice cream shop on the corner ahead of us. Once Connie notices as well, he quickly moves past us to join Sasha up ahead, claiming that he deserves ice cream the most after I harassed him.

Yeah, okay, you enjoy your ice cream while I enjoy my newly acquired boyfriend.

….

_Shit! I have a boyfriend!_

\--

After I’ve gotten home and showered, with minimal pain because I wasn’t sunburnt, I sit down on my bed with my back against the wall. The coolness of the wall feels good on my back, so I close my eyes and let out a contented sigh. Mom also hasn’t been bothering me about what we did today, so that’s a plus. How can I honestly tell her I got a boyfriend when I told her before I never would? Ugh, that’s something I’ll deal with when it’s time.

Right now, it’s time to relax and enjoy the silence in my room.

The silence which is broken by the sound of a creaking door and squeaky cat.

Without opening my eyes, I feel an extra weight on my bed and know immediately that Josephine has joined me in my pursuit for solitude. She sits down next to me and looks up at me expectantly. I move my hand a little to the side and she meows, rubbing her gross face on it.

I move my other hand over to scratch behind her ears, reveling in how nice and soft she feels. I only want soft things around me after a brutal day in salt water and sand.

“You’re such a silly lady, you know that, Josie?” Her only response is a low, rumbling purr.

She settles into my lap and we sit like this for a few minutes; her enjoying her pampering and me enjoying the calmness in the room. I grope around my bed sheets for the remote to my TV and I hit the power button, watching it hum to life with a bright ass screen. Shit, I didn’t think about how dark my room was before turning it on, fuck.

After squinting and adjusting to the brightness of the screen, I mindlessly watch whatever’s on right now. Apparently I must have been watching a cooking show last time because that’s what’s on now.

…I don’t remember turning to this last time; I guess I was half asleep.

Whatever, I’ll just watch it since I don’t have anything else in mind. The lady on the show has such a thick accent but is very enthusiastic about whatever she’s making. She’s a tiny, adorable lady with short, dark hair and a bright orange shirt. She’s making some foreign dish that I didn’t quite catch the name of and I almost cringe when she adds a copious amount of peppers and red chili powder.

Yeah, I don’t do spicy shit.

Thankfully my phone goes off, signaling a text message and I lean over to retrieve it from my pillow, making Josephine meow in protest.

Yeah, yeah, hush you. This might be important.

In fact, it is important because it’s from Marco.

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> hey jeannie did u have fun today? :P**

I crack a smile at his stupid use of faces.

**To: None pizza with left beef  
> yeah I did how about u?**

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> lotsa fun! I wanna go to the beach with u guys again real soon**

Gross.

I start typing in a reply when he sends me another message.

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> so ur…serious about being my girlfriend right?**

_I want to throw my phone across the room._

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> i mean everything was kinda rushed and I don’t want u to feel pressured or anything**

I groan loudly at my phone.

**To: None pizza with left beef  
** **> yes marco I was serious**  
 **> i want to be ur girlfriend**

Nng, that was so cheesy sounding, holy fuck. I just want to cringe at myself and at Marco.

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> great! I’m so happy jeannie :)**

That’s it. I throw my phone back onto my pillow and cover my face with my hands.

\--

One month of summer vacation flies by surprisingly fast, especially when you spend most of it _actually_ doing things. Sasha is a goddamn slave driver when it comes to planning activities _and_ making sure we participate. I can’t be too mad at her, though; at least my sleep schedule has stayed pretty decent. Normally I’m up all night and asleep during the day; my mother hates when I’m like that, but whatever.

We’ve all agreed that the last week of vacation is our “freebie” one and that we can do whatever we want. I choose to do absolutely nothing and lay in bed all day.

However, I do have something planned tonight and, more importantly, something planned two days from now.

Marco asked me out for our first date. And I said yes.

And I think he said something about trying out that amusement park near the boardwalk. To be honest, my brain shut down after he asked me so I sort of stopped listening. This is just all too surreal for me.

So surreal that I’ve started avoiding Marco a bit. I’ll text him a few times but I just feel so nervous doing so.

I thought I would be excited having a boyfriend and I am, don’t get me wrong. I just…how do I act? Do I need to act more girly now? Is Marco into those kinds of girls? Honestly, what did he see in me?

Fuck, I hate this bullshit.

And that’s why I have Sasha coming to sleep over today. I need to talk to her. She’ll understand, hopefully; I could use a nice, positive outlook from my best friend.

I fiddle around with my phone as I sit in bed with my knees close to my chest. I’m simultaneously texting Sasha and Marco, mainly Sasha though. As per usual, she’s taking her sweet time getting ready and I’m telling her to hurry her ass up.

Marco….is going on about how excited he is for the date and that I don’t need to worry about bringing money or anything. He said it’s his chance to pay me back for all the times I’ve covered him.

My stomach does flips. He’s a goddamned angel.

I spend another good fifteen minutes texting with Marco, trying to make up for avoiding him recently and it seems to me that he never really noticed. I hear the door downstairs open and shut immediately, signaling the arrival of my bubbly friend. Sasha makes her way upstairs and peeks her head into my open door.

“Hiya!”

“Jesus, nice of you to finally show up.”

She sticks her tongue out and waves at me dismissively. “Oh, you’ll get over it, miss grumpy pants.” Sasha holds up a plastic bag for me to see. “Look, I brought us both goodies to snack on while you tell me the juicy details!” She sets her overnight bag down and takes a seat next to me on the bed.

Of course, upon hearing company, Josephine decides to be sociable and enters my room just after Sasha. Sasha clicks her tongue a bit, coaxing the fat cat over to the bed and Josephine hops up, purring loudly. Sasha coos at her while I rummage through the bag, checking out the snack loot. I always trust Sasha to have good taste and to know what I like and thankfully she gets my favorite candy and drinks.

Good, this helps me calm down a little bit.

“So what’s going on besides Marco _finally_ asking you to be his girlfriend?” Sasha asks after she and the cat are settled comfortably in my bed.

I take a deep breath and answer. “Marco asked me out on a date in two days…and well, I’m scared.”

Sasha looks at me with a mix of concern and confusion. “How come? Marco’s one of the sweetest guys we know.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to fucking do, Sasha!” I throw my arms up in the air and let them fall limp into my lap. Josephine jumps slightly, startled at the sudden noise, but quickly nuzzles into Sasha’s lap again. I swallow and continue, “I don’t know how I need to act. I feel like I need to be different to keep him or something. I don’t feel like the real me is good enough right now.”

Great, I’m drowning in self-hatred. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

“But I’m sure Marco doesn’t want to date a fake you. Why are you so worried about how you need to act with him? Just be your normal self.”

“What if my normal self goes and ruins everything?” I look away from her and take in the sight of my old, off-white walls.

Sasha shifts in my bed so she’s facing me while keeping Josephine content in her lap. She rests her head on her hand.

“Okay, you know Connie and I are dating, right?”

I look back at her immediately, completely shocked. What the fuck? Seriously? When the hell did this even happen? “What? When?”

Sasha snorts and covers her mouth while laughing. I’m left looking incredibly stupid from not catching this sooner.

“Gosh, I dunno…back in May I think. I asked him out and he was chill with it, so yeah.” She shrugs and smiles back at me. I must look completely idiotic because she sighs and continues on. “What I’m saying is, you probably never noticed us because we really don’t do things differently. I mean, sure, we’ve kissed and held hands before, but that’s really all that’s different.”

I stare at her and try hard to think about all the times I’ve seen them together, especially recently with our summer outings. Of course, when I need to think about all this, I can barely remember a damn thing. I’ve seen them hold hands before but that’s nothing new because we’re all a bunch of weirdos who hold hands with each other. Except, I’ve never seen Connie or Marco do that.

And what a fantastic time to blush, thinking about Marco’s hands again. 

Especially with how warm and comforting they feel around my own…and on my – WHOA! NO! Now is not the time to think about what happened at the beach earlier in the vacation, no matter how hot and amazing it felt.

I sense Sasha staring hard at me and I realize I’m probably blushing so fucking hard right now. She’s giving me a shit-eating grin which tells me that I definitely am blushing like a fool.

“All right, spill. What did you think of that made you go all googoo eyed?”

I lean forward, looking away from her again. “Nothing at all.”

“I’m hurt. What happened to honest Jeanne?”

I groan and speak up bravely, “When Marco and I got together at the beach, we fucking made out. Does that please you, your highness?”

Sasha giggles instantly and claps her hands together. “Oh my god, that’s amazing! My little Jeanne is growing up into a fine young woman.” I shove her away and she falls back on the bed, weak from laughing. Josephine hops away just in time before she’s crushed and settles down on a different corner of the bed. 

After Sasha finishes with her little laughing fit, she wipes the tears away from her eyes and faces me again.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry but that’s too great. You know, Marco came up to me and Connie for advice. The poor thing was so nervous about asking you.”

I deadpan, “Wait, so you knew he was gonna ask me?”

“Yeah, of course, but we weren’t going to tell you. That would have ruined the surprise. I’m impressed with him, though; going as far as to make out with you when he asked you out.”

Sasha wraps her arm around my shoulders, pulling me in for an awkward side hug. She leans her head on my shoulder and I return the motion by laying my head on hers and grumbling.

“Trust me, Jeanne. Just act like you normally do with him and everything will run smoothly. You two really like each other and I think you guys are the cutest couple.”

“Or I’ll act like I normally do and make a complete ass of myself.”

Sasha swats my arm.

\--

It’s here.

The date day is here and I’ve been pacing around my bedroom for the past five minutes, trying to see if my outfit is okay and checking my phone constantly. Marco should be here any minute and I don’t know how well I’m going to do. At least Marco seemed cheery while we were on the phone, but knowing him he’d probably be as freaked out as me.

Then again, Marco has an incredible ability to keep himself calm under the most stressful of situations. Shit, how am I going to top that?

I almost trip over my bag when Mom knocks on my door and enters in swiftly, signaling Marco’s arrival.

Mom had really mixed feelings when I told her about this date, but at least she’s giving Marco a chance. She only squinted at me suspiciously when I told her and mimicked my words about how he’ll never be my boyfriend.

I guess it’s true that you never say “never”.

“He’s waiting downstairs for you, honey, come on.”

I gulp and fiddle with my hair one more time. I couldn’t decide on what the fuck I wanted to do with it, so I put it in a braid. Mom senses my distress and walks over to help me fix it.

“You look fine. Now don’t be rude and hurry downstairs. Honestly, I’ve never seen you so frightened before.”

That’s because you don’t know how awkward I am, Mother dearest. There’s always a chance I could fuck something up and Marco will call it off immediately. With a sigh, I flip the braid to the front of my shoulder and follow my mother downstairs.

Ah, there he is in all his dorky glory. Marco sits with his legs closed and knee bouncing up and down, looking rather uncomfortable. He turns his head to the right at the sound of creaking steps and smiles brightly when he sees me first. I offer him a small smile and walk to him, standing only a foot away.

“I see you’re wearing that same stupid shirt from the beach that day.” Really, I just don’t care for it.

Marco chuckles warmly and rubs his nose. “Y-Yeah, I guess you can call it my lucky shirt. It’s gotten me out of so much and gotten me things I’ve really wanted.”

I smirk. “Oh, so I’m a thing now?”

He looks almost petrified. “W-Wha- N-No, that’s not what I meant!” I reach down to pat his shoulder, reassuring him. What a gullible person.

“Oh, Jeanne-bo, stop teasing him already.” Mother playfully scolds me before turning to Marco. He stands up immediately from the couch and looks nervously at her.

“Now, Marco, I hope you didn’t plan anything foolish with my little Jeanne-bo. I want her back no later than nine tonight, understood?”

Marco gulps and scratches the back of his neck. “O-Of course, ma’am. J-Jeanne will be just fine and home on time. All I have planned is to just take her to the amusement park near the boardwalk.”

Mom nods and looks to me again. “And you have your phone on you just in case, right?”

I pat my pocket to reassure her. “Yes, Mom, right here and charged.”

She sighs and gives us both a tired smile. “All right, you two be careful, you hear? Please call me if you have any trouble.”

I tug on Marco’s arm as he gives her an affirmative answer and we finally step out of the house. The bakery is quiet as usual aside from the two customers in the store but I pay them no mind. I’m more focused on getting away from my mom and keeping Marco close to me. Once outside the bakery, I groan loudly at the sudden heat wave. Fuck, it was so nice and cold in my house; why must I be tortured with Trost weather?

Marco laughs sweetly as I hurry away from the house, holding onto his arm and basically dragging him with me. We’ve got an hour walk ahead of us and I just want to hurry and get to our destination as quick as possible.

I’m so fucking nervous, I’m running on adrenaline right now.

I think Marco decides that I’m going too fast for him because he gently tugs on my arm and holds me still. I turn to him and feign a look of annoyance. He gives me a toothy smile and brings me a little closer.

“Are you okay? Why are you rushing? We have all day to get there.”

I sigh. “Yeah, I know. I just wanted to get away from Mom.”

He moves my hand down to his and holds it gently. My heart skips a beat. Marco steps beside me and we walk down the sidewalk in a comfortable silence, our hands tight around each other. Well, it might be comfortable for him but I’m trying so hard to think of _something_ to say. What do you say to your boyfriend that you’ve had and sort of avoided for a few weeks?

“So, uh, where did your nickname come from? Y’know, Jeanne-bo?” Well thank god he knows how to break the silence but _fuck_ of all the things you can ask about, Marco.

“Actually, it’s just some random nickname my mom called me as a baby.” I shrug my shoulders and let them drop. “It just kinda stuck around, especially with my dad absolutely _loving_ the nickname.”

“So, it’s not from your culture or it doesn’t mean anything?”

Well that was a strange question.

“Nah, not really.” I do feel at ease though, with him talking to me like this. Marco has a nice ability of being able to calm my nerves. “What brought that up?”

He rubs his nose with the index finger of his left hand and giggles. “Oh, nothing. I just find it really cute and kind of a coincidence. My parents gave me a silly nickname when I was younger too.”

Oh shit.

_Oh shit yes._

A sly grin forms on my face. “Oh really? And what would that be?” I start swaying our arms in large motions as I wait for his reply. Seems like he’s feeling a little shy, the poor boy.

“Marco-jan.”

He says it so quietly I actually miss it the first time around. Shit, this is what I get for having inner monologues.

“Wait, sorry, I missed that.” I look at him innocently and a blush dusts his freckled cheeks. He bites his lip, mulling it over, and speaks up again.

“My nickname is Marco-jan.”

He smiles fondly to himself and I just stare at him. It’s good to see that at least _someone_ is proud of their name. Then again, that name is really cute and it sort of flows.

“How’d that name come about?” I ask, giving him a genuine smile.

His smile drops slightly and feels a little sad. Shit, please tell me I didn’t fuck this up already.

“My dad called me that when I was really little. The ‘-jan’ at the end is kinda like an endearing thing you put at the end of someone’s name. Apparently it’s a common thing in my dad’s native language because I haven’t heard anyone around here use it. So when I heard ‘-bo’ at the end of yours I got a little excited.” Marco giggles and looks down to me.

“Oh, yeah, sorry. It’s just something my parents tacked on during their mushy, baby talk phase. However, it seems to them that fifteen still warrants baby talk.” I shrug and lean closer to Marco, feeling brave enough to twine our fingers together. He accepts the motion with a slight squeeze and plants a rushed kiss on my cheek.

“It’s really cute and I think it suits you, Jeannie.”

I look away immediately, frowning. What a gross bastard.

Wait a minute.

“You said it came from your dad’s native language? English is the official language of all three countries and foreigners are kind of rare…where is he from?”

Marco looks surprised at me catching that little tidbit, but he shyly looks away. I don’t think he’ll answer it.

“A-Ah, y-yeah, his family…isn’t from around here. I-I’ll tell you another time, okay? Today’s our date day so I want us to have fun and be happy.”

_Be happy._

\--

We get to the boardwalk a little after lunch time and set eyes on the small little amusement park. I swear, the second Marco laid eyes on it, he almost squealed with joy. I laugh and poke fun at him as usual but of course, he doesn’t pay me any mind. He does look cute though, with his eyes shining so bright. I just wish it wasn’t over this little place.

One day I’ll take him to the most amazing theme park in Sina. Now _that_ was an amazing place.

I also specifically told Marco that we will not be getting into the water. I really don’t want an accidental repeat of the first time, no matter _how_ amazing and hot it was. We’ll just enjoy our time as a _normal_ teenaged couple.

…I hope.

Marco turns to me, grinning from ear to ear. “Where do you wanna go first?”

I step back and shrug, looking over all the rides and _all the people_. Jesus, don’t any of you have jobs? My eyes flick straight to the Ferris wheel but I don’t think Marco can handle that. I should start scoping out baby rides.

And there’s something easy to start off with, at least by my standards.

“Hey, Marco. Are you good at handling fast rides?”

He nods his head quickly. “I’m good with anything! I love amusement parks and I’m just happy that Trost has one.”

“They don’t have stuff like this in Jinae, huh?” I ask, leading him towards our first ride.

“Well, other than the annual summer county fair, not really.” Marco beams at me, graciously following me at a quick pace. If he wasn’t walking, I’d swear he’d be bouncing up and down right now.

We head into the fairly short line for one of the faster rides, one where two people sit in a car and get propelled around in a circle. It’s a simple ride but holy shit; I’ve loved it since I was a child. Marco leans on the metal railing, watching as the set of people before us enjoy the ride with a dopey smile on his face. I’m more focused on him and how the wind from the ride gently sways his bangs from side to side. He looks like a fucking prince at a goddamn amusement park.

Once the set ahead of us is finished, they clear the ride and Marco and I are next to go. We quickly head for the one up top, like the child Marco is; though, I’m just excited to get to that seat too. Never again will I have to face judgment by the stupid kids who used to beat me up here. I smirk over at some disappointed kiddies as I step into the car first, because the smaller rider is instructed to sit on the inside.

Don’t want big ass Marco crushing me, after all.

Marco locks the bar down for us before the attendant gets the chance to reach us. I give him a satisfied smirk and he beams back to me. Once we’re settled in, Marco starts sliding over to me a little because of how this damn ride is tilted right now.

“Jesus, you’re barely on me and you’re already crushing me.”

“W-What? S-Sorry, I’ll move.”

“It was just a joke, _Marco-jan_.” I reach of his arm and hold him in place close to me.

The attendant comes by to check the locks on the bar and finishes the other half of the line. While we’re waiting, I take a moment to really look around, since we rushed in earlier. The sun is blaring down on us, of course, and it feels extremely hot.

Since we’re on the highest point of the slope, I glance around at the colorful roofs and displays of the rides and other mini games. It’s so lively and full of people and the atmosphere is positive and fun.

Even a grump like me can get used to this.

Ah, and the most notable quality of the park is the smell of popcorn wafting through the air. The park is quite a walk from the actual beach, so we’re not bombarded with the constant scent of salt water.

Marco gently wraps his arm around my shoulder, effectively bringing me from my thoughts. He smiles at me and lets me know they’re going to start. As soon as he does, the ride hums to life and the lights in the center shine bright yellows and reds.

It’s smooth at first, not starting off too fast as we make our first lap around the track. However, our weight starts to shift and we drift over to the other side, with me sliding towards Marco. His arm around me holds me firmly as his other one grasps tightly at the metal bar holding us in.

The ride starts going significantly faster as I grope for the bar and hold on tight. Marco is laughing loudly as I’m pushed into him further. Jesus, it’s almost like being thrown into a brick wall.

What the fuck kind of sixteen year old feels like that?

After a few more cycles, the ride slows down and stops, bringing us back to the top but not our original position. Damn!

Marco unlocks the bar and steps out, holding his hand out for me to get out. A couple other kids have unlocked themselves as well as the attendant comes out to help the rest. I hold onto Marco’s hand as we step down and head through the exit gate.

He turns to me, smiling ear to ear, and I do the same.

“So where do you wanna go next?”

“Wherever you wanna go, Marco.”

I lean up and kiss his cheek.

\--

Marco and I have been on every ride in the amusement park except for the Ferris wheel and it’s only half past four o’clock. We’ve stopped once we realized we hadn’t eaten at all since we left our homes, so Marco and I rush to a few vendors.

He buys hot dogs for both of us and I swear, I should have kept a better eye on him because as I also see him coming back to our little table with a huge ass thing of cotton candy. I nearly choke on my drink seeing him bring that monstrosity back with him.

Marco sets our food down on the table first before sitting down across from me, holding up the colossal cotton candy. 

“I hope you don’t mind sharing this with me? I kinda…got it for us both.”

My fake glare is ruined by my snorting at his puppy dog eyes. He looks so excited holding it up and pointing at it.

“Okay, I’ll eat a little bit of it.”

We wolf down our late lunch, not truly realizing how hungry we were until we took a bite. As I finish my hot dog, Marco holds the cotton candy to me, offering me the first pick. I smile and take off a generous piece of the sugary fluff. He does the same after me and takes a small bite, the snack dissolving quickly in my mouth. It’s good but it always freaked me out at how fast it goes away. Ah, whatever, I’ll deal with it.

“So, what shall we do next? I think we’ve gone on everything but the Ferris wheel,” Marco says, munching on his portion of cotton candy. He looks adorable when a piece gets stuck to his lip and he tries to lick it off.

“I dunno, why don’t we go around to the mini games and see if we can win anything.” I browse the area for potential booths to visit. One in particular catches my eye.

Ah, the good old toss a ball and knock over the target games. That’s exactly what I want.

Marco sees me staring and turns to look in the direction I am.

“Oh, you want me to win something for you?”

_Where the fuck did that come from!?_

I am perfectly capable of winning that shit on my own, thank you very much Marco.

But I humor him. “Of course! It’s the final test in seeing if you’re truly worthy of being my boyfriend.”

Marco almost chokes.

I give him an evil grin.

After our snack, I never want to see another thing of cotton candy for as long as I shall live. We clean up our mess and head straight to the booth in question. The man behind the counter seems pretty enthusiastic about the game as opposed to some of the younger kids working here, who look dull and lifeless.

As we step closer, the man perks up and looks straight at Marco.

He clears his throat and speaks up, “Come on over and try your luck! I’m sure you want to impress your little girlie there with a prize!”

It takes every ounce of will power not to gag and roll my eyes at this man.

Marco chuckles nervously, sensing a shift in my demeanor and pays the man for one round. The man hands him three softballs and Marco takes on in his right hand, concentrating straight ahead on the target; the four tiers of small bottles stacked on top of each other. I refrain from commenting on how his stance is a little wrong and let him toss the first ball.

He tosses it underhanded and barely misses the stack on the right side. The look on his face is priceless as he turns to me, looking like he doesn’t know what even happened. The man behind the counter keeps an impassive face and I turn away in time to ease myself of the second hand embarrassment.

Maybe he’s just a little rusty. At least he has two chances left.

Marco grabs the second ball and steadies himself, throwing it overhanded this time. It flies over top of the target and falls to the ground.

This is too painful to watch, so I try to look away as much as possible.

I grit my teeth as Marco takes hold of the final ball and puts his try-hard face on. He furrows his brows, sticking the tip of his tongue out the corner of his mouth. I feel so bad for him trying so hard and not making it.

This is his last try.

He tosses the ball overhanded again and knocks off a single bottle from the top of the stack. His shoulders slump, admitting defeat and I actually feel bad for him as he gives me a sad look.

“Hey, don’t feel too bad, buddy. Maybe you needed a quick warm up. Wanna try again?” the man offers Marco and I step up.

“I’ll try this time, sir.”

Both of them give me a surprised look and the man just doesn’t know what to do with himself. He glances to Marco and he shrugs, moving over to let me up. Marco hands the vendor the money for my turn and he reluctantly sets up the target again and hands me the three balls.

I take the first ball in my left hand and toss it up and down a few times, getting used to the weight. It’s been awhile since I’ve done anything like this so I hope I have the skills to back up my talk.

Nah, who am I kidding? I’m going to nail this shit and show this man not to assume my boyfriend is better than me.

I shift the ball around in my hand before finally feeling comfortable with it.

I flash a quick smirk back at Marco before turning to focus on the center of the target once more. I lean back and throw the ball overhanded, hitting the target head on and knocking it over completely with on swift throw. The plastic bottles hit the floor and bounce a few times along with the ball.

It’s silent as I put my hands on my hips and smirk, watching Marco and the vendor man stare in awe.

“W-Wow, it’s not often I see it get knocked over in one try. G-Good job there, girlie!” the man stammers, still looking on in disbelief. He slowly turns to me and looks completely embarrassed. “So, which prize would you like to take home today?”

Shit, I never even paid much attention to them. I look up at the variety of stuffed animals and other goodies before settling on one prize in particular.

“How about…that green unicorn with the white mane?” I point up above me to the fat plush. The vendor nods his head and reaches up to retrieve it for me, handing it to me.

“Thank you for your participation and don’t hesitate to come back!”

Yeah, fuck you, I’m not coming back.

Marco waves back at him and we head off to another area of the park.

As we walk, I hand him the stuffed animal and he takes it graciously. Slinking it under one arm, Marco uses his other hand to hold mine as we walk around aimlessly.

“Well, if I had known you could throw like that, I would have had you gone first.” Marco admits, laughing a little at himself. “Where did you learn that?”

“I used to play softball when I was much younger before I turned into a lazy piece of shit.”

“Wow! Really?”

“U-Uh, yeah. My dad would always practice playing catch with me and he saw how good I was at pitching so he signed me up. Turns out I was actually pretty good, I guess.” I shrug as I speak. Honestly, I almost forgot I had that skill, since it’s not really relevant to me anymore.

Marco’s eyes shine bright as he smiles warmly at me, his face full of admiration. Fuck, I don’t deserve such a look.

“You’re really amazing and full of surprises, you know that?”

_Fuck!_

“T-Thank you, Marco. But really, you’re the amazing one for being so sweet.”

His smile only gets wider before he looks ahead of us. He stops us from walking for a moment and looks around.

“Hey, look at that. We just walked straight to the Ferris wheel.”

Shit, I didn’t even notice that. I look up at the towering ride, slowly turning clockwise.

“M-Might as well go on it, yeah?” 

I squint suspiciously at Marco. “You led us here on purpose didn’t you?”

“N-No!”

Regardless of whether or not he actually did, we agree to finally get it over with and head into the line.

\--

It’s about quarter to eight when Marco and I sit out on a lonely bench away from the amusement park. We’ve been sitting here quietly for about ten minutes, resting and enjoying the silence together, as well as the sun setting over the ocean. The sun’s already halfway down, creating a bunch of beautiful bright reds and oranges that dance across the waves of the water. The top of the sky shows signs of the impending twilight of lavender and violet melding into the vicious red closer to the sun.

I’m hugging the soft, plushy unicorn close to me as Marco has his arm draped over my shoulders. I lean my head onto his shoulder, just enjoying the closeness.

Feeling a little bold, I stretch out my legs quickly and raise them up to rest the on Marco’s lap. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t mind and I could use a leg rest. However, that means I have shift the rest of my body to accommodate the movement so I’m not contorted in an unnatural, back breaking position.

Marco looks down to me in surprise, blushing immediately but decides not to say anything of it. I fish for my phone from my pocket and pull it out, checking for anything new. Thank god Mom hasn’t decided to bother me. She said be back at nine and we still have little over an hour left.

Of course, Marco is an excellent mind reader, because he can tell it’s just about time to go.

“We should start heading out in a few minutes. I don’t want to know what your mother is like when she’s angry.”

“Oh, she’s not the one you need to worry about seeing angry. Trust me.”

“Ah, I see…” His voice trails off as he looks down at me. “Did you….did you have fun today?”

I turn my head and meet his dark, chocolaty eyes, nodding quickly. “Of course. It’s actually been awhile since I’ve come here, so it was nice to do something out of the ordinary.” I nuzzle closer to him, enjoying his warmth. 

A random thought crosses my mind suddenly and I smirk, thinking of another way to pick at my boyfriend. I reach up and tug on the sleeve of his shirt, speaking up, “You know, this shirt isn’t all that lucky.”

A small grin forms on his lips as he looks at me lovingly. “Yeah, maybe it’s not so lucky with mini games.” He leans closer to me, resting his forehead against mine. “But, it’s pretty lucky when it comes to you.”

Marco presses a small, innocent kiss on my lips and lingers there. I’m surprised at first but I quickly ease into it.

I guess you can say I’m kind of used to this.

And that I really enjoy it.

I gently caress his cheek, bringing him closer to me and deepening the kiss. He reciprocates by holding me closer to him and shifting his head to the side, sliding his tongue against mine. We stay like this for a few moments, stopping for a few seconds to breathe and instantly go back.

This kiss is different from our very first one though.

This is more controlled…more tender and loving. We aren’t desperate for each other because we know that we already have each other.

Marco pulls away reluctantly and boops his nose against mine.

“You’re so pretty, Jeannie. I’m so glad that…we’re actually together,” he admits shyly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask playfully.

“I always thought you were too good for me.”

That was unexpected. That’s exactly what I thought about him.

Marco’s so much better than me in every way…except with throwing softballs. I can kick his ass at that with my eyes closed.

“Yeah? W-Well…I thought the same about you, Mr. Honor Student.”

He chuckles and kisses me sweetly one more time before reluctantly pulling away.

“Ready to head out, Jeannie?”

“Only if you carry me home with a piggyback ride.”

Marco snorts at the request.

“Yes, my fair princess, anything you desire.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EHHehhee, it's done and updated finally!
> 
> It took me about a month to write this damn chapter because that make out scene was causing me so much fucking trouble. But it's finally done holy shit. And wow! This chapter is the longest so far, reaching a remarkable 14k+!
> 
> Now enjoy some gross, dating children from here on out.


	5. Midnight City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waiting in a car  
> Waiting for a ride in the dark  
> The night city grows  
> Look and see her eyes, they glow  
> \- [_Midnight City_ , M83](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3gGEf1Hnok)

School is shit. Trost is shit. September is shit.

But you know what’s not shit.

My boyfriend, Marco.

He’s really the best thing ever, despite how much I made fun of him from the moment I saw him. Marco’s sweet, extremely dorky, and it almost seems like he doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. At least from what I’ve seen from knowing him for five months.

Shit, has it really been five months already?

I swear, just yesterday I was doing everything in my power to hate this freckled boy but here he is now, something important to me. I honestly never thought I’d get this far with anyone, especially after my little incident over a year ago with Eren. Seriously, fuck that guy. I’m a fucking treat and he missed out.

I’m just glad that at least Marco has a wonderful taste in girls.

Okay, shit, that was really stupid.

And so is this history class with Pixis I’m in now. We’ve been back in school for about two weeks and I already hate it. I felt so miserable this morning waking up so goddamn early that, in fact, I actually fell right back asleep and was almost late for Mike’s class. Out of all these classes, math is the last one I’d want to miss, all because of what my mother used to drill into my brain.

_The second you miss a math class, the second you’re behind forever._

I’m going for art anyway; why the fuck will I ever need to memorize this sine, cosine, and tangent bullshit? I don’t need numbers to draw.

Speaking of numbers and drawing, that’s all I’ve been doing in my notes this whole time. I was just doodling random objects such as flowers and whatever was close to me, but now I find myself drawing a big number five. I sigh and shift slightly in my seat so I’m not hunched over the desk anymore. My back thanks me graciously for this adjustment, since I’ve been sitting like this the whole time I’ve been in the classroom. I settle my cheek into my right hand and look up at the board briefly to see if there are any new notes to copy.  
 Nope.

I twirl my pen around between my fingers and let out a quiet sigh. My eyes flash over to the dusty, old clock on the wall just above the board. To my dismay, it’s only quarter to eleven, meaning we still have twenty five minutes of this worthless class.

Sasha’s not doing so well next to me; the poor thing can barely stay awake. I even took some candy out for her and she didn’t even notice.

Normally I’d take the time to act like a little shit but I’m too tired and bored for that nonsense. Instead, I opt for glancing back at my boyfriend, who sadly sits all the way across the world from me. I smirk at the sight of him.

Mr. Honor Student is doing what he does best, actually paying attention and taking notes like a good little boy. I guess I’ll just have to study off of him because I’m done right now. I want to go home and back into the warmth and comfort of my nice, plushy bed. Maybe I’ll let him over and he can cuddle with me so I can be extra warm and comfortable.

Oh shit, I can’t exactly do that today.

My dad is coming home for his six month leave from the military, goddammit.

Closing my eyes, I lean back in the chair, sliding down and causing it to creak beneath my shifting weight. Shut the fuck up, chair, I’m not that big.

Great, so that means Mom’s going to close the shop early for him and I have to stay in the living room with them the entire time as they decide what the fuck to do for dinner. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to see my dad again, it’s been six months, but it’s always such a production when he comes back.

Then again, I’m the biggest fucking hypocrite in the world and I’ll probably latch onto him the moment I see him.

I’d rather latch onto Marco right now, to be quite honest.

_Fuck._ At some point I’m going to have to tell Dad about him.

Dad! Why do you always complicate things?

\--

Marco waves back at Sasha and Connie as they leave ahead of us, keeping his other hand tightly clasped against mine.

I had asked him during lunch if we could stay behind at the school for a little longer. Thankfully the staff around here don’t really care what we do as long as we’re out officially by around five or so.  
 That means we can go anywhere we want in order to spend some time together.

Once he’s done seeing our friends off, he gives me his undivided attention and smiles at me from ear to ear. I can’t help it but return the gesture somewhat.

“So where do you want to stay?”

“Let’s just try the library for now. It’s pretty big, so I’m sure we can find somewhere nice and cozy.”

He nods in understanding and we both walk from the middle of the foyer to the stairs leading up the second floor. 

The biggest library is on the second floor, and yes, this means there’s more than one. However, the library on the fourth floor is only accessible if you’re in your fourth year. The rest of us get to share this enormous one that I don’t even think could ever become crowded.

Then again, I’ve only been in there once and haven’t exactly explored every square inch of it.

Marco and I clamber up the stairs, not even trying to be quiet as our footsteps echo in the stairwell.

“You know, you didn’t tell me exactly why you wanted to stay after. Is there anything wrong?” Marco asks with genuine concern while I lead him towards the big brown doors of the library.

“No, it’s nothing really bad. I just can’t bring you over today.” I bite my lip, feeling my cheeks heat up with my next thought. “I wanted to spend time with you.”

Okay, I’m not used to this mushy talk yet, but I’m sure that will come around with time, right?

Ah, Sasha’s words come to me when I need them most. Be myself, huh. I guess it’s not really me to be so gross and lovey-dovey. I think Marco does enough of that for the both of us.

He holds one of the large doors open for me and I enter in first with him just behind. We’re greeted immediately by the smell of old books and the uncomfortable gaze of the librarian behind her huge reception desk just a few feet to our left. I tug on the sleeve of Marco’s shirt, gesturing for him to follow me off to the far right corner, away from the piercing eyes of the tiny woman who looks like the physical embodiment of evil.

Condensed evil, I should say.

Marco giggles as I lead him quickly through random aisles of shelves and books to the tables and couches in the back.

“Why the rush, Jeannie?”

I hold my finger to my lips and shush him, giving him a smirk as I do so. We’re in the library dumbass, shut up.

We get to the end and, to our luck, there’s no one on this side. Not many people stay behind and if they do, they’re not in the library, so we have the whole place to ourselves. I plop down on one of the sofas lodged into the corner and Marco does just the same next to me, setting his bag on the floor. He puts his arm around me and pulls me against his warm body. Sighing contently, I nuzzle closer to him, pulling his face towards mine and giving him a quick peck on the lips. Marco gives me a toothy grin, reaching up to brush some hair from my face.

“So are we just doing in the library what we would normally do in your bedroom?”

“Yeah, you got a problem with that?”

He chuckles and whispers in low, seductive tone, “Not at all, babe.” That just sent shivers down my spine. I pull him down once more for a deep kiss, holding him in place longer than before. He smiles against my lips and wraps his other arm around my waist, pulling me onto his lap.

_Fuck!_

My hands slide up his broad chest, over his shoulders, and link around his neck as I gently place my forehead against his. He rubs our noses together before pressing a soft kiss to my lips. I keep him against me as I trail one hand up to his head, raking it through his thick, black hair. Seriously, I love his fucking hair, it’s so nice. 

Marco’s hands stay firm on my waist, holding me down onto him and grinding me against him. Oh? What’s this? Someone seems to be really excited.

It’s like the beach all over again but not as sloppy. We’ve gotten more refined in the art of making out since then, I’ve made sure of that.

Shit, and we’re in the library on top of that. It’s making this much more exciting than in my room and I feel even hotter than normal. Marco wastes no time in sliding his tongue in to meet my own, his hot breath tickling my lips. I moan into the kiss, blushing hard as a curious hand slides up against my chest and gently squeezes my breast.

I break away from the kiss to catch my breath and smile at the small noise of disappointment he makes.

“Too bad you can’t take your shirt off here, huh, Marco?”

“Mmm, yeah, that’s a shame. I like feeling you against me.”

Okay, shit, how do you counter that?

While I’m at a loss for words and racking my brain for something remotely sexy, Marco takes the chance to connect our lips once more before moving to my jaw and down to my neck, where he eagerly nips at my soft skin.

God, that feels so good, feeling his teeth graze my neck. I lean my head back a little bit, allowing him more room to explore. He’s on my left side, so he damn well better know not to leave any marks this time around. I don’t want to think about the close call I had with Mom almost seeing it.

Jesus, here I am thinking about my mom when my fucking boyfriend is trying to make me feel good. Fucking typical.

“Mmm, Jeanne, I dunno how much longer I can keep this up,” Marco whimpers in my ear. Fuck.

“W-What do you mean?”

“Either something happens and I’ll need to run home quickly or I’ll end up running home with you in hand.” He bites his lip as he looks up at me with a pair of deep, dark brown eyes full of desire.

I’ve never thought about _that_ before. You know… _that._ I wonder, I don’t think it would be so bad with Marco. He’s so warm, his arms are strong, and I always feel safe with him. Maybe we should…

Maybe we should go to his place rig-

“Ahem.”

I’m so fucking startled by someone clearing their throat that I hop right off of Marco and land ass first onto the hard, carpeted floor. My fucking heart is pounding so goddamn fast as I whip my head around to see where the noise came from.

_It’s the condensed evil!_

_I mean librarian woman!_

Marco and I look on in horror as she shuffles closer to us.

“Such acts of lechery and public display of affection are not allowed in this library. I don’t ever want to see you two in here again, not even during regular hours.” She points behind with her sharp, boney finger. “Get out right now, you little heathens. Before I change my mind and call your parents.”

Oh no. No. No.

Not today. 

Not on the day of my dad’s return.

I hop up quickly from the floor, grabbing my bag as Marco does the same and we’re rushing down the aisles again, away from that evil woman. Shit though. I’ve fucked up _yet again._

And this time I’ve brought Marco down with me as well. There goes my happy mood.

Marco and I pass through the thick, brown doors and back into the second floor hallway. I hang my head low and walk ahead of Marco before he stops me, grabbing my wrist gently.

“H-Hey, it’s okay. I mean…we’re banned from the library, but that could’ve gone so much worse.”

I almost want to mock that positive tone of his but I decide against it. Instead, I just reach for his hand and twine our fingers together.

With a sigh, I speak up, “I guess it’s time to home then.”

He nods in response and scratches the back his neck.

That’s enough adventure for one fucking day.

\--

The walk out of the school was awkward and quiet because what do you honestly say after that nonsense? I keep my eyes on the sidewalk in front of me, holding tightly to Marco’s hand. At least being close to him keeps me relatively calm and collected.

Until he breaks the silence.

“So why couldn’t we go to your house again?”

I sigh and give in. “Because Dad’s coming home today from his military duty. He goes away for six months to Stohess in Sina country and then comes back on leave for the other six months.”

I look at Marco curiously to see him studying my face closely. I can’t exactly tell what he’s feeling because he’s neither smiling nor frowning.

“What? Something wrong?” 

His face relaxes and settles into a familiar smile. “Ah, that must be amazing! I bet you and your mom must be so excited to see him.” 

There’s an off putting hint of sadness in his voice that I really don’t like. I simply ignore it, as always. I feel like I need to be careful about my choice of words here.

“Eh, I guess. I mean, it’s nice having him around at first until he starts acting like the biggest dad in the world.”

Marco snorts and says, “What do you mean by ‘biggest dad in the world’?”

“I mean he acts like a stereotypical dad! Like, he’s completely overprotective of me since I’m his only daughter. He makes _god awful_ dad jokes.” I roll my eyes at that last bit but I’m not done. Oh no, there’s so much that he does that embarrasses the shit out of me.

“Not to mention, he has the grossest sneeze you have ever heard in your life.”

At this point, Marco is just laughing at everything I throw out to him, throwing his head back in utter delight.

Marco, no. You don’t _know._

I swat his arm to get him to stop and he finally calms down and gives me a big smile, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

“Oh, I bet it’s not all that bad and you’ll be excited once you actually see him. It must be great having him back…” Marco’s voice trails off and he looks to the side, away from me.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right but…that means I can’t really have you over as much anymore. Shit, I still have to tell him about you.” I’m not ready for that, but then again, Mom probably fucking told him already, seeing as she wasn’t so excited herself about the arrangement.

“Well, maybe I’ll just have to start taking you over to my place after school for a bit.”

I don’t know why I suddenly feel so embarrassed and tense from that.

Oh wait, he basically said we could have sex there not too long ago.

I stay quiet for the rest of the way to my home before stopping Marco well before the front of the shop. I turn my body into his and give him a big hug, reaching up to kiss his neck. He kisses the top of my head and just holds me in his strong warm arms. Thankfully the weather outside hasn’t gotten too cold yet, but at least I have a furnace here to keep me warm if necessary.

We pull away after a few moments and take the time to smile at each other like dumbasses. Or at least, I feel like the dumbass; it looks natural on him.

He gives me one quick peck on my nose and then to my lips.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? And uh, text me, whenever you can.”

“Sure, I’ll probably need you to save me anyway.”

I watch him walk back down the road towards his apartment before sighing and preparing myself for a night full of secondhand embarrassment.

The bakery’s closed.

He’s here.

\--

I cautiously open the door to the kitchen after climbing the steps up to our home. I can already hear my dad talking with my mom about some silly story that happened while he was gone. However, they get quiet as they hear this old ass door creaking open.

“Jeanne-bo, is that you?”

“No, I’m a burglar. I’ve come to snatch your things.”

I hear the sound of someone getting off the couch and padding their way towards me excitedly. Here he is, my dad in all his old army man glory. Dad’s about six feet tall so he’s got some good height on me and he’s also got a gut on him, which I always like to poke fun at. I need to come up with a creative way to get at him this time around. He’s also clean shaven, because of those regulations, but he’ll be growing his beard back in no time at all.

Dad holds his arms open up invitingly, silently asking for a nice, big hug. I give in and run to him, wrapping my arms around him.

“Oh, my Jeanne-bo- how have you been, sweetpea?” he asks, planting a kiss on the top of my head.

“I’ve been good, Dad. No complaints.”

“You haven’t been sneaking out of any more classes, right?”

_One time, Dad! One fucking time!_

I roll my eyes before letting go and looking up to him. “No, Dad, I’ve been on my best behavior this whole time.”

By this time, Mom has joined us in our happy reunion in the kitchen, smiling warmly at the both of us. Between the two of them, I take after my dad the most. We’ve got the same sharp, golden eyes, same thick eyebrows, and even the same haircut; however, he’s had his undercut for years now and I just shaved the left half off just about a year ago. Mom likes to joke around that I want to be just like him, but that wasn’t the reason I chopped it all off and dyed it.

“Here,” Mom speaks up, “let’s all go back into the living room and chat for a bit. Reggie needs to decide what he wants to eat for dinner before he starves.”

Dad chuckles lightly at her teasing and replies, “Yes, please, I’m famished. They forgot to feed us on the way back.”

“Oh yeah, Dad, I can tell. Your belly has shrunk since I last saw it.” I snort out an obnoxious laugh as Dad just gives me an unimpressed look. God, I love messing with him.

We head into the living room and I plop down on the couch, crossing my legs, with Dad grunting as he settles down next to me. 

Old man.

“Well, Cosette, I’ve really missed your cooking, so I figured we could stay home tonight. Maybe we’ll go out with friends another night.” Dad smiles fondly over to her. 

Gross. Married adults are so gross.

Reminds me a lot of Marco and how gross he can be.

Mom giggles as my dad continuously compliments her and looks away, waving her hand at him. “Oh, stop it and just tell me what you want already.”

My phone vibrates in my pocket, signaling a text message for me. Holy shit, this better not be Marco, especially since Dad likes to always snoop over my shoulder. I reach carefully for the phone and take it out just an inch to see the sender. Oh thank god, it’s just Sasha.

“Who’s that, sweetpea?” He’s already looking over here, Jesus Christ.

“I-It’s just my best friend, Sasha.”

“Well tell her you’re busy and put your phone away, all right? Now’s not the time,” Dad tells me sternly. I quickly unlock the phone, tap the letters on the screen to tell Sasha I need to fuck off, and I put it right back in my pocket.

“Yes, Daddy dearest. I’ll isolate myself from society for a few hours.” I give him a shit-eating grin and he rolls his eyes at me. At least I know I get that habit from him; I don’t know why he gets so mad when I do it to him.

Dad looks back over to Mom, smiling at her again. “Hmm, honey, I think I’m feeling your amazing meatloaf tonight.”

Fucking typical. He _always_ asks for that when he comes home; I don’t know why he ever fusses about deciding what to have for dinner if he always just picks that. Besides, I can’t stand meatloaf even if Mom is a good cook. I want my omelettes.

I cross my arms and try to make a disgusted face, knowing it probably looks extremely pitiful.

Mom nods and sits up from her old, burgundy recliner chair, telling us that she’ll start dinner right away. As she leaves the room and heads into the kitchen, Dad takes the time to focus his attention on me again. I wonder what sorts of fun questions are in store for me.

“How have you been doing in school so far? Are your classes challenging enough for you?”

I shift around and sit cross-legged on the couch before turning to face him. “Yeah, they’re pretty easy and sometimes really boring. I know all of what they’re teaching me.”

He shrugs. “Well, that’s good in a way.” Dad looks around awkwardly, tapping his fingers against the arm rest of the couch. He wants to say something and I’m starting to feel nervous. Other than the sound of pans hitting the counter and the refrigerator being opened up, it’s quiet in the house.

“So…”

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until he starts talking.

“Your mother told me something interesting…”

Oh?

“She said you have a boyfriend now. Did you finally get together with that Eren boy?” He asks, clearly uncomfortable.

_No._

No, I cannot believe this.

I give my dad the most scandalized face I could muster. I’m talking about looking completely hurt and disgusted all at once. Dad recoils but raises his eyebrow at me.

“God, Dad, don’t ever say that name around me again. That’s taboo around here.” I hear thumping down the stairs, letting me know that Josephine is on her way. Maybe she’s on her way to my rescue from this horrible situation. She reaches the couch and jumps up on my lap, settling down. 

That’s right, my support has arrived.

“O-Oh, you’re still not on good terms with him?”

“I’m never talking to his stupid ass again.”

“Jeanne-bo, watch your mouth.”

I throw my head back on the couch exasperatedly and sigh loudly. 

“Now, Jeanne, this is serious. I need to know who this boy is and I need to make sure they’re good.”

Marco’s a fucking angel.

“His name is Marco. He moved to Trost just before school started from that one place…with the farms…” Good job, Jeanne. You can’t even remember where your boyfriend is from. Fuck, what was it? “Oh wait, Jinae!”

Dad simply watches me as I babble about Marco.

“Oh, I see, so he’s not from around here, huh? Jeanne, how is he as a person?”

“U-Uh, he’s nice? I mean, he’s really sweet and considerate and everyone loves him.”

“He hasn’t forced you into anything, has he?”

“Oh my god, Dad, no! Not everyone is like that, jeez.” This is making me extremely uncomfortable; I need an escape.

Dad stares at me intently, thinking over everything I’ve said to him. Josephine is asleep on my lap. So much for support.

“Reggie, dear, can you come in here and help me?” Mom graciously calls out from the kitchen.

My mother has fulfilled Josephine’s purpose and saved the day. Dad lifts himself up from the couch and pads over to the kitchen, mumbling a “Yes, dear” as he passes the doorway. I hear Mom say something about him not getting off the hook so easily just because he’s just come home. God, my dad is so whipped.

I wrench my phone out of my pocket as quickly as possible since I am unable to move from my current position because of a fat cat on my lap. I’ll just occupy myself with my phone; hopefully my boyfriend will be waiting for me to text.

The Kirstein family is complete once again and ready for another six months of wacky father-related shenanigans.

I just wish I had someone relatively normal in my family. Dad’s just as overprotective, if not more, as Mom is over me. Plus they’re both old and, dare I say, _traditional._

My phone vibrates in my hands, calling me out of my thoughts. To my delight, Marco answers back quickly, exclaiming how excited he is to hear from me. I smile at the little screen and begin typing out a response when my dad scares the holy living shit out of me with his massive sneeze. I jump about five feet in the air, knocking Josephine off of my lap and right onto the floor. Dad grunts and clears his throat in a disgusting manner after he finishes his sneeze and I furiously type out to Marco that he’s marking his territory so Marco needs to beware when he comes over.

**From: None pizza with left beef  
> LOL I’ll be on my best guard.  
> I know how to deal with overprotective dads**

Godspeed, Marco. You don’t know what he’s capable of doing.

\--

Sasha is a fucking tool. This girl constantly asks me to come over to her house and spend time with her; I feel so bad for her aunt but at least I’m not a problem child like her.

We didn’t really spend much time outside of school together in September and most of October because of my father and the fact that I don’t want to deal with his interrogation. In order for Dad to be completely satisfied with my friends, he has to know where they live, what their parents’ number is, and he has to actually talk to the parents.

As I said before, I feel bad for Sasha’s aunt having to deal with such a spastic girl; I wouldn’t want to overload her with my father.

So the withdrawal symptoms are finally catching up to Sasha and she’s been bugging me all day to spend some time with her. Sorry, even if my dad wasn’t in the equation, I also want to see my boyfriend.

Hmm, yeah, my boyfriend. The gracious freckled fucker gave me his hoodie for the day because it’s so goddamn cold outside and in the school. The hoodie is a plain blue with white stripes going down the sleeves and it’s so _cozy._ I hope Marco doesn’t want this back because I fucking love it.

As I relish in the warmth of this wonderful gift, Sasha starts prodding my arm with her pencil. I turn my attention to her, giving her a disapproving glance as she smiles to me.

“Halloween’s coming up and my aunt will be gone for the weekend. You should totally come over.”

“Oh no. That’s a trap and I’m not falling for it.”

“Trap? I’m not trying to trap you.”

“Sasha, my dad’s going to need to know so much information, all the way to your grandmother’s occupation. He’d have to talk to your aunt and if she tells him she won’t be there, hell no, he won’t let me go.”

Sasha pouts and lays her head on the desk, right on her papers.

“But I miss you,” she draws out.

 “Whoa! Really? Sasha! Jeanne!” Connie calls to us a few decibels too loud, attracting the unwanted attention of some students I don’t care about. Marco is unaffected by Connie’s sudden outburst as he doesn’t even flinch during his conversation with Armin and the enemy.

Fucking Eren. Your ass doesn’t deserve the opportunity to talk to him.

Sasha and I look back to the excited Connie and smiling Historia. It’s been awhile since we’ve talked to her but these days she’s more focused on her studies and Ymir. Good for her, not being dragged down by Thing One and Thing Two sitting next to us.

“Ymir and I were planning a small get together on Halloween night and it would be fun if the both of you tagged along. We’re already doing a double date thing with another couple and it would be cute to have another two sets of couples.”

Oh God. Oh God, hanging out… _with Ymir?_ No, no, I see torture and suffering in my near future.

“The other couple is another pair of upperclassmen who are in Ymir’s class. They’re names are Reiner and Bertholdt.”  
 Connie’s eyes light up at the mention of the names.

“Reiner? Like Reiner Braun? Dude! I have been wanting to talk to him since day-fucking-one of this semester.“ He turns to us, bouncing in his seat. “Guys, we have to go! Think of how popular we’d be hanging out with _upperclassmen!_ ”

“I honestly don’t see the hype in it. Besides, they’d probably be annoyed with you and kick us out.” I’m only telling him the harsh reality. They’re practically adults compared to us; I doubt they’d enjoy anything we have to offer.

Connie sticks his tongue out at me and I retaliate with a glimpse of my middle finger.

“Now, now, calm down you two,” Historia intervenes. “I’ve already asked the others what they think and they’re perfectly okay with the whole arrangement. Ymir’s even excited to see you, Jeanne.”

I shudder at her words.

Sasha gives me the slyest grin she can muster. “Hey, Jeanne. We can just tell your dad that you’re coming over my place and I’ll talk to my aunt to cover for us. We can definitely go and hang out finally.”

I sigh and put my head in my hand, just watching and listening in on this crazy conversation.

“I still feel uneasy about it. My dad is really good about sniffing out lies.”

“Oh shit, what day is Halloween? A Friday, right?” Connie asks no one in particular.

“Yeah, why?”

“That’s technically not a weekend day, yeah? Marco should be able to go.” Oh yeah, I forgot about Marco’s weekend restriction. Well, not really restriction, but he told me once that it’s the only time he gets to really spend time with his mom.

Sasha and Connie look at me expectantly, pulling out the puppy dog eyes. I roll my eyes.

“Fine, I’ll figure something out with my dad.”

Historia claps her hands together but frowns immediately. “O-Oh, wait, can any of you drive or do you have a car to use? I forgot to say…that’s the most important thing about this little party. We’ll be driving around all night, visiting different places.”

The color drains from my face and Connie’s once she asks that. Shit, I can’t drive and my parents don’t own a car and Connie lives in a fucking dorm.

“It’s okay, I have a license and my aunt is leaving her car for me,” Sasha pipes up, excitedly.

“Wait, what the fuck, where did you get that license from? You have to be sixteen to get one.” Sasha gives me a cheeky grin.

“In Dauper, you only have to be fifteen and six months to be eligible for a license. And I just turned sixteen in July, if you don’t remember, so I can legally drive in Trost as well.”

Well, shit. I often forget that these city-states can be so different on all these policies, especially in the southern part of Rose country.

Historia smiles at Sasha and looks around to Connie and I. “That’s great. I’ll text you about the details later after class, okay?”

“Okay!”

“And I’ll talk to Marco afterwards as well. I’m sure he’d be excited for this.”

I’m feeling that same adrenaline rush as I did the day we snuck out of school. Does being this bad always feel so good?

\--

“You have her number right? I’ll need to call later and talk to her.”

I sigh, handing the paper with Sasha’s aunt’s number to my dad. I will never understand why he has to act like this when I want to see a friend. Jesus, Dad, it’s not like I’m sneaking out or anything.

Whoops.

“I don’t mean to rush you but you know Halloween is at the end of the week, I’ve heard Sasha’s aunt is likes to be punctual.” I might as well hurry him along so I can tell Sasha the good news.

Provided, there is good news to tell.

Dad just gives me unreadable look and goes back to the papers he’s looking over.

“I’ll call tonight then, how about that?”

“Sounds good to me.” I shrug and head off to my room, back to the wonderful bed and fluffy cat waiting for me. Josephine protests as I climb back into my spot, apparently disrupting her beauty sleep.

Lady, you’ll need years of beauty sleep to be decent, don’t even start with me.

I pull the covers back over me, loving the extra heat on me, and go back to mindlessly watching TV while waiting for Marco to text back. He’s up studying now and that’s definitely something I should be doing but I’m not really feeling the honor student vibe.

Yet again, I’m watching some cooking show with an older, charismatic woman. Seriously, why have I been watching these shows recently? I don’t fucking cook unless it’s absolutely necessary.

An hour or so passes by and I haven’t heard back from Marco at all. I think he may have taken a nap or something. He’s been doing that a lot recently, the poor thing. But I do hear the sound of my dad’s voice downstairs and I sit up slightly, muting the TV, trying to listen in on him.

I can’t make out too much but I think he’s finally calling Sasha’s aunt. Oh God, I just hope she sticks with our little plan and doesn’t try to rat me out. Being lectured on the phone by my dad is one thing; being lectured by him in person is a whole other ordeal.

He laughs a few times with her but overall his tone is pretty serious. After what feels to be like ten or so minutes, I hear him say goodbye and hang up the phone. Here it is, the moment of truth. Dad thumps up the stairs, not being graceful about the sound at all and knocks on my door.

I flail in my bed, trying to appear as natural as possible and turn the volume back on. Josephine looks up at me again as I shift around but sprawls back on the bed without protesting.

Good, no comments from the peanut gallery.

“Jeanne-bo, can I come in?”

“Uh, yeah Dad.”

Dad opens up the door and steps into my room, clearing his throat. I glance up at him, smiling innocently.

“So what’s up?”

“All right, well, I just got off the phone with your friend’s aunt and, yes, you have my permission to stay over her place. I just want you back by Sunday morning, okay?”

I am genuinely surprised my dad didn’t sniff out the lie like he normally would. Holy shit, Sasha’s aunt is officially cool in my book after this.

“Oh! Wow, that’s great. Thanks for calling her, Dad…although Mom could have told you Sasha isn’t a drug addict or murderer. She’s been over the house before.”

Dad rolls his eyes again. Okay, seriously, rude. “I still would like to know her too, because I know your mother is a little more lenient about who she lets you hang out with.”

I sigh at his parenting skills and he turns to leave my room, finally giving me peace with my fat cat and TV. Sadly, he stops in place and turns his head, giving me a side-eye glance.

“I hope you’re not going to sneak your boyfriend over to that house, Jeanne.”

“Seriously, Dad? G-Go away!”

I sure hope he didn’t catch the lie right now, because it sure as hell is right in front of his face!

He grumbles incoherently and shuts my door behind him, waddling downstairs in the same noisy fashion as he did before. God, how dare you accuse me of doing something wrong when I’m actually doing something wrong. 

Parents frustrate me to no end sometimes.

\--

The five of us were so hyped all day in school, we could barely contain ourselves. Connie and Sasha did not shut up about tonight’s Halloween affairs; Historia was talking excitedly about some of the stuff we’d do, since she was a part of this last year. Marco and I were excited as well, but we knew how to properly hide it.

Well, Marco still has a long way to go if he wants to get to my level.

Unfortunately, tonight’s events don’t start until eleven at night, on the dot. So that means we have around eight hours to kill; eight hours that I plan on sleeping so I can stay up all night. 

I would have liked to bring Marco over my place and take a nap with him there but I can’t really do that with Dad snooping around. He’d have an aneurysm for sure, knowing that a boy would be sleeping in the bed with me. Oh no, a boy? In my bed? So scandalous.

So I asked Marco if I could come to his place.

After a few minutes of hesitation, he agreed.

And that’s where I’m heading now. I just don’t understand why my heart is pounding in my chest and I feel nervous doing this. Maybe because I’ve never been over to his place before?

Holy shit, I’m going to see his room for the first time.

“Wow, are your parents really okay with you having a _girl_ over?” I chide Marco and he just smiles at me.

“Yes, Mom is fine with it. I’ve already asked her.”

“Such a good little son. Does she know that you’re basically sneaking out tonight?”

Marco sighs. “Unfortunately, no. I had to tell her I was spending time with you, Connie, and Sasha at the dorms all night tonight. I kinda told her that we’d just watch movies.”

I poke at his red cheeks, making that infamous “oooooh” sound just like a five year-old would. He gently takes my hand away from his face and twines our fingers together as we get closer to his apartment. Damn you, I was having fun.

“You’re such a bad boy, Marco.”

“A bad boy, huh? Next thing you know, I’ll start showing up to school with a black leather jacket and my hair sli –“ Marco stops abruptly and kind of stares off in space, his face looking like he did something wrong.

“M-Marco, are you oka –“

“Haha, oh man, I can’t see myself as a bad boy. It’s so strange just thinking about it.” Marco completely interrupts me, rubbing his nose nervously with his free hand. “O-Oh look, w-we’re here!” He points up to the complex to our right.

I keep my gaze on him a little longer but he seems to be completely ignoring his small meltdown. Unfortunately, I have to let this go and not ask anything. 

But what the hell was wrong with what he said?

Marco and I go through the doors of the complex and head up the stairs that are to the left of the entrance. It’s cold as hell in here, even colder than the weather outside. It’s also eerily quiet inside the building; I’m almost afraid to sneeze in case I might suffer the wrath of an angry neighbor.

It also doesn’t help that our steps echo all throughout the hallway as we make our way up the stairs. Marco lives on the damn third floor so it’s almost like we have to hike just to get to his place. I live on the third floor of my place as well, but the difference with my place is that there aren’t these many stairs. Marco climbs up like a champ, however; he’s going on ahead of me like this is nothing to him.

No wonder his damn legs look so nice.

We get up to room 3-7 and Marco fishes for his house keys in his never-ending pockets. Why can’t my jeans have those wonderful pockets? I think I would seriously kill to have those pockets in my jeans.

Marco unlocks the door swiftly and without any further trouble and holds the door open for me, gesturing for me to enter first.

“After you, m’lady.”

You gross fucker.

I offer an exaggerated bow and step inside. This is it. I am finally in Marco’s living space and it really looks nice, much to my surprise.

Well…not that I was thinking it was too shitty or that his family would be too poor to afford a nice place. Ah shit, I should just stop talking; Marco might be a mind reader.

The first thing you see upon entering is a cozy little living room with a small grey sofa just a few feet away from a nice looking TV. It looks like it’s about the same size as the one in my room, maybe about 32 inches or so. It also seems pretty new because it’s extremely clean and looks as if it has barely been touched.

Marco walks on ahead of me into the small hallway in front of us and quietly opens the door all the way at the end, poking his head inside. He flashes a smile and closes the door, motioning for me to come down. I jump slightly, realizing it’s time to move and head on over to the door he points to; which I assume to be his room.

“Marco?” A quiet voice comes from our right. Both Marco and I freeze, the blood draining from our faces as we slowly turn to look in the kitchen next to us.

“O-Oh, hey there,” Marco says sheepishly. We both head into the kitchen, greeting the woman sitting at the table with a white mug. I think this must be Marco’s mom; I mean, she has the freckles and the short, shoulder length black hair to boot.

What throws me off, however, are her liquid blue eyes. They’re really pretty, but they don’t seem too inviting. Fuck, I’ll need to introduce myself.

“Hello, Mrs. Bodt, my na-“ She spits her drink back into her mug just as she’s taken a sip of it. What the hell?

“Ah, Auntie, are you okay?” _Auntie?_

She pats her chest a few times and waves off Marco, signaling that she’s fine. After coughing and clearing her throat, she turns her attention towards me.

“No, no, you got that all wrong. I’m this boy’s aunt, _not_ a Bodt.” She gives me a small wave, making no attempt to leave her seat. “The name’s Melody Bishara.”

“Uh, yeah, Jeanne Kirstein.”

Melody raises an eyebrow before looking over to a sweating and nervous Marco.

“Does your mother know you’re sneaking girls over or am I gonna have to be the bearer of bad news?”

Marco flails his hands frantically. “N-No, oh no, please don’t Auntie! S-She’s only h-here because w-we’re going out later tonight!” 

This situation is so tense, holy shit. And the way she’s looking at us, I can’t even tell if she’s serious or completely apathetic. I’m really glad this woman is not his mother; then again, where is his mother and what is she even like?

“Mhm.” She nods and takes another sip of her drink, finally looking away from us. “All right, I’ll let you off the hook. I’m about to head out anyway.”

At this, Marco gets closer to me, gently putting his hand on my back. 

“So you came over without Mom even knowing, _again?_ ”

Jesus, again. What kind of life does his aunt live?

I wish Marco would hurry this up because I feel excessively awkward and uneasy just standing here. How was I supposed to fucking know he snuck me over? I mean, damn, at least I tell Mom in passing that Marco’s stopping by.

Melody gets up from the table and carefully rinses out the white mug before placing it in the dishwasher just to her left.

“It’s not my fault she works all night and sleeps all day.” She pushes her chair in and grabs her bag and throws her light brown leather jacket over her arm. “Behave you two. Don’t make me regret not telling Mama Bear.”

Marco and I step out of the way as she walks off to the door, giving us a quick, good-bye wave and stepping out. Marco finally lets out a breath he probably didn’t know he was holding and relaxes, taking his hand away from my back.

“Damn, I didn’t know she’d be here. Thank God she didn’t cause trouble for us.” He starts rubbing the back of his neck. I shrug and opt for smiling at him. I have honestly no idea what to say to that.

We got fucking caught. That’s it.

“Shall we go to sleep now? I wanna hurry up just in case Mom decides to wake up and say hello to us.”

“Oh, that sounds wonderful actually.”

Marco offers me a warm smile before going on ahead and leading me to his room. We glance over at the door just off to the side, assuming it’s his mother’s room, and when we hear nothing, we quickly go inside.

Wow.

Marco’s room is tiny.

The room is crammed with a huge bed, probably a queen size, an old, wooden desk, and a similar looking dresser adjacent to it. It’s crowded and clustered; however, it’s like an organized cluster.

If that even makes sense.

“Heh, sorry I didn’t really get a chance to clean it up yet,” Marco apologizes, laying his bag on the ground next to his desk.

“Nah, it’s all right. I’m not too picky.” Taking in the sight of this room is actually very interesting because there’s always something new I see.

What catches my eye first is the pile of books scattered on Marco’s desk and underneath it that have some strange letters on them. Another language?

Hot damn, I got me a cultured boyfriend.

Wait a minute! So he is foreign after all! That explains why he didn’t fucking burn in the sun like I did at the beach.

But I’ll ask him about that later. I walk a little farther into his room, not that there’s much more to walk across, and examine his other belongings. Right on the bed is that is that plush unicorn I won for him back on our first date.

Awww, he sleeps with it. I throw a sly smirk at Marco once he notices me looking at the toy. He blushes and turns his head away from me, the bashful cutie.

Oh? Right between his dresser and bed is a small nightstand wedged in between. It has typical things on it, such as a lamp, a fairly new alarm clock and a picture frame. Now I’m curious.

“Hey, Marco? Can I look at this?” I figure I should ask before grabbing anything but I really hope he lets me. Marco’s smile drops suddenly as he looks down to the object I’m pointing at and remains quiet, mulling over my request.

“U-Uh, sure. Just be careful, okay?”

Shit.

I lift it up gently, upon his request, and examine the photograph inside the frame. It’s just a simple family photo and oh my god, is that little Marco?

_It’s little baby Marco._

Holy shit, look at those fat little cheeks, he’s so goddamn adorable. 

“Awww, babe, look at you. You were so cute!”

“Why the past tense?” He scoffs at me.

“Because now you’re good looking. And a dork.” I laugh and he sticks his tongue at me before heading over to the bed and sitting down on the edge, reclining back on his hands.

I go back to the photograph, studying it more, paying special attention to what I assume are Marco’s parents. His mother is smiling brightly, just like Marco does now, and is holding on lovingly to her husband and son. And shit, she looks just like Marco’s aunt Melody that was just here. I guess they’re twins but they look a little different, especially with their hairstyles. His mother has her hair long and pulled back into a ponytail.

Plus, she just looks nicer than the other one.

Little Marco is smiling just as wide, holding his arms up and I guess having the time of his life in his dad’s arms.

And now speaking of his dad, I have never seen a more attractive man in my entire life. I’m talking about the fact that my fucking heart just skipped a beat when I looked at him more closely. He’s got a gorgeous, pearly white smile and he’s built.

_Just look at those muscles, holy fuck._

Marco, I’m so glad you take a lot from your dad. Your muscles look amazing as well.

In fact, Marco has a lot from his dad, more so than his mom. He’s got his mom’s hair color, bright, reassuring smile and her freckles, definitely; however, he’s built more like his dad, has the same dark, chocolaty brown eyes as him and…is that?

The same round nose.

This man in the picture, who looks like a fucking Greek god, has the most unfitting nose. I wish he was here so I could flick it just like Marco’s.

Speaking of him, he reaches up and lightly pulls on my sleeve, wanting my attention.

“Hmm, yeah babe?”

“Jeannie, I’m sleepy. Let’s hurry and take our nap.”

“Aww, but I wanna keep looking at your cutie baby face.” Shit, I realize I’ve been standing this whole time. Let’s fix that.

I sit right next to Marco, still holding onto the picture.

“So your mom’s here sleeping. Where’s your dad?”

The look Marco gives me makes me regret those words immediately. His eyes widen and he just stares before looking to the ground quickly.

“U-Uh, h-he’s at work.”

“W-Where? If I may ask?”

Marco sighs, quietly replying, “Far away.”

“Oh? Oh! Kinda like how my dad goes off for the army every six months? Yeah, I know how you must feel, not having him around a lot.” I put the picture back on his nightstand carefully, just as it was before I saw it.

“I-It’s a little different, eh…” His voice slowly trails off. “Oh, you know what? It’s fine, lets just relax, yeah?”

The smile he gives me is the saddest one I’ve ever seen.

Before I can say anymore, Marco shifts his body and grabs onto mine, laying us both down onto his bed with his arms wrapped around me. I’m surprised at first but I quickly settle into his arms and nuzzle closer to him. Marco reaches down, grabbing his thick, dark blue comforter and throwing it over us.

For once, I’m content with the silence. It’s comfortable.

So is Marco.

He’s the first one to lie still and close his eyes, ready for sleep. I, on the other hand, want to get one more little fun activity in before I drift off.

The unicorn!

I slowly take one arm off of Marco and grope around behind me for the stuffed animal. As soon as I feel the soft material, I grab it and lightly whack Marco on the shoulder with it. He opens his eyes with a jolt and starts laughing.

“What was that for?”

“I can’t believe you sleep with this unicorn.”

Marco tries to give me a serious look but he can barely hold back his giggles. “I don’t cuddle it every night.”

I laugh out loud. What a fucking nerd.

“Aha! Marco confirmed for plush cuddler!”

I whack him one more time before he grabs it and puts it back behind me.

“Oh hush you. At least I won’t have to snuggle with it now that you’re here.” He pulls me closer and kisses my forehead and the tip of my nose. I pout and look away because that was too cute for me. I can’t handle this boy sometimes.

“Okay, I confess. I wish Josephine was here with me. She’s been with me since I was born and it feels a little weird not having her curl up at my stomach or my feet.” I really love my sweet, little baby. Marco smiles and kisses me again.

“Who knew that you’re such a cat person.”

“Yeah, I know. Josephine’s a one of a kind cat, though, so maybe that’s my reason for liking cats. I just like her.”

All right, no more games. It really is sleep time now because we need to be up again by at least ten tonight and it’s a little past four now.

I give Marco a quick kiss on the lips before settling down once more. He smiles at me and does the same, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around me.

It’s so warm and comfortable; I have no trouble falling asleep at all.

\--

Marco’s alarm sounds off at 10:30, causing us to jump and immediately scramble to turn it off, knocking over a few items off of his nightstand.

Holy shit, I feel like death right now. I can’t believe we actually slept that entire time without waking up. School must have drained us today.

“G’morning, sunshine,” Marco mumbles, letting out a big yawn as he stretches. I repeat the motion because of his stupid yawning and sit up in the bed.

I don’t wanna get up; this bed is too nice to ever leave.

However, my boyfriend sees things differently and hoists himself out of the bed, turning on the light for the room. Fortunately my eyes were closed and I wasn’t too blinded, but Marco apologizes anyway. He rummages through his bag until he finds his phone and looks through it.

“Sasha sent us both messages, apparently. Her first few hundred telling us to wake up.” He laughs and scrolls through it some more. “And then she said they’ll be here just a few minutes before eleven.”

“Fun, fun,” I say before letting out a big yawn again. Ugh, I have to get up and change and that’s just too much drama for me right now. I throw the covers off of me and move my legs over the side of the bed. 

All right, step one complete.

“Can I use your bathroom to change, Marco?” He peers up to me.

“Oh, uh, sure. You’re not gonna wear what you are now?”

I shake my head. “Do you really think Sasha would let me celebrate our first Halloween together without doing something stupid? We’re wearing matching outfits.”

“Oh.” Marco blushes a light pink and opens his door for me. “The, uh, the bathroom is just down the hall on your left, just before the kitchen.”

With a nod, I grab my bag and head down the hallway, using Marco’s directions to get there. I flick on the lights and close the door behind me. 

It’s a cute little white bathroom with navy blue towels. I’m starting to wonder if Marco’s favorite color is blue or if his mother likes it as well.

I can’t believe Sasha is making me do this. I can’t believe I’m allowing myself to do this.

I swiftly take off my shirt and my jeans, making sure to fold them neatly so they’ll fit back in my bag with no problem. While taking out the new clothes, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror to my left.

Well, hello there.

Okay, now is really not the time to dance around in your underwear _in Marco’s fucking bathroom,_ Jeanne.

This outfit isn’t too bad I guess. Sasha and I went and bought them on the same day, so they’re completely identical. 

The first thing I grab is the long-sleeved, black and white T-shirt and I throw that over my head immediately. Next up is, oh lord, the black skirt.

A short and frilly skirt I might add.  
 Jesus, Sasha, it’s fucking October; do you even know how fucking cold it is outside?  
 Whatever, I slide it on and fix the shirt over it, smoothing it out.

From the bathroom door, I can hear Marco walking around a bit and getting ready himself. I hope he doesn’t think he needs to change just because I am, the poor boy.

I finish the outfit off with leggings and a black leather jacket. Shit, as much as I complained about putting it on, I look amazing right now. Oh, I almost forgot.

Sasha insists that I wear my hair in a pony tail, just like hers, so that we match completely.

Well, I have to keep the queen happy, so here we go.

I look hysterical.

I carefully open the door to the bathroom and peak my head out. No sign of Marco and his door is closed still.

Fuck.

I tiptoe out with the bag in hand and knock a few times on his bedroom door. He opens it up and is completely at a loss for words when he sees me. Is this a good thing?   
“Hi there. Are you ready?”

“Y-Yeah, l-lemme just…my phone and, uh…” His voice trails off but his eyes never leave mine. Look at all this power I have over him.

“Need any help finding them? You seem a bit flustered there, babe.”

“Hush.”

I chuckle delightfully as he turns on his heel and grabs his necessary items, like his phone and wallet. Marco grabs a grey hoodie, putting it on and zips it up about halfway. 

Good, he didn’t really change clothes.

“Ready to go?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Marco whirls around and turns off the lights in his room before we both leave. I offer him a smile but he can barely look at me. Oh my god, Marco, this outfit isn’t even that skimpy, get a grip.

Marco looks around the apartment briefly, making sure everything is in its proper place and that he hasn’t forgotten anything. He finally flashes me a quick smile and nods.

“All right, we’re out.”

We step out of the apartment with Marco locking the door behind us, double checking it just before we leave.

Sasha and Connie are waiting for us outside the complex and I’m honestly shocked because Sasha is _never_ on time. 

Wait, what the fuck. This isn’t her aunt’s jeep.

What the fuck is this shit.

Sasha leaves the car running and steps out, wearing the matching outfit, and runs over to hug us both.

“Happy Halloween! Are you guys excited?” Her voice is just as high and enthusiastic as normal.

Marco laughs along with her, just soaking up her good mood. “Yeah, we’re really excited. This’ll be so much fun!”

Sasha squeals when she looks at me finally. “You’re wearing it! Yes!”

I can’t help but smile at her. Taking a step back, I twirl around, letting the skirt flow naturally, and show it off to her. She claps her hands excitedly, bouncing up to hug me again. Jesus, it’s Halloween, no need to be so emotional.

“Okay, come on, let’s go. They’re waiting for us by the school!” Sasha turns around and opens the back door for us. Meanwhile, Connie rolls the window down and calls out to us from the front seat.

“Hell yeah! This is gonna be awesome!”

Something looks off though.

 Something looks _really_ off.

Marco gestures for me to get into the car first before sliding inside himself. Where the hell did Sasha get this fucking car. This is a black sports car, not a rickety old jeep.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice fucking car. The inside is all black interior, it’s got a nice radio, and the heat is nice and toasty.

“Connie. Sasha. Who did you rob for this car? Because if this is stolen I’m leaving right now,” I tell them with all seriousness in my voice. Sasha and Connie look at each other, giggling like little schoolchildren.

Oh no.

Sasha waves at me dismissively. “My aunt has two cars, Jeanne. She took the Jeep for her trip and left me with her nice one.” She settles in completely, putting her foot on the brake and shifting gears to drive. Damn, I didn’t know Sasha’s aunt was well off. Although she didn’t seem to have any kids or a husband, so she must be living the nice single life.

The engine runs smoothly as we drive along the main road towards our school and the ride itself is comfortable and smooth. I think I want this car. Marco reaches over and links our hands, smiling at me.

What a nerd.

I offer him a smile before gazing out the window at the yellow and orange lights shining from the street lamps. Some buildings have their own Halloween decorations, mainly orange and purple lights spread out across them. A few lucky people with balconies have some cutesy little bats and ghosts set up. 

That shit isn’t scary at all.

And to my surprise, a lot of people are still out and about. I guess they’re all going for their own parties as well; who knows, I’ve never been out on Halloween this late before.

Within a few minutes, we drive up to the front of the school to see another group of large teenagers standing outside of a beat up, old station wagon.

Do they…do they still make those?

Sasha parks just behind their car, gaining their attention. I recognize Historia and Ymir, but I’m not so sure about those big, burly men next to them. They’re those upperclassmen Connie was fangirling over, yeah?

Sasha and Connie exit the car first and Marco gets out, running over to my side and opening the door for me. As I step out, I hear a chorus of “aw’s” and other gross noises from the group on the other side.

Fucking hell, Marco.

“Aw, what a gentleman!”

Shut the fuck up, Connie.

We join the group and Ymir smirks at me, so I give her a small wave and go to crossing my arms. She’s got her arm around Historia’s shoulders, holding her close, and leans over to kiss the side of her head. As much as Ymir frightens me sometimes, at least she’s really sweet to her girlfriend.  
 I still have no idea how they got together.

And before I can think more about their situation, Ymir speaks up, voicing her confusion.

“Why are you two wearing the same outfits?”

Oh yeah.

“It’s our Halloween costume. We’re going as twins.”

Ymir snickers and Historia swats her arm, quietly chiding her. 

“Don’t worry about her. I think it’s really cute!” She looks us over one more time before instantly remembering something. “Oh yes, guys, I need to introduce everyone. I’m so sorry.”

She takes Ymir’s arm from around her, earning her a pout from the taller woman, and walks over to the other two.

“Everyone. This is Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover. You two, this is Connie, Sasha, Jeanne, and Marco.” She points to each of us as she names us off. Connie basically leaps onto Reiner and gives him a big hug. Reiner, the large blonde with the ruddy face, just laughs and hugs him right back.

I lean over to Sasha and whisper, “Be careful, Sasha. I think your man might be interested in someone else.” Sasha rolls her eyes and snatches Connie before he suffocates the older teen. Reiner seems like a real down to earth kind of guy; I like him already.

The one next to him, Bertholdt, seems quiet and awkward. He’s just calmly glancing over to everyone, smiling when we accidentally make eye contact. He doesn’t seem like much of a talker, unlike his friend over there.

“Ah, yes, I hope you don’t mind my boyfriend here, he’s a bit shy,” Reiner exclaims as he puts his hand on Bertholdt’s arm.

I’m sorry, I stand corrected. His boyfriend.

I guess it’s time for the all important question. What exactly are going to fucking do? Apparently Marco was thinking the same thing as me and beats me to asking.

“So, what exactly are we doing tonight?”

Reiner peers up to him, his eyebrows raised, before squinting at Ymir. “You didn’t even tell them?”

Ymir holds her hands up in defense. “I actually never spoke to them. I just got my little messenger to tell them they were invited.” Historia flashes her a look.

Before anything else goes on, Reiner steps closer to our little circle that we’ve absentmindedly formed and looks at Marco. “Don’t worry about anything. It’s a clean, safe little drive around the town and anywhere else we decide to go. Us four have done this for a few years now, so it’s good.” The street lamp just above us really brings out his golden eyes.

This time, his boyfriend speaks up, surprising us all. “Mostly we just drive around and stop at places we might find interesting. And if any of you have a place o-or see something, you can always tell us and we’ll stop.”

I think he just filled his speech quota because his voice trails off and he looks down at the ground, rubbing his hands nervously. 

Reiner pats Bertholdt’s shoulder, chuckling as he speaks. “And don’t worry. If you decide to ride with us, I’ll make sure Bertl here doesn’t drive.” As Reiner talks, I huddle over to Marco for warmth and he eagerly holds me close to him.

“Oh, you should have seen it. One of the first times Bertl got into the car, he forgot to put it in reverse and he drove right through the wall of his parents’ garage.”

Bertholdt looks at his boyfriend in utter horror as he describes the story. Damn, I’m feeling so hard for him right now. Thankfully, Marco isn’t much of a loudmouth like him.

“Okay, you fuckers, stop talking and let’s drive. I’m fucking freezing out here,” Ymir calls out over Reiner’s booming voice. “Come on, Reiner and Bertl are with me; you guys, go in your car.”

Connie makes a high-pitched noise, knowing he won’t get to ride with big brother Reiner. Sasha and I drag him back to our car, with Reiner calling back to us, telling us to just follow them. We file back into the car, in our same spots, and Sasha turns the key in the ignition, bringing the engine to life.

Their car pulls out onto the road first, going slow so we can start up just behind them.

Marco once again twines our fingers together and we check out the night life of Trost from the window.

\--

“Hey, I forgot to mention that we have candy up front if you’re hungry for a snack,” Connie calls back to us, searching through a plastic bag up front. “It is Halloween after all, so we can pig out.”

“Oh, you got any chocolate?” Marco leans forward on Connie’s seat and looks at the choices. He grabs two Reese’s for us and hands one to me, smiling at me like a child. I accept it graciously, remembering that Marco and I never ate anything after lunch.

Ah, chocolate and peanut butter, you can never go wrong in that department. 

I unwrap the small, pumpkin-shaped candy and finish it off in two bites. Fuck, I guess tonight is a sugar rush night.

We’ve been driving through Trost for about twenty minutes now and I haven’t heard anything from Historia. I was designated as the official liaison between this car and theirs. Well, they know what they’re doing, and I know there’s not many things in Trost that are too exciting.

Then again, I’m only fifteen, so I haven’t been able to experience all of Trost yet.

I sigh and continue looking out of the window, watching random pedestrians walking and laughing, enjoying time with their friends. Some people are out in costumes, and overall it’s a fun atmosphere.

Connie’s going on about the horror movies he and Sasha watched earlier instead of sleeping. Some bloody, gory shit that I just do not want to even listen to.

Marco looks extremely uncomfortable as well and he politely asks to change the subject; Connie’s idea of a subject change goes from gory horror movies to more suspenseful ones. Good job.

Before I have time to cringe at these gross horror stories, something catches my eye. I’ve seen this building already. And those decorations and lights.  
 What the fuck, we’ve been driving in circles for twenty minutes?

I reach for my phone and punch in a text to Historia, asking her what exactly is going on here. Within minutes, she replies, telling me that they’re still trying to figure out where to stop first because Reiner is an indecisive driver. That’s a shocker.

Shit, maybe I should start throwing out ideas then.

“Hey, what the fuck do you guys wanna do? They’re asking for ideas.” The car is silent except for the radio that’s going on about some Halloween parties downtown. I see the gears turning in everyone’s head but no one’s talking.

“What’s something we haven’t done in awhile?” Sasha pipes up.

“We haven’t gone to Taco Bell for some time.”

“Connie, we’re not fucking going to Taco Bell.”

There’s silence again after I’ve shut Connie down. I’ve had enough chicken quesadillas to last me a lifetime.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t stay quiet for long.

“Oh, damn! Jeanne, does Trost have a bowling alley?”

That’s a pretty good idea, Connie, you go!

“Yeah, we do actually. You guys up for that?” I ask, looking at Marco. Sasha voices her approval and Marco nods, doing the same. I text Historia back, asking how they all would feel about going bowling. I haven’t been in so long; it’s really exciting.

Historia messages back in no time, saying that everyone agreed to our little proposal.

Halloween bowling it is!

\--

Trost’s bowling alley is on the complete opposite side, away from where we all live, so it took us another fifteen or so minutes to drive there. It’s just about midnight now, so we’ll have about two hours of throwing gutter balls.

We park right next to the station wagon and reunite outside of the bowling alley. Our group heads on inside and I relish in the warmth of the building. It’s just way too cold outside. Other than the temperature, we’re greeted with the sound of people cheering and balls knocking into pins at different times.

Connie and Reiner head to the front desk first, with us all following in tow. Marco’s next to me on my right, holding my hand and Bertholdt is on my left and I have never felt so short in my life. I’m sandwiched between two tall men. This is not fair.

Everyone gets their shoes and we get to our assigned lanes. We’ve got two hours to kill, so this should be fun.

Bowling is always a great start to a nighttime adventure. Too bad I’ve never gone bowling once in my life.

Maybe my softball years could help me a little bit.

After we’ve settled at our tables and put our shoes on, Ymir leans over the railing separating the seating area from the lanes, smirking devilishly at all of us.

“I propose a challenge for you all.”

Oh boy.

“How about we split off into teams? Four against four and whoever loses has to treat the winners to breakfast in the morning.”

She sounds so confident in this challenge; I want to go her team. So even if I fuck up in every way imaginable, maybe she can save us. But shit, Reiner seems like he’s amazing in bowling as well. Who the fuck do I choose?

Before I can say anything, a pair of hands land roughly on my shoulder. I whip my head around and see a freckled face different from the one I’m normally close to.

“Hi, Ymir.”

“Hey, little Jeanne-bo, did you wanna be on my team?” I turn to Marco for any sign of approval. He just shrugs at me, wearing a nervous smile on his face.

“Shit, that’s okay with me because I wanna be on Reiner’s team anyway!” Connie shouts out like I give a fuck. Reiner lets out a hearty, boisterous laugh and pats Connie on the back pretty hard.

“I like his spirit. I could use a guy like you on my team.”

The look on Connie’s face is the most hilarious thing I have ever seen in my life. This boy looks as if the heavens had just opened up for him, granting him his one and only earthly desire.

I sit back in my chair and let Ymir and Reiner handle putting everyone’s names into the correct lanes and teams. I prop my legs up on Marco’s lap and flash him a toothy grin. He just laughs and pats my shin with his hand.

“So, you got any more hidden talents? You know, like you did at the toss booth that one time, Jeannie?”

_Shit._

“Maybe. Shhh!” I put a finger to my lips, attempting to shush Marco before he realizes I’m going to do poorly.

“All right,” Ymir calls over. “Historia, you’re going first and then Jeanne’s after you.” Historia nods and gracefully walks down to Ymir, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before turning to choose her ball. Ymir blushes and kicks at the ground, mumbling about how cute she is.

“Aww, what a cutie. Historia’s picking up a six pound ball,” Reiner muses as Historia grabs of the lightweight blue ball. She offers him an angelic smile before positioning herself just a few feet before the lane.

Wow, she looks insanely professional.

After a few second pause, Historia steps out with her right foot first, taking the hand with the ball behind her and releasing it just before the line onto the lane. The ball rolls quickly down the lane in a blue blur, spinning right into the center pins.

All but two are knocked over but they’re side by side.

“Go for the spare, Historia!” Ymir calls out to her. Meanwhile, the other team watch respectfully before sending Connie out for his first turn while Historia waits for her blue ball to return. 

Connie clumsily grabs a green ball with his left hand and it seems to be too heavy for him because he almost drops it. He waddles over to the first set of lines, disregarding trying to line himself up with the pins, and rushes forward. He throws the ball down hard, landing with a loud bang, and it slowly rolls across the lane.

It hits the right side of the pins and knocks down about five or six of them. I look over to Reiner’s team to see how they’re handling this hideous display. I honestly can’t tell if Reiner is hiding his disappointment or if he’s genuinely encouraging our tiny friend. Bertholdt has a small smile on his face and Sasha is clapping. Connie turns around to his team and bows.

Loser.

“SPARE! Yeah, baby!” Ymir shouts, causing Marco and I to nearly jump out of our seats. Shit, I was so focused on dumbass Connie that I forgot to watch my own teammate. Historia walks back to Ymir, who lifts her up off the ground into a big hug. She kisses her before putting her down and calls for me to come forward.

Oh.

_Oh._ Here it is.

I take my legs off of Marco’s lap and slowly stand, smoothing my skirt down. Marco gives me his trademark smile and I can’t help but feel the impending doom of letting him down.

It’s okay, Jeanne. You just watched Historia bowl and she looked like she knew what she was doing. Just copy that!

Fuck, I just wish we had something to cover those gutters. I can tell I’ll be throwing the ball straight into one of those each time.

Ymir pats me on the back as I step down and choose a ball. Here, this red one isn’t so bad and by the big number seven on it, it’s only seven pounds.

Only.

Taking a shaky breath, I slide my fingers of my left hand inside the three holes and lift the ball up. On the other side, Bertholdt gets ready to bowl and I offer him to go first.

You can do this, Jeanne. You’re the best and you’re gonna show everyone up. 

You’ll be the queen of bowling!

Hell yeah.

Bertholdt seems skilled as well, holding the ball in his right hand, keeping himself steady. He slowly creeps forward and throws the ball down, making it spin down the lane, knocking over all the pins.

This son of a bitch.

Reiner’s voice echoes as he calls out the “first strike”. 

I look back at the long lane before me and goddammit, it’s just taunting me right now. I make the mistake of turning back and looking at Marco. Sweet, innocent Marco. He’s smiling at me so wide and I’m gonna fuck this up.

All right, I hold the ball up with some resistance and stare into the abyss. I start walking forward carefully and let my arm drop with the ball in hand still. I get to the lane and just throw the ball haphazardly onto the slick, wooden floor. The ball thuds against the wood and rolls straight into the gutter, 

The bowling alley feels quiet. Unnervingly quiet.

I slowly turn around and see Marco trying to be supportive and smiling but it’s Ymir’s face that makes me wish I hadn’t turned around. The disbelief and disappointment in her face is surreal.

Fortunately, Reiner and Bertholdt were talking amongst themselves, so they missed my horrible display, but Connie and Sasha watched the whole thing. To my surprise, they’re not laughing at me.

They just look so uncomfortable and worried in a way.

Oh boy.

My ball comes back to me and reluctantly reach for it again. Reiner approaches the next lane, ready for his turn and gestures for me to finish my turn. Fuck, now he’s looking too.

I rush for the lane and throw the ball out again; this time, it doesn’t land in the gutter and I manage to knock down one pin.

Success!

I can hear clapping from behind and I don’t even have to turn around to know that it’s Marco. I turn around and head back for the tables before Reiner or anyone else has anything to say to me. Ymir continues to give me that look. 

I really don’t want to lose. Especially not to Sasha and Connie. I would never hear the end of it. I’ll just have to try better next time.

Dammit! I can’t blame anyone but myself because it was my stupid idea to come here. Wait…No! It’s Connie’s fault!

Okay, fine, I’ll share the blame with him.

Marco gives me a sweet kiss on the cheek in passing as he steps down for his turn. I throw myself onto the chair and lean back comfortably.

Marco and Reiner talk and laugh about something before Reiner finishes up his turn. I’m honestly shocked that he didn’t get a strike or spare or whatever those things are called. 

I’m almost jealous, however. Marco can strike up a conversation with anyone and instantly get along with them. For me, it’s a hit or a miss. I’m lucky to even have Thing One and Thing Two spending so much time with me.

Ugh, finally, Marco stops talking and focuses on the lane in front of him. He pauses for a brief moment before steadily moving forward and releasing the ball. It’s not exactly centered but it knocks down a good amount of pins. Ymir trots up to him, giving him some obscure advice on how to pick off the remaining pins, while Reiner teases her, telling her to leave Marco alone.

Sasha’s also taking her turn and she’s just as sloppy as Connie is at bowling. Except all these fuckers never landed their ball into the gutter.

I will forever remain salty over this.

Sadly, Marco doesn’t manage to knock down every pin but he doesn’t look that discouraged. He just waves it off like normal and has a good laugh with Ymir before stepping up to the tables with me.

“Good job there, freckles. You did me proud.”

“Oh, hush, Jeannie. You’ll do fine after you’ve gotten the hang of it.”

_If_ I ever do.

Ymir’s up next for our team and she’s raring to go. Out of everyone, she takes the longest to set up and position herself before the lane. She bounces a bit, stretches up, and even moves the ball around between her hands before keeping it in her left. She takes a deep breath before making her way to the lane, effortlessly releasing the ball.

The ball curves down the slick lane in a controlled route before ending at the center, effectively knocking over each pin.

“Strike! Yes! Suck it, Bertl!” Ymir shouts out, pointing at the other team’s direction.

Up next is Historia again and, wow, we’ve finally gotten through everyone once and it felt like an eternity.

I almost wish for these two hours to go by fast so we can move onto something else.

\--

One game down. One more to go.

Needless to say, I was downright awful but hey, at least we managed to stay in the lead. 

By one point.

I had to have Ymir come down and give me the same pep talk over and over. Eventually she just threatened to blackmail me with baby pictures that I’m still insanely curious about as to how she got ahold of them. I hope to God that my mother didn’t give them to her back when she was babysitting me.

Speaking of Ymir, she bowled a perfect game last round. She got all strikes on all of the…frames, as I believe they’re called. Historia had a mixed bag of spares and just regular turns. I think she managed one or two strikes.

Marco’s pretty decent as well, making a few spares but nothing more spectacular than that.

And then there’s me. The gutter ball queen.

Ymir’s bowling again, so I’m spending some quality time with Marco at the table, just picking at his hand.

“Are you having fun, Jeannie?”

“Mmm, yeah I guess. I just wish I didn’t have to embarrass myself in front of everyone.”

He takes my hand to his lips and kisses it gently.

“It’s all for fun. I’m sure no one will think about it too much. Besides,” he speaks softly, “they seem like they go bowling a lot, so don’t let that get to you too much.”

Reiner pulls out a chair and settles down at our table.

“Hey, do you guys want any drinks or food? Your buddies were starting to get hungry so I figured I’d treat everyone.”

Marco and I blink a few times before smiling and nodding.

“Sure, that sounds great. Just, uh,” Marco’s voice trails off.

“What’s up?”  “You’re not planning on bringing, like, alcohol over, right?”

Reiner lets out a hearty guffaw and pats Marco on the shoulder a few times.

“Oh man, I don’t know what you’ve heard about me but don’t worry, this is a sober party.” Reiner smiles reassuringly. “I’m really not sure why people think I’ll bust out the booze at any party I throw. I’m totally against that.”

Marco lets out a sigh of relief as Reiner gets up to get our snacks and drinks. I feel sorry for him, though; treating Sasha and Connie to food and drink will get extremely expensive.

Oh, look, Connie must have heard me think about him because here he is, sitting right in the chair Reiner just was moments ago.

“Okay, Jeanne, listen, you gotta step your game up.”

“What the fuck.”

“I didn’t know you’re a total beginner so I’m willing to help you out, okay?”

“You’re on the other team, dumbass.” I glance at him suspiciously, trying to find an ulterior motive. Ah, Connie’s not like that all; what am I thinking?

“Yeah, I know, but it’s just so painful watching you. I wanna help a friend out, yeah?” 

I lean on the table, my face in my hand, and show him that I’m listening intently. I do want the help but I’ll never admit that. Marco listens as well just to see how credible Connie’s advice will be.

“Rule number one! Don’t just throw the ball at random; you gotta aim for that shit.” Connie emphasizes his words with sporadic hand gestures.

Thankfully we’re seated pretty far apart by this table, otherwise I’d have to back up from fear of being hit. Sadly, I can’t say the same for Marco, as he’s currently inching away from Connie. 

“And, uh, rule number two!” Connie pauses, holding his finger up, clearly in deep thought. He puts his hand down and looks off to the side. “Wait, the fuck was the second rule?”

“Jeanne, stop fucking around with the enemy and pay attention! It’s your turn now,” Ymir hollers at me from the lane as Historia finishes her turn. Fucking hell.

“Wait, wait. Okay, rule number two is to not freak out, okay?”

I give him a sideways glance before heading back down for my doom of a turn. It’s the beginning of the second game and I’ve already scored a total of one point. Just like fucking last time.

I grab the same ball as before and stand at the arrows before the lane. Connie said try and aim, right? I should be able to do that already.

I just need to take this slowly.

After a short pause and feeling incredibly confident, I walk down to the lane and throw the ball down hard.

I threw it too _hard._

The ball bounces right off of the gutter with a metallic clang, and hops over into the other lane.

I have never felt so fucking mortified in my life as I do right now. I pray for a swift, painless end.

The ball continues rolling down the other lane, eventually sliding right into the gutter and staying there as it crosses the lane.

I’m think I’m just going to slowly walk away now; I’ll slowly walk outside and just change my name and never look at everyone here again. Goodbye, Marco, I’m so sorry.

“At least she aimed…somewhat,” I hear Connie call from the table.

I finally turn around and see Ymir squatting down and holding her head, the epitome of disappointment. At least big guy Reiner wasn’t here to see this shameful display.

But I have to finish my turn. I hastily grab another ball and throw it down the lane; this time I manage to stay in my own lane and not land in a gutter. A few pins are knocked over and I still have one more go. Goddammit, I just want to run away.

My original ball returns and take it in my hand one more time. Okay, concentrate, Jeanne. Don’t ever fuck up like that again. The remaining pins are all clustered together so I have a very small chance of knocking them over.

Provided I don’t knock the next lane’s pins over.

I try to keep myself steady as I stand there holding my ball. I just need to really concentrate this time. 

I take a cautious step forward and continue down just before the lane and release the ball. By some miracle it doesn’t land straight into the gutter and it looks like I’ll hit the pins.

Holy shit, I might hit them.

The next sound is the satisfying sound of pins being knocked over very slowly.

I fucking hit them.

And without realizing it, I have my eyes shut tight until the group behind me shouts out praises.

I hit _all of them. ___

__I turn around and look straight at Marco, throwing my hands up into the air. He’s got his big, stupid grin on his face but I don’t care. I got one of those spare things! Even Ymir looks fucking happy._ _

__I rush back over to my table and throw myself onto Marco, hugging him tightly._ _

__“Oh, thank god! Now I don’t have to run away and change my name.”_ _

__Marco kisses my forehead before resting his own against it. “You did good Jeannie! I’m so happy! And you should definitely thank Connie for helping you.”_ _

__You bastard._ _

__Connie and Sasha clap behind me. Hell, even Bertholdt is doing the same, wearing a soft smile on his face._ _

__I just want this game to hurry up and finish because I guarantee that I could not pull that shit off again if I tried._ _

__\--_ _

__Ymir bowled another perfect game. And because of this perfect game, our team ended up winning._ _

__I also ended up doing much better the second time around because I didn’t throw my ball into another lane nor did I get too many gutter balls._ _

__We’re back in Sasha’s aunt’s car and on our way to a “special” location, as Ymir stated, hand quotations and all. I could only imagine where the hell that is._ _

__The last time I checked the clock it was already half past two so we’ve already been out for awhile but we’ve still got plenty of time left. After all, the night is still young._ _

__And my poor Marco is next to me falling asleep as he lays his head on my shoulder. I don’t know why he’s so tired, considering we just slept all day; then again, he’s not used to staying up this late like I am. The damn early bird._ _

__Sasha and Connie are up front chatting about all sorts of nonsense. I’m not really listening to them but I can hear them; it’s almost calming._ _

__We’ve been driving for some time now and I look out, trying to see if I can recognize where we are. Sadly, I can’t tell at night where everything is, so I guess it really is a surprise._ _

__I jump when my phone vibrates in my lap and grab it to check it. It’s just a message from Historia._ _

__**From: Tiny Blonde Girl  
> are you guys okay? are you having fun?** _ _

___**To: Tiny Blonde Girl  
> yea we’re good  
> marco’s fallin asleep** _

__I should really change her name in my phone before I forget who she is._ _

___**From: Tiny Blonde Girl  
> aww!  
> well I just wanted to let u know we’re almost there** _

__Locking my phone and putting it back on my lap, I lean my head back on the seat and let out a small sigh. Fucking Marco has got me feeling sleepy now._ _

__Maybe if I just close my eyes for a second…_ _

__\--_ _

__I’m woken up by the sound of car doors slamming and a bunch of giggling. Holy shit, did I fall asleep? How long has it been?_ _

__I check my phone for the time and it’s just at three in the morning. Where the hell did we go?_ _

__Where the hell did Sasha and Connie go?_ _

__I look around from the car and notice we’re by the boardwalk next to the beach. Why the hell has my life revolved around the beach recently? But hey, at least we’re the only ones here.  
 To my left is the old, tattered station wagon with Sasha and Connie hanging around the passenger side window. Next to them is Ymir, who’s smoking a cigarette, and Reiner, who’s laughing and chatting with my two nerds._ _

__I’m too warm and cozy to want to leave, so I just turn and snuggle into my boyfriend’s chest, accidentally waking him up._ _

__“W-Wha…? Where’d we go?” he whispers quietly._ _

__“It was all a trap. We’ve been kidnapped and now they’re discussing our fate.” I don’t miss a beat when it comes to fucking around with people._ _

__Marco tenses for a moment and looks around quickly before noticing how calm and relaxed I am. He settles back down and sighs. “It’s almost unnerving how easily you can say those things.”_ _

__I cackle lightly and lean up to kiss his cheek. “Sorry, it’s just a habit now. I think this is the special spot Ymir talked about,” I say, pointing out the boardwalk and ocean to Marco before looking back over to Sasha and the rest._ _

__“Oh, then let’s join them so the—“ I cover Marco’s mouth and stop him from getting out of the car. He gives me a surprised look and stops moving. I slowly shift around to face him and take my hand away from his lips, planting a loving kiss on them. I can never get over how soft they are._ _

__“Why don’t we…take our time? They’ll just assume we’re sleeping, so they probably won’t bother us.”_ _

__“What do you want to do?” Marco hums, gently caressing my face and kissing me back._ _

__“Let’s do something…fun.” I wrap my arms around him, bringing him even closer._ _

__“They could come back at any second,” he whispers softly, sliding his hands down to my waist. He doesn’t sound too bothered by that fact and, to be honest, it’s kinda hot._ _

__I lean in slowly, pressing my lips against his and shifting closer to him. Marco moves around awkwardly, resting his back against the door, and props his leg up on the seat, bringing me in between his legs. Keeping our lips together, I slide my hands from around his neck and down his chest slowly, making him shiver._ _

__He pulls away for a quick breath. “W-Where’d this come from a-all of a sudden?”_ _

__“Shh, don’t ruin it.” I pull him back quickly and we’re at it again. I nip gently at his bottom lip and smile when he makes a slight moan. Marco slips his tongue against mine, deepening our kiss._ _

__It’s just us again and I love it. Marco and I do this whenever we can; I just can’t seem to keep my hands off of him. Good thing he feels the same way._ _

__I let out a squeak when I feel Marco’s curious hands grope my ass. He stops kissing me and pulls away, giving me a concerned look._ _

__“I-Is that okay?”_ _

__“Yeah, it’s fine. Stop talking, Marco. It’s difficult trying to kiss you if you keep running that mouth of yours,” I tease, poking at his lips. He gives me a sweet smile before squeezing my ass lightly, causing me to jump. I lick my lips and press them softly against his neck, feeling incredibly brave and running high on adrenaline. I can’t believe making out in a car with my friends a mere five feet away gets my blood rushing like this._ _

__I should get out more. But that’s not important right now._ _

__I slide my hand down his chest, feeling his strong body beneath the hoodie. As he kisses me again, I feel a little bold and I slip my hand under his shirt, making him jump. The poor boy feels so hot and I didn’t really help him with my cold hand against him._ _

__He pulls our bodies closer together and leans his head back, allowing me more access to his neck. I gently lick and suck, satisfied with the small noises he makes. Marco takes one hand away from my ass to my hand that’s under his shirt. He grabs it firmly and slowly runs it down to the hem of his jeans._ _

__Oh shit._ _

__My breath hitches against his neck as he guides my hand down over his jeans to his groin and _oh god._ I haven’t felt it since our time at the beach, which seems like a hundred years ago. Marco’s so excited and hard and honestly that just makes everything all the more interesting._ _

__“Mmm, J-Jeannie, i-is this ok—“ I stop him from finishing that question with long kiss._ _

__Now what the hell did I tell this boy? This is the third time._ _

__“It’s fine,” I whisper lightly. “Y-You can do what you want…”_ _

__I’m fine with this. If you want the honest to god truth, yes, I’m insanely nervous right now. I always get nervous when Marco and I do these kinds of things but it’s the good nervousness._ _

__Marco hesitates for moment, keeping my hand over his clothed dick, and gives me a shy kiss._ _

__“D-Do you wanna t-touch it?”_ _

___Oh._ _ _

__I nod quickly, a little too quickly. Damn, I don’t want to seem that eager. Marco swallows and smiles at me before slowly and carefully moving my hand under his jeans, watching my face the entire time. My heart’s beating so fast and it’s hot in here, I could almost suffocate. Uneven breaths escape through my parted lips as I feel his soft skin and brush against the small hairs just under his belly button._ _

__Someone knocks roughly on the window on my side, making Marco and I jump so hard he actually hits his head against his window. My poor boyfriend._ _

__My fucking heart is beating rapidly as I quickly turn around and roll the window down._ _

___It’s fucking Ymir!_ _ _

__“What the hell are you two party poopers doing?” she questions us, blowing smoke off to the side._ _

__“W-We must’ve fallen asleep, I g-guess.” That was an amazing attempt at keeping my voice steady._ _

__Ymir puts the cigarette in between her lips once more and inhales. “Even under this shitty street lamp I can tell how red your face is.” She gestures above her and slowly smirks. “Has little Jeanne-bo been doing naughty things? Should I go tell her friends?”_ _

__“N-No! I-I wasn’t doing anything so you don’t need to go running your mouth.” Dear God, this couldn’t get any worse, could it?_ _

__Sasha comes bouncing over at the sound of my voice. This could go either way._ _

__“What are you doing to Jeanne, Ymir?”_ _

__Ymir waves her hand around dismissively. “Oh nothing. I just came over to wake their asses up because they’re ruining the night.”_ _

__I flash my middle finger to her and she retaliates by flashing up two of hers._ _

__“Sorry, Jeanne-bo, you’re number two.”_ _

__“Both of you go away so Marco and I can get out.” I shoo them off and they only take a few steps back. I roll the window back up, paying some attention to my neglected boyfriend, and sigh. He’s holding his hand over his chest and taking deep breaths._ _

__“Are you okay there? Do you need assistance?”_ _

__He chuckles lightly and shakes his head. “No, I’m fine. Just a little startled is all.”_ _

__I gently take his hand in mine and gesture towards the door. “Come on, let’s rejoin the reject party.”_ _

__\--_ _

__All right, I won’t lie. Running around the boardwalk and beach at three in the morning is so fun and exciting. We played all sorts of games, like tag and such, that I didn’t think I’d be playing ever again._ _

__It really wasn’t so fun tripping and landing in sand, though. Fucking Ymir and her forceful shoves._ _

__At one point, Reiner and Ymir ganged up on Connie by lifting him up and joking that they would throw him right into the ocean. Connie screamed about how they were awful traitors the entire time. Bertholdt tried to help but Ymir got him to back off, promising that no harm would come to the small bald child. Eventually, they just settled for burying his body in the sand and we all pretended to leave him there._ _

__Marco’s been a little quiet since we almost got caught…doing things in the back of the car. Fucking Ymir; I was so close to getting some action._ _

__That seems to be the motto of the night: Fucking Ymir._ _

__However, even as someone who stays up late normally, trying to stay up until after five in the morning is surprisingly difficult. Connie’s nodded off a few times and you know damn well Marco’s snoring lightly in the back. Since Sasha didn’t want Connie tracking all that sand into the car, we got to switch seats and riding up front is nice._ _

__“I can’t wait to get some food. Breakfast sounds so amazing right now,” Sasha mutters happily as we’re driving back through the city again, close behind the others._ _

__I flash her a quick smile. “Don’t forget, you’re paying for me and Marco.”_ _

__Sasha groans and I laugh at her misfortune. She mumbles something about a shit ton of pancakes and bacon as she continues to drive and I look back out the window. It’s still dark like the rest of the night has been and I don’t think the sun will be up for another two hours or so. The streets are bare aside from a person here and there walking around._ _

__It’s peaceful, driving out this late and not worrying about traffic or other people. And I’ll have to hand it to her; Sasha’s an amazing driver and not once did I ever feel in danger. Maybe I’ll be nice and buy her a plate of hash browns._ _

__Maybe one for Connie too, since he was abused and betrayed at the beach._ _

__Speak of the fucking devil, a loud snore breaks the silence and I whip my head around to Connie. Marco startles awake and peeks around before looking at Connie, whose head is back on the seat, snoring away._ _

__All’s quiet until laughter erupts between me and Sasha in the front._ _

__Why the fuck do random noises make for the funniest shit?_ _

__\--_ _

__I’m tired._ _

__I’m dead fucking tired and stuffed beyond belief._ _

__“That was…that was fun,” Marco whispers softly next to me, wrapping his arm around me as we sit closer together on the bench outside. We’ve finished eating at this small breakfast diner but everyone wants to take their time actually leaving._ _

__“Yeah, it was. Who knew Historia could eat an entire platter of food for four people all by herself?” Seriously, that was amazing. I will never underestimate the power of her appetite ever again._ _

__I lay my head on Marco’s shoulder as we watch all the early birds wake up and start their days. Amazing, even on a Saturday these people get up and go jogging, go to work, or even just get up for the hell of it. I hope I don’t get like that when I get older._ _

__It’s just too damn early for me to function._ _

__Not that I can even function properly right now._ _

__“Where are we going after this?”_ _

__“Straight to Sasha’s place and crashing on the floor. Or couch. Whatever I get to first.” I say firmly, yearning for a soft surface and blanket to curl up on. Oh, and I guess I’d like to have Marco there too._ _

__It’s really nice having my own personal furnace to snuggle and nap with._ _

__Marco plants a small kiss on my forehead and rests his head against mine, simply enjoying our peaceful moment of closeness. There’s a hint of light through the cracks between the buildings, showing the start of a new day. The night flew by so fast that I still need to process that it actually happened._ _

__I’m really glad Historia invited us._ _

__I’m really glad Sasha’s aunt covered for us so Dad will let me go._ _

__I’m also really glad that I got to share it all with Marco._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my sweet Jesus, this is the longest chapter by far with well over 17,000 words. I hope you all were happy and enjoyed it.
> 
> Next chapter...things will certainly heat up.


	6. I Need You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need you
> 
> There's a reason after all  
> All the things that I have done  
> Pump the blood and leave it alone  
> Anywhere you take me  
> \- [_I Need You_ , M83](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRqeGTBOVsE)

“Josie, Josie, come here baby,” Sasha coos to my lazy cat who’s sprawled out on the floor. Her thin tail sways side to side slightly as she watches Sasha’s hand get close. Shit, even I can’t tell if she’s being playful or about to fuck Sasha up. Either way, I get a front row seat.

“I can’t wait to watch her bite you. She’s the sweetest cat in the world but for some reason when you’re around, she gets antsy.” I shift my legs around a bit, enjoying the softness of my bed. Sasha lies on the hardwood floor, sprawled out on her stomach just as Josephine is.

“She won’t bite me. The baby should be used to me by now.”

“Nah, Josie knows how to seek out burglars and shit.”

Sasha gives me a surprised look before uttering, “I haven’t stolen anything!”

I slam my hand down on the mattress playfully, feigning my anger. “Yeah, then explain _why_ I was missing so many cookies that one time two months ago!”

Sasha gasps, rolling to her side away from me. “You knew about that!?”

The look on her face and position she’s in completely cracks me up and I lose it. I shout out a long, drawn out “No” as I roll on my bed laughing. “I just made that shit up and I can’t believe it was real!” 

Sasha hops up and settles down into a sitting position with her legs crossed. She still looks nervous but I know she’ll calm down in a second or two. What I’m really worried about is Josephine because she looks so exhausted. Not once did she attack or attempt to swat at Sasha and it almost looks like she had no energy to do so.

The poor lazy cat. I’ll leave it alone for now and check on her later.

“So what do you want to do now?” Sasha asks suddenly, already bored with my cat. Okay, rude. Ah, but I don’t blame her; there isn’t much to do in my house anyway, especially with Dad _still around._

“I dunno, I guess we could always walk around the town. Maybe go to the park and push little kiddies off of the swings?”

“I agree with all of that except pushing the kids.”

“Awww, Sasha, you’re no fun,” I whine, checking out the window real quick. The sky’s covered by a mass of light grey clouds, typical of November weather. Fortunately, it doesn’t seem threatening at all.

Just cold. Just really _really_ cold. What the fuck have I done?

Sasha’s up on her feet, ready to go, and I realize I still need to get dressed for the most part. I need some damn boots and a thick ass jacket if I plan to survive even ten minutes outside. Oho, and luckily for me, I still have one of Marco’s hoodies that I can put on. I don’t know what it is about other people’s clothing that makes them one hundred percent more effective. My jackets don’t do shit.

I grab the dark blue hoodie from the chair at my desk and throw it on. It’s much bigger on me but who fucking cares; it’s great. Next are some damn boots that I know I have _somewhere._ Sasha watches in amusement as I struggle searching for the damn old things. Eventually, I have to look under my bed, the one place I always dread to look.

Ah, there they are. Those fuckers.

I reluctantly reach my arm underneath and grab them, putting them on hastily. I nod to Sasha and she’s out the door first. Before I forget though, I want to check on Josephine one more time. She’s just lying in the same spot on the floor, off of the rug in the middle. Hmm, I guess she must be really hot? She’s normally snuggling against something like a blanket or whatever to stay warm.

I reach down and scratch behind her soft ears gently. A small clump of fur falls onto the floor and I’m officially worried.

“What’s the matter, baby? Are you feeling sick?” She offers me a barely audible meow and purrs lightly. I’ll bring this up to Dad later and we’ll see what we need to do later. For now, however, I pick her up, earning a small protest, and place her on the bed near my pillow. I pet her gently one more time, running my fingers along her back and kicking up some more fur.

Okay, I need to leave before I freak out. Maybe she’s losing her winter fur early? But…it’s not even winter yet.

Sasha watches me carefully, concern written all over her face. I try to put on a smile but we both know it’s fake. “I’m ready now. Let’s go push those children over.”  


 “Oh my god, Jeanne.”

That fake smile turns right into a shit-eating grin.

\--

Sasha and I pick up the pace as we head closer to the park, knowing full well that we both want to beat each other to the swings. The air outside is bearable but it’s the wind that keeps blowing in our face that’s the worst part. It just blows right through your clothes, chilling you to the bone.

I don’t think this hoodie is enough. Marco, your clothes are broken.

To our dismay, there are a few children here at the park with their parents keeping a watchful eye on them. Although, I shouldn’t complain too much because there’s not _that_ many. I just wish that these people would have thought the weather was too bad for park going.

I make a quick glance over to Sasha and see her eyes light up immediately. Oh no. Following her gaze, I see that she’s looking at a wonderfully empty swing set. Oh joyous occasion, I can act like a five year old again.

“Last one there’s a rotten egg!”

“That’s Connie’s line!” I shout, running after her. How dare she get a head start!

We’re laughing just as the children are around us but damn, she’s really fast. I guess all that running in physical education in the first semester of school really helped her. Too bad it didn’t do shit for me.

Sasha launches herself onto the red swing and immediately kicks off. I meet up with her just a moment later and settle into the blue swing next to her, stepping backwards and letting myself go. Sasha’s already a good deal higher than me and laughing like a maniac while I’m working on my height.

The wind blows my hair right back as I move forward, cooling my cheeks, but I don’t care. This is so inexplicably fun. I really don’t know what it is about playgrounds and swings that makes people turn into absolute children, no matter their age.

“Jeanne! Watch me do a trick from the swing!”

I look at her in surprise before shouting, “Please don’t break yourself! How do you expect me to explain to Connie that his girlfriend is no longer a singular entity?” Her only response is sticking her pale pink tongue out at me. I retaliate with my lovely middle finger, putting it away quickly as I realize there are children and parents around me. Sasha pulls back, swinging harder, until she’s higher in the air. She’s got her famous dumb smirk on her face, one she always wears when she’s about to do something incredibly stupid.

Once the swing reaches its highest point, Sasha leaps off, twirling in midair, and lands on her ass in the sand surrounding the swings. My first instinct is to laugh and point fingers and my second is to stop and make sure she’s okay before continuing to laugh some more.

But for some unknown reason, my feet hit the ground, skidding against the sand and tossing it around in the air. I abandon the swing and rush to her, feeling increasingly worried that she hasn’t moved from her spot.

Sasha’s shudders and I’m fearing that she might be crying, until she rolls over to her side, face completely red and laughing silently.

“You son of a bitch! I actually _worried_ about you!” I shout, once again forgetting the presence of children and their annoying parents. She smacks her leg as she laughs, doing some weird hiccuping noise as she tries to recover. I grit my teeth and walk away, settling back onto the creaking swing. Once she’s done having her tiny fit, Sasha jumps up, dusting the sand off of her jeans and jacket.

Hmm, I hope she got some in her jeans. Fucking serves her right.

Damn her for being my best friend.

My ever-bubbly friend rejoins me on the swings, wiping away the last bit of tears from her eyes. She kicks off again, lazily swaying back and forth.

“I’m so sorry, Jeanne. That jump was not supposed to end so terribly.” She squeaks in pain as she moves around on the swing.

“Yeah, I bet you wrecked your own ass. What will Connie say to that?” I tease again. It’s always fun reminding her of her just as equally weird boyfriend, especially when she rolls her eyes or groans or does some strange combination of the two. This time I get the unholy hybrid of the two acts.

“Ugh, _please_ , he already does that enough to me. No fall is gonna harm me.”

Wait.

_Wait._

I stare at her, feeling like my eyes could pop from their sockets at any given second. Did she just…imply?

“What? What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen Coach Shadis?” She looks a few times behind her, scared by her own words.

I hop off of the swing, grab her arm, and tug her away from the playground, away from anyone that might disapprove of our not so safe for work conversation. Once we’re a good distance away from the playground and away from anyone in general, I immediately turn to her, watching her honey brown eyes go wide with confusion.

“Sasha, did you…just say that you and Connie…y’know,” I whisper, vaguely gesturing with my hands and clapping them together. Sasha tilts her head to the side, an amused expression on her face.

“Why don’t you just say it? It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” She shrugs. Well, she’s kind of right. Why am I avoiding it so much? Oh yeah, I remember now.

Because it’s embarrassing and I don’t even know how she can be so casual about this.

“How come you and Connie are always like four steps ahead of Marco and I. Shit, next thing I know, you two will be married by the end of the month!”

“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that you’re invited.”

“Sasha! Now is _not_ the time for this bullshit.”

She giggles like a little shit and sits down in the wooden bench next to us. I take the spot next to her and hiss as my ass is assaulted by the frozen seat. What the hell is it today with ass assaulting?

…I can’t _believe_ I keep saying that.

Crossing my legs and leaning my back against the bench, I glare at Sasha some more, hoping she sees how upset I am with her. Who doesn’t tell their best friend that they’re doing naughty things? It’s not like I want the details, oh hell no, but it would have been nice to know sooner.

“S-So…what was it like?” I ask, my eyes darting to the ground quickly as I feel a slight blush coat my cheeks. The feeling in the pit of my stomach is almost unbearable, like the butterflies just want to burst out from me asking this question. Why am I really asking this? It’s none of my fucking business.

But sadly, I want to know more about this because Marco and I have brought it up a few times. The times of hiding and making out aren’t enough to quench our teenage thirst anymore.

Sasha simply shrugs her shoulders and looks up contemplatively. “It’s like…you do the thing and you feel good? Jeanne, I can’t explain it! You just have to do it.” She pokes me, mumbling something about how surprised she is that Marco and I haven’t done it already. Okay, look here you.

“But _how_?” I beg. “How do you even start that shit, like, what do you even do? Do you plan it? Does it just happen?” The questions flow from my mouth quicker than water rushing through a stream. By the time I stop, I realize that I’m clenching Sasha’s arm tightly.

Sex is a very important topic, okay?

“Uhh, other than making sure you have protection, it just…happens?” That’s the best answer I’m going to get and it frustrates me to no end. I back off a bit, releasing her from my white-knuckled grasp.

“I don’t know why I ever ask you anything.” That sounded meaner than it needed to be. Oh well, Sasha knows that I’m only fucking with her. Hopefully. Maybe. The wind blows against us, swaying our hair around and causing me to shiver.

“Okay, okay, I’ll try an explain it,” Sasha clears her throat, shifting her body to face me. I just turn my head to her, looking at her quizzically. “So, imagine, you and Marco together and it’s getting kinda hot. You start gazing into each other’s eyes…” She leans closer to me and I can’t help but back away. Her fucking voice is so low and husky, it sends shivers down my spine. It just changed all of a sudden; I didn’t think Sasha was capable of that.

She raises her hands up to my face, caressing me with her soft, gentle touch. Is it cold? Yeah, I think it’s really cold. No, I lied, it’s hot. It’s extremely hot, especially my face. My face is hot and oh dear god, why is she getting closer to me?

My brain is literally being fried with every passing second. Sasha is too unpredictable.

“And once you two are looking at each other, you get close like this. And then you…” 

Oh my god, I can feel her hot breath against my lips, she’s that close. Sasha? Sasha, no. If this is a joke then you should have stopped it ages ago. She giggles lightly, pulling away just a tiny inch.

_I can’t fucking take this anymore! What on Earth is she doing?_

“Uhhh…? What the fuck is going here?”

_I AM GOING TO SCREAM!_

Sasha and I whirl around to see the source of the voice and I just want to die. It’s fucking Eren looking extremely confused and uncomfortable.

Fuck you, Eren. Fuck you and your stupid grey jacket and black beanie. You look dumb as hell. But I probably look even more like a damn fool, blushing a bright red and looking absolutely _guilty._

It’s a very awkward few moments of just staring and stammering before Eren decides to turn on his heel and walk away quickly. Normally, I’d let him run away and never speak of this again but… _he knows too much._

“Quick! Sasha! After him!” I shout, pointing in his direction as he scurries off. Sasha jumps from the bench and runs after him, just like a loyal dog. Eren breaks into a sprint and I hop off from the bench as well, chasing after them. Our footsteps are loud against the concrete sidewalks as we all run in a damn line. I’ve never felt such an adrenaline rush, especially when my number one arch nemesis just caught my best friend being a fucking moron with me.

“Eren! I’m sorry you had to see that! I swear, I’m not in lesbians with her! She’s just bad at intimacy!”

“SASHA!”

This is a horrible day.

\--

“I’m really impressed with you, Jeanne. You started this class off strong and have improved so much since,” Petra exclaims with excitement as she goes over my latest work. I smile a little, enjoying the well deserved attention of my skill. Yeah, I know I’m the best in this class. Petra continues, “I’d love to know your secret for making such beautiful work! You seem to be really happy.”

Haha, well I am. Happy with a certain freckled student in my class.

“A-Ah, yeah. Life’s been running pretty smoothly.”

Petra offers me a warm smile before making her way around the classroom again, seeing if anyone needs help or a small critique. I lean back in my chair, feeling awfully giddy about her words. 

Our current assignment requires us to use acrylic paints and so far, it’s been a lot easier for me than I imagined. I normally avoid painting if at all possible, because the stress of fucking up is too real for me. I’ve heard that you can fix it easily but I’m still wary of it.

“Wow, Jeanne, that looks so nice. I wish I had your talent,” Hannah whispers softly, looking at my canvas. _Stop._

I stare down at my painting. We were allowed to choose whatever subject we wanted in our home, so naturally I picked my cat, Josephine. She’s such a good model because all she does is sleep on my bed, making minimal movement other than stretching or yawning.

Specifically, my painting is of Josephine sleeping in the middle of my bed during a sunny afternoon, so a nice amount of light is filtering in. The only critique Petra had for my work is to add more highlights to Josephine’s fur and to different spots around the room. That’s not too bad, I guess. I prefer working with pencil and anything dark, so normally I don’t worry about making highlights; I only work on shadows and modeling the figures.

Hannah points to Josephine with her pinky finger, careful not to touch the actual painting. Not that I’d even mind; it’s dry anyway. “I really like how you painted its fur. It looks so real.”

“O-Oh, thanks, Hannah.” Art class is such a confidence booster for me.

The bell sounds overhead, signaling the end of our fourth period class. Petra dismisses us with a cheery smile and kind words of encouragement. I sling my bag over my shoulder, gathering my painting and wrapping it carefully with a plastic covering. It’s been raining quite a bit for the past few days, so lugging this thing around has been an absolute nightmare.

As per usual, Marco waits for my outside the art room, panting slightly as he normally hurries down this hall to greet me. I smile at him, opening my arms up invitingly and somewhat clumsily, considering the painting in my hand. He wraps his strong arms around my waist and kisses me hard.

Oh.

He’s never done this in school before. Well, except for that time we got banned in the library a few weeks ago. But here? With everyone walking past us?

“Hi, Jeannie. I missed you,” he says, voice low and silky.

 _Oh._

“Yeah, I can see that. Everything all right?” I ask, wrapping my free arm around his waist, while his arm goes around my shoulders.

“Of course, now that I’m with you.” 

_Stop!_

“Stop being such a gross romantic. We’re just about to have lunch with our stupid class.” I try to play it off that his tone isn’t making me feel some type of way but I am an honest woman. And his tone and the way he’s touching me is really making me feel some type of way.

“Yeah, but that last class was so long and boring without you,” he draws out on the final syllable.

“Aw, poor baby! I’m pretty sure you can survive forty five minutes without me. You’re a big boy after all.” 

Marco pouts like a child, sticking his lip and looking insanely adorable. Knowing full well that it doesn’t work, Marco erupts into a fit of laughs and giggles. “I can’t even keep a straight face while doing that.”

“That’s because it doesn’t suit you. You’re just a _perfect_ , angelic little boy who never does anything wrong.” 

“W-What? I’m not _that_ perfect. Why does everyone think like that?” Marco asks, blushing and scratching under his nose with his index finger. I squeeze him tight with my arm, sliding my fingers under his shirt and tickling the bare skin I come in contact with. Honestly, I can’t tell if Marco jumps from being tickled or because my hands are ice cold. Either way, it’s hilarious listening to him squeak from the contact.

A few minutes later, we file back into class go straight to mine and Sasha’s table next to the door. I almost trip Marco over as I stop dead in my tracks, eyes wide as if headlights were the thing I could see. Marco looks at me immediately, concern written all over his face as my expression changes from shock to anger.

Eren.

At MY table. In MY seat.

“Jeanne, sit down before I drop kick you into a chair.” The intensity in Sasha’s voice brings me back to reality and I back away just a step. Marco’s already done us both a favor and grabbed two chairs for us. I sit down quickly, not ready to hear Sasha’s parental voice again.

“May I ask why _he_ is here?” 

“Can’t even say hi like a normal human, can you?”

“You wanna fuckin’ go, Jäger?”

“Jeannie! Calm down.” Marco firmly puts his hand over my arm, keeping me from reaching over the table and throttling Eren. I glare daggers at this boy and he just brushes me off and goes back to his sandwich. Yeah, you eat that shitty sandwich, fucker. I hope it’s moldy.

“Since we couldn’t catch Eren the other day, I had him sit down so I could explain what had happened,” Sasha mumbles, munching on her apple. I stare at her in disbelief as she just casually explains these things.

Eren shrugs his shoulder, frowning. “I really don’t give a shit what you two do out in public. You do you and I’ll do me.”

Marco looks around the table, absolutely confused. He’s even making his signature confused face, the one where his eyebrows are furrowed, his lips turned down into a slight frown. Too bad I can’t relish in how cute he looks because I’m afraid he’s gonna question what the fuck’s going on.

“So wait…what exactly happened?”

“NO!” I shout, slamming my hand on the table. I get a few curious looks from the rest of the class and accidentally make eye contact with Mikasa. This is horrible. Quick, I need to think of some quick diversion. “Ahaha, so Marco, baby, where do you wanna go after school today? I’ll go anywhere!”

Sasha snickers and Eren rolls his eyes at my pathetic attempt to change the subject. Fortunately, Marco has the decency to let it slide for once, knowing that I’m so embarrassed right now, I could drop dead. I almost wish I could.

This is a horrible day.

\--

Marco never let me live down the experience I had with Sasha over a week ago.

He just laughed when I admitted she was being an idiot and joked about it. I wished for a swift end but instead it was prolonged. Marco assured me that he honestly didn’t care because he knows how unpredictable and silly Sasha can be.

He also didn't even help me when I told him Eren bore witness to such a tragedy. He’d just smile and say something like “It serves him right, yeah?” hoping to please me.

Yeah, yeah, Marco. We both know you don’t really think like that. In fact, you’re just as curious as to why I hate Eren so much anyway.

Too bad, lover boy. Until you tell me what your problem is, you’re not gonna know about the wrongs the enemy has committed against me.

And now if you’ll excuse me, bad and embarrassing thoughts, I have a sick cat to attend to.

A sick cat that just vomited all over my carpet and ran away under the bed. Goddammit, Josephine!

This is a horrible fucking day.

\-- 

“Mmm, Jeannie, can you come over today? I really miss you,” Marco mumbles, nuzzling into the crook of my neck. I pat his head soothingly, smiling at how needy and gross he sounds.

“You doing okay there, Marco? I think you’ve caught a case of the gross boyfriend.”

“Oh, really? Well, Dr. Kirstein, is it fatal?”

“Oh god, yeah, you’re fucked. This is it, this is the end.”

Marco makes a small whiny noise before putting more of his body weight on me. We both start sliding to the side and I almost fall out of my seat. Stomping my feet on the ground, I stop us both from falling over and Marco sits back up in his chair.

“God, I let you sit next to me in class for the first and only time and you try to push me over and give me your disease.” I try my best to sound utterly disgusted but it’s not really working with the giggles that threaten to come out. Marco carefully nudges me, laughing at my poor attempts at seriousness.

“Are you sure I’ll be fine here? I mean, I know Sasha was absent today, but I’m worried about Levi getting upset that I’m not in my normal seat.”

I roll my eyes at the mention of our Grammar teacher’s name. “Literally no other teacher gave a shit that you weren’t sitting in your normal seat, Marco. I’m sure he won’t make a fuss.” I lace my fingers through Marco’s, lifting his hand up to my lips and kissing it sweetly. “Besides, if Levi looks at you, just stay perfectly still. I heard his vision is based on movement.”

Marco appreciates the joke and we both suppress a flurry of giggles. We quickly shush each other, as well as the entire class, when we hear a familiar set of footsteps down the hallway. They’re fast paced and very light and serves as extreme nightmare fuel. Marco takes his notebook and pen out, ready to copy down the notes that Levi gives the best he can. I should do the same but I’m just not in any damn mood to take notes. At least Marco’s an auditory learner so he can just recite today’s class back to me.

Levi shuffles into the classroom, muttering something about Erwin and making him late. I honesty stop listening because I’m pretty sure I know what he’s fucking talking about. What catches my attention, though, is the fact that he’s stopped mid-stride, halfway across the classroom. The class simply stares at him in anticipation as he makes his way back to my table.

Are you fucking serious right now?

“Bodt, what the hell are you doing in that seat?”

_Marco! Stay still! Stop fidgeting!_

“I-I, uh, I was j-just uh,” Marco stutters hard, unable to come up with a quick enough response. Levi keeps his eyes on him, maintaining a straight face but he seems upset.

“Where is Braus?”

“S-She’s absent, sir,” I speak up, my voice a few pitches too high to be normal. Levi’s grey eyes narrow, a slight shine glistening across them. 

“Marco, get back to your normal seat. For Christ’s sake, you can see your girlfriend after class when you’re banging her.”

My face instantly flushes a bright crimson, getting hotter and hotter by the second. The class chuckles quietly and I repress the urge to get up and either punch them in the face or run away. Run far, far away. Marco gets up, haphazardly grabbing his things and scurrying off to his side of the room. I bet his face is the same tomato red as mine, if not worse.

Levi clears his throat and begins the lesson, flipping through his notes scrawled onto a stapled wad of paper. He quickly grabs a highlighter and marks a few things before scribbling down some more notes.

“All right, since you’ve managed to disrupt my train of thought…” Levi speaks, giving me the feeling that he’s talking explicitly to me. “Jeanne, what was our example sentence for the past perfect continuous construction I gave on Monday?”

“U-Uh…” Shit. What the fuck was it? I remember it was something really bleak and almost disturbing. “W-Wasn’t it, like, ‘he had been such a pure child before he became one with the darkness’ or something?” I sincerely hope I got this right because that was a tough and obscure thing to remember.

Levi sighs, signaling to me that I missed something in the sentence. I duck my head a little bit, fighting the urge to look at all the disappointed faces behind. Tch, I bet none of them remembered the damn thing either.

“It’s ‘he had been such a pure child before he became one with the _shadows_ ,’ Jeanne. You’d do well to remember that.” Nitpicky bastard. “Hurry up and write it down so you won’t forget for the next time I ask you.”

I tear out some paper from my notebook, making sure it’s ripped and jagged, just so I can piss him off. Levi glances at it and stiffens momentarily before he turns away from me and starts writing on the board. He can bitch all he want about shadows but at least he can’t do anything about how I take my notes and what kind of fucked up paper I use.

…Although, I will transfer these notes back into my notebook some point over the weekend.

The squeaks of the marker against the whiteboard signal that its time to write as quickly as possible in order to get _everything_ down.

At least I’ll be with Marco all night until the early morning tomorrow. Maybe it won’t be a horrible day today.

\--

When we get to Marco’s apartment, I immediately throw myself on the soft couch in the small living room, stretching out with a contented sigh. Marco chuckles softly, leaning down to give me a kiss on the cheek, pulling away with a loud popping noise. I swat at him but he’s too quick for me, standing just out of my reach.

He brings a finger up to his lips, telling me to keep quiet as he tiptoes to his mother’s room. I lazily pick myself up, leaning over the back of the couch to peer down the hall just in time to see Marco slip inside. I think he said he told his mom I’ll be over so she won’t get alarmed if she wakes up and sees me. So he’s probably just reminding her, bless his heart.

I lay back down on the couch, almost slipping off when I move too quickly. Hearing the creak of the bedroom door, I look up when Marco reenters the living room, taking a seat just in front of me on the floor.

“So what’s the verdict.”

“Mom said it was okay and turned over to fall right back asleep. Well, I guess she mumbled it.”

“Aww, why’d you wake up your mom like that?”

Marco brushes me off. “Oh, don’t worry about her. Mom normally falls back to sleep right away. She’ll forget that I even woke her up just now.”

I reach up and start playing with his hair a bit, loving the feeling of his soft, thick hair tickling my fingers. Marco leans back, his eyes closed with a smile on his face, obviously enjoying the small gesture.

“So what’s my boyfriend got in store for us this wonderful Friday afternoon? Hmm?” I hum, petting his hair. Marco doesn’t respond for a few moments and I pull my hand away, eliciting a whine from him.

“For now, we can occupy ourselves with mindless television shows.”

“Damn, that’s so sexy,” I say, sarcasm oozing from my voice. Marco turns around, sticking his tongue out at me. I retaliate with a small kiss on his round nose before he turns to grab the remote from the small glass coffee table.

The television hums to life as he presses the power, coming on to some show about wedding dresses? The lady looks dismayed at the white gown adorning her petite body. I scrunch up my nose when I realize what network this is.

“Marco, I need you to be honest with me. Do you watch TLC regularly? Because if so, I’m sorry, that’s a deal breaker.” I put my hands up, leaning up from the couch uncomfortably. Marco laughs and scratches his nose in a nervous manner, having the decency to switch channels to something random.

“No, Jeannie. My mom watches it to make fun of it.” Marco looks away, contemplating the situation. “I-I think…she used to watch it ironically but now she can’t stop.”

“Goodbye, Marco’s mother. She’s gone now.”

Marco turns around so fast, color draining from his face. Oh god, I said something stupid again. He chuckles nervously and concentrates back on the remote. Sighing, I run my hands down his chest and nuzzle as close as I can to him from the couch.

“‘M sorry, Marco.”

“It’s okay, Jeannie. I know you weren’t trying to be rude. H-Here, let’s just pick some silly movie that’s on right now.”

We’re quiet for a few moments, just watching as Marco fiddles around with the remote and flips through channels. I yawn and stretch my limbs out, feeling almost euphoric as my muscles relax and a few bones crack. Settling back down on the couch, I reach back over to Marco and place my hands square on his chest, feeling the wonderfully hard body beneath his T-shirt.

He chuckles as I lean in close, planting quick, chaste kisses on his freckled cheek as I rub my hands over him. I move some more, kissing lower to his neck, causing him to shiver beneath the ghostly touch.

“Mmm, Jeannie, what’s gotten into you?”

“Nothin’. You just keep watching TV, okay? Don’t worry about me.” My hands move over to his arms, feeling up the warm skin and sliding up to his shoulders. Marco relaxes beneath my touch, closing his eyes once more and moving closer to me.

I pull my hands away abruptly, smirking in delight as Marco groans in protest. I place my hands behind my head, lacing my fingers together and looking straight at whatever’s on the television as Marco mutters how I’m a horrible tease.

Damn straight I am.

Throughout our small movie marathon, that lasted a few hours, I’d slowly tease Marco, building him up and stopping immediately. He fell for it each time and would slump over in defeat, whining that I can’t keep doing that. I asked why and he’d simply flash me a devious smile, promising me that he didn’t know how much longer he’d take it if I continued.

So by that logic, I kept at it. And because I kept at it, Marco suddenly sits up, jumping on the couch, and kisses me hard on the lips. I make a small squeak at the quick movement and pressure on my body but I soon melt into the kiss. We’ve gotten so much better at this recently, especially since that messed up make out from the beach all those months ago.

Marco brushes his tongue against my lips, wanting to get more, and I eagerly comply, parting my lips for him. He settles the rest of his body between my legs, pressing closer against me, desperately wanting more. I feel so hot all of a sudden, like this is different. Something is so different but I don’t mind. I want it.

His slick tongue twists and tangles with mine as curious hands slide under my shirt and onto the bare skin of my waist. I suppress a moan when his warm, broad hands glide over my breasts, squeezing them. We pull away for a quick second to regain our breath and I look deeply into Marco’s eyes. They’re so different now. His eyes are dark and lustful; it sends a shiver down my spine. 

“T-To your room, yeah?” I manage to speak, voice cracking from how barely audible it was. Damn, Marco’s so good at making me feel so dirty.

“Y-Yeah, sounds good,” he whispers, voice low and husky. He places one more kiss on my lips before standing from the couch, extending his arm to me to help me up. I take it gladly and he leads me into his room, both of us forgetting to turn off the TV. Once the door is shut, Marco’s on me again, pushing me back to his bed. We fall over, with him on top, and he latches to my neck, sucking and nipping at the exposed skin. Fuck! Fuck, this feels amazing already.

We’ve had intense make outs in the past but nothing before has ever felt like this.

Marco’s hands grab at my shirt, tugging it over my head and tossing it over the bed. He takes a moment to look at me, eyes roving over my almost exposed chest, and licks his lips. Goddamn. Marco grabs at the back of his collar and pulls his shirt off, discarding it to the same vicinity as mine. My cheeks feel so hot and red as I shakily reach up to his bare chest, running them up and down, relishing the feeling of his warmth.

I think…we’re going to go further. We’ve already broken our “only one shirt off at a time” rule and goddamn, I am _not_ complaining.

He smiles warmly down at me and whispers, “Jeannie, I want you. W-Would you be comfortable with…going all the way?” The only response I can offer him is a disgustingly eager nod. Damn, I’m thirsty. His smile grows wider, slightly losing his lustful edge and bringing back his boyish charm. “You’re so beautiful, Jeannie. I-I, uh, I can’t wait to be…i-in you.”

Bless his heart, he’s trying to talk dirty to me.

I reach my hands up to his cheeks, holding them gently, and return his smile. “Marco, you don’t have to try so hard. It’s just me. So all you have to do is just…be you.” Marco leans down, kissing me sweetly on the lips.

“Thank you, baby.” Fuck!

I almost squeak when I feel his hands slide behind me, fiddling with the clasps of my bra. My heart starts racing and my breathing becomes shallow as I realize we’re actually going to do this. We’re gonna do this. _We’re gonna do this_. I swallow the lump in my throat, trying to calm myself as Marco struggles with the bra.

I laugh gently at the face he’s making, his super serious concentration face that he only makes during difficult tasks. Oh boy, he’s got a lot to learn. He finally manages to get all three clasps undone before sliding his hands back over, grabbing my silky bra and taking it off.

Marco blushes hard, bright red settling across his face as a thin layer of sweat forms. He swallows thickly, slowing moving his eyes from mine, and looks at my completely exposed chest. My chest heaves as I try to calm my erratic breathing, feeling increasingly nervous and self conscious.

“T-They’re, uh, they’re so pretty, Jeannie. M-May I…touch them?”

“Please.”

Marco nods, gently grabbing my breasts in his hands, and squeezes them experimentally. I shudder from such a ghostly touch, blushing a darker shade of red at how hard my nipples are. My entire body feels like it’s on fire, the hypersensitivity driving me crazy. Marco squeezes harder, moving his hands so his fingers rub against the sensitive skin.

I squirm lightly beneath his touch, arching my back slightly to feel his hands on me more. I just want his hands all over me, not in one spot.

“M-Marco, c-can you do more?” I whisper, silently begging him to do something else.

“O-Okay, l-like what?”

“Anything you’d like to do to me.” I can’t believe that just came out of my mouth.

Marco moves his head down, hovering over my right breast, and licks it. I moan out loud, slapping my hand over my mouth. For such a small touch, it sends a spark of electricity through my body, nothing like I’ve ever felt before.

Pleased with my reaction, Marco runs his tongue against me some more, slowing down and watching my expression for any sign of discomfort. Trust me, Marco, I’m nowhere near in pain right now. What you’re doing feels so good right now; it feels so dirty, too.

Not wanting to keep my hands idle any longer, I reach down, running them down Marco’s chest once again. It never gets old, okay? I really enjoy how he feels. As I reach down to his jeans, Marco takes the chance to slide one of his hands down my body to my thighs. My breath hitches in my throat as his hand dips in between my legs, rubbing firmly against my crotch. My breathing becomes even more erratic and desperate as I struggle to keep myself quiet. Of course we fucking do this shit with his mother just a few _feet_ away from us.

“Do you like that? Is that okay?”

“Fucking hell, Marco. I love it so much. Touch me all you want.” I can’t even recognize my voice anymore. It’s so needy and I can only seem to gasp out my responses. Marco presses two fingers against me, fingering over my jeans. I grind my hips into his touch, wanting more, so much more. When I remember what I was doing with my hands before Marco distracted me, I work on unbuttoning his jeans, pulling the zipper down.

He groans, probably feeling relieved that I released him from his confines somewhat. I bite my lip, running my fingers clumsily over his hardened cock and _holy shit_. I never expected him to be so eager for this, for me. Marco shudders from my touch, pausing momentarily from giving me pleasure. I take the opportunity to bring Marco into a deep, heated kiss. He ruts his hips into my hand, yearning for friction on his cock.

“J-Jeannie, I want you so much. I-I’ve thought about this a lot.”

“Mmm, yeah? What did y-you think about?”

“Y-You…uh, n-naked and wanting m-me.” Someone teach this boy. “B-But, baby. I c-can’t wait. I want you now. L-Let’s hurry a-and take our pants o-off.”

Something hits me like a brick to the head. There’s something yelling at me to stall for a moment. Why the fuck are you doing this now, brain? I’m trying to enjoy potential sex with my boyfriend an— 

Oh.

“M-Marco? Before we do that…do you have any, like…protection? Any condoms?”

Marco freezes in place, color draining from his face. Did I do something wrong?

“N-No,” he responds sheepishly. “N-No, damn, I don’t. I didn’t want to buy any until we had agreed to this s-so you wouldn’t feel pressured or anything.” You sweet angel. 

I can’t help but smile at my hopeless boyfriend, who always thinks of others before himself.

“Well, we can run and get some. I-I don’t want to stop doing…this, what we’re doing now, with you.” I gesture pathetically between us. Marco smiles, relaxing a little, and sits up. I slide out from under him and sit up as well, trying to look anywhere but his black underwear that's housing his hard cock.

Fuck! I’m looking!

Marco slips off of his bed and pulls his slouching jeans up, buttoning them back up and adjusting himself in them. He gropes around for our shirts and tosses mine to me before shrugging his own back on. I decide to forgo the bra and just put my shirt back on, hoping to borrow one of Marco’s baggier hoodies to hide the fact that I’m being lazy.

“At least this way, Mom should be off to work by the time we get home. So we’ll be…home alone,” Marco says quietly, reading my mind and handing me one of his darker hoodies. It’s soft and very heavy, perfect for concealing the lack of a bra.

Without hesitation, we head out of his room, tiptoeing down the hall and rush through the front door and on our way to the closest pharmacy.

Hot damn.

\--

The closest pharmacy is about a ten minute walk away and is a small, family owned one, that I could not for the life of me remember who owns it. Oh well, it doesn’t matter. We’re here for condoms and that’s it. Once we retrieve the goods, we’re gonna run like hell back to his place and fuck.

Why was that so easy to say?

Marco and I browse the aisles, feeling more and more nervous as we look around. There are a few other customers in the store, mainly elderly folk getting prescription refills and whatnot. I feel an overwhelming sense of dread as we get closer to find what we need.

Marco tugs on my sleeve, gesturing to the left, and we walk to the opposite end of the aisle, far away from the entrance of the store. Damn, it almost feels like finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, except this pot of gold is expensive as shit and really hard to get the courage to buy.

I look at Marco expectantly, waiting for him to grab a package so we can pay and leave. Instead, he just stares at them, hands clenching and unclenching, making small attempts to grab one but quickly putting his hand away. I roll my eyes, growing impatient, and just grab a random one. Moving the package around in my hands, I try to read if this is one we can even use. What the hell does ultra-ribbed mean?

I hold it up for Marco to see, only to have him look away, blushing like a madman. “Is this okay? I’m not exactly sure what we’re supposed to get but…”

“W-Well, uh, w-what about this?” Marco asks, grabbing a purple colored package. “I-It says ‘Her Pleasure’ o-on it so…I-I could get it for you.” Oh my god, I don’t want to be standing here debating over condoms. “Or wait, what about the ones that say ‘Magnum’ on it? Should I get that?”

“Marco! I don’t know how big your dick is! Just pick any damn one and lets go!” I realize how loud I’m being by the horrified expression on Marco’s face and the fact that some elderly woman just walked by, complaining about how unnecessarily lewd I’m being. This is why I’m trying to hurry, Marco. The longer I’m in public, the more likely I am to completely and utterly embarrass myself.

Marco puts the other condoms away, taking the one I have in my hand, and gently guides me to another aisle close by. “W-We can’t just buy this right? D-Do you want any candy?”

Oh my god. Is he really going to pull this trick?

“Marco, you’re just making it more obvious that you’re trying to hide the condoms by buying candy with it!”

“A-Ah, yeah, you’re right.” Marco gives up the act and walks ahead of me, dreading the next part of our mission. Buying the damn thing and being silently judged by the person behind the cash register. Marco and I trudge up to the cashier, thanking any deity out there that there was no line.

“Hello, how are y—“

“Oh dear God.”

“Oh. Hey, Jeanne and Marco.”

Eren.

Oh my God in the blue skies above this is Dr. Jäger’s pharmacy. Fucking Eren’s dad _owns_ this shit. And Eren’s working the shift right now, right here with us at the store.

Marco chuckles nervously, his free hand glued to his neck while the other slowly and carefully puts the pack of condoms onto the counter. Eren tries his hardest not to make a face but he squints down at the small orange box.

“O-Oh.”

Blushing hard and needing to act impulsively, I grab a handful of candy from the rack below the counter and stuff it onto the table, covering the condoms. Eren just raises his eyebrows and Marco mewls lightly.

“Shut the fuck up. You’re not supposed to judge customer’s purchases.”

“Oh trust me, I’m judging you two so hard,” he says sarcastically, rolling his eyes. I fight every urge in me to reach over and grab him by the collar. But if I did that, then no condoms. Eren picks up the box and scans it, along with the gratuitous amount of candy, and looks over to his monitor, checking the price.

“It’s gonna be $15.87.” 

“What the fuck, you con artist.”

“J-Jeannie, it’s okay.” Marco’s voice shakes as he speaks, handing Eren a twenty from his wallet. I make a disgusting face towards Eren but unfortunately he doesn’t see it as he counts Marco’s change for him.

“All right, you two. Uh, have fun?”

“Fuck you.”

\--

Marco and I almost rush back into the apartment, both from a sudden adrenaline rush and because our trip to the pharmacy could not have gone any worse. I don’t even want to think about Eren knowing what we’re doing tonight. If I do, I might not be able to keep the mood and goddammit, I want to fuck Marco.

He puts a finger to his lips, politely gesturing for me to keep quiet as he goes down the hall to check for his mother. I was put in charge of watching our loot as I wait and fortunately I had the great idea of stuffing the condoms in the big hoodie pocket and leaving all the candy in the plastic bag just in case.

“Okay, she’s gone to work. You can come into the room now,” Marco calls out to me, wearing a dopey grin on his face. I return it with a smirk and saunter down the hall, trying my hardest not to look like a damn fool. Marco’s eyebrows arch up high, watching me as I walk closer to him, looking a little nervous. When I pass by him to his room, I reach out and tickle him real quick to loosen him up.

“Relax, Marco. You look so stiff and nervous.” Yeah, listen to me talk. My heart’s racing again just thinking about doing what we did earlier and _then some._

Marco chuckles nervously, scratching his nose as he shuts the door behind him. I toss the bag of goodies on the floor next to his desk and take out the grand prize from the pockets, setting them on the small nightstand next to his bed. Before I have a chance to turn around, Marco’s hands find their way onto me, groping me all over and pulling me back against his broad chest. He dips down, kissing my neck, and quickly takes the hoodie off of me, somewhat thankful that he gave me one that zips up.

“S-Someone’s eager.”

“I-I’ve been like this since we left. J-Just waiting t-to get back to you,” he whispers, breathing a little hard and rocking his hips into my ass.

“F-Fuck, l-let’s just…get back to the bed.” There it is again, that strange, coiling heat in between my legs. I’m not sure if I can last another round of intense foreplay; I just want to go straight to the fucking.

Marco presses a sloppy kiss to my cheek before reaching down and taking my shirt off, throwing it to the ground. He pulls his off as well and reaches down to unbutton his jeans, pulling them down in one quick motion. I swallow thickly, thinking I should do the same. My hands shakily reach for my own and slide them down carefully.

I turn around, and look at him, catching his gaze and staring hard. We’re both in our underwear just standing here. It’s amazing that I’m still alive from how rapidly my heart is beating; I can feel my pulse throughout the entirety of my body.

“P-Pink?”

I deadpan, momentarily losing the nervous feeling.

“Hey, if you’re gonna make fun of my panties, then I’ll just go home, Mr. Black Briefs.” I put my hands on my hips, trying to look mildly annoyed. Marco’s hands shoot up in front of him, laughing.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that but…they’re just…really cute. Especially on you.” Marco closes the small gap between us, pressing his lips against mine and holding my face in his hands lovingly. He carefully backs us up, letting me lie on the bed first before crawling on top of me and settling in between my legs.

I pull him down for another, deeper kiss, keeping him as close to me as possible. When his cock brushes against me, I feel a small jolt of electricity to my groin. Fuck, fuck I need him. Should I tell him that? I-I think that’s sexy, right?

“M-Marco, p-please, I need you.” I don’t recognize my voice anymore. I’ve never ever sounded so needy in my life.

Marco pauses for a moment, staring into my eyes for any sign of the contrary. The edge of my lips curl upward, offering him a small, content smile. He kisses me softly before sliding his hands down my body, reaching the hem of my panties. Fuck, I just want him to hurry this up.

His finger slips underneath the hem, tugging on them first before pulling them up to my thighs. Marco sits up and pulls them off of me, eyes careful not to look down yet. I close my legs the best I can, letting out low, shallow pants in anticipation.

“M-May I…s-see you?” Hng, why does he sound so cute and innocent doing naughty things? I nod slowly, opening my legs shyly for him, letting him see all of me. Fuck, how do you even prepare for something like this? I’m so nervous, like, what if there’s something wrong. What if he thinks I’m ugly.

“Y-You’re so…b-beautiful, Jeanne.” _Stop!_

“T-Thanks?”

“C-Can I touch you…there?” I bite my lip at his shy request.

“Marco, I t-told you before and I’ll tell you again. Do whatever you want. I-I’ll be fine.” Marco gulps, sliding his long fingers down my stomach and dipping in between my legs. He watches me as I squirm, desperate to feel his touch against me. One finger glides past my clit and I let out a small squeak.

“A-Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah…d-do that again.”

He runs his finger over it again, this time lingering over it as he does. Fuck, fuck, this is nothing like I’ve ever felt before. Even just daydreaming about him doing this feels nothing like the actual thing.

“Y-You look really, uh, cute, Jeanne.” I sit up quickly, causing Marco to jump, and bring him into a kiss as I grab ahold of his underwear, pulling it off of him. He laughs into the kiss, helping me to get them over his cock so I don’t hurt him, and kicks them off. They land somewhere on the floor but that’s not important right now.

What’s important is Marco’s hard dick and oh man, I think I’m swooning. He smiles at me nervously, looking away bashfully.

“Holy shit, Marco. You _are_ big.”

“Eheh, you think so? I-I mean, thank you.” Marco points to me quickly. “Y-Your tits are really cute.”

I lift my hands up, covering my breasts, and make a face at him. I can’t tell if that was supposed to be sexy or cute but it instead just embarrassed me. Seeking revenge, I place my finger on the tip of his head and pull it down slightly, letting his dick spring back up. Oh my god, that actually looks funny.

Marco squeaks and steadies his cock again, laughing. “What was that for?”

“For saying gross things.”

I shift closer to him, both of us sitting on our knees in front of each other, and gently wrap my fingers around the base of his shaft. It’s incredibly hard and warm, very warm in fact. Marco sucks in a breath, holding it as he watches me carefully. I stroke his cock gently, feeling it twitch a little in my hand. Gross.

“This is…not what I expected to feel, Marco.”

“I-Is something the matter?”

“I just thought it would feel, like, really hard and rough. It just feels like…skin. It’s squishy.”

Marco guffaws loudly, resting his forehead against mine, and just laughs away. Wow, really? Was what I said really _that_ funny?

“You’re so precious, Jeannie. So fucking precious,” he whispers, voice low and dominating all of a sudden. Holy shit, where did such a change come from. Marco pushes me backwards onto the bed, hovering over me. He presses a few kisses to my lips, my jaw and neck before looking down and…admiring me. He runs his right hand over my body one more time, lingering over my breasts and nipples, sliding slowly across my stomach and running it up my thigh, pushing my legs farther apart.

“A-Are you ready? You ready for me, Jeannie?” I nod quickly. This buildup has gone on for too long now and I just want him. I _need_ him inside.

“Y-Yeah, Marco. I-I’m ready.” He teases me with one more kiss before reaching for the box of condoms. He opens the flap and takes one out, gulping as he tears the package open. I stare at him nervously, the beating in my chest increasing along with the pulsing in between my legs. I’ve never felt so wet and needy in my life. It almost feels like I could die if something doesn’t happen soon.

He rolls the condom onto his dick, making sure it’s on properly. He continues making small adjustments for a few moments before I put my hands on his, keeping him steady and basically telling him to stop messing around. Marco smiles at me before positioning himself between my legs, placing his hands under my knees.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

“P-Please tell me if something doesn’t feel right or if it hurts. I-I want you t-to feel really good, Jeannie.”

I jump slightly as I feel the tip of his head against my pussy. Oh fuck, oh fuck. It’s happening. It’s finally fucking happening. He pushes it in carefully, watching for my reaction the best he can. I pant through parted lips, lifting my hips up slightly to make it easier for him. He’s moving ever so slowly inside but he’s inside me. _He’s inside of me._

It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt at all, but I can tell he’s in there. He’s stretching me and I wince when he gets deeper. 

“J-Jeannie, is this h-hurting?” I can only shake my head, words unable to form properly in my head. Marco sighs in content. “Y-You feel really, really good, baby. L-Like really good. S-So good and s-slippery. F-Fuck, Jeannie, you’re really wet a-aren’t you.”

His dirty talk is absolutely embarrassing and I’m trying so hard not to laugh. It would be rude to laugh at a guy with his dick in you, right? Yeah, I’ll be nice. I guess we all can’t have everything, like a hot boyfriend with a big dick AND who knows how to talk sexily.

I reach up and tangle my fingers in his dark locks, gasping as he fills me up. Marco stalls for a moment, allowing me time to adjust to his size. It doesn’t hurt, it’s just a little uncomfortable, but I can manage. Marco reaches for my free hand, lacing our fingers together and holding it tight.

“M-Marco, please, m-move.”

He grunts as he pulls back and pushes in slowly. Marco keeps this up for a bit before increasing his pace, trying to keep his movements from being too sloppy. I squirm beneath his touch, silently panting and throwing my head back into the pillow, begging him for more. Marco thrusts faster and faster into me and it feels like I’m being overwhelmed with all new sensations.

“I-I’ve dreamt of this, J-Jeannie. G-God y-you’re so tight a-and wet. I don’t know i-if I can last long.”

I cry out when he thrusts into me a certain way. Like, holy shit, what was that? I didn’t know there was more I could feel.

“D-Do that again. P-Please, Marco,” I beg desperately, moaning louder as Marco complies. Marco runs his free hand along my outer thigh, digging his fingers into the skin and holding me tight. I feel something hot and burning in my lower abdomen as he fucks my pussy hard.

The bed creaks beneath us the faster Marco moves but we can barely hear it through our panting and moaning and the sweet nothings we whisper to each other. I pull him down by the hair and kiss him, biting and sucking on his lips as he holds me as close to him as possible.

“J-Jeannie, baby, I can’t— I can’t last much longer.”

“T-Then just come. I-It’ll be okay, baby.”

Snapping his hips against mine, the noise of our skin colliding together joins the cacophony of desperate moans and creaking beds. Marco’s got his eyes close in pure pleasure, mouth open and groaning hard as he gives me a few more strong thrusts.

“J-Jeannie, I-I’m right there. I’m right the— I’m g-gonna, gonna c-co— ah!” Marco’s hips thrust one more time before pressing against me, keeping himself deep inside of me as he comes hard with my name on his tongue. His chest heaves as he tries to regain his breath and collapses on top of me. He twitches a few more times inside of me before relaxing completely and stopping all movement. I wrap my legs around his waist, trying to get comfortable as I kiss and pet his sweaty hair.

This feels oddly familiar but I won’t bring it up right now because I still need attention, dammit.

“F-Feel good, baby?” His entire length is still inside of me but I can feel him slowly soften. Marco pulls his hips back, taking himself out and breathing out a contented sigh.

“Fuckin’ amazing. S-Sorry I couldn’t do more.”

“Mmm, well…” I trail off, looking away nervously. “I-I still haven’t gotten off yet…there’s still something you could do for me.” Marco blushes softly, sitting up and struggling to get the condom off before he goes completely soft. I laugh breathlessly at the display before me. He’s sticking his tongue out, concentrating hard on trying to take it off without causing a huge mess. Marco is successful in his endeavors and he gets up to discard the used condom. He looks around and just picks up his shirt to wipe his hand off with. 

Cute.

He climbs back into bed with me, this time settling down next to me. He smiles and looks straight into my eyes, ignoring the fact that I’m still spread out and open.

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

“Nope.”

I snort obnoxiously. “Well, I guess I’ll need to show you. Give me your hand.”

He complies eagerly, giving me his right hand. I take it gladly and slowly run it down my body and in between my legs, brushing over the slit in my lips. I’m starting to pant again in anticipation and Marco watches me carefully.

With my left hand, I move one of his fingers so that it’s placed just next to my clit. I help guide his finger clockwise around it, eliciting a soft moan from my lips. Marco watches carefully, trying to mimic the movements I showed him as I pull my hand away. Fucking shit, this feels so good when it’s not my own hand.

Marco’s so gentle and careful with me, only going moving faster when I ask him to. I arch my back off of the bed when he increases the pace, gradually putting more pressure around my clit. I reach around for the nearest things to grab; one hand clenches the bed sheets while the other makes it to his arm, digging my fingers into his long arm.

“Feel good, baby? You sound really good when you moan like that,” he whispers in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. This is too much, too much. So many things are going on at once and I can’t figure out what to concentrate on. I feel like I’m on fire; I feel like something needs to be released and soon. This is torture.

I shut my eyes tight, seeing stars from the pleasure he’s giving me. I keep squirming as I feel the same coiling in my abdomen as I do when I know I’m close.

“M-Marco, you’re s-so good. K-Keep going,” I pant breathlessly. Marco smirks, kissing my neck softly.

“You’re really beautiful and sexy. Who knew this side of you would be so amazing to see.”

That’s it.

That’s what sends me over the edge into pure bliss. I scream silently as every muscle in me tightens, back arching high of the bed and toes curling. Marco sucks a dark spot on my neck as my orgasm continues, waves of pleasure flowing through my body. I never want it to stop. It always ends too soon.

Marco takes his hand away from me as I come back down from my erotic high, breathing hard and not wanting to move. He smiles as he pulls me closer to him, kissing me all over.

“I didn’t know…that I even had the power to do that to you. You better be careful next time, Jeannie.”

“S-Shut up a-and just hold me, nerd.”

“So cute.”

We’re together and silent for a few minutes, just enjoying our embrace and closeness. I just need some time to process everything that’s just happened. I only came over to his house to spend sometime with him before the weekend; I never expected us to become lovers by night. I feel so safe and comfortable in Marco’s arms, almost like I was the only one meant to be locked in his embrace.

“Marco?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you hand me my panties? I’m so close to falling asleep but I don’t want to be completely naked in bed.” Seriously, it’s uncomfortable and you get sweaty in all the wrong places.

“Of course. But you’ll have to let go of me.”

“Ugh, the struggle.” Reluctantly, I release him from my iron grip and he rolls off the bed, scrambling in the dark for my pink panties. Once he finds them, he tosses them over to me, laughing as they almost hit my face. Wow, fucker.

Before he gets back into bed with me, he slides his underwear back on too. I guess he had the same idea as me, the tool. Marco grabs the covers that were tossed and bunched up to the side and throws it over us as he settles back into bed with me. In a matter of seconds, we’re tangled up in each other’s arms again, keeping us close.

Marco lightly plays with my hair as I get closer and closer to a blissful sleep.

“I’m so happy,” he whispers softly. I can just hear the smile on his lips. “I’m so happy I was with you. That I could share myself with you.”

My eyes flutter open to look into his shining brown eyes that are drooping with exhaustion. I kiss him softly on the lips, taking my time before eventually pulling away.

“Stay with me, Marco? Let’s never split up. I want to be one with you.”

He smiles wide. “Of course. I’ll always stay with you. No matter what.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally did it. Despite Eren appearing and almost fucking things up, they did it. I'd also like to point out that Eren was in here for comedic purposes but he'll soon be pretty important!
> 
> And as for the sex, I based a lot of the stuff AND dialogue from my own first time when I was that age. It was absolutely hilarious thinking about that and getting it out.
> 
> This chapter was meant to be short but lmao it exceeded 10K. I'm so bad with this.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed it and just a heads up, some pretty sad shit is gonna go down next chapter. Maybe some...Bodt secrets will be revealed idk.


	7. When Will You Come Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- [_When Will You Come Home,_ M83](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=616AOxrDIxg)
> 
>  ******* Please be aware that I'm adding an additional tag for this chapter! The tag is **animal death** and will be added to the list above.
> 
> Also! It is strongly advised that you add music for this chapter.  
> 1\. [Jeanne's music box](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vv8HT8J8lis)  
> 2\. When Will You Come Home (see link above)  
> 3\. [_Saeglópur,_ Sigur Rós](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84i7zQ_ACnU)

Sometimes cleaning out your room of old junk is such a harrowing and disastrous process that you wonder why you’re even subjecting yourself to it in the first place. Okay, it’s like that about ninety percent of the time. However, there’s that last ten percent that’s worth it.

Because I just found something that brings me back to my childhood. A small, wooden music box complete with off-colored pink paint chips and dust all over it. Damn, I wonder if this shit even works anymore. I’m actually a little hopeful it does; when I was younger I used to play this all the time when I’d want Josephine to come into my room. I never knew why this piece of junk used to attract her but she’s just a strange cat, I suppose.

I admire the outside of it first, turning it around in my hands and feeling flaky paint chip off as my fingers rove over it. It’s not a clunky box, but at the same time it’s not to small. It fits perfectly in my sweaty palms. Hey, cleaning and dragging shit from under your bed or your closet is hard work, okay?

When I turn it upside down, I smile just a little bit at seeing my crudely engraved initials take up most of the space in the center. I brush my finger over them, remembering how I almost lost said finger by trying to carve my name in with a steak knife.

Was it worth it, little Jeanne? Was it worth carving “JLK” into your music box? Don’t fucking ask what my middle name is, by the way.

I think it’s finally time to open this up and see if it still plays. I only vaguely remember the melody so it would be nice to hear it once more, especially if it could still lure Josephine in here. I haven’t seen her all day.

Removing the small metal latch that has started to rust, I open up the top of the box and a faint little melody begins to play. Holy shit, my music box still works. The sound is quiet and somewhat distorted at first. The simple chimes get louder, flooding my brain with even more memories. It’s a short tune that repeats until I close the box but it feels so calming and familiar.

The music flowing from the old music box is accompanied by the jiggling of cat bells down the hall. She arrives.

Josephine walks slowly into my bedroom, her tail held high, and rubs against the door frame. I place the music box on the ground for her, allowing her to get closer to it. I’m surprised she even managed to get up the stairs to see it, let alone hear it. Josephine’s been a little…under the weather for some time now. She’s been getting a little thin and her fur has been falling off whenever I pet her.

Mom and Dad said that maybe she’s just stressed out about something and told me not to take it so seriously. My fat, ditzy cat went from a loving fluff ball to this miserable little baby who barely has the energy to move around. I mean, I’ll leave for school some days with her sleeping next to my pillow only to come home and find out that she hasn’t moved an inch, not even to eat!

I’m so worried about my little baby. When she comes over to me, I gather her gently in my arms and cradle her, petting her softly. She’s purring at least, so she’s not in pain from what I can tell. The fur that is left on her is still soft just as it always has been and I take care to pet her so I don’t knock off too much of it.

“Josephine, you’re old as shit. How does it feel to be seventeen?”

She doesn’t respond. I often forget that she’s a cat and not a human. Ugh.

“Wow, seventeen. Shit, Josephine, you’re the dancing queen. You can’t be acting like this.”

She sneezes. God bless this cat.

With a small sigh, I reach over and close the music box, sitting in silence once more. Josephine’s made her spot on my lap and looks like she’s about to fall asleep so I guess I’m stuck on the floor with old shit next to me. This is why I should never be allowed to clean out my room. I’ll get halfway done, stop cleaning, and lose interest, leaving my room a complete mess.

I’ll just take my phone out of my pocket and preoccupy myself with that for the time being. Sasha’s been begging me to use Snapchat or whatever it’s called. I have it downloaded but I haven’t had much interest in it.

Maybe I’ll just take pictures of my cat as I figure this out. Sasha likes Josie anyway. I pull the app up on my phone, momentarily blinded by an obnoxious assault of highlighter yellow. Jesus, what the fuck is this shit.

I shift between screens, learning all the button placements, what things do, and accept Sasha’s friend request along with Connie’s and Marco’s. Oh my god, she has Marco in on this.

I prop Josephine up just a bit, thankful that she is a heavy sleeper, and take a picture of her cute face…with her tongue sticking out. I tap on the screen, typing the message of “look at this fat fuck” to Sasha and send it off. But as soon as I send the damn thing, I realize that the fucking autocorrect changed “fuck” to “duck”.

Oh dear God, Sasha will not let me live this one down. What have I done?

I lay my head back against the bed, closing my eyes and bracing for the onslaught of torment that my bubbly friend will more than likely provide for me. Without moving my head back to check, I just lift the phone over my head and watch the little loading animation next to Sasha’s name. Oh no.

It changes from loading to a small red square. I hold my thumb down on her name and get a blurred image of her living room with the caption “josie confirmed for duck”.

Damn it.

We exchange a couple more snaps before I realize that I can fucking take a short video with this thing. Time to exploit the fuck out of the cat. But first, I need to make sure my clutter off to my left doesn’t get in the shot somehow. I scoot to the side, facing the clean part of the room, and hold my thumb down on the small circle on the bottom. Josephine’s snoring at this point so I try my best to keep as quiet as possible as I move my phone around. I suppress a giggle when I get a close-up of her face and start zooming in with my hand. She lets out a big snore and I end up losing it right at the end of the video. Oh, I hope Sasha can’t hear that part.

Actually, fuck it, I’ll send this to everyone. They need to experience the glory that is my tubby kitty.

I do this for an hour, just sending random shit of my cat or yelling at things around my room until my dad comes up and ruins my fun. Back off, Pops, you just don’t understand, I have to yell, it’s the only way.

At least Josephine looks completely at peace despite my nonsense. I bet she’d be lost without my constant screaming when we’re home alone.

Before returning to my cleaning, I set the music box on top of my desk. I’m really happy I found it again.

\--

“So…I realized that you’ve never met my mom yet.”

I peer over to Marco as we gently swing back and forth on the swings at the playground. We have a three-day weekend, meaning that there was no school today for us. Jokes on the primary school students because they still have their classes today! Hah!

That means a free playground for Marco and I. It feels so good to win for once.

I’m brought out of my thoughts when Marco nudges my foot with his own. I blink a few times and offer him a bashful smile. Shit…the monologues always happen at bad times.

“Did you hear me?”

“Y-Yeah, something about your mom and meeting.” He smiles at me and looks ahead of him, focusing on nothing in particular.

“Good, you were listening. I talk about you a lot and she’s really interested in meeting you, Jeannie.” I blush and feel my heart skip a beat when he tells me that he talks about me to his mother. Fuck, what is there to talk about me? I’m lazy, I sleep a lot, and I take pictures of my cat and show them off.

“Aw, that’s so sweet, Marco.” I reach over and pinch his cold cheek, cooing at him. “Look at you, such a Mama’s boy.” His face flushes a deep red and he swats my hand away, pleading for me to stop. Instead of just letting my hand fall to my side, I slide it over to Marco’s lap, taking his hand in mine.

Today ended up not being a cold day surprisingly. It’s nearing the end of November and the skies are dark and gloomy but it’s decent. The skies just make it seem like it’s freezing and frightful outside, so Marco and I were surprised that we could still keep our playground date.

“Well, when can I meet her? She seems to sleep during the day a lot…”

Marco chuckles, reaching up with his free hand to scratch his nose. “Oh, that’s because she works overnight shifts. She’s a nurse at the local hospital.”

Holy shit.

“And to think we almost interrupted her all those times we did naughty things in your room.” Marco clutches his face in pure embarrassment, keeping his gaze down to the ground. I laugh at his expense because it’s so cute when he’s all flustered. “Your mother is going out at night to save lives and make sure old people get their meds while you’re fooling around with your girlfriend.”

“Jeannie,” Marco draws out, “you’re the loud one. If anyone would wake her up it would be you.”

Ugh. Now it’s my turn to look away and blush furiously. Okay, wow, Marco, you didn’t have to bring _that_ up. Sorry I vocalize how good I feel.

Even though it ends up with one of us covering my mouth.

I need to get away from thinking like that before I think of _what_ makes me so loud. “S-So your mom, what’s she like anyway?”

Marco lifts my hand up to kiss it before smiling back to me. “She’s really sweet and fun to be around. Heh, she’s certainly lively and, uh, she can be talkative.”

“Are we talking gossip-talkative, or giving-a-friendly-hello-hi-talkative?” Marco chuckles from my amazing descriptions, looking absolutely adorable with his bright, shining eyes. He must be so proud talking about his mother.

“No, no, she’s not the gossip type. She can just think of things to say on the spot and go with it, so she tends to do that without stopping. Almost like, she thinks of one thing and then something else that’s kinda related and goes off on a tangent. It’s actually very amusing to listen to because she gets really excited and animated.”

That’s honestly interesting to hear, considering Marco isn’t too much like that. He knows when it’s time to listen and when it’s time to talk and I like that about him so much. Regardless, I don’t have too much anxiety about meeting his mom but what worries me is if she’ll like _me._

I’m just boring old Jeanne who doesn’t know how to keep my mouth shut when I need to. I can’t wait to make an utter ass of myself to her.

“Baby, don’t worry. She’ll adore you,” Marco says, obviously sensing my slight distress. I sigh, giving him a half-hearted smile in return. Yeah, okay Marco, whatever you say. We sit in a comfortable silence for a bit, lazily moving back and forth, just enjoying each other. Marco laces our fingers together and keeps my hand in his lap. Honestly, ever since our first time, being with him isn’t as nerve-wracking as it used to be. Either Marco or I would get so nervous and flustered around each other easily or I’d feel like the world has just ended whenever I would do something stupid. But now, now we’re comfortable.

And it’s comfortable just sitting in silence like this. Until, of course, I think of a fucking question to break out quiet time.

“Is that why you can’t hang out on weekends? Because you’re with your mom or something?”

“Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. She’s only ever off on weekends…most weekends, actually.” He sounded a little sad saying that last part. I squeeze his hand, offering him a gentle smile.

“Cute little Mama’s boy.”

He laughs, unaffected by my teasing. Damn, I need to get better. Marco moves the swing closer to me, leaning over to kiss my cheek. I turn my head quickly, catching his lips with my own, eliciting a small noise from him. We stay like this, kissing lazily, not feeling the need to deepen it. We’re comfortable like this.

Until we feel a few raindrops land on our heads. I jerk away from him and we both jump up from the seats as the rain picks up. Shit! _Shit!_ This isn’t fair at all, what the hell is this? I don’t remember reading a damn thing about it raining today so why is this happening? 

Marco and I run off of the playground, hand-in-hand, rushing down the sidewalk as the rain turns from a small drizzle to a complete downpour. The pouring rain is fucking freezing and it’s soaking our clothes and getting into our shoes. What gets me even more is that Marco’s laughing so hard as we’re running while I’m sprinting as fast as I can to keep dry.

I yelp as he pulls me to the side into a small alleyway, shielding us from the rain. We lean against the wall, catching our breath from the spontaneous exercise that the rain caused us to do. I put my head back onto the brick wall behind me, sliding down onto the cold, cement ground. I feel so fucking gross in my wet clothes, especially in these wet jeans because they’re sticking to my legs, getting colder by the second.

Marco slides down next to me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close to him. We glance at each other for a moment as I reach up to push his soaked bangs away from his eyes. He gives me a toothy grin, simply watching my small act of affection.

“H-Hey, this could be a good thing, y’know?”

 “What? This fucking bitch-ass rain?”

Marco snorts. “Yeah. We could…do something like in the movies. Something like kissing in the rain.”

It’s my turn to snort. “I never thought you could get any cheesier, holy shit.”

“C’mon, are you complaining? Just you and me enjoying some time together,” he whispers, gently lifting my chin up and leaning closer to me. I can feel his hot breath on my lips and I shudder a little bit. “And the rain out there adds a nice touch, wouldn’t you say?”

“You’re lucky we’re being covered by this little makeshift roof,” I whisper back, pointing above us to the rusted metal thing. The rain is still pouring down hard with no sign of stopping and it’s all I can hear because it’s pounding against the metal above. “Hurry up, though. I’m wet and cold as shit. One quick kiss.”

“Hmmm, well, good. You’re already wet so that means all I need to do is get you warm,” Marco hums.

_You!_

Marco distracts me from the noise by closing the gap between us and pressing his lips against mine. I put my hands up to his cheeks, not worrying about how wet it is from the raindrops, and hold him close. Marco’s hands roam down to my back, coaxing me to move and face him.

We stay like this, kissing and holding each other, for awhile, despite how wet and cold we are. I shiver a bit, both from the rain and from how intense Marco is kissing me. He dips his tongue in against mine as my hands trail up to his soaked hair. He moves to nibble on my lip, causing me to giggle, and I start playing with his hair by attempting to run my fingers through it.

Since it’s pretty wet, I just opt for slicking it back because I’m extremely curious to see how he’d look with that kind of hair. I’m not feeling sexy or horny; I’m feeling playful and eager to get somewhere warm.

Marco pulls away and laughs. “What are you even doing, Jeannie?”

Oh my god. _He actually looks good with it back._

“Giving you a new look.” I hold his bangs back so they don’t spring forward or mess it up. I turn my head to both sides just admiring him. “You look good with your hair slicked back, Marco.”

He tenses a bit from the statement but keeps his gentle smile. Marco reaches up and carefully takes my hands away before attempting to fix his hair. Ugh, what a killjoy. He offers me his hand and we both stand up.

“R-Ready to go? I guess my place is closer so you can stay for a bit until the rain dies down.” Marco keeps his hand on mine, squeezing it reassuringly when I give him a skeptical look about his reaction. This is the second time he’s almost freaked out about slicked back hair. Hmmm.

“Okay, that’s fine.” I give him a sly smirk. “Just don’t think about taking advantage of poor little me.”

Marco chuckles and shakes his head. “No, I would never. I won’t do anything to you unless you beg for it.”

I trip over my feet and stumble to the ground as walk out of the alley.

\--

I am here today to tell you that I now own a nice comfy pair of Marco’s sweatpants and it is a blessing. I am also here today to tell you that I am wearing said sweatpants to school and my wonderful boyfriend can’t even look at me properly. He’s just mad because he knows _I’m_ the real winner here.

It’s only been two days since our rainy day together so I don’t know why he’s so surprised. I told him he’s never getting these back and he just laughed at me, saying that I’ll eventually own his entire wardrobe. Marco’s onto me.

I’ve gotten quite a few looks from my fellow peers because of my clothing choice for the day and I’ve either ignored them completely or gave them the finger. Connie wears this shit all the time and so does Eren and no one gives them trouble for it.

Sasha complimented my lovely attire and that’s the only opinion I needed.

And thankfully, the school day is over so we’re just waiting for the bell to dismiss us. Levi’s picked Dazz and Hannah for cleaning duty today and my heart moves for that girl. I’m sitting quietly in my seat, doodling on a scrap sheet of paper, when I’m bombarded with a paper ball to my back followed by a loud “psst”.

Nope. I’m not going to do it.

Another paper ball hits me, this time right in the back of my head. I put my pencil down and turn around quickly, eyeing the perpetrator. History sighs and shifts away slightly so my attention goes straight to Connie, who’s giving me a very intense, serious look. What?

I glance back to Levi for a split second, wondering why in the hell he didn’t even notice or do anything about this assault. He’s just casually sitting at his desk, reading that stupid book about imaginary fire people. Connie makes another noise for my attention and I turn my head over my shoulder to look at him.

“What is it, Connie?”

“Jeanne, I need you to stay back after school with me today.”

“The fuck for?”

“Please? I really need your help.”

I’ve never heard him sound so desperate and…sincere? It looks like something is actually troubling him. With a sigh, I agree and his eyes light up as he thanks me a few times. Guess I don’t get to walk home with Marco to show off how good his pants look on me.

The bell rings and Levi gives us his traditional farewell message of making sure we do our homework and not to be late the next day. Marco walks over to me and I give him a sad smile, slightly disappointed that I can’t be with him. I explain about Connie’s request and he leads me out into the hall real quick to give me a warm, loving kiss. Levi hates when students do this in his class so we always have to step outside. I reluctantly let Marco go and watch as Sasha leaves as well.

“Oh? You’re not staying with your boyfriend?”

She laughs at that. “Geez, just because we’re dating and best friends doesn’t mean we have to be connected at the hip. I don’t mind the free time.” Sasha waves at me as she disappears into the crowd. I guess that’s fair enough; I’m surprised they’re not annoyed with each other by now.

I slink back into the classroom just as Dazz and Hannah are wiping the desks off and lifting the chairs from the floor. Connie stands up from his desk, backpack already on, and walks over to me, handing me my bag. “So, can we go to the library? I’ll tell you what I need then.”

Oh.

“Yeah, uh, that’s not a good idea…”

Connie raises his eyebrow at me. “Huh? Why not?”

“Well, I’m sort of, kind of banned from the underclassmen library.” I can’t even look at him as I tell him my shameful reason.

“What the fuck did you _do_?”

“Shhh!” I cover Connie’s mouth and drag him out into the hallway. “T-That’s not important. Okay, look, we can just go to the foyer or commons area and chat.” He shrugs, muttering a small approval, and we walk down the hall to the main foyer. I remember there being some benches and seats off to the side so we’ll at least have somewhere nice to sit.

Thankfully only a few people are still around and there’s plenty of seats. Connie and I sit down on one of the leather covered benches and laugh at how we immediately sink into them. Giggles aside, Connie’s face scrunches into something serious and really out of character. He reaches into his bag and pulls out his torn up notebook complete with sheets of paper sticking out all over the place. This boy is a mess.

“Okay, so, don’t make fun of me but…I really need your help,” he asks, keeping his head down and not facing me.

“Help with what?”

“This.” Connie hands me a folded piece of paper. I raise an eyebrow, glancing between him and the paper before finally taking it. Jesus, before I even open it up, I can it has something to do with math because of Connie’s heavy-handed writing. The numbers are basically etched into the paper.

Opening it up, I see immediately why Connie was so ashamed to hand this to me. He basically bombed the test we had in Geometry last week. Mike’s red marks cover a lot of the free space, filling it with arrows, comments and a few equations we had to memorize. Holy shit, I remember I got like 98 on this or something close to that because it wasn’t _too_ hard. What the hell happened with Connie?

“All right, ugh, I know. Just laugh at me like you normally do.”

Do I really make fun of him that much? I mean, shit, I don’t mean to but…oh fuck. I shift around on the seat, ignoring the suggestive noises it makes and almost missing the fact that Connie isn’t commenting about it. He really is upset, huh.

“I’m not going to laugh at you. What exactly do you need me to do for you?” I offer as seriously as I can. Connie meets my gaze with a surprised one of his own and gives me a tiny smile.

“Well, Mike is letting me take a supplementary test for it. I’ll get a second chance on Friday after school.” Good, he’s smiling, so he must be getting better. I scan over the test again, looking for any common mistakes or patterns. It really seems like he panicked and fucked the entire thing up or he just didn’t understand it at all. He was never one to take good notes, after all.

“Dude, let me see your notebook for a second,” I demand, holding my hand out expectantly. He sighs and gives me his completely unorganized and utterly destroyed notebook. I feel like I’m holding onto an ancient artifact or old-ass library book from centuries ago that could break at any second…except it’s full of math, doodles, and disgusting scrawl from a lefty. Connie, I will teach you how to properly write with your left hand; I swear, it’s not that hard.

Connie watches me curiously as I flip through his notebook, not wanting to break the awkward silence between us. After a few moments, I turn my attention back to him with a solemn expression.

“I think your problem is note-taking. You’re awful at it.”

Connie sighs and rolls his eyes. What? He of all people should have expected an honest, blunt answer. If he wants to fix this and himself, he’s got to bear with it.

“You don’t know how _hard_ it is to pay attention in class sometimes. Especially when I can’t understand math or geometry that well. Like, who the fuck cares about learning the area of a triangle?” He throws his hands up in the air, getting more and more frustrated as he continues. When he’s done, his shoulders slump forward and he looks pitiful. “You probably think I’m some dumbass since you’re so amazing at math…”

“Connie. You made it into fucking Trost Secondary. That’s no ordinary feat,” I speak firmly. He peers up at me, listening carefully. “I know I tease you a lot and well…I’m sorry for that but trust me, I don’t think you’re stupid at all. But look, we know what the problem is and I’m more than willing to help you.” I offer him a gentle smile which he thankfully returns. I really hope that I’ve gotten through to him. I’m not a horrible person and I really don’t mind helping him.

Truth be told, I want all of us to graduate and pass together. We could rule the fucking world after Trost Secondary.

I scoot closer to him, showing him that I mean business. “All right, what I need you to do is tell me around the time you start losing interest or attention. Maybe we can figure it out then.”

Connie scoffs and leans back on his hands. “Really, it’s when he puts a problem on the board and doesn’t explain it well. After that, I’m so focused on trying to understand the problem and getting the notes for _that_ , that I just fall behind.” Well, I don’t blame him. Mike is good at what he does and he’s an amazing mathematician but he can go overboard. I think his problem is also that _he_ understands it and he tends to leave out key information.

Not that great for people who need that little extra bit of explanation.

As I flip through his notes, I start thinking of ways to help him. This means a lot to him and I want to try something. I lean back to reach for my heavy bag and unzip it to retrieve my own notebook and compare. Connie snickers from the doodles I have on the margins and points at the few times I wrote Marco’s name. Okay, fuck off with your nonsense, Connie, this is serious time. Too bad I’m blushing for it to be taken seriously.

“You two are so gross.”

“Nah, we’re nothing but peasants to the gross king Connie and gross queen Sasha.”

“Damn straight, I’m royalty.”

I roll my eyes _so hard._

“ _Math,_ Connie. These triangles are little more important than your shit kingdom. Now, the first step, I think, is to try and pay attention in class and if you can’t solve a problem or don’t understand it, just skip it. I’ll help you go over it after class, okay? But you need to get as much of the notes as you can.” I’m as straightforward as can be. This might cut back on my relaxing time and my Marco time but I’m sure he’d understand.

Connie raises his eyebrow and looks off at the empty foyer. It’s eerily quiet aside from the occasional clacking of some teacher’s high heels in the halls nearby. I keep both of our notebooks on my lap, comparing and seeing exactly where Connie drifts off and stops each time.

“So just…give up on it?”

I shake my head. “No, no, don’t give up. I mean, like, just move on. Keep going and try your best to keep up with him. You’ll cover more notes and you might get a breakthrough as you’re copying them down.”

He watches me carefully, picking idly at his nails. Connie looks like he’s really mulling it over and I hope that I’ve gotten through his thick skull. He sighs and rests his chin in the palm of his hands.

“Now, what am I going to do about _understanding_ it?”

“Like I said, I’ll help you. I have a decent grasp on the material so I can explain it to you. We can do, like, study sessions a couple times a week after the school day is over or something. And our first session is tomorrow.”

Connie straightens up immediately. “Wait, why tomorrow? I’ve got shit to do.”

“Is that shit more important than your damn retake on Friday?” He opens his mouth to protest but nothing comes out. Damn straight you can’t say shit to that. I am a benevolent tutor, Connie, and you know that.

“Okay, okay, I can deal with tomorrow. You’re right, this is much more important. How are you going to do it?”

I flip through the notebooks some more, checking everything over and opening the folded test up again. I got it, although I don’t know how Connie will react to this. Oh well.

“You can take my notebook with you tonight and copy the notes you need and study _everything_. I’ll take your test and make up my own test for you to try out tomorrow after school.” I give him a smirk and his face pales. Reaching my hand to his shoulder, I pat it lightly, pathetically attempting to console him. “You’ll be just fine. I’ll just go over it after you’re done tomorrow and help you with anything you got wrong.”

Connie scoffs, “Yeah, you’ll have to go over everything.”

“Oh, hush. Get to work and study, chop chop.” I clap my hands together to emphasize to him that he should head home and study. He nods and smiles as bright as he can at me. We gather our things together, making sure that I grab his test and he has both of our notebooks.

As we walk out of the school and towards the main road just outside, Connie stops and turns to me. “Thank you, Jeanne. You’re…a really good friend. Sorry I assumed you’d be mean all the time.”

Oh my god, Connie, you’re so cute right now.

I offer him a kind, gentle smile. “Yeah, no problem. Don’t ever feel like you can’t talk to me about anything. Even if I act like a complete douche sometimes, I don’t necessarily mean it. Just grow some thicker skin next time.” I give him a wink for God knows why, immediately feeling stupid for doing so.

Connie nods, telling me he’ll definitely bring back my notebook tomorrow before class and I wave, splitting up so I can head home. He leaves with a goofy smile on his face and quickly takes out his phone.

Today was a pretty good day.

\--

The blaring of my alarm and loud rapping on my door rouse me from my wonderful sleep and I sit up lazily. Everything’s so loud and I just stare blankly at my alarm for a brief moment before pathetically reaching over to shut it off.

Ugh, it’s time to get up for school. But hey, it’s Friday.

As for the door, my dad decides that he’s done knocking and peeks his head in, barely opening the door. He whispers, “Jeanne-bo, your alarm’s been going off for some time. You need to get up.”

“Mmhm.” I can barely manage to groan a response as I nod off in my sitting position. Dad lets himself in, extending his hand to my shoulder and giving me a small shake. My eyes fly open as I try and swat my dad’s hand away. “‘M up, Dad.”

“Well, hurry up. I can’t let you be late again.”

I’m not even going to argue with him because I’m too tired to even think of keeping up an argument. I stretch my arms over my head, groaning softly when my back cracks and my shoulders pop. The sky outside is still dark and the only light filtering in is from the oranges and yellows of the street lamps.

Just another Friday.

I reluctantly throw the covers off of me, hissing from the cold coming into contact with my skin. Why the hell did I wear shorts to bed last night? Ugh, I don’t know anymore. It takes everything to not roll off the bed and get up like a normal human being. Well that and because Josephine is curled up next to my pillow where she normally sleeps, so I didn’t want to risk running into her.

My baby’s gotta sleep.

And of course! Despite my graceful attempts of exiting the bed quietly and calmly, the cat _still_ stirs and glances at me sleepily. She’s always so cranky in the mornings and tries her best to ignore me so I don’t know why she’s bothering to wake up. Josephine stretches her paws out a little bit and I watch her carefully as her body shakes unnaturally. Just go back to sleep, baby.

I reach over to scratch her ears but she growls in protest. My hand recoils back to me, stunned, because she’s never done this before. I’m getting nervous, but I keep reminding myself that she’s just cranky; she’s not a morning cat.

I try again and she growls while looking at me. “Josieee, don’t be so sassyyy,” I drag out in a disgusting voice. Josephine curls up again and pays me no mind. Okay, fine, I go ahead and get ready now.

My dad keeps reminding me to hurry up and that I’ll be late for school if I keep taking my time. Okay, first of all, I live near the damn school. Second of all, I only woke up like five or so minutes later than usual. Or was it ten minutes? Either way, I won’t fucking be late like he keeps assuming I will.

Despite all this, I speed up my normal morning routine and throw on something comfortable to wear. I’m not in the mood to really dress up, especially since I just want to crawl back to bed when I get home. I settle for leggings and one of Marco’s bigger hoodies. Ah, yes, who needs your own clothes when you just wear the same hoodie over and over again?

As I change, Josephine stirs from her sleep once more and gets up. She walks over to the corner of the bed closest to me and looks up at me expectantly. Uh oh, she knows I’m about to leave, so she’s about to get clingy.

I have never met a cat who literally demands that I stay in bed with her. In a perfect world, Josephine, I would never have had to leave the bed in the first place, but alas, this is a cruel world. I hesitantly reach my hand out to her, hoping it’s not a clever trap to bite the shit out of me. Instead, she purrs and rubs her head against my palm.

I can hear the familiar sound of my dad thumping back up the stairs, so I quickly take my hand away from Josephine and scramble around the room for my bag. Before he can even get to the my door, I open it, peeking out and shooing him off. He sighs as he walks to me, kissing the top of my head like a gross dad.

“Have fun at school today and be safe.” His usual words.

“Yes, Dad, don’t worry. I always will.” He smiles and walks back into his bedroom for a moment, complaining about forgetting something. I start towards the stairs but stop when I’m interrupted by a faint, raspy meow. I look down and see that Josephine has followed me, looking at me with determination.

I kneel down and scratch under her soft chin and behind her ears, delighted that she starts purring hard from my love. “Baby, I gotta go to school. I’ll be back later and we can take a nice long nap, okay?” I stand up once more and walk to the stairs.

The bells around her collar jiggle and I can tell that Josephine is following me once more. It’s not until I’ve gone down a few steps that I turn around and face her again. She’s just staring at me and she keeps lifting her paw up. She only ever does that when she wants me to pet her. Okay, I guess she’s just being extremely needy this morning. Since I’m absolute shit when it comes to refusing my cat anything, I give her one final pet on the head, watching her eyes close in content. Josephine lets out a tiny meow and I plant a quick kiss on her head.

“Josie, I will be back, I promise. I love you, you little troublemaker.” I hear Dad opening the door to his bedroom to leave and I turn around and rush downstairs. Before I leave, I turn around one more time to Josephine, smiling when I see that she’s curled up and relaxing on the top of the stairs, not following me anymore.

\--

“Oh man, oh man. I’m nervous as fuck, Jeannie. What if I completely blank out and shit? What good will all that studying do then?” Connie asks in rapid-fire succession and almost drives me to the brink of insanity. As Levi stalks into the classroom in his normal rush, I turn around to face Connie completely and grab his wrists to calm him down or at least make him look at me. He takes a few deep breaths and calms down.

“You can’t work yourself up like that. Just focus on calming yourself down and don’t panic. Panicking leads to blanking out and that’s the last thing you want, especially since you did _so_ well yesterday on that fake test I made.”

Connie takes a few deep breaths but I don’t release my grip on his wrists. I’m getting a few glances and stares from the class but fuck them. I want to make sure Connie relaxes before Levi gets involved.

He closes his eyes and focuses on breathing and I slowly let go of him. When he opens his eyes, he smiles at me and nods. “Okay, okay, I think I’m good.” I try to smile back but I’m so rudely interrupted by the sound of a short man’s throat being cleared. I reluctantly turn back around in my seat, crossing my legs, and glance right into Levi’s eyes. Yeah, I’m trying to help my friend out, fight me teacher.

Levi’s pulls a marker from his pouch on the desk and moves to the board, beginning the class.

It’s only ten minutes into the class when someone knocks on the door. Levi sighs in frustration, stopping in the middle of his sentence, and shuffles over to the door, opening it. From my seat, I can see a young man, much taller than Levi and wearing similar clothing to him, standing straight and clearing his throat. Levi slips out of the classroom and closes the door slightly, so I can’t hear anything they’re saying.

Within a few seconds, Levi opens the door and looks directly at me. “Jeanne, gather your belongings. You’re going home.”

Home? I stare at him, utterly dumbfounded, before glancing at Sasha and at Marco. I slowly start putting my stuff in my bag, wondering what the fuck am I leaving early for. Marco gives me an equally confused and concerned look as I stand up and leave. Levi stops me, reminding me about the test on Monday and tells me to get a friend for the notes. I nod and turn to leave, meeting with the young man who looks incredibly haughty. 

He simply gestures in the direction of the main office and states that my dad is here to pick me up. What the fuck, Dad? I’m starting to wonder what could have gone wrong for him to come get me because I’m almost _never_ taken out of school early. The last time I can remember something like this happening is when my mom had to go to the hospital for surgery like five or so years ago. My brain is going a hundred miles a minute as we walk, and I almost walk straight into the glass door of the office. 

The other man just scoffs and I give him an unpleasant look. Okay, whatever, my shaved head is better than your undercut anyway. My dad gets up from the couch and walks over to me, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder, forcing me to look away from the office workers. It’s really stuffy in here and unnaturally quiet aside from the occasional telephone ringing and soft mumbling of whoever answers it.

“Dad? What’s going on?”

He pauses a moment before responding carefully, “Let’s just walk home, Jeanne-bo.”

Why can’t you fucking tell me what’s wrong right here?

With a frustrated and confused sigh, I follow him out of the tiny office and we walk out of the school. He’s being unusually quiet and it’s very off-putting but I can’t even think of anything to say to him other than the obvious question of why he’s taking me home early. I feel completely uneasy and full of dread.

“Is Maman okay? S-She’s not sick again, is she?”

Dad shakes his head firmly and I feel a little better. “No, no, sweetpea. Your mother is just fine, don’t worry about her. It’ll just be better for me to tell you once we’ve gotten home and aren’t in public anymore.”

Tell me when we’ve gotten home? Shit, what the _fuck_ happened.

The rest of the walk is spent in complete, awkward silence. My eyes are glued to the concrete below me because I don’t dare look up to my father’s stony expression. I feel like…I’ll know what’s wrong if I look at him for too long. I just focus on the ground and not on him, not on the sense of dread in the atmosphere, and not at how the wind stops blowing and it doesn’t feel that cold.

When we get home, I see that the bakery is closed and my heart starts racing. Dad unlocks the door and opens it, causing the little bell to go off, and locks it back up right after we’re in. My legs feel so heavy and it takes all sorts of motivation to be able to follow him up the stairs. I’m scared. I’m scared but I don’t even know why.

In the living room, I speak up, dying to know something that I probably don’t even want to know.

“Okay, seriously, what’s going on, Dad?” He sighs, gesturing for me to sit on the couch next to him. I plop down first, crossing my arms, as he settles down with me. He places an arm around my shoulders and turns to me, his face looking somber.

“Jeanne-bo,” he speaks quietly, “Josephine is no longer with us.”

I feel my heart drop at his words. Something isn’t clicking because I keep staring at my dad, studying his expression, trying to process his words.

“What?”

He closes his eyes and shifts around, clearly uncomfortable with the whole thing. “Jeanne, sweetheart. Josephine was an old cat and it was her time. Right after you left, I found her on the stairs, curled up. She looked so comfortable and peaceful but when I tried to wake her, she didn’t move.” No, no, no. This isn’t happening, stop telling me this. She was just sleeping, Dad. Josephine was just tired because I woke her up.

My fingers are digging painfully into my knees, where I’ve kept my hands this whole time. My entire body is tense and rigid and I’m scared to move. Fuck, I’m scared to breathe because my chest feels so constricted. 

A lump forms in my throat and I try to swallow thickly as my father continues his story. “Your mother and I took her to the vet but…they confirmed she was gone. She was old, Jeanne.” Stop fucking saying she was old. My cat was a young little baby, what the fuck do you think you’re doing, calling her old like that? Of all the disrespect…

“I-It’s not funny.” I can’t even recognize my voice. It’s low and shaky and I think I’m going to cry. “S-Stop joking around and tell me where my cat is.”

Dad pulls me to him, hugging me to comfort me. No, no, this isn’t fair. No, fuck, stop it, Jeanne. Stop crying, you useless fuck. “Jeanne, baby, shhhh. Don’t cry, she’s much happier where she is now. She’s not in pain anymore.”

I wail in my father’s arms. I keep thinking this is some sort of sick joke but I know it’s not. My dad doesn’t lie and I hate it. I hate it, I hate it. I just saw her this morning and she was _fine._

Dad keeps his arms around me, rubbing my back soothingly and telling me it’ll be all right. Shut the fuck up. You don’t know that. Josephine loved me more than you and she spent more time with me. She was _my_ cat and that means _I_ get to decide if things will be all right or not.

And for now, _nothing is all right._

I don’t move for a long time. Eventually I just pull away from my father’s embrace and stand up from the couch, wiping my face sloppily with the end of my sleeve. He watches me carefully but doesn’t say anything. I drag my bag along the floor and slowly ascend the stairs. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this shit at all. It’s not fair and part of me is screaming that this is all a lie.

That this is all a nightmare and I’ll wake up soon with Josephine curled up next to me, purring, and _alive._

My bedroom is quiet and even the door doesn’t creak when I open it up slowly. Everything is the same, just as I had left it this morning. All the same, except there’s not soft meowing from my cat that normally takes her place on my bed or on the floor near the door. With a drawn out sigh, I carefully sit down on my bed, staring at the stupid rug I have just in front of my bed, and rest my chin in my hands.

I can’t believe I was brought home early for this. I didn’t want _this._

The tears have stopped for now but my eyes are burning and my nose feels stuffy. I sniffle some more, cringing as a few hiccups come out as well. Shit, I’m sorry, Marco. I’ve got snot all over your hoodie. I’ll have to wash it later.

When I slide my hair behind my ear, I happen to look up at my desk and hate myself for it. The music box that I found not too long is there. _The music box that lured Josephine to me._ This is the last thing I fucking wanted, what the hell.

Despite the very loud voice screaming in my head to not reach over and grab the music box, I do it anyway, listening to the quieter voice telling me that Josephine is just hiding.  
 It’s all a lie. It’s a sick joke.

I’m standing in front of my desk, holding the artifact from my childhood, turning it around in my hands just as I had done when I first saw it again. I see my initials again but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I was just a dumbass kid who did dumbass things.

I open it up reluctantly, a strange feeling coiling in the pit of my stomach as the melody plays out without a pause. It starts off distorted but quickly eases into its correct rhythm. I want to hate it but it calms me down and I soon find myself back on my bed.

Josephine still hasn’t shown up. Where are you, baby?

I sit there for a few, long minutes, waiting and waiting for something that I just _know_ won’t come. Josephine, please, _please,_ prove my dad wrong and come here. Come here, goddammit. Come here, Josie, please. I’m really begging you here. I want to stop crying already.

As the music box plays on without end, I feel angry. I get angrier and angrier and eventually I stand up and just chuck the fucking thing across the room. It hits the wall with a loud crash and breaks on impact. The melody slowly dies down as it lies in a pile of parts on my floor. There’s a goddamn dent in my wall but I don’t fucking care. I just go. I leave my room, rush down the stairs, almost stumbling over my feet, and walk past my dad.

I’m not staying in this house. I _can’t_ stay in this house. My dad starts to say something but I don’t stay long enough to hear it. Just this once I assume he won’t be angry but I just can’t stay here. He’ll have to worry about locking the store up again because I don’t care.

Tears are falling down my face and I look like an absolute goddamn mess. What’s worse is that the weather is sunny and it’s not cold at all. Who the fuck gave the sun the right to be out and bright today of _all days._

I look like I’m running aimlessly but the truth is, I know exactly where I’m going. I don’t know what time it is and I don’t know if he’ll be there but I have to try. I don’t think I can ever go back to my home.

\--

I pant and try my best to regain my breath after the long run to these apartments. Doubled with the three flights of stairs it wasn’t the best experience. I’m sweaty, gross, and sticky from the tears. I look like a goddamn fool.

After much hesitation and staring at the door before me, I slowly reach up and knock as loud as I can. I never know what is too loud or too quiet and I pray that someone is home to hear me. Otherwise I’ll just sit next to this damn door like a creeper and wait for Marco.

It takes about five minutes before the door opens slowly, revealing someone who is definitely _not_ Marco. A woman, whom I presume to be his mother, opens the door, yawning and rubbing her tired eyes.

“H-Hello?”

“O-Oh, uh, hello. I-I’m so s-sorry b-but I had to c—“ I’m cut off from my own stuttering and by her pulling me in. Her demeanor has changed completely, shifting from exhausted to mother mode. Everything happens so fast that it takes me a moment to gather my bearings and realize I’m sitting on the couch with Marco’s mother giving me a concerned look. Good lord, she’s beautiful, much like that picture I saw of her with young Marco. Her dark hair is down and a little tangled, I guess from moving a lot in her sleep. She’s got freckles all over her face just like Marco. But her eyes are so different. They’re the same liquid blue eyes that his aunt has.

Of course, I just remembered they’re twins. Duh, Jeanne.

“Are you all right, sweetie? You look like hell.” Wow. She places a soft hand on my own. “Is it something with Marco? Did he do anything to you o-or did anything happen to him?”

She’s talking so fast that it’s hard for me to keep up. I shake my head from side to side slowly, croaking out a reply. “N-No, no. I-I’m so sorry to bother you b-but I was hoping Marco was home from school already. I-I, uh, got taken home early a-and got some bad news. S-So I came here.”

She offers me a kind smile and pats my hand. “There’s no need to apologize. And don’t worry about bothering me, because you’re always welcome here.”

This is the literal first time that I have met you and you’re already telling me I’m welcome.

“W-Wait, do you even know who…” I trail off and she jumps in, finishing my thought.

“You’re Jeanne, my son’s girlfriend. He talks about you _so much_ and, well…not many people are running around with half of their head shaved.” At least she’s not afraid to speak her mind. I think if we met under better circumstances, that we’d get along so well. “My name’s Rose, by the way. Please don’t feel pressured to be formal with me. I don’t mind.”

It’s strangely comforting with her hand over mine and I feel a little relaxed. I reach up with my free hand, wiping my face for the millionth time, knowing that I’m just so fucked up looking.

“May I ask…what happened?” _Oh, there it is._

“My cat died.” That is the most stable I’ve been all day but it’s causing the tears to spill again. “S-She was my little cat a-and she was getting old. B-But it was too soon.” Fuck, I’m crying in front of her too. When will it end?

She squeezes my hand and places her other hand on my shoulder, pulling me in for a hug. This woman is so loving and kind, holy shit. Now I know where Marco got it from at least.

“I’m so sorry for that. Marco should be here soon, so please, stay as long as you need to. I understand how it feels to lose someone close to you.”

Speaking of the devil, I hear a key unlocking the front door and a familiar voice that I have been craving ever since I left class. Rose jumps up quickly and rushes to the door and I can hear them mumbling to each other. She tells Marco that I’m here and he comes looking for me. Finally, finally, he’s here. 

“Jeannie!” Just before he reaches me, I leap up from the couch and latch onto him for dear life. I bury my face in his chest, breathing in his scent and feeling relaxed and safe. He holds me tight against him, rubbing my back and pressing kisses to the top of my head. “Baby? What’s wrong? Tell me what happened.”

“In your room,” I mumble in his chest, hoping he can hear my muffled voice. When he doesn’t move, I slowly look up at him and repeat myself. Marco nods quickly and we scurry off to his room, giving his mother a quick glance. She gives me a small smile before returning to bed and leaving us alone.

His room is freezing as usual and I dive into his bed, pulling the covers over me. Marco giggles for a brief moment before joining me, wrapping his arms around me again.

“Jeannie, baby? Tell me what happened. Why did you have to leave school so early?” I don’t want to answer him. I don’t even want to _talk._ I just stay connected with him, holding onto him for dear life as I try not to cry again. Jesus, fuck, why can’t I keep myself from crying?

“J-Josephine…” I mumble, getting a little brave and finally looking into his brown eyes so full of worry and love. “I-I don’t have a cat anymore…” Wow, fan-fucking-tastic, Jeanne. Way to go with words, you stupid fuck. As I’m mentally kicking myself, Marco just holds onto me tighter, whispering soft apologies and wiping my tears away with his gentle touch.

“I’m sorry. Jeannie, I really am.”

“You don’t even know!” I don’t know what even brought myself to yell at him. To yell at my dearest Marco like that, but I did. I did it and I sit up quickly, looking down at him as tears fall down my face and I glare. _I glare at him._ “You don’t understand how I feel right now. How can you be sorry? I’m tired of people saying sorry because no one understands how this feels. I’m hurt. Josephine was just a fucking cat yet I feel like my heart’s been ripped in two!”

Marco just…watches me. He doesn’t flinch, he doesn’t look away, he just keeps his eyes on me. With a sob, I cover my face with my hands, unable to keep looking into those innocent eyes of his. He’s too pure, too good for this.

“Jeanne. On the contrary, I…know exactly what you’re dealing with right now.”

“N-No, you don’t. Y-You’re j-just a perfect g-guy w-with a perfect l-life.”

He scoffs and sits up, keeping a small distance from me but stays in front of me. He speaks in a low, almost strained, tone, “I’m not perfect. I don’t understand why people say that all the time. Jeanne, come here.” Marco opens his arms up for me invitingly, but never touching me. The bastard is still giving me a choice even though I know he wants me there.

Despite my little episode, I crawl into his lap, straddling him. He presses a soft kiss to the side of my head and holds me close to him. He’s so warm and comfortable and I never want this to end.

“She was your cat. It’s understandable that you’re hurt and you miss her. You said you basically grew up with her, yeah?” I nod, choking back sobs as I let Marco continue. “Josephine was a cute little cat that loved you so much, Jeanne. I’ve never seen a cat so drawn to someone before I saw you two.”

“Y-Yeah…s-she was bought f-for my mom, though. M-My mom really loves cats b-but she eventually stayed with me. M-Marco…Josephine said goodbye to me.”

“Yeah? How so?” He’s calm and gentle. Marco’s not telling me to get over it at all and I feel a little better. Having my dad just say sorry and that I’ll be fine was so infuriating.

“T-This morning, b-before I left for school, s-she wouldn’t stop bothering me. L-Like, she kept meowing a-and following me.” Fresh, new tears fall as I recollect this morning’s events, looking at them in a completely different mindset. The poor baby wasn’t bothering me, she just didn’t want to be alone. But I _left_ her. I left my cat all alone and god, I hate this. “She fell asleep for the last time on the stairs as I left.”

Marco nods, sensing that I’ve become more upset and distraught. We stay in silence for a few minutes. Ten minutes? Twenty minutes? I honestly can’t tell because I’m so focused on calming down that I don’t even try to count. I’ve never felt anything like this before, I don’t understand it. And I’m kicking myself for acting out like this. Normally, I can hold it in and take the time to look at everything, but I fucked up this time.

The crying’s stopped for now; it’s been reduced to small sniffles with pauses in between. When I pull my head away from his shoulder, not looking at him because I’m ashamed of how gross and red my face must be, I suddenly feel exhausted and sore. Marco gently rests his forehead against mine, kissing the tip of my nose and wiping my eyes.

“What do you need me to do?”

“A-Anything,” I croak out, realizing that my throat has dried up. “M-Maybe get me some water…?”

Marco chuckles quietly, rubbing the tips of our noses together. “Anything you wish. But you’ll need to let me go.” My grip on him tightens the second he says that. I don’t want him to go, even if for a minute. That’s one minute too long away from me and something might happen.

“C-Come back, okay? D-Don’t leave me too…”

“Shh, I’m just going into the kitchen and getting you water. I’ll be right back with you.”

Slightly convinced and dying for something to cure my dry throat, i slide off of him, pulling the covers up and around my shoulders, locking eyes with him. Marco gives me his usual smile, so full of love and tenderness. He reaches over to brush away some of the hair from my face and tucks it carefully behind my ear. Before long, he’s up and out of the room, leaving me with the silence of loneliness. There’s nothing in this room making any noise but it sounds so loud.

I just sit here, not moving, having no energy to move, and wait for him. Marco slips back into his room, carefully closing the door behind him, and smiles at me, holding up the glass of water. Without realizing it, I hold my hands out, begging for that water. As soon as my finger wrap around the cool glass, I put it to my lips and take a big gulp, relishing in the contrast of the liquid against my hot, dry throat.

“Hey, hey, slow down. Don’t drink it all at once, you’ll get yourself sick,” Marco advises, taking a seat next to me and watching me so I don’t somehow drown myself. When I’m done with the initial drink, Marco takes the glass from me and sets it on his nightstand before turning his attention back to me. “What else do you need?”

“Talk to me. Tell me anything…” Something hits me. Something that he’s said earlier sticks in my brain. “How do you know what I’m feeling right now? Tell me about that.” Maybe he had a loyal pet that died.

“Uh, Jeanne. I…I don’t know if I should tell you…”

“ _Please,_ Marco. Don’t deny me this.” I’ve never sounded so forceful and needy in my life. “Maybe it’ll help me not feel so alone right now. It’ll give me something else to focus on.”

Marco hesitates, furrowing his brows and looking off to the side. He mulls it over, lightly biting his lower lip. Without saying a word, he shifts on the bed, moving to rest his back against the wall and patting the spot next to me. I scoot over to him in my blanket cocoon and lean into his side, resting my head on his shoulder.

“O-Okay, I guess I owe you this. I have for months now,” he begins, still not looking at me but wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “B-But if anything gets too heavy o-or too much, please, don’t hesitate to stop me, yeah?”

“All right, all right, I get it.” I’m starting to lose patience even though I honestly appreciate the small warning. What comes next may not be something cheery, especially if it’s similar to what I’m dealing with. Wait. Wait he said…he’s owed me this for months?

Could this be…?

“Okay, uh, I’m not too sure on how to start this, aha…” Marco scratches the back of his head, his normal nervous tick. I don’t say anything but I nuzzle closer to him, hoping that it’s enough to show him that I’m here for him. I’m not going anywhere. This blanket is too comfortable; it would be a crime to move.

Of fucking course, just as Marco begins, my phone vibrates in my pocket, signaling a text. I pull it out, assuming it to be Dad or someone else. I didn’t see Mom when I was at home, although I can tell exactly where she was and what she was doing. When I unlock it, I see that the text was from Connie.  
 He…he’s telling me he passed his supplementary exam. Of all the fucking times he could fucking do this to me. I feel anger and frustration that this fucker got something good today and I didn’t. Before I can stop myself, I just throw my phone across the room, not caring if it breaks. This is the second thing today that I’ve thrown and I must be stopped.

Marco’s arms are around me again, holding me steady, and he’s whispering to me. “Shh, Jeannie, baby, calm down. The last thing you want to do is break all of your things.”

“I don’t care.”

“You will later. Trust me, you’ll regret it later when you can think rationally.”

“J-Just hurry up and talk to me, for fuck’s sake.” When we sit together again, Marco has me wrap my arms around his waist so I don’t reach for anything else. Probably for the better, because I would love to go on a rampage, but holding him is also nice.

“All right, uh, well…I’ve had a death in the family before.” He tries to sound casual and calm but his voice shakes slightly. “E-Except it was a person, not a pet. I mean, the animals on the farm died but I don’t think I paid too much attention to them, uh, okay sorry.” Marco pauses, gathering his thoughts.

I plant a soft kiss wherever I can reach, showing him that I’m listening and that he can continue. He brings his legs up, sliding down on the cold wall behind us. I have no idea what time it is but his little room has started getting a little darker.

“My dad died. In a-a car crash. Coming home.” 

Everything in the room freezes and there’s no sound. So, that’s why…that’s why I never saw him around. That’s why Marco was so apprehensive about the subject, and would always insist on changing it.

“H-How long ago?”

“Seven years.”

I’m not sad; I’m shocked. That’s a huge thing and I’m so surprised that he came out so normal. Well, normal in my eyes. “Oh. So you were…nine-ish?” He nods, staring blankly ahead of him. “Marco…that’s not a cat death.” Wow, Jeanne, good fucking observation. I cringe and feel like an utter dumbass when Marco doesn’t even show a sign of it being funny. It wasn’t funny; it was a jackass thing to say. “S-Sorry.”

“No. Grieving is the same if something meant a lot to you. I-I’m not trying to overshadow you, Jeanne. S-Should I stop?”

“But you just moved to Trost in the beginning of April? Did you and your mother stay in Jinae that whole time?”

Marco nods, adding onto my thought. “And my aunt too. She lived with us at the time. It was so hard.” His head turns as he looks at something over on the nightstand. Oh, that’s right. The picture of him and his parents is over there. I poke at his stomach, instantly gaining his attention because I think I tickled him.

“Can I see that picture again?” To be honest, I can barely remember what he looked like. I just remember that Marco got his nose from him and at the time I thought it was hilarious. Without any words, Marco detaches himself from me, getting up from the bed quietly. He walks past the nightstand and right over to his desk, where he set his bag down at one point. I don’t even remember when he did that. 

The sound of zipping and unzipping fill this tense and awkward quietness as he takes out his wallet. Marco slides a card from behind his own I.D. and puts the wallet away. That same stack of books with the strange letters have been on his desk since I first came here, completely untouched. He grabs one of those before laying it right next to me as he retrieves the picture from under his lamp, turning it on before sitting next to me once more. I’m sitting up straight now, very curious as to what Marco has just brought over to me.

I can’t help my prying eyes as I try to look at the small card in his hand, the one that’s conveniently turned over and almost out of my sight. Marco hands me the family picture again and starts talking.

“I-I remember, he had left from Jinae to go back into Stohess for a business deal with my grandfather or something. My grandfather was a really nice man, a good man, and my father looked up to him so much. B-But my grandmother wasn’t the same. I don’t know if she was inherently nasty or if she was forever bitter about my father’s marriage to my mother.” He puts his hand up, stopping himself. “T-That’s a whole other story. I-I won’t talk about that now.”

I just watching him eagerly, listening carefully to everything he has to say. Even if it was subtle, Marco’s expression was different when he talked about his dad and grandpa and when he talked about his grandma. When he talked about the latter, he became a little agitated. 

“W-Well, Baba and Jadatee, er, sorry, my dad and grandma never got along. That was the whole reason we moved from Sina country to Rose country. My baba couldn’t stand her and my mom was raised in Jinae.” He shrugs. “It all worked out.”

Hearing those foreign words just roll off of Marco’s tongue so easily is mesmerizing and interesting. Maybe that’s the language that these books here are written in. Maybe I’ll see if Marco can read some to me later on.

“However, Baba worked in Stohess so every once in a while he had to drive back for business. Then that one night…” Marco pauses for a brief moment, unknowingly digging his fingers into his own leg. I reach over quickly, grabbing his hand with both of mine, and hold it. I want Marco to know that I’m here for him too. In fact, I’m so interested in this story that I’m not even thinking about my own problem.

“H-He wasn’t supposed to come home for another few days, but apparently he and Jadatee had an argument and he stormed out and started driving home. It was dark, a-and I don’t know exactly what happened to him but…I remember sitting at the kitchen table with my mom w-when we got _that_ phone call.” Chills run down my spine from the emphasis he put on the end of the sentence.

Marco shakes his head, as if he were in a trance, and looks at me with a pained expression. “Are you okay, Jeannie? Do you want me to stop?”

“M-Marco, I’m fine. I’m honestly fine, please. I-It seems like you should get this out.” Part of me feels awful because this is the information I’ve wanted to get out of him all this time. But he _is_ telling me this of his own volition, so I shouldn’t feel too bad.

Marco studies my face carefully as I try to give him a convincing enough expression. He glances to the side for a moment before turning the card over in his hand. Marco slowly hands it to me and I just stare at it. It’s a driver’s license.

I’m nervous about taking it but Marco just goes on with his story so I grab it anyway. I turn the thin plastic card over in my hands before looking at the picture first. His dad was a very handsome man, just like in that one family photo that’s right next to me, except he’s not smiling in this one. Not like he could, of course. And unlike the photo, he’s not wearing a hat, so his dark brown hair is completely shown.

Hot damn, it’s slicked back and looks amazing. Oh no. No wonder Marco flipped out when I talked about slicked back hair before, son of a bitch.

 _Oh my god._ I fucking wished Marco’s dad a happy birthday when the man is fucking dead. Oops, sorry, that was disrespectful. Everything I did was goddamn disrespectful. 

“It was rough after that phone call. I was in so much denial that I…I would sit and wait in front of the window, looking out into the driveway for my dad’s car. I didn’t believe it when Auntie told me what happened. I just wanted my baba to come back home and play with me. After that week, I gave up and cried so hard.”

No, no, no. My sweet boyfriend. I don’t ever want to imagine you like that. I take my eyes off of the piece of plastic and stare directly at him, hoping he’s not choking up or on the brink of crying. He’s still looking ahead but he’s so…hollow. I’m not sure if that’s even better than not crying. Ugh, why are feelings such annoying things?

He chuckles humorlessly. “That’s not even all of it. A few years ago, Jaddee, my grandpa, died and he was helping us with money. Jaddatee cut us off from that point on, because she hated me and my mother so much. So I worked hard, I worked _so_ hard in school, trying to get into Trost. Hell, I even took an extra year after I finished primary school so I’d be fully ready for the exams.”

“And look, Marco! You’re here! You do so well.” I don’t know what I’m even trying to accomplish.

“Yeah, I almost didn’t even get to stay. The reason I was late that first week was because of paperwork issues. I was so stupid…” He sighs, bringing his hands up to his face and palming his eyes. Marco drags them down and lets them fall into his lap. “You remember the form for application right? How, if you had your parents’ names up there, you needed to get them to sign it. Well, smart me put Baba’s information there on accident. The school caught that and almost sent me away, especially because of my baba’s name.”

My eyes flick back to the I.D. before me and I search around for that piece of information. I…what on earth is this name, holy shit. I squint, trying to sound it out in my head before saying it out loud, so I don’t offend Marco.

“A-Anaxi…mander Bodt? Anaximander. What the hell kind of name is that?” My mouth was faster than my brain and I couldn’t stop it. This train was destined to be wrecked. I cringe when Marco’s brows furrow in slight annoyance.

“Please, Jeanne, don’t make fun of his name like that.” I am trash. I am queen of shit and of poorly phrased sentences. “But, yeah, his name. Baba worked for his dad’s company that they founded themselves. So he was almost a CEO and was pretty well-known.” Yet, I’ve never heard of him. But I catch myself this time, not wanting to spew out any more rude shit about his father. I won’t lie, Marco calling his father “baba” is very adorable.

“Sooo, the school thought you were faking it?” Marco nods in agreement.

“My mother and I had to rush back home and dig through our boxes, that were still unpacked at the time, and try to find Baba’s death certificate. Of course, the school’s staff changed their attitudes when they saw it was genuine and kept apologizing. I was so angry, angrier than I have ever been in my life. I’m glad you didn’t have to see that side of me, Jeannie.”

I could only imagine how angry he was. Marco always presents himself as sweet and reserved, often laughing at times that would make other people frustrated or angry. I’ve always admired that trait about him, but there’s nothing wrong with him being angry. It’s only human.

“Well, you said it yourself earlier. You’re not perfect.” I’m happy that I coax a small smile out of him. “You’re a human being, Marco, you’re allowed to get angry and throw a fit, especially at something as bullshit as that. I can’t believe they almost fucking turned you away because you put your dad’s name up there. That just means you love him so much.”

“Y-Yeah, it was just a habit. I think they _still_ apologize to me whenever they see me in school.” Marco takes a deep breath and relaxes significantly. That edge he carried as I told him about Josephine has long since subsided and he looks more normal.

“S-So tell me about these books, Marco. Why aren’t these letters I can read?” I ask out of complete curiosity, and for the fact that we both could use a small subject change. I’ve also calmed down significantly from my own bad news, but I don’t know how much longer that’ll last. Yet I don’t feel sad right now. I feel almost relieved that Marco was here to comfort me and even trust me enough to share a piece of him that he’s kept secret for so long.

Marco laughs, rubbing his nose as he turns his body to me, reaching for the book and opening it up. “That’s because they’re in Arabic. That’s my baba’s native language. Well,” he pauses for a brief moment before speaking up again. “He learned it and English together, but he’s a descendant from the group of people who can speak Arabic. I-It’s almost weird, how there used to be so many languages and diversity, but now it’s all mixed together to one thing. I’m proud that I have that, to be honest.”

“Oho, what’s this? Marco Bodt is _bragging_ over a skill. What has the world come to?” I’m incredibly happy that I can make Marco laugh now. It means we’re both starting to feel better. “Quick, say something in Arabic!”

 Marco looks like a deer caught in headlights from the request I’ve just sprung on him. I smile, waiting eagerly for any word to escape those amazing lips, even if it would be a curse.

“U-Uh, well…” Marco clears his throat and I get ready. I’m as giddy as a child on Christmas morning, holy fuck. “ _As-salam ‘alaykum. Marco ismee. Kayfa halak_?” My fucking jaw drops at how different and familiar he sounds. The language sounds incredibly strange from my own and it amazes me at how fluidly it came from him.

“I don’t know what the fuck you just said but _hot damn._ ” Marco’s giggling a lot and I can’t help but join him. He’s blushing pretty red and I reach up to pinch his cute cheeks, gasping as he just keeps his warm hands over my cold ones. Marco smiles down at me, his brown eyes shining and full of love.

“I just said basic things like ‘hello’, ‘my name is Marco’, and ‘how are you’.” He turns and kisses both of my palms before taking my hands off of his face and holding them carefully in his own. He shrugs and looks to the side bashfully.

“You really loved your dad.”

“Yeah. So much that I kept speaking his language even if it was to myself. So much that I even wear some of his clothes. Well considering he had a lot of them, it was only natural that I took some but…”

And that also explains why some of his shirts look somewhat old and outdated. Okay, stop, to me they look outdated and unfortunately to everyone else they look fine. At least all of his hoodies belong to him. Or so, I hope they all do. Mr. Anaximander Bodt doesn’t seem like the hoodie-wearing type.

“Thank you, Marco. Thank you for telling me this and for…being there.”

“O-Of course, Jeannie. I-I, uh, I really care about you, you know? A-And this is something difficult to deal with. Whether it be a parent or a cat, grieving is hard, but I just want you to know that you’re never alone.”

Marco’s words fill me with an inexplicable sense of joy, and for a fleeting moment I almost drop the “l” word. No, now’s not the time for that. Nothing that’s happening now is rational, and I don’t want either of us to regret it. Instead, since I can’t find the correct words, I lean up, pressing my lips against Marco’s, and kiss him tenderly. He reciprocates fully, never going beyond that stage, and we just hold each other, tending to our emotional scars. Marco’s are old and healing while mine are fresh and new, but we both needed this.

I think back to a few of the times with Josephine that I loved the most. The times where we’d snuggle or play around and the times she’d willingly come to me, planting her chubby little body in my lap and meowing for attention. I smile into the kiss and don’t try to stop the few tears that slide down. Marco notices instantly, pulling away to wipe the tears again. I’m glad that my boyfriend doesn’t mind being a human tissue.

“What do you need me to do?” he whispers softly, trying not to disturb the calm silence of the room.

“Read one of those books to me. I want to hear you speak Arabic more.” I offer him a small smile, letting him know that I’m all right for now. I’ll be fine. I honestly think that I will be just fine. “And maybe we can go and get food later, just you and me.”

Marco hums quietly, “Mmm, sounds good. I just hope you don’t mind that some of the books are children’s books. I’ve got a mix since it’s so hard to find any around here.”

“That’s all right, Marco. I don’t mind at all. I just want to hear you talk to me.” The sound of his voice is comforting enough already and I don’t want him to stop.

We shift around in the bed, giggling as we accidentally knock over some of his pillows. We’ve made a complete mess of this bed with all of the getting up and down and squirming around. Once we’re settled, Marco’s lying on his back and I’m carefully draped over him, resting my head on his chest. He reaches over to the floor next to him, presenting the little unicorn I won for him on our first date and offering it to me.

“You’re such a dork.”

“I’m _your_ dork.”

Marco picks one of the books at random and opens to the first page, reading in his second language and taking the time to stop and translate for me. Honestly, I would be fine either way because I’m just happy to listen to his voice.

Before long, after such an exhausting day both mentally and physically, I start nodding off. The vibrations in his chest from his talking comforts and soothes me, only making it harder for me to keep my eyes open. I fall asleep on him before he has a chance to finish the book for me.

It’ll be hard, but…I think I’ll be just fine.

Mama will miss you, Josie. Be good up there for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone. I'm so sorry for this but it's finally out. I messed up my updating time and hooo boy did I need to make up for it.
> 
> I'm so glad I got this out and I'm really proud with how well this chapter turned out. I hope all of you enjoyed it and didn't cry too much. I actually wrote all the sad parts while I was in school so I wouldn't cry in public.


	8. Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Atomic roads, nuclear sunrise  
> They left me all alone  
> Falling stars exploding on the sea  
> God it's beautiful
> 
> The land and the roses slowly disappeared  
> Why am I so alone?  
> A wounded angel is smiling at me  
> God it's so beautiful  
> \- [_Safe_ , M83](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WAGwG871hY)

Movie night is always a fun night at my house. Especially when my parents are gone for the weekend to have their “date” time or whatever. Basically they just fuck off to God know’s where for two days and they leave me home alone to the sweetness of solitude.

Except now, without Josephine, it’s a little too quiet for my comfort; However, I have my friends and my boyfriend over tonight and they’re doing an amazing job keeping me feeling happy and safe.

And warm, holy shit.

We’re all snuggled together on the floor of my living room, marathoning the entire Jurassic Park series, and wrapped up like burritos in blankets. Yes, Marco and I are sharing a blanket, fight me. We’re halfway through the second movie and it’s already past one in the morning. Marco’s still awake, which is very surprising, while Connie is at the other end of the pile up, nodding off. I think I’ve been transported to a parallel universe.

I nearly jump in the air when I feel Marco’s arm wiggle itself around me, pulling me closer to him. He giggles quietly as I give him a distrustful look, praying that he’ll have mercy on me and our sleeping friends and not tickle me while we’re like this.

“Marco!” I whisper loudly, nudging him in the side with my elbow. “That hand better be well behaved.”

“What? I wasn’t going to do anything, I promise! Don’t get so defensive, baby.” I don’t trust his tone.

“Marco, I swear, I will call the police.”

“Then you’d have to explain to your parents why you have a  _boy_  in your house at night.” This little shit; I can’t believe him. Reluctantly, I relax in his embrace, relishing in the warmth he has to offer on this cold December night of watching Velociraptors outsmart human beings.

Nature is beautiful.

Connie is confirmed for already sleeping and Sasha isn’t too far behind him. I even caught her smiling at us while we debated on whether or not I should call the police on Marco for conspiring against me; to which I cleverly responded by squinting at her before remembering it’s dark and she won’t even be able to see.

About twenty minutes or so pass and the movie finishes, unfortunately leaving me to wiggle out of my heated cocoon to put in the third film. I think Sasha and Connie are out for the night but I’m still awake so I’m watching this damn movie. As I carefully switch the DVDs, putting away the second movie, Marco untangles himself from our warm little nest and joins me, wrapping his arm around my waist. Someone’s being very needy.

It’s when he starts pressing kisses to my neck that I start getting really suspicious of his motives. Just putting in a DVD becomes the hardest task when you neck is getting assaulted by the loving warmth of your boyfriend’s lips and teeth —  _teeth!?_

“M-Marco, what’re you doing?”

“Hurry and put it in so I can take you up to your room,” he whispers as I feel his hot breath tickle my ear. I suppress a shudder as he presses his body against me and all I can think about is that this must’ve been the reason he was struggling to stay up. My heart began beating faster and I was getting a little too excited for my own good.

“W-Wait until I can get the actual movie started, damn.” He doesn’t relent as we wait for the main menu to show up on the screen. His hands roam freely over my hips and my waist and it takes so much effort to keep my breathing quiet and under control; the screen is blank and the only sound in the room is from the clock on the wall and the slow breathing of my friends.

When the menu appears, I frantically reach for the remote, rushing to press that “play” button and fuck off to my room with my boyfriend. I’m  _very_  curious as to what he has in store for me and why he was so eager to stay awake.

Once the movie starts, we get up quickly and quietly, and tip toe up the stairs, wincing at each creak from the old wood. I’m the first one in my room and I laugh nervously as Marco shuts the door behind him. It’s dark but I can still see a small smile on his face and his finger pressed to his lips, telling me to keep quiet.

The tips of his fingers brush lightly against my warm cheeks, tickling me, and he pulls me into a heated kiss. My hands find their way up his chest, grasping onto his shirt and keeping him close. Honestly, I love this. I love how hot and naughty it feels but…at the same time, I hope it goes fast because I’m feeling pretty tired myself. How do adults normally do this?

He guides me to my bed and lays me down gently on it. It’s getting hot and I can feel my heartbeat getting faster the more he kisses me, the more he presses against me.

“You’re so dirty, you know that? Some angel you are.”

Marco chuckles lowly and whispers in my ear, “It’s your fault. You make me like this.”

_Shit!_

As the need and lust for him grow, Marco seems hesitant, causing me to stop instantly. I watch him carefully, cradling his warm cheeks in my cool hands, and open my mouth to ask what’s wrong. He beats me to it though.

“I, uh, I was wondering if we could…try something new?”

_Oh?_

“What did you have in mind?” Now I’m very curious. I mean, we’ve already done a lot of things. Well…except oral. Oh my god.

“C-Could we…y’know…could I k-kiss you here?” He asks shyly, ghosting a finger over my crotch. I shiver, letting out a small, delightful noise, and swallow thickly. Marco waits patiently as I relax from his intimate touch. Okay, I know exactly what you’re thinking. You think since we’ve had sex a few times…fine, like two times, that I’d be used to this right? Wrong.

But…Marco’s face there. The image of it is a mixture of hot and completely embarrassing and my stomach is coiling from the heated anticipation. After carefully, albeit hastily, coming to my decision, which is a definite yes, I lean up and kiss Marco softly on the lips and then smile.

“Y-Yeah. You can.”

“Are you sure? O-Only if you’re comfortable.”

“Yes, Marco. I’m sure, like, one hundred and twenty percent sure.”

He stalls for a moment before smiling back at me and kissing me on the lips and then on the nose. I wrap my arms around him and keep him close as my heart hammers in my chest at what’s going to happen. Fuck, fuck. His hands slowly trail down my body down to the elastic band of my pajama pants. I swallow a thick lump, resting my forehead against his, still keeping him up close to me until I feel  _completely_  normal.

The deafening silence is replaced by Marco’s low chuckling. “You gotta let go of me, babe.”

“No, never.” My hands reluctantly slide off of his shoulders as I start to lean back. I rest my weight on my arms and watch Marco carefully. He leans forwards, pressing a small kiss to my chest before kneeling down in front of me; his face is leveled with my thighs and my heart skips a beat in horrifying excitement.

What if it’s bad for him? What if it doesn’t smell or taste right? I knew I should have shaved, fuck me.

I’m immediately brought out of my thoughts as Marco’s fingertips slide under the hem of my pants and start pulling them down. He watches me the entire time, in case I freak out or change my mind, but I guess I’m making a decent face since he isn’t stopping. That, or it’s too dark and he can’t really tell. I won’t lie; I can barely make out his face but oh well.

My legs suddenly feel cool once the warmth of my pajamas has been taken away but Marco fixes that by running his warm hands over them, causing me to shiver. I’ve got goosebumps all over my body as he plants small, innocent kisses on the tops of my thighs. It won’t be so innocent in a few moments.

Marco slides in between my legs, lifting my shirt up slightly, and kisses my belly before oh so slowly kissing down to the hem of my panties. I’m in pure agony from the heat of the moment and slick wetness that I feel between my legs. He hooks his fingers under the hem and pulls them off quickly, tossing them on top of my discarded pants.

“You, uh, you should lie down, babe. You’ll be more comfy that way.” I nod and lie down way faster than I would have liked. We both know I want it but I don’t want him to see how thirsty I am, okay?

I close my eyes as my legs are spread and I feel so vulnerable in front of him. It’s the same as the other intimate times but it’s still different because  _his face is right there._

Oh my god, his face is right there. This is it; this is the end.

“You’re so pretty, Jeannie.”  
  
“Thanks, you too.” Oh my god.

Marco giggles and runs a finger over my folds as I feel the heat of embarrassment creep onto my cheeks. I shiver from the soft touch and spread my legs a little wider for him. He presses another finger against me, spreading the folds and lips apart and leans in close. I can feel his hot breath against me and I feel even hotter and dirtier. It feels nice and comforting in a weird way.

His curious tongue flicks against my clit and I throw my head back, sucking in a sharp breath. It sends a shock through my body and I already want more, so much more. It tingles and tickles when his tongue runs over it once more and I slap my hand to my face to quiet the noises escaping from my lips. This fucker picked the  _one_  time that we aren’t even alone to do this.

“Are you okay? Does this feel good?”

“Y-Yeaahhh,” I draw out, voice muffled by the hand covering my mouth.

“You’re really wet. Did you want it that bad?” Your dirty talk is improving somewhat, Marco. I’m proud of you.

I can only nod, hoping that he’s looking up to see my response. I use my free hand and run my fingers through his hair, gently pushing down to encourage him to keep going. Seriously, no more talking. Those few strokes felt really good.

Marco understands my needy gesture and lowers his head once more, spreading me around and kissing random parts, occasionally flicking his tongue out against me. I’m squirming and writhing in my bed, eyes shut tight at the slight touches he’s offering me. I’ve even forgotten about my worries from before, hoping he won’t mind how fucking soaked I am down there.

He licks and he sucks different spots until I eventually lead him directly on my clit. My legs twitch and I can’t seem to keep still as he continues on and I’m wondering where has  _this_  been all my life? I don’t know how long it’s been since we’ve started but I don’t care. I never want this to stop because it’s so much better than I ever would have imagined; it’s so much better than doing it myself with my own hand.

My teeth are clenched tight, trying not to make a sound, and I’m starting to sweat from the heat of the moment. It feels so wet and humid in here when just moments ago it was freezing. As my fingers grope and tangle themselves further in Marco’s dark hair — I hope I’m not hurting him too much — I feel the familiar tensing and coiling heat between my legs. I’m getting close.

“M-Marco, I think...I think I’m close. C-Can you keep d-doing that?”

Marco takes himself off of me, wiping his mouth with his free hand. He smirks at me and I don’t like the look of it.

“Keep doing what?” I can’t believe you right now.

“Keep doing that. L-Licking me...”

He presses a soft, wet kiss to my inner thigh and lowers his head back down to my pussy, giving it more than enough attention. The heat and pleasure remained, even with Marco’s brief pause, and my breathing picks up immediately as he kisses some more. My whole body tenses as I’m ready to feel that sweet release.

“F-Fuck, M-Marco, I’m...I’m r-right...” I don’t get a chance to finish my sentence as I’m set over the edge. I throw my head back, opening my mouth to scream but I hold it back. Everything’s tensing and it’s so hot and wet, it’s hard to think. Marco stays close, helping my orgasm last longer. Everything feels so intense, much more so than it would have felt if I were alone. Damn, I want more of this.

Marco pulls away as I come down from my erotic high and lies on the bed next to me as I pant, catching my breath. I put a hand on him, just wanting to touch him somehow, and turn my head to face him. He’s got the biggest grin on his face.

“How did that feel?”

“Goddamn wonderful.”

He laughs and pulls me in for a kiss. I cringe a little bit from tasting myself; it’s not too terrible but I put up with it because I want to kiss Marco.I press my sweaty forehead against his warm one and sigh contently. I feel like I could sleep for two weeks after that amazing orgasm; however, there’s something I still need to do.

“Okay, Marco, it’s your turn.”

“Wha-What?”

“You heard me. Drop your pants,” I say, sitting up and smiling him.

“You know you don’t have to do anything for me, Jeannie. I’m fine if you just wanna go to sleep.”

I lean forward, putting on the best pouty face that I can muster. “But, baby, I wanna make you feel good too. You did such a wonderful job and I wanna try and see if I’m any good,” I coo.

Marco gulps, clearly wanting of my offer, and nods. “Okay. I-I can’t wait...” He reaches for the elastic band of his pajamas and slides them down, along with his underwear, revealing his hard cock. Oho, what a naughty boy.

I bite my lip in anticipation and nervousness and lower myself down to his thighs.

\--

I check my alarm next to my bed as Marco’s sluggishly pulling his pants back up. Holy shit, we’ve been up here for an hour already. I just pray that Connie and Sasha haven’t woken up and wondered where we are. I know damn well they’ll immediately think we’re up to no good. And, ugh, I’ll need to sneak a drink asap. I’m not exactly fond of Marco’s salty taste just yet.

Marco wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my neck playfully and tickles me a little bit. I pry his hands off of me, ending his vicious attempt at getting me to make a noise, and hold his hand, leading us out of my room. We tiptoe down the creaky stairs, attempting to make as little noise as possible.

Thankfully, Sasha and Connie are knocked the fuck out. Connie is on his back, snoring to the high heavens and drooling while Sasha is curled up in her comfy burrito. The movie is still going, with dinosaurs roaring in the background, providing a nice, loud sound to drown out our awkward stumbling. Before Marco has a chance to pull me down, I rush into the kitchen, grabbing a quick chug of orange juice straight from the carton.

We lie back down next to our friends, cuddling in the same blankets and holding each other close. I press soft kisses all over Marco’s face, feeling suddenly affectionate along with exhausted.

“You’re so cute, Jeannie. You’re even cuter when you’re clutching my hair tight,” Marco whispers. A blush burns on my cheeks from his sudden comment. Oh no. Two can play at this game.

“Yeah, well, you’re absolutely  _adorable_  when you’re moaning my name while your cock is deep in my mouth.”

“Jeanne!”

My only response to that is a toothy, shit-eating grin.

\--

My friends never figured out what happened that night and I will be damn sure to keep it that way. Sasha talks to me, completely oblivious that sinned with her in the house and I can’t help but feel a little uneasy. It’s the Monday after that interesting weekend and it almost seems like everyone just  _knows_  of what happened in my room. I can barely look anyone in the eye.

How can I? I got fucking ate out and here I am prancing around with an air of false innocence.

“Jeanne, hey, Jeanne. You keep spacing out,” Sasha says, shaking me and bringing me out of my internal struggle. “Are you okay?”

My head snaps to her, a little too quick for my liking, and I try to keep my normal face. Instead I fuck up hardcore. “Y-Yeah, I’m so good. Like, I’ve never been better. This weekend was amazing!” I manage to squeak out, cringing at how my voice cracks.

_What the fuck have I done?_

Sasha stares at me, clearing mulling over my nervous state, but she ignores it to my delight. “Y’know, I’ve been thinking a bit recently.”

“I hope you didn’t hurt yourself.” She sticks her tongue out at me.

“We haven’t had our weekly food outing after school in a long time. We should definitely do that today!” I can only say that the reason we haven’t done anything like is because either Marco didn’t have the money or, you know, I’ve been in the process of grieving and still am.

However, I don’t have a problem with it. “Okay, well, where do you wanna go?”

“I  _really_  want tacos.” My palm immediately hits my face at her choice of food. Of all the goddamn things she could pick, she picks the thing that serves as fucking slang to my predicament. “Like, I want a really nice, juicy taco with a nice crunchy shell.”

_Sasha!_

My face is bright red and I just pray for something to end this conversation. My prayers are answered as Hanji stumbles into the classroom, effectively shutting everyone up. They’re such an eccentric, unpredictable person that we always have to keep watch of them. They drop their notes and book onto the teacher’s desk and smiles at us all.

“Good morning class! I’ve got a  _greeeeaaaaat_  lesson for us today!”

Their enthusiasm is met with a few uncertain groans.

“I was recently informed that a lot of schools around here either don’t or outright  _refuse_  to teach any form of sexual education other than abstinence-only which,” they shudder as they pause briefly, “is such a  _horrible_  thing to teach. Because of that, since I love you all, I want you to be educated and safe! We’re going to be spending the next few classes on everything you need to know about your bodies, diseases, sexuality and gender identities!”

Why? Why me? Why am I constantly being reminded about what happened over the weekend? I quickly glance at Marco to see he’s quite flustered from what will be our lesson today. I’d feel bad for him but...misery does love company.

Hanji ruffles through their papers and book to start the lesson while I just try to act as natural as possible. I’m being punished for this, right? This is my punishment for getting eaten out while my parents weren’t home and my friends were innocently sleeping on the living room floor.

To my complete dismay, Hanji unfolds a large poster and places it haphazardly onto the white board. Awkward murmuring and nervous giggles can be heard when we see a huge diagram of a fucking vagina unveiled in front of us. I start sweating and quickly glance at Marco again. He meets my eyes with his own terrified ones and I could almost laugh at how red his face is. Yeah, he’s gotten up close and personal with this already and now it’s coming back to haunt him.

I peer over my right side to Sasha, gauging her reaction, and I’m surprised to see that she’s concentrating hard on it. Oh dear lord.

Hanji smiles as they stand proudly next to the poster with their hands on their hips. “Okay, so, you all know what this is right? It’s the vagina on a female body, the least talked about genitalia in any sex ed course I’ve seen. So today I think we’re gonna focus on every little detail so all of you will know what to do or look out for. It’s important that every person in here knows the ins and outs of your anatomy or your partner’s anatomy should you want to be with the same sex or another one.”

Why did they say “ins and outs”?

I sigh deeply and pray that the next forty minutes of this class is over in a flash. My gut is wrenching in utter embarrassment and I can’t stop twiddling my thumbs together rapidly in my lap. My face is hot and I’m wondering how much the red is contrasting with my pale-ass skin. Maybe if I just keep looking down at my desk and pretend I’m just nervous because of the lecture in general then I’ll be let off the hook.  _Why today of all days?_

A sharp snap on the white board startles me and forces me to look up once more at the abhorred poster closely resembling my genitals. Hanji points at different parts of the poster with a stick and briefly explains the name and what it does. There’s a constant set of muffled giggles in the back of the room while the rest of us are dead silent at watching this. How can adults freely talk about this? Hanji is having the time of their life going over this and I’m surprised they haven’t flooded us with an excessive amount of information.

At one point, Hanji points at the clitoris on the poster. They point at it and make a few circles around it and oh my god. No, Hanji,  _please_. Stop circling around it. 

A new wave of humiliation floods over me and I have to quickly cross my legs and my arms. My hot, sweaty face immediately goes onto the cool desk in front of me and I decide from then on that I will not look up for the rest of the class period. This only lasts a few seconds when my ears pick up the faint sound of Marco’s muffled snickers. That bastard is laughing at me when he was clearly one half of the event.

“Who knows what the clitoris is used for? Sasha! Your hand was up first.”

“Isn’t it, like, used for —”

“It’s for sexual pleasure!” I blurt out in a hurry, completely out of turn. My face pales and I sit there stiff as a board. My fingers clench deeply and painfully into my arms as the whole room is silent from my outburst. Oh fuck. Oh fuck me sideways.

“That’s right, Jeanne.” Hanji is smiling so wide and looking at me proudly. Before they have time to speak, another student raises their hand and bravely asks a question.

“Hanji, isn’t it true that the hymen around the vagina can be broken during intercourse? Is that what causes women to bleed and hurt?”

Once again, before someone else has time to answer Mina, I blurt out the answer. “No, the hymen stretches and can’t be broken. It doesn’t even cover anything and no, it’s not supposed to hurt.” Fuck me.

“Wow, Jeanne! I’m so proud of you for knowing all of this already. At least I can sleep happy tonight knowing that you all will be properly educated.”

I hear whispers and murmurs behind me and I already know that I’ve blown my cover. Everyone  _has_  to know now! They all must know my deepest, darkest secret that I got my fucking pussy licked by a boy that sits not ten feet away from me.

I cover my face with my hand once I wrench it free from my sore arm and peek through it to look at Marco. He’s turned away from me, looking out the window and covering his mouth but I can tell. I can tell he’s trying so hard not to laugh that I keep embarrassing myself in stupid ways in this class. Oh boy, Marco. Just you wait until it’s dick day in this class.

The remainder of the class goes by  _agonizingly_ slow as people gain the courage to ask more questions and contribute to heated discussions. I can’t speak up anymore and I can’t even look at that damned poster on the board anymore either. All I can think about when I see that damn clitoris or labia minora is how Marco’s fucking tongue was there just the other night. All I can think about is the couple of times that Marco’s been  _inside of me_.

I rest my head on my desk once more, feigning a headache as I avoid the rest of the lecture.

\--

During our gym period, while we’re warming up with stretches before shit goes down with whatever Coach Shadis wants to throw at us, Sasha hovers close to me. Oh dear god, please tell me she didn’t notice all the times I completely embarrassed myself in Hanji’s class earlier.

She looks like she’s contemplating something fierce and she’s avoiding eye contact with me every time I glance at her. I squint at her with my unrelenting gaze as she starts sweating and getting nervous. Good, I’m about to break her. Sasha’s neutral face turns into a small pout and she finally speaks her mind.

“Jeanne, you never answered my question earlier before Hanji’s class. Can we hang out after school and get food? I miss you,” she mumbles shyly, looking away from me. My friend can be so adorable sometimes.

Sighing softly, I have to relay the sad news to her. “Yeah, sorry, I can’t today. Dad texted me earlier during lunch saying that Mom was gonna make dinner early soooo....not today.” I feel a pang of guilt as her gaze lowers to the ground and I reach out, ruffling her ponytail. “Heyyy, don’t look so down. We always have tomorrow or something.”

Her eyes are shining so bright, I swear, I can see stars in them. “Really? That would be great!”

We smile at each for a bit, causing me to feel a wonderful rush of friendly feels because Sasha must be protected at all costs. Even when she annoys the holy fuck out of me sometimes; especially when she’s partnered with her boyfriend. Those two...

Our sentimental moment is interrupted by the rude blowing of a whistle a few feet away from us.

\--

“I dunno, I’ll ask if you can come over for a bit. Maybe you can finally meet my grumpy dad.” Marco brings my hand, that’s gently clasped in his, to his lips and kisses them softly, interrupting my thoughts with his mushy act. “My dad’s not interesting, though. He’s the daddiest dad to ever dad.”

Marco snorts at my little joke but he doesn’t realize that I’m telling the honest-to-god truth over here. My father is the epitome of a white suburban dad. He’s the kind of man to wear khakis and socks with sandals. And never forget his god awful sneezes. Holy shit.

“I’m sure I’ll like him, Jeannie. In fact, he might be a lot more delightful than you’ve been describing. You tend to over exaggerate about someone you really like.” He scratches the tip of his nose with his index finger as I shoot him a dirty look. The intensity of the look is not as effective, however, with the pink warmth I feel on it. Stupid blood, rushing to my face and shit.

“It’s just a shame, though. I wanted to spend time with you so we could have some more fun in your bed. Y’know, I learned some new stuff in Hanji’s class today that I wanted to show you.” I cannot believe what I’m hearing.

I push Marco away, huffing, and walk just a bit in front of him. I can hear him laughing and snorting at the stupid joke or pick-up line or whatever the fuck it was. I turn, giving him a pout, and he just laughs some more.

“Baaaaby, come back,” Marco whines, sounding incredibly needy. As much as I want him to atone for his sin by walking alone, I shuffle back to him and latch onto his arm. He’s the only thing keeping me warm, other than the hoodie, from this disgusting December weather. It’s  _freezing_  out here and there hasn’t even been any snow. Like, how rude is it of the weather to be freezing cold but have nothing to show for it?

“You’re so lucky you’re warm.”

“Oh, I see how it is. Dating me for my hoodies and trying to run off with them?”

“Oh yeah. You caught me.”

“Looks like I’ll just need to punish you.”

Before my mind even gets to chance to wander to something dirty, I feel Marco’s long fingers press into my side as he starts tickling me. The whole thing takes me by surprise that I can’t even manage to scream or squeal; it’s like my fucking breath was knocked out of me.

I try to pull myself off of him but this boy has a death grip on me. I turn to see his stupid smiling face, along with the puffs of air made visible by the frigid weather as he laughs. I manage to finally wiggle free of his grasp and quickly catch my breath from the assault. Marco is smiling deviously while holding his fingers up, ready to pounce again.

“No! Bad Marco!” I hold my hand out in front of me for protection. “It is way too damn cold to be carrying on with this nonsense.”

“Oh, so that means I can tickle you when we’re bundled up and warm?” I can just hear the sass.

“I’m leaving!”

“No, no, baby. I promise I won’t tickle you at all. Don’t worry.” Marco catches up to, wrapping his arms around my torso and pressing soft kisses to my cheek. It would be cute if his nose wasn’t so cold and wet.

“Your nose is gross.”

“Your nose is cute.” Ugh!

I start walking ahead of him, lacing my fingers through his once more, and lead him to my home where I’m both eager and nervous about showing him off to Dad. Mr. Kirstein can be a little, if not, a bit intimidating when he wants to be.

We get to the front door and enter on into the bakery, causing the small bells above us to jingle. The bakery is completely deserted except for my father sitting behind the counter, distracting himself with the newspaper. He clears his throat and peers over the newspaper at us with his golden eyes.

“Oh, hey sweetpea. Who’s this with you?” He knows exactly who it is.

“O-Oh, uh, Dad, this is my boyfriend, Marco. Marco, this is my dad.” I’m so terrible with introductions. I don’t know what to really say and I just hope that my dad will go easy on him. At least Marco is as cheery as ever.

“Good afternoon, sir! It’s very nice to meet you. Your daughter is a very lovely person to be around.” My wide eyes shoot to his smiling face. You’re brown-nosing him.

Dad chuckles lightly and folds the paper neatly, placing it on the counter. “It’s very nice to meet you too, Marco. I’ve heard a lot about you from my lovely daughter.” I roll my eyes when he gestures in my direction after that.

Something is really off about this place. First of all, Dad’s right there instead of Mom. I mean, that’s not  _too_  abnormal but Mom usually loves working in here no matter what. Second of all, where the fuck are all the customers? You’d expect at least one or two people in here, enjoying the sight and smell of bread and more bread. I wander further into the store, looking around quizzically while Dad and Marco chat about nothing in particular.

Time to interrupt them!  
  
“Hey, Dad, why’s this place so deserted? And where’s Mom?”

“Hmm?” he grunts. “Oh, your mother really needed some time off so I offered to cover for her. She should be back soon since she wanted to get dinner out of the way. As for the store...I don’t know, honey, sometimes it gets like this.”

Okay, yeah, Mom has been feeling really down since Josephine passed away. I don’t blame her for wanting some time to relax and get away. Shit, I almost wish I could get that time away from school, but then again...staying at home where she used to live would probably drive me crazy.

Well, since no one’s here to save him, it’s time to harass my father.

“Maybe all the customers left because you keep that grumpy, old face. C’mon, Dad, that’s not inviting at all.” Marco looks at me with horror in his eyes. I guess he’s not used to joking on his parents like this?

Dad deadpans and settles on staring at me, completely ignoring Marco’s fretting. I snicker in triumph, knowing Dad will forget about this teasing in like an hour.

He just picks his newspaper back up, grumbling to himself all the while. “Well, Jeanne-bo, at least you know where you got the same grumpy face from.” I deadpan completely. Both Marco and my dad chuckle, with Marco’s sounding more nervous. Dad snorts once and Marco laughs a little louder. That was completely uncalled for and such a low blow. I, for one, have a majestic and gorgeous face unlike his old man face.

“Hmph. C’mon Marco, let’s get upstairs away from the grump.”

“Ah, Jeanne, not so fast,” he calls to us, holding a hand out in order to stop us. Marco and I turn to him curiously, wondering if he knows of any sin that might transpire. “Marco, it’s nothing against you, but I’m not comfortable with you two being in the house alone. I’m sorry Jeanne, you can’t let him in today.”

Marco and I exchange pouting glances. Ugh, super parental father strikes again and ruins any chance of me getting laid.

“I-It’s fine, Jeannie. We’ve got a lot of homework tonight, so I can just go get a head start on it.” I don’t want to do homework, I want to do  _you_. Without thinking, I reach for him, wrapping my arms around him tightly and giving him a loving hug. I plant my face in the crook of his neck and breath in his wonderful scent of teenage boy smell and cinnamon. God bless his mother for buying cinnamon-scented candles; they are amazing.

Just as I lean up to give Marco a quick kiss, my father so  _rudely_  interrupts us by clearing his throat and staring right at us. Marco smiles nervously and whispers, “I’ll kiss you a lot tomorrow to make it up.”

“Good,” I whisper back. It takes a few taps from Marco for me to finally let go of him and he exits the bakery, making sure to turn back and give my dad a cheery smile and a wave. I stand there, watching him leave from the huge windows until he’s out of view, probably looking like a lovestruck dumb ass or something.

“He’s a good kid. I approve.”

“Oho, thanks Dad. I’m glad you’re allowing me the pleasure of having a boyfriend.”

“Oh, Jeanne, no need for the sassing.”

“By the way, what is it that Mom’s gonna make tonight?”

“Hmmm, I think she said she was making tacos or something.”

_The universe is against me! This entire day has been a constant reminder that I was fucking ate out!_

\--

“Ooo, then what’s that letter?”

“It’s basically the letter B. It’s pronounced  _baa’_.”

“God, your accent is so sexy when you speak that.”

“Ahh, Jeannie, don’t embarrass me like that.”

“Hurry and write it like the other one!”

Marco obliges, wearing an adorable smile, and gently places his pen on the scrap sheet of paper we have lying on the floor in front of us. He works quickly and flawlessly, producing the unfamiliar Arabic letter on the paper before my very eyes. It sits so perfectly next to vertical line called the... _alif_? I think? I remember it was the letter A equivalent.

“I wanna try!” Marco lends me his pen and I grab it hastily. Thank goodness I’m a visual learner so I can remember how he wrote it. “Okay, so it’s just one stroke and the little dot?”

“Yeah, just one quick, fluid motion.”

I position my hand to write it, loving how Arabic is written right to left; it does so well for me, being a lefty and all. I press down on the paper, making a small line before taking it over to the left a bit and finishing it off with a small hook. I place the dot underneath the bottom of it and turn to Marco for his approval.

“How’d I do?”

“It looks great, Jeannie. Now get ready to learn the other three variations of that letter!”

“...What?”

Marco snickers and leans over the kiss my forehead before continuing. “Each letter has four different forms. They are the initial form, how it starts a word, the middle form, how it looks in the middle of the word, the final for, how it looks at the end of a word, and finally, the separate form which is just it by itself.”

I stare at him in disbelief. The language is already difficult enough to read and now there are different forms to look out for? Marco offers me a sympathetic smile.

“I-I guess that’s the perk of being a native speaker. I learned it the easy way from Baba.” Oh, that’s a challenge.

“I’ll learn it! I’ll prove to you that I can!”

“I never said you couldn’t, baby. I wouldn’t mind being your teacher.”

“Then start by teaching me how to write my name in Arabic.” I point down at our scratch sheet of paper expectantly. This ought to be interesting and I honestly can’t wait to see it.

Marco freezes in place, clearly trying to think of how my non-native name would fit using those letters. Without a word, he works on the paper, putting the pen down a few times and making a few strokes, scratching through ones he doesn’t like, and starts working his magic. Watching him, I see his lips move, silently saying my name over and over as he writes.

He finishes quickly and looks up at me with an adorable, dimpled smile. “Here it is. Your name.” He points at it excitedly and all I can do is just stare at it. Like, you don’t understand,  _that’s my name!_  That’s my name in a completely different alphabet; it’s so surreal.

“Marco, I’m getting this tattooed on my ass.” My utterance takes him by surprise and he guffaws.

“What? No, Jeannie, that’s your name!”

“Yeah? So? That way everyone’ll whose ass it belongs to. Me and me only.”

“Awww, not even me?” He pouts, bringing out the puppy dog eyes.

“I just  _miiiight_  make an exception for you, Marco. Only if you’re a good boy.” I give him a pat on the head and ruffle his hair a bit, making it shaggier and ruining his perfect part. He smiles at me and I return the gesture. We sit like this, in comfortable silence, and admire each other. Marco’s hand comes up, raking his fingers through his hair and fixing his part before reaching over and brushing some hair out of my face.

I lean forward, unaware of how eager I am every time Marco looks at me like this, and press my forehead to his. He keeps his warm, gentle hand on my cheek and rubs his rounded nose against mine. I let out a breathy laugh and he smiles even wider.

“You’re beautiful, Jeannie. I can never get enough of you.” I close the gap between our lips with a hasty kiss. We’re so used to this. Neither one of us recoil when our faces get close; in fact, we’re eager and more than willing to be like this. Being with Marco, being this close to someone could possibly be one of the best experiences in my life.

...Also the worst. It’s a blessing and a curse. He makes me feel good, he makes me feel like I matter and that I’m important. With him, I can do anything. But what do I do for him? How have I ever benefited him? I...I don’t feel like I offer much to him and maybe he’ll get tired of me. I’ve thought about this recently and it just makes my stomach do flips and keeps me up at night sometimes. The thought that I might not matter to him after all this kindness and compassion he’s shown me in just such a short amount of time.

“Hey, hey. Are you all right, baby?”

I blink at him a few times, taking notice that are lips are not together anymore, but the warmth of his hand lingers on my face.

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I got lost in the kiss.”

“So lost that you stopped?”

“You’re a damn good kisser.”

He giggles again. Damn, I love his laugh. Marco gives me a quick kiss on the lips before leaning back to admire me once more. My eyes flick down at our array of paper on the floor and back up to his face.

“Anything else you’d like to teach me or show me? How many other languages can you speak, Mr. Arabic?”

“Aha, well, actually, aside from English and Arabic, I can speak a little Pashto and Farsi.” He scratches the back of his head nervously as my jaw literally drops.

“I’m sorry,  _what?”_  How fucking talented is he?

Marco blushes slightly and looks down, avoiding my eyes and settling for the bits of Arabic that he’s written down to show me. “Well, I’m not completely fluent in them a-and I have a little trouble reading them, but I can hold a conversation in them. The only reason I know them is because my baba and my jaddee taught them to me.” He chuckles again. “S-Sorry for going into all this story, babe. I’ll stop if you want.”

“No, no, please keep going. I love hearing about you and listening to you talk about your dad. Your eyes shine really bright when you do.” My face leans on my hand and I smile, loving his current flustered expression.

He nods and clears his throat. “Jaddee was a very friendly and outgoing man and he was born and grew up in one of the outside countries that primarily speak Arabic. He loved people and talking to people so much that he actually travelled to other countries and always wanted to talk to the people of those countries. So he tried to learn as many languages as he could in order to speak to everyone.”

Marco pauses for a moment, gauging my reaction. I offer him a reassuring smile and he returns the gesture.

“When my baba was born, he taught him all those languages growing up and took him when he traveled. Even though they eventually settled in Sina Country and Rose Country, they also taught me. Haha, it was so funny when we all would have a conversation. It would be this literal unholy mix of Arabic, Pashto, and Farsi. My jadatee got so annoyed...” His face loses its brightness and turns into something indescribable. It looks hollow and sad.

I offer Marco a soothing touch to his shoulder, wanting to comfort him. Marco mimics my position, leaning into the palm of his hand and keeps his eyes low and unfocused.

“That’s why I continued with it. That’s why I continued learning it even if I was by myself. I just wish that...more people around here spoke it. Mom and Auntie know only a few phrases but that’s about it.” I wish there was something I could do or say instead of sitting here like a dumb ass and feeling useless. I don’t deserve him. I’m no good. I can’t even fucking help him when he needs it the most.

All I can do is move my hand up to his cheek and shift closer to him. Lying on my side now, I pull him next to me, wrapping my arms around him. He does the same, laying his head just under my chin.

“I want to learn it. I want to speak to you in any way I can. I don’t want you to feel lonely or sad anymore, Marco. You really, really don’t deserve to feel like this. You’re too perfect, too pure.”

Marco scoffs and snuggles into my embrace, muttering, “I’m not perfect. I’m far from it.”

And yet, you’re a better person than I am.

I’m bringing you down and I hate it.

\--

**From: The Rare Seshe**   
**> SNOOOOOOOOOWWW**

**From: TFW Connie**   
**> YO THERE’S SNOOOOOOOWWWWW**

**From: Snarco**   
**> hey baby :) we got some nice snow last night!**

If I get one more message about the damn snow, I’m going to scream.

I drag my hand down my face, wiping the sleepiness from my eyes. Yawning, I check my other messages, especially one from the school stating that it’ll be closed today and tomorrow due to inclement weather. How much fucking snow is out there?

Before I have a chance to look out my damn window, my father appears, peeking his head into the room. “Mornin’, Jeanne-bo. Looks like you don’t have school today because of the snow.”

_What the hell did I just say?_

I turn my head sluggishly towards him, leaning on my left shoulder. “Yeah, I just got a text sayin’ it’ll be closed today an’ tomorrow.” I let out a big yawn, covering my mouth with the back of my hand. My dad nods, slowly pulling the door closed before stopping.

“Too bad your alarm still went off this morning. Did you want to come downstairs with your mother and I or go back to sleep.”

“Sleep,” I mumble with my eyes falling shut.

I can hear him chuckle faintly, telling me to get some shut eye and that he loves me. I nod quickly and flop on my back onto my pillow with a “plopping” sound. Fuck, I forgot to check the snow. Oh, whatever, it’ll be there when I get up.

I wake up a few hours later with some strange weight on my body. It feels warm and I hear the faint sound of giggling. The fuck? Groaning, I lift my arm up to my eyes, wiping them, and peek through them.

“Good morning, lazy butt!”

“SASHA!”

She hops off quickly as my heart pounds in my chest from the sudden surprise. “What the hell were you lying on me for?!” Sasha can’t stop giggling long enough to answer me. I  _just_  woke up, I can’t handle all this nonsense so early in the damn morning. I frantically search for my alarm clock and see the red numbers telling me that it’s half past ten. Ugh, I want to go back to sleep.

Too bad I couldn’t if I tried because first of all, Sasha, the wild beast, is here and second of all, the sun reflecting off of the snow caused my room to be illuminated with an ungodly white light. Fuck the snow.

“Come out and play with us, Jeanne! Marco and Connie are waiting downstairs for you. Oh! And your dad said he’d come up here if I couldn’t get you up so hurry up!”

My father is in cahoots with the wild beast.

“There’s motherfucking snow outside. It’s  _cold_.”

“I know! Isn’t it great? Now, come on! Up, up! We got lots of stuff to do.”

Sasha tugs on my arm, beckoning me to rise forth from my comfy, cushiony bed. This is the worst; who cares about cold-ass, wet-ass snow?

I’m going to make sure all of them rue the day they brought an ex-softball player out into the snow. The snowballs will be flying.

\--

“Jeanne-bo, sweetie! Could you help me set the table? Dinner will be ready shortly,” my mom calls from the kitchen, alerting me from my slouching position on the couch. I’ve been so preoccupied with checking my phone for Marco that I haven’t even realized the wonderful smell of food wafting through the air. The smell of paprika and cooked chicken is the most prominent and I feel even more excited for dinner.

I shuffle into the hot kitchen, right over to the cabinet just next to the refrigerator where our plates and bowls are held. We have two different sets with one being for normal meals and another set for fancy meals that we use when we have special guests over. The first set is brightly colored and are made up of yellows, oranges, and blues. Our fancy set is mainly white with intricate blue decorations around the rim of the bowls and plates. Since Marco is coming over and my mom wants to impress him with her meal, she requested earlier that I lay out the fancy set.

Mom already has her famous chèvre truffles, made with goat cheese and different toppings like roasted almonds, green onion, paprika, along with some plain ones, in the center of the table next to a basket of warm baguette slices, freshly made today. As I begin setting the plates down, she brings over a long plate piled with a pleasant array of greens that I’ve never seen before.

“Maman, what salad is that?”

“It’s your daddy’s favorite. Shaved asparagus with bits of gouda and hazelnuts. I’m sure you and Marco will enjoy it.”

Speaking of Marco, his late ass has finally arrived when my ringtone goes off. As I reach for my phone to answer it, my dad grunts, getting up from his usual spot on the couch and waddles into the kitchen.

“Is that him?”

“Uh, yeah.” I’m surprised that he even heard my phone go off considering he conveniently goes deaf when I ask him for favors. My dad goes through the door in the kitchen and down to the entrance of the locked shop.

“Oh!” Mom exclaims as she rushes back over to the stove to finish the chicken and sauce that goes with it.

I continue setting the table, only leaving once to gather the silverware, when my dad returns to the kitchen with Marco in tow. I glance up to acknowledge him and have to hide a laugh at how formally he’s dressed.

“Hey, Jeannie. Hello, Mrs. Kirstein.” He smiles at my mom and she turns to return it.

“Oh, Marco, I’m so happy that you came. Now, please, sit. Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes.”

Walking over to him, I place a small kiss on his reddened cheek and offer to take his jacket into another room. It’s mid-December and by God, has it gotten cold out there. I’ve been refusing to leave my house except to go to school.

Gesturing with a few nods of my head, we slink out of the hot kitchen for a few moments to get away from the ever-prying eyes of my father. Marco looks around our overly-decorated living room. Christmas is coming up so we’ve got our stockings hanging on the wall in order of age. Our fat, lit-up tree stands in the corner away from the entrance to the kitchen. There’s already a few presents down there and I’ll admit that I inspect them when my parents aren’t home.

Smiling at Marco, I ask, “Cold enough out there for you?”

Marco laughs breathily, untying a burgundy scarf from around his neck. “Haha, yeah, it’s insanely cold out there. At least Mom said she’d come pick me up later so I won’t have to walk back out during the night.”

“Ah, that’s good. It’s a shame she couldn’t come, though.” I’ve only met her a few times, but I really enjoy Marco’s mom. She’s bubbly and fun when she’s not exhausted from her work.

“She felt really bad too and promised next time she would come,” Marco says as I toss both his scarf and jacket over the recliner in the corner of the living room. We pause, admiring and smiling at each other until I chuckle at his outfit. Marco has arrived at my humble abode with a white collared-shirt and a gray sweater vest over it. The khakis are just the icing on the cake. “What?”

“Nice outfit. Are you trying to impress my parents?”

“Well, no, I mean, I didn’t want to be rude...”

“They already like you,” I say blandly. Yeah, they like you instantly but it takes a few tries for people to like me. Another strike against me. I don’t know why these thoughts keep happening every time I’m with Marco, but they just won’t stop. My eyes flash to the ground and I  _know_  Marco can tell something is wrong but thankfully my mother interrupts this awkward moment by telling us dinner is ready.

I offer Marco a half-assed smile before rushing into the kitchen first. Come on, Jeanne, tonight is going to go perfectly; all this nonsense is just in your head.

Mom brings the chicken to the table just as we take our seats, making sure we’re next to each other while Mom and Dad take their seats on opposite ends of the table. Marco looks at all the food before him with delight and turns to my mother for answers.

“All of this looks amazing, Mrs. Kirstein. What is the main dish.”

Mom smiles proudly. “It’s chicken cordon bleu with asparagus salad and chèvre truffles, or goat cheese balls. I hope you’ll enjoy it. Now, please, help yourself to whatever you’d like, Marco.” Mom gestures with her hands for him to grab the food. Dad’s already started taking one of each chèvre truffle and butters his piece of bread.

“So, Marco, I’m glad you came to have dinner with us tonight,” Dad speaks before munching on some of the salad.

“Oh, it’s a pleasure, really. Thank you all for inviting me and allowing me to share dinner with you.” Marco reaches for the salad himself before filling up his plate with a little bit of everything.

“Now, on to serious business. As a father, it’s my job to make sure you’re a good boyfriend to my daughter.”

“Oh, Reggie, hush.”

“Wow, Dad, what a setup.”

Marco smiles nervously, almost sweating from such an embarrassing moment. Jesus, Dad, you promised.

“All right, all right. I know, this isn’t the time.” Dad clears his throat before taking another bite of food. I start working on my chicken as he gears up to ask Marco another question, hoping it won’t put him on the spot. “You’re from Jinae, right? What was it like there?”

Okay, good, he’s starting off with the easy questions.

Marco wipes his mouth politely with his napkin and clears his throat as well. “It was really nice. My parents owned a farm so I grew around a lot of animals and a lot of land.” He smiles, thinking about his past. “We had to drive about twenty to thirty minutes to get to the grocery store and the interesting places, but it was still a lot of fun growing up there. That’s why it was so different moving here where everything is just a quick walk away. I like it here too.”

“You like it enough to walk through the freezing snow to get here?” I ask playfully, shoving some chicken into my mouth and waiting on Marco to reply.

“Well if it meant a nice, hot meal was my reward, then yeah!” I shoot him a look and he gives me a dimpled smile. “And for you, Jeannie.” I almost want to gag. Not in front of the parents, Marco! I cross my legs under the table, shifting in a seat a little bit as my mom takes a turn to interrogate Marco.

“What do your parents do? Was it easy for them to get a job before moving here?”

Marco stalls for a moment, taking an extra sip of his water, and I can tell he’s unsure of what to say. I can’t really fault Mom on her question and neither can Marco, but it’s still hard to see him so affected by it.

“My mom works as an overnight nurse and my dad was the director of my grampa’s company in Sina Country. My dad’s, uh, not around anymore.” He adds that last part quickly and I hope my parents can understand that as something not to mention any further. They look at each other in understanding before returning their attention to Marco.

“I’m sorry, dear. I should have been more conscious in how I asked you.”

“Oh, no, ma’am, it’s fine. You didn’t know.”

An awkward silence falls on all of us and all that can be heard is the sounds of chewing and silverware clanking against our plates. The heater kicks on again, rumbling in the vents above before continuing with its monotonous humming. I stop listening for it and glance at Marco, wondering if he’s doing all right. He looks normal, neither frowning nor smiling, but he seems a little off. I want to say something; I want to say something to break this silence and to make him smile, but what do I say? All I ever do is fuck it up and either say something worse or irrelevant.

“Do you have any idea of what you’d like to do in college? We all know our Jeanne-bo is going for an art school in Sina Country.” Dad smiles at me before focusing his attention back on Marco. I’m grateful that he was able to intervene while I had my mini-crisis.

Marco’s thinking-hard-face is just him looking up and to the left while scrunching his round nose. It’s such an adorable, innocent look. Most of the time I just scrunch my entire face, looking incredibly gross and angry. There is no expression I can put on my face that doesn’t look like anger and I get shit for it all the time.

“Honestly,” Marco starts, scratching the back of his neck. “I haven’t exactly decided it yet.” He chuckles nervously, looking back at my father.  “I’d like to do something with my family’s native language or maybe look into therapy? I really like helping people but I’m not too confident about it really. I’m still trying to figure it all out.” But you’re perfect, Marco. How could you say that about yourself when I’m sitting right next to you?

“There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re young; you’ve all the time in the world to really figure out what you want. I don’t understand people nowadays, forcing kids to decide on their life career just a few months after forcing them to ask permission to use the restroom,” Dad scoffs, making his opinions known.

Mom nods in agreement, adding on, “Yes, it’s a shame. And college isn’t meant for everyone, despite what they say. There’s nothing wrong with not going at all.” I wish I had something to add to this conversation but it’s a little difficult, considering I’m in Marco’s position as well. At this rate, though, since I’m not talking and just stuffing my mouth with food, I’ll be the first one done and I  _hate_  being the one that finishes first. So much awkward waiting and the sort.

As dinner goes on and my parents question Marco even further, going to his hobbies and what kind of clubs he’s considering to be in during his time at Trost Secondary, I can’t help but take the back burner completely. Marco talks with such joy and happiness in his voice and my parents watch on in silent admiration. I mean, they aren’t too hard to please but they both seem so impressed after only talking to him for about ten or fifteen minutes. Neither of them notice me brooding in my own world and I can’t tell if I’m okay with that or completely offended.

Marco glances at me a few times but I never return them for fear of him just  _knowing_  that I’m comparing us both and feeling completely inadequate to him. All these months together have been fun and amazing and I just...he really does deserve so much better than me. I honestly thought he’d have gotten bored of me by now or annoyed or something, but I can see in his eyes how much I mean to him, how much he adores me. Sometimes I love it and sometimes I can’t stand it.

Before I know it, Mom is collecting our plates and Dad’s gotten up to help her. While they’re distracted, Marco wraps an arm around me and pulls me close to him.

“Are you okay, baby?” he whispers, kissing my temple.

“I don’t know.”

\--

“Keep your door open, sweetpea.”

“Oh my god, Dad. If we really wanted to do something, an open door wouldn’t stop us.”

“ _Jeanne!_ ” Both Marco and my dad shout in unison. I smirk triumphantly as I climb up the stairs to my room with Marco following just behind me. My door’s already open and flop onto my bed face first, tired and full after a nice, hot meal. Marco lies on top of me and I protest loudly.  
  
“Fuck! Marco, I’m gonna puke if you lie on me like that.”

“Aghh, I  _guess_  I’ll get off of you then,” he jokes, rolling his weight off of me and settling for being next to me. I turn my head to the side, facing him, and just study his face carefully, checking for any new freckles that I might have missed from the other hundreds of thousands of times I stared at his face. Nope, looks like nothing new this time around; I’ll be sure to check at another date when I have a better light. The only thing illuminating my room is the set of white Christmas lights, circling the entirety of my room. It’s a soothing feel and I’m noticing that I’m much more relaxed here than I was downstairs in the kitchen.

I reach back with my right hand, grabbing my comforter and throwing it over us as Marco straightens it out before snuggling closer to me. He kisses my forehead a few times and gently lifts my chin up to him so he can kiss my lips. I linger against him a little longer, feeling guilty for wanting him so much, but also not wanting this moment to end by my insecurity.

“What’s the matter, baby? You were so quiet at dinner. Normally you’re talking over everyone with such passion and intent but tonight was very different.” Oh fuck, he did notice. I keep quiet for a few moments, considering my options where I can just pretend to have fallen asleep instead of answering him. It’s believable for someone to have fallen asleep within a matter of seconds, right? No? Fuck.

“Nothing’s the matter, Marco.” I decided to lie. “You’re just so perfect.”

Marco’s chuckle almost sounds like a scoff. “Jeannie, if I had a dime for every time I’ve heard that, I’d be the richest man in the world.” He brings his hand up to his face, rubbing it gently before wrapping it around me again. “I’m not perfect; I’m no where near it.”  
  
“But you really are, though...”

“Jeanne, what’s making you say this?”

Despite my earlier lie, I’m finding it hard to keep the entire truth from him. I bite my lip, wondering what would be the best way to approach this. Do I even want him to know that I don’t think I’m good enough for him?

“You’re just, you’re so nice, Marco. You always know what to say and you have this air of innocence and purity around you. Everyone likes you.” I peek up at him, paying particular attention to how the lights above reflect brightly in his warm, brown eyes. He watches me carefully, allowing me to finish the thoughts that I’m struggling to say. See? He knows me so well that he can tell I’m not even done speaking. “You put everyone before you a-and you’re so patient and compassionate. You can make the most depressed person happy again.”

“Jeannie...”

“But what do I have to offer? I’ve said so much stupid shit to you that I’m even surprised you want anything to do with me.”

“Jeannie, baby,” Marco coos, hugging me tighter against him. “I think I only know how to do that because I know what it’s like to be that low. I know what it’s like to need someone to help pick you back up again. I don’t like it when others are sad.” Marco laughs humorlessly. “Not after how sad I saw my mom that night. I did everything I could to make her smile and it just sort of stuck with me.”

“See? You’re perfect. An angel from heaven.” Why is he disagreeing with me on this? I’m right, dammit.

“I’m no angel, baby. I’m just a human with flaws like you and everyone else. I’ve got bad times and good times as well.”

“Okay, then you’re a wounded angel. A damn charming one at that.”

“Jeannie.”

We stay in silence, holding each other tight in my dimly lit room, wrapped snug in a blanket. I peek out the window on the opposite side of my room to see that it’s started snowing once more. Thankfully Marco’s mom is gonna pick him up. I just hope that they’re careful while they’re out there.

Every once in a while, Marco will kiss the top of my head as I rest comfortably on his chest, feeling worse and worse about the conversation we just had. I thought I might feel better to get my feelings out but I just...something won’t stop nagging at me. I don’t care what he says, he’s only saying that to spare me. Sooner or later I’m going to do something so stupid or say the dumbest bullshit that’ll split us apart and make me regret it. I don’t ever want to make such a grave mistake with someone like Marco. He deserves an easy, carefree life after all that’s happened and honestly, I don’t think I could be a part of that.

He’s an angel and this wounded angel just keeps smiling at me. He’s so beautiful and he deserves a bright world with someone equally as bright.

Marco deserves someone who doesn’t feel so alone when they have the most perfect person lying next to them and holding them. I’m too afraid of fucking him up anymore and I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself from hurting him. I think this is the best thing I could do for him honestly.

I think I’ve made up my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God damn, I've finally gotten this out.
> 
> I apologize for the 4 month hiatus, but for those following me on tumblr and twitter, you saw first hand how horrible my writer's block got and how terrible life got for me. However, I really, really wanted to get a new chapter up before I start my new semester in two days.
> 
> I'm not sure when to expect the next update, but since I've publicly stated that I put Young Blood on hiatus, TLC should come out a little faster. Maybe I can get it back to updating once a month, who knows. School will keep me busy this semester for sure.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!


	9. Too Late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I look into your eyes  
> Diving into the ocean  
> I look into your eyes  
> Falling  
> Like a wall of stars  
> We are ripe to fall  
> \- [_Too Late_ , M83](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEEOuF1zfNQ)

I’m sick. I’m super fucking sick. Like, feverish, constantly fighting a stuffed nose in order to breathe, and feeling too weak to do anything. I’ve already missed a couple days of school and I feel super behind but, fuck it, I don’t give a damn. School has been the last thing that I’ve thought about at all for the past couple of weeks.

It’s towards the end of January and the school year is so close to being over; I can’t fucking wait. Even though the new year will start the day after my birthday...oh, the joys of being an April baby.

Sneezing so hard that my right arm tingles, I cringe in pain and flop back in bed. My face is hot as well as my entire body. I’m only in a large T-shirt and shorts with the blankets all over the place except for on top of me. Mom says I should try and sweat the fever out but it’s hard, especially since I cycle through freezing cold and blazing hot with no setting in between.

It’s good; it’s fine. All I’ve had to do is lie in bed and either sleep or just laze around. Mom and Dad alternate in bringing me soup and drinks, doting on me like the loving parents they are. So far, either Marco or Sasha have come by with my schoolwork and I _unfortunately_ still need to do it. After two days, I’ve accrued a mass of amount of readings and problems to solve. Whoops.

Ah, Marco. I’ve been trying my hardest not to think about him. I’ve tried so hard to not think about his innocent smile, his round, gorgeous eyes, and the smoothness of his voice. I’ve tried not to think about how comfortable I feel around him and how warm and important he makes me feel. I’ve tried not to think about that because there’s no way in hell that I could have the same effect on him.

Ugh, shit, this is exactly why I didn’t want to think about him. I’ve even tried spending less and less time with him. Whenever he’d ask to go out on a date, I usually just make up some bullshit excuse like, being sick or helping Mom out, who gets sick pretty often. Maybe even throw in the good old, “I’ve got too much homework,” but I save that for certain occasions since we have the same classes. It hurts but I need to see if I’ll be okay, if _he’ll_ be okay with us not being together all the time.

However, I hate seeing his face when I turn him down. He still smiles politely, but you can see the disappointment and sadness behind his innocent brown eyes. I swear, a part of me dies inside knowing that _I’m_ the one who caused that moment of sadness.

Maybe it would be easier to just...

I haven’t decided yet but I think it needs to end soon. I’ve been caught up in these feelings since December and they haven’t stopped. I’m worthless compared to Marco. He deserves so much better because he’s perfect, amazing, selfless, and overall a wonderful human being. What am I? I’m Jeanne Lucille Fucking-Kirstein, the snarky little shit, the asshole who pushes people away when they upset me, and who’s selfish. I think about myself first before I even think of others.

This time I’m going to change that. This time, Marco will be my first and foremost priority. Because of that, that means I need to save him from getting stuck with me and from getting annoyed with my presence. Fuck, sometimes I just get so annoyed with myself. I hate myself more than anyone could ever imagine and knowing that I could possibly ruin Marco’s life with my own makes me want to hate myself more. I can’t bear it.

I’m sweating again, overheating from the fever, and I close my eyes, draping my arm sloppily over my damp face.

Something’s gotta be done because I can’t keep feeling like this all the time. Relationships are supposed to be happy right? This certainly doesn’t make me feel happy.

Aahh, I think I should just sleep. I can’t tell if the fever is making me think too hard or what’s going on anymore. I’m just gonna...roll over and sleep. Yeah, that sounds good.

I’ll deal with this later.

\--

My first day back at school since my sickness is Thursday and God, do I feel like utter shit. I’m not running a fever, but my nose is still stuffy and I’ve got this annoying, throbbing headache. My eyes hurt and I just want to fall to the ground and never get up again.

“Honey, are you sure you should be in class today? Maybe you should have stayed home?” Marco’s sweet, soothing voice is almost too difficult to pick up with the indistinguishable background noise of all the kids coming into the main foyer. All I can really hear is the loud hum of their talking and the footsteps on the floor. That, and the low throbbing of my migraine. Is it a migraine? Fucking, I don’t know; all I know is that it’s been going on for awhile and I can’t even think straight.

“N-No, I’m fine. Super fine. The best.” Yup, a quality response if I do say so myself.

Marco frowns, clearly concerned for my wellbeing and paleness (because I’m somehow paler than usual). Once we walk closer to the walls, he sits me down on one of the hard, leather seats and tells me to just relax a little bit. He holds me close to him and watches me as I look off into the crowd.

“You’re too nice to me.”  
  
“Not nice enough.”

I nuzzle into him more, drawn by his warmth and the rhythmic beating of his heart. I wish I could just close my eyes and doze off with him right here. Fuck school and classes; all I want is Marco. Which is in complete contrast to the feelings I’ve been having.

“Did you at least take medicine today?”

“Yeah, I did. Don’t worry, Second Mom, my original mom made sure I took something.” Marco chuckles.  
  
“I’m not sure how I feel about being both your boyfriend and second mom. Something’s gotta go.” I cringe at his choice of words. I know he’s being silly, but...if only he knew.

“Sorry, boyfriend. You gotta go.” I manage to choke out a laugh as he snorts.

“Wow, I see how it is.”

“Heh, no you don’t. C’mere.” I slide my hand up to the back of his neck and pull him down to kiss his cheek. I wouldn’t want him getting sick at all, would I?

The dull sound of indistinguishable voices around us start to lessen to the point of notice and Marco and I look up to see almost everyone has left, presumably to their classes. I look up at him with the most pitiful look that I could muster, knowing that we too will need to get up and head to class as well before we’re late. Marco just smiles at me and nudges me forward, earning a groan from me and my achey body.

We hold hands on the way to class. I try not to think much of it.

\--

I’m barely able to hold up my pencil, let alone pay attention to the class, and I’m sincerely regretting coming today. Shit, what class am I even in? Math? Science? Who knows; that’s half the fun. I’m trying to be discreet about breathing through my nose but it’s hard when the noise happens to sound like the loudest thing in here. And it’s always when the teacher stops talking...

Marco’s been doting on me ever since I got sick and even this morning before class started. He’s making it so hard to hate him...I mean, I don’t _want_ to hate him but, y’know, he shouldn’t be so ready to drop everything for me.

I steal a glance at him and he’s diligently taking notes and actively listening to the teacher. Good, because I’ll probably be mooching off of his notes once more. Lord knows I can’t really count on Sasha’s notes. We’ve learned that she learns by just listening to the lecture and will rarely write down anything in her notebook. Actually, I think she just scribbles in her textbook when she needs to. Fucking lucky.

Leaning on my face on my right hand, I briefly close my eyes, too sick and tired to even be bothered with focusing on this lesson. I’ve given up trying.

\--

“No, no, no. You’ll never get better eating that garbage! Okay, look,” Sasha starts, crossing her legs under her before getting ready to get really animated. “My dad used to make this wonderful chicken stew for me whenever I got sick! Want me to show you how to make it? You’ll feel super great if you eat it!”

It’s always nice to see Sasha getting excited and passionate whenever food becomes our main topic, but I just can’t bring myself to match her level of enthusiasm. I’ve got too much on my mind and I can’t seem to shake this headache that I’ve had for days. I feel like I’m constantly being punched in the head and there’s nothing I can do. Even sleeping makes it worse.

“Hey, hey.” Before I have a chance to act, Sasha’s hands are on my cheeks and she’s making me look into her brown eyes. They’re not the same as the ones I normally stare into. The ones that are warm and loving. The ones that are causing me pain just thinking about. “Either you need to pay attention or spill whatever’s going on, Jeanne.”

Nope. Not falling for this at all.

“Well, other than the fact that I can barely concentrate on existing because of this headache, maybe I’m feeling a little sad?” Fuck me. Good job, you big-mouthed dumbass.

Sasha makes a confused face, rounding her mouth out and raising her eyebrows. “Oohhh, about what? What did Marco do? Do I have to fight him?”

“Sasha, no you do-”

“ _Fight.”_

“No. Marco didn’t do shit.”

“Then what’s up? You’ve been awfully out of character for awhile and it’s very noticeable. You haven’t even been picking random, useless fights with Eren.”

I rub my temples before lying back on my soft bed, draping my arm over my eyes to shield the poor, exhausted things from the constant barrage of light. With a sigh, I wait a few moments, figuring out what to even say. I’ve never spoken about what I’m feeling to anyone and I’m not even sure if it’s worth mentioning.

Sasha lies next to me, making sure to be close, and puts her arm on my stomach.

“Do you...ever feel like you shouldn’t be with Connie? Like...he’s too good for you?” Maybe this example isn’t the best thing to go by, but I think it’s the only way she’d understand.

“Nope,” she replies without a moment’s hesitation. “I say we’re a pretty good match. Why? Do you feel like that with Marco?”

My stomach churns at the thought of what sort of answer I’ll give. I really, really don’t want to talk about this. I fucked up and I’m getting nervous.

“No! I mean, well, maybe… Fuck, no, yes.” I’m all over the goddamn place. I try to hide my face more in my arm and bring the other one up to drape over the one already on me. Sasha waits patiently for me to stop having a moment and props herself up on her elbow. Her hands carefully take my arms off of my face and I squint from the extra light.

“Jeanne, I really don’t think you mean that. You and Marco are so cute together and you two always look like you enjoy each other’s company.”

“Yeah, but, Marco is pure and I’m...I’m just trash. I try to be me and be an amazing girlfriend but it’s nothing compared to how Marco is. He’s like this naturally and I just feel like I’m fucking something up. I feel like he’s going to hate me just like I hate myself. I’m not good enough for him.”

I take a deep breath. Of course, when I tell myself to keep quiet, I unload _everything_. Every little insecurity just came rushing out and there was nothing to stop it. I peek out of one eye, gauging Sasha’s reaction. She seems like she’s thinking hard with her brows furrowed, eyes looking concentrated on whatever’s directly below her. She also has a weird habit of biting the entirety of her lower lip as she thinks.

Feeling less and less confident than before, I roll away from her, taking a pillow and covering my head. “Okay, I said the thing. You don’t have to comment and I really don’t want to go further about this. It was super stupid.”

“There’s nothing wrong with talking about your feelings! I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to at least get that far with me, Jeanne!” Sasha smiles at me, with her big brown eyes sparkling in delight.

“Yeah, I guess that’s a good thing, huh? Who knew I’d become best friends with the girl who constantly sneaks the strangest food in class?”

Sasha giggles. “Hey, it’s a life skill! I’m putting it on my résumés when I’m out in the world.”

“That’s a scary thought.”

“You’re a scary thought.” I mock an offended face and receive a shove from Sasha, causing me to groan. When I settle back to my spot, Sasha grabs me by my chin, tilting my head to face her.

“Look, Jeanne, you have nothing to worry about between you and Marco. You are _not_ trash and Marco isn’t some angel that no one deserves to be with. You both are human and you like each other. Besides, I’m sure Marco would like you more if you stayed your fun…eh, snarky self, rather than being something you’re not.”

Not once in my life have I ever thought that I would be lectured by Sasha and hear the good-old “be yourself” schtick. But I can’t seem to ignore her seriousness and sincerity. She honestly believes that everything is all right.

Yeah, okay, but have you seen my headspace? It’s full of angst and self-loathing, Sasha. Even your purity is no match for it.

“Are you listening to me? I mean it, Jeanne. You’re overthinking it and as your best friend, I say that you need to acquire some chill and trust that Marco likes you a lot. I mean, don’t you remember the boy tripped in class on his first day from just _looking_ at you?” Sasha cracks a smile and starts laughing. “Shit, that was hilarious, oh my god.”

I can’t help but sputter out a laugh myself. Honestly, I think back to that day a lot and how I thought about him then. If someone had told me that I would be dating that loser that tripped over himself in class a few months later, I would never have believed them.

Sasha starts going on through our memories, picking out which ones were her favorite so far and as I listen to her, I feel calm.

I think we’re going to be all right.

\--

“Yo! What’s up?”

“You got a minute, Conman?”

“W-What? Conman? What the hell kind of nickname is that?”

“Whatever, don’t worry about it. I need to talk to you.”

Connie grumbles about my beautiful nickname, that I handpicked all by myself, as he approaches me finally. I offer him a smirk, gesturing for him to scurry on over to our little hiding spot that the four of us found, wedged between the building filled with athletic equipment and some pretty thick bushes. All of us come here every so often during gym when we’re just too lazy to carry out the tasks. So far, Shadis hasn’t found us and I hope he never does.

Being in the shade is probably the worst idea now, considering this frigid January weather, but I really don’t want Sasha or Marco around. I’ve already talked to Sasha about this and of course Marco can’t be here to hear the “hey, I feel like we’re incompatible because I’m the worst” thing that I’ve got going on in my brain.

I did feel a little better after talking to Sasha but the thoughts slowly crept back, making my moods unpredictable and worse. Maybe if I talk to Connie, then everything will be sorted out. He may not be the best academically, but I’ll be damned to say that he’s amazing with other people’s feelings and thoughts.

“Okay, what do you want? How come we’re not bringing the others in here?”

“Because what I’m about to talk to you about is private.” He raises his eyebrows in confusion, but listens quietly, waiting for me to begin. I let out a deep sigh, sniffling as the cold air has given me a runny nose. I must look awful.

I take a deep breath, watching as my breath becomes visible from the cool air. “I need some, uh, relationship…advice.”

Connie sits down on the grass, propping his elbows up on his knees and resting his chin in his palms. “Uh, okay. I guess I can try. What’s going on? Is Marco not giving it to you good?”

My face distorts into something gross and a hot blush flares across my cheeks. “What the fuck! Why is that the first thing you go to? I’ll have you know that Marco is _amazing_.”

“Aaaaafgh, no need for anymore of that information.” He waves his hands at me, getting me to stop as he makes a disgusted face.

“No, what I want to know is…how can you tell if your partner is, uh, interested in you?”

“Well, he’s dating you, so I’m pretty sure that’s a big indicator that he’s interested.”

I smack my face with my palm and grunt. “Yes, but how do you _know_? What if… What if you’re the worst human to walk the earth and you’re nowhere near as good as your partner. How can one be sure that everything is genuine?” I’m not sure why I’m using such neutral language, knowing that Connie will immediately know I’m referring to myself.

He watches me as I stress and panic, mind rushing with negative thoughts and just plain old confusion. For once, I don’t know what to do and it scares me.

“Look, the only advice I can give is that you just talk to Marco yourself about this. I’m not really sure why you’re doubting y’all’s relationship when you guys are literally attached at the hip. Marco talks so well about you all the time when we’re hanging out.”

I cross my arms, brows furrowed in frustration that I’m not getting the answer or advice that I want. But he is saying something different from Sasha. Should I just tell Marco how I’ve been feeling? Shit, I should, especially since I’ve been kind of avoiding him for awhile now.

Ugh, seeing his face drop just the slightest bit when I turn down a date or say I’m busy kills me from the inside out. My heart hurts whenever I think about it. Fuck, I’m doing it right now.

“I guess. Ugh, I guess I’ll talk to him.”

“Jeanne, you two are together. It’s important that there’s a level of respect and trust that you two can talk out your problems. If you keep hiding and hiding, eventually you’ll begin to resent Marco and hold a grudge against him, while he knows absolutely nothing. It’s not fair to him.”

He’s right. I think that’s why I’ve been avoiding Marco and feeling annoyed with him. I’m mad at something that he’s not even doing. I look away as I take a seat next to Connie, leaning my head back against the wall of the building. I stare up at the overcast sky as a cool breeze rolls on by, rustling the bushes in front of us.

“You and Marco will be just fine. I’ve noticed you do this a lot, Jeanne. Hating yourself.” I peer over to him from the corner of my eye as he speaks. “You’re a lot better than you give yourself credit for. You’re an asshole sometimes, but…I think you’re doing that to keep people away.”

“Heh, you got all that from just knowing me this school year?”

“Almost a year is a pretty long time to get to know someone. I’m glad to be your friend. When you’re not teasing me or starting shit, you’re a pretty good person.”

My eyes shift focus to the grass and dirt below my feet, feeling hot from these random compliments, especially from Connie, no less.

“Th-Thanks, man. You’re an oddball but you’ve got a good heart. You and Sasha make my days brighter, even when I complain about you two.”

“Oh my god, this is a rare moment! Jeanne Kirstein, saying something nice!”

I shove him over and he just laughs, wiping the dirt off of his gym uniform. “Consider this the last time I ever compliment you again.”

We sit in silence, listening to the rustling bushes and the distant sound of screaming teenagers and whistles blowing. I can only imagine what hell they’re being put through. Poor Sasha and Marco; may your souls be laid to rest.

The bell sounds from the main building, signifying the end of gym. I hop up to my feet and offer a hand to Connie, helping him up. He thanks me quietly and we watch for a good time to jump out of the hiding spot so that Shadis won’t see us.

Once out, we walk side by side and Connie speaks up again, “Don’t forget to talk to him, okay? Marco’s a pretty patient and understanding guy. You know he’d never be mad at you for feeling things, even if it’s what you’re feeling now.”

My heart pounds nervously at the prospect of having this conversation, but Connie does have a point. I can’t hide anymore. My friends can’t fix what’s wrong with me and Marco; only he and I can.

As I get back into the main building, relishing in the warmth of the heated school, I feel a sudden burst of determination.

I really think we’re going to be all right.

\--

“I hope you’re studying hard for your final exams, Jeanne. First years always have the hardest exams in Trost.”

“Ugh, Daddy. The finals aren’t until the beginning of March. It’s only February.”

“Well, you can use the month to study so you’re extra prepared,” Dad finishes, taking a sip of his hot coffee as he leans against the kitchen counter. The smell of the freshly brewed grounds fills the kitchen with a feeling of warmth and comfort. I don’t particularly like coffee but I do enjoy the smell. I kinda made it a habit to run into the kitchen and do something when Daddy makes it.

“Or, I can just lie in bed and sleep. That sounds very reasonable.”

“Jeanne.”

“Jeez, take a joke for once. I’ll study when the time comes, I promise.”

Dad grunts in response, taking a noisy sip of his coffee as he tends to the toast that has just appeared from the toaster. I hold my breath, covering my ears just in case the stupid toaster sets off the damn fire alarm again. After a few seconds, the coast is clear and I go back to eating my cold cereal and scrolling through my phone.

After these past few weeks of mental turmoil and twisted feelings, I finally feel content. I feel free and able to breathe. I haven’t had any stress headaches or late night breakdowns and I love it. Plus, it’s the weekend and I’m snug at home in a big sweater and leggings.

Honestly, the best clothing combo ever. I’d love to meet whoever thought of it first.

My phone vibrates as a banner comes in from the top. Oho, a text from Marco. I tap on it, taking me to the message screen.

**From: Snarco  
** > good morning baby!!

**To: Snarco  
** > heyyyy

**From: Snarco  
** > how are you this morning sweetie?

I ponder a good response, debating between being normal or something really weird. I go with weird.

**To: Snarco  
** > im so chill, im floatin thru time n space bro

I bite my lip, snickering. I glance out of the corner of my eye at my dad, grateful that he’s focused on buttering his toast and adding grape jam on top. Ugh, the best combo.

**From: Snarco  
** > jeannie honey what did we say about the drugs???

Fuck! He one-upped me!

**To: Snarco  
** > haha u kno me im outta control

**From: Snarco  
** > oh yea do i know ;)

What the actual fuck.

**To: Snarco  
** > dude! My dad is literally in the room!  
  
**From: Snarco  
** > hey mr. kirstein! your daughter and i like to make out and fuck

I cannot believe what I am reading! I slam my phone face down and hide my own face in the crook of my arm. Never, ever fuck with Marco.

“Jeanne, sweetpea, are you all right?” Dad asks, unfortunately noticing my head down, cringing from that last text.

“Yes, Daddy, I'm fine. Uh, Sasha just, uh, sent me a stupid joke, that's all.” Wow, what kind of blatant lie was that? I really need to step my game up.

Dad offers me a confused expression before taking another sip of his coffee and leaving the kitchen with his plate of toast. Once the coast is clear, I turn my phone back around and reply to Marco. There’s actually something I really need to discuss with him. I hope I have the courage to even talk to him.

**To: Snarco  
** > hey babe. U wouldnt happen to be free in about an hour or so would u? I need to see you

A reply comes almost instantaneously. What a thirsty hoe.

**From: Snarco  
** > yeah i am! What do u wanna do?

My heart pounds as I try to think of a suitable reply. My hands shake as I slowly type out that we should meet outside of the school gate. It's weird, I know, but it’s somewhere close by and pretty empty during the weekend.

Marco sends me back a confirmation and I set my phone down, taking a deep breath. I'm not looking forward to talking to him at all, but I guess I really have to so I can finally feel better about this whole thing; it’s been haunting me for weeks now.

After finally putting my phone away, I go back to neglected cereal only to find out it’s soggy beyond belief. My face scrunches up as the cereal bits squelch between my teeth.

I bet this cereal is an omen for things to come.

\--

For the first time in weeks, the weather is actually bearable, meaning that the sun is shining, there’s a slight breeze, and the weather feels like it would during early spring. Thank god I don't have to freeze my ass off while waiting for Marco out here.

Ah, speak of the devil. I see him turn the corner ahead and smile when he sees me, half-jogging across the street to get to me.

“Hey, baby!” he greets me, pressing a quick kiss to my lips. My heart pounds in my chest.

“H-Hey.” All I could offer is a weak reply. He wraps his arms around me and I feel slightly guilty for indulging in it.

“So, what did you want to do today?”

“Just, uh, hang out here for now?” My voice betrays me, already sounding so nervous in front of him. Marco watches me carefully, immediately noticing something, but he spares me by keeping his mouth shut and smiling. He turns, facing the street, and leans his back against the brick gate. I join him, standing stiffly by his side.

“The weather’s really nice today,” he speaks up, making small talk to ease the awkwardness. “Although, it’s a little strange how the weather can warm up so quickly after being so cold all the time.

“Aha, well, honey, that's Trost weather for you. It's so strange and unpredictable.” I sigh, knowing I can’t just keep wasting our time. It's time to talk. “Marco?”

“Yes, Jeannie?” he replies, turning to me with a sweet smile. Fuck, he looks like an angel.

“We, uh, we need to talk, okay? It’s nothing bad, I promise, it’s just that I’ve been feeling kind of bad about our relationship.” I pause, giving him time to process it and for me to think of what to say next.

“Bad? L-Like how?”

“Like ‘you’re way out of my league’ bad. I’ve felt like this for awhile now and I finally got the courage to admit that to you.”

“But, Jeanne, why would you ever think that?” His face is twisted in confusion and a knot forms in my stomach. I was feeling good earlier today about this conversation, but now I’m not sure I can do it.

God, relationships are hard.

“Because, Marco, I don't think I'm a good girlfriend to you. I don't think I'm good at all for you. You're so pure and perfect, while I'm the worst. I'm an asshole and you're always there waiting for me.”

Marco places his hand on my shoulder, getting me to face him. “Don't say that. I'm not perfect and I've told you that before. A-And you're not the worst. It hurts to hear you say that.”

I can't speak; I don't know what to say. Why is he being so nice to me?

“Jeannie, I’m glad you told me this. Thank you for being honest with me. Now we can work together to solve this.” He sounds so hopeful and happy.

“No, no, it’s okay, Marco. I already figured out how to fix it. I had a lot of time to think about this.”

“What do we need to do, baby?”

I keep my eyes focused on the asphalt of the road in front of me as a car rolls by. “We need to break up.”

His hand goes slack in my shoulder and I can't bear to even look at him. That was surprisingly much easier to say than I originally thought.

“W-What…?” Marco’s voice comes out soft, completely in disbelief.

“That's what we need to do. It’ll be better for us. You’ll find someone who is better for you a-and I’ll be able to be happy again. I won't keep having these thoughts anymore, worrying about you and worrying about your happiness.”

“B-But I am happy with you, Jeannie. You make every day bright for me. I'm a-always excited to be with you.” God, I can hear the tears coming just by the sound of his whimpering voice.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? But, I mean it, Marco. We’ll be even better apart than together.”

“No! No we won’t!” Ugh, hearing him deny this just hurts too much. But I can’t falter. I have to get this done; I just wish I could have done so without breaking Marco’s heart. Who the fuck am I kidding? He’s too loving, of course he would get hurt.

“You’ll be happier without me.”

“No, no I won’t, J-Jeannie…” he whimpers.

Stop. Just stop, Marco. This is killing me.

“Marco,” I say with a dull voice. “I thought about this a lot. I think this is what’s best for us. Can you respect that?”

Marco’s hand falls from my shoulder completely as he takes a step back to keep a respectable distance. From the corner of my eye, I can see his head bowed slightly as his shoulders tremble. Small sniffles and whimpers come from his mouth before he lets out a deep breath to compose himself.

“I can a-and I w-will. I'm gonna go h-home now, okay, Jeanne?” Marco wipes his nose and his eyes with his sleeve before offering me a broken smile. “T-Thank you for a-at least telling me in person. Being with you was...the best.” Marco hesitates for a moment and finally starts walking back towards his home. It's a slow and sad walk and I really don't know why I'm still standing here and watching it.

I'm not sure for how long I've been standing here, but the sound of a horn blaring in the distance brings me out of my trance. I can't even tell how I'm feeling right now. Numb? I don't feel anything. With a sigh, I head back home, ready to just crawl into bed and watch TV.

As I'm walking, the wind blows in me face, making me feel cooler than before. This is kind of strange. I rub my face just in case there’s something on it and I'm shocked when my hand is wet.

How long have I been crying?

\--

I've never dreaded going school in my life more than I do now. Walking through the crowded and noisy foyer, I get past everyone, keeping my head low just in case I run into unwanted people. I didn't get any texts over the weekend from Marco, Sasha, or Connie, so maybe he didn't tell them. Maybe he wants me to do it.

Ugh, I'm the worst. But I made my decision after a long time of thinking. I shouldn't regret it too much, right? It was so strange not receiving any texts from him over the weekend; although, I can’t really blame him since I destroyed his perfect heart.

I kept checking my phone and whenever I heard a text notification, I basically dove for it, only to be disappointed that it was one of my two friends talking about some other drama that started up. I barely paid any attention to them.

I also kept focusing on the fact that, _this is it._ No more seeing him after school, no more sneaking around, no more kissing or making love. God, what I wouldn’t do to get a hug from him.

Even though this is only between Marco and me for now, I feel like _everyone_ knows. I can't help feeling judgmental eyes all over me even when there aren't any. God, I feel like an asshole. 

When I slip into the classroom, nothing seems different. Mainly, no one really acknowledges my presence other than a quick curious glance. Jesus, you guys, we've been in the same class for almost a year now; you should be desensitized to all the students walking in.

Sasha greets me with a warm smile as I take my seat next to her. I try to match it, but I can't even muster the energy to do so. My face remains blank.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh? O-Oh yeah. I'm just tired, that's all.” I mean, it's not too much of a lie.

“You should probably go to bed earlier and stop watching all that TV.”

“Yeah.” I rest my head down on the desk, drowning out all the sound and commotion around me, just trying to clear my head. All I can even think about is Marco’s teary eyes and his shaking voice. I thought this was going to make me happier since I wouldn't be thinking about how awful I am for him. In fact, I keep thinking about it _more_.

But...I made my decision and I have to live with it, right? I probably just lost the best thing that could ever happen to me, but it's for the better, I swear.

Eventually our teacher bustles on in, late as usual, and starts talking about the homework and some work we're going to have to go over today. Shit, how long did I have my head down?

I finally look up, stretching as Mike is turned towards the board and turn to reach for my notebook. When I manage to pull it out, that's when I see it. My eyes go slightly wide and guilt washes over me once more.

Marco didn't come to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well fuck me sideways
> 
> it's about time I updated this.


	10. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You came out of nowhere  
> Stealing my heart and brain  
> Flaming my every cell  
> You make me feel myself  
> \- [_Reunion_ , M83](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=do0V6cKKly4)

It's awkward. Everything is so difficult and awkward now. I see Marco every day in my classes and my heart just sinks in my chest when we have a brief glance and he's the first one to break it. I know I had to have done the right thing. So why do I feel even  _ worse _ than before the breakup? I thought this was going to be better for the both of us. 

It's fine. I know I'll get over it soon enough. I mean, it's been two weeks now. That's enough time to get back on my feet, right?

No. The answer is no.

I’ve never felt more like shit in my entire goddamn life, but I still don’t understand why. I know I made the right decision.  _ I know I did. _ Whenever I catch the slightest glimpse of his eyes, so dull and tired from the past two weeks, I’m filled with an immeasurable amount of guilt. Those kicked-puppy eyes are just burned into my retinas and I know I caused all of this.

I told Sasha and Connie not to utter  _ a word _ to anyone about Marco and I, but I swear everyone must already know. I can feel the stares when we don’t walk together and sit together. I hear the whispers and speculations. News travels so damn fast in this school, even if it’s only a rumor.

I did the right thing. I saved him from me and he shouldn’t be this sad! He should be happy and be over it already, but instead he’s so hurt by all of this.  _ I’m _ hurt by all of this. 

I’m lying in bed right now, unable to even think about sleeping and just praying that the morning comes soon. I fucked up because school isn’t for another three hours and I can’t even get up to do anything. I don’t remember exactly when I started crying and when I stopped but I definitely feel the aftermath of it. Numb and hot with puffy eyes and a pounding headache; this is exactly how my nights have been since we separated.

I reach for my phone for the hundredth time to check my messages only to reread the same exact texts from Sasha and Connie. They’re the only ones who talk to me other than the occasional bad texting from my father.

I deleted Marco’s texts between us but I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of his number no matter how hard I tried. I’d just stare at his name, the nickname that I chose for him, and the stupid contact picture of his and my heart would do flips. His smile is angelic and his eyes are shining bright with happiness and love.

I think I’m going to be sick.

I toss my phone over my bed, unable to look at it anymore and roll to face the wall. Let the last three hours of tossing and turning commence.

\-- 

“Um, please don’t get mad, but I think our entire class and then some know about you and Marco.”

The only response I can muster is a palm to my forehead. I’m too tired for this.

“Sasha...what did you do?”

“I think I must’ve said it a bit too loud to Connie and someone nearby heard and ran to their friends a-and now it’s a mess. I’m so sorry.” 

I turn around to face Connie, who’s somehow here on time, and he looks just as guilty, avoiding me. I turn back to Sasha, painfully aware of the dark rings under my eyes that are probably making me look more upset than I really am. I’m exhausted.

“What am I going to be expecting today on this gloomy, rainy day? If there is going to be a horde of people bombarding me at all today, I’m using the two of you as human shields.”

Sasha wrings her hands nervously, glancing around the class because I’m too much of a wuss to do so. She leans close to me and speaks quietly. “A lot of people didn’t really have anything nice to say...about you.” Joy.

“I am  _ this _ close to just getting up and skipping today,” I say, holding up my thumb and finger close together for emphasis. “ _ This close. _ ” 

Sasha grabs my arm and hugs me. “No, no, please don’t leave! I swear I’ll protect you all day and as long as it takes for this to blow over.”

With a sigh, I rest my head in my arms, fighting the strong urge to break down again. No, I won’t, not in front of these people. These are the last people that need to see me cry, especially if what Sasha said is true. I just want to run home and hide in my bed, never to step foot outside again. I’ll become a hermit in my parents’ home and live the life as a simple gremlin. I’m sure my mother wouldn’t mind me being with her for the rest of her life.

Or I can just change my name and move to Maria Country...no, that place isn’t exactly safe. I’ll rename myself Jane Cherrystone and sneak over the Sina Country border and live as a peasant. Even  _ that _ life would be better than the one I’m currently in now. This is horrible.

As soon as I begin to even get any courage to start packing and sneak out, the teacher conveniently walks in, signalling the start of class. For once, Mike is here relatively early, only about five minutes late. The one damn time I want to leave and he’s here; this is truly a blessed day.

Sarcastic thoughts aside, before completely realizing it, my head is turned towards Marco’s direction and I give in to one quick glance. He’s not looking at me, thank God, but I see Eren turned around and whispering to him. What the fuck? Did I fall into a goddamn alternate universe where everyone is against me? I bet it was fucking Eren who heard Sasha and spread the damn rumor. Well, it’s the truth but I ain’t tellin’ anyone that.

My glaring is cut short by the deep, baritone voice of our teacher as he tells us to take out our homework from the night before to go over it.

I swear if Marco believes any of the bullshit Eren feeds him...I don’t know what I’d do.

I’m completely clueless.

\--

I ended up skipping the rest of the school day after all. After my art class, usually Marco would be waiting for me outside the door to take us to lunch in the class, but of course, that stopped two weeks ago. I just couldn’t bear to go back and see it in anymore, to see his sad, exhausted face when we look into each other’s eyes for those few, brief seconds. So when the halls were filled with students getting out of their classes, with some going outside, I just took my shit and ran.

I didn’t even care that my parents were home. I made myself look as sick and pathetic as possible, so much that even my dad buckled and gave into my shameless display, ordering me to bed as my mother rushed to make me lunch. It’s nice being pampered even though I feel horrible using their kindness against them. Whatever, I need some lovin’ since I’m not getting it from a certain someone anymore.

Unfortunately, being “sick,” I don’t think I can convince my parents to allow my friends over to visit, so I’ll just have to live with texting for the rest of the day. Immediately upon reaching my phone, I’m bombarded with Thing One and Thing Two’s concerned texts.

**From: The Rare Seshe**

> Where did u go????

**From: TFW Connie**

> bro did u dip bc shadis aint havin it today

He can deal. Even though I’ve skipped physical ed class one too many times for his liking. This is important, dammit!

**To: The Rare Seshe, TFW Connie**

> ya im gone guys

> ive finally been released from this mortal coil

It took every ounce of willpower and checking over the recipient's’ name box one hundred times to make sure I didn’t accidentally add Marco.

**From: TFW Connie**

> omg dont be dramatic wtf

**From: The Rare Seshe**

> are your parents mad?

**To: The Rare Seshe**

> nah i told them i was just feeling sick and really amped up my performance

> this is the best one yet

I set my phone to the side just as my mother walks in with a bowl of chicken noodle soup and some orange juice on a nice, silver platter. Shit, man, this is some five-star treatment for nothing. I smile and gratefully accept the food, throwing in a tiny cough to add to my performance. Maman gently strokes my hair and tells me to just rest and call her or Daddy if I need anything. 

If only she knew that the whole reason I ran away was because two boys that were important to me at one point were interacting. I can't wait to be hated again all throughout high school. 

\--

It's the evening time and of course it's super dark outside while only being like, what, five or six? Who knows? All I know is that I've just been lying in bed since my grand escape, eyes glued to my TV as I soak up a marathon of a baking show. God, all this makes me want to do is run to the store, buy the shit, and start baking everything I can. It's not fair, man. 

Mom and Dad came up to check on me a few times since I've been home and at one point I pretended to sleep just to get them off my ass. Jesus, I wanted some pampering, not smothering. 

Once the show comes to another commercial break, I remember that I completely ditched my phone when Maman brought me lunch. Whoops. I hope Sasha isn't frothing at the mouth from worrying. 

Shit. Seven messages. 

I swipe through my phone, skimming all the messages Sasha sent me. One in particular really sticks out to me and my heart races. 

**From: The Rare Seshe**

> um ur not gonna believe this but marco started talking about you!

> he noticed you weren't in class for the rest of the day

Excuse me. How do you realize someone that you've been avoiding is gone? Unless...he really wasn't avoiding me? I'm so fucking confused, holy shit. 

Realizing quickly that there's still one unread message, I exit from Sasha’s conversation to check what else is there. Probably Connie just sending memes and cursed images to me. I shudder to think of what he could have sent now. 

Huh? This is weird; there's only on-  _ NO! _

**From: Snarco**

> are you ok?

I stare at my phone in disbelief for a good two minutes before doing the first thing that comes to mind: throwing my phone straight onto the ground. I wince at the loud clatter and momentarily hope I didn't break it, but holy shit, no way. There's no fucking way.

It couldn’t have been  _ him _ who texted me. Hovering over the side of my bed, I reach for the discarded phone, desperate to make sure I didn't read the contact name wrong. After this quick confirmation, seeing “Snarco” in bold letters, I throw the phone away again, refusing to acknowledge it. What the hell, man? What's going on?

I know, I'll just climb into bed and ignore it, pretend it never happened. Fuck, my heart is racing and I don't even know what to do. 

I just stare at the discarded piece of technology from the safety of my bed, fearing that it might come alive to bite me. I can't do it. I can't find it in myself to reply. 

I'll just hide a little more. Yeah, that's what I'll do. This is too much for me to handle right now. 

I’ll let this cupcake lady deliver me to a safe place where I don’t have to worry about breakups and ex-boyfriends anymore.

\-- 

Finally. Aahhh, finally, it’s the last week of our third semester and of my first successful year of high school. Not to brag, but, these final exams are going to be  _ nothing _ for a natural like me. I mean, I’ve only been studying every day for the past week while simultaneously trying to shove an entire semester’s worth of knowledge into Sasha and Connie’s brains. Connie’s biggest struggle has always been with mathematics, but he does get the hang of it after a couple after school sessions full of frustration. Sasha, on the other hand, as long as you put the important terms into something food related, she’s got it.

That served for very awkward and hungry study sessions. Anyway.

Damn, in just a week, we’ll have some time off. It’s the end of March and I can just taste the little bit of freedom I have and all the sleep-in days coming up. Jesus, who knew I’d get this wet for extra sleep?

As for the Marco fiasco, I’m pretty much over it. I never did answer that text he sent me that one time and nothing else developed. This is a new start for me! I’m turning over a new leaf and starting my life fresh and remaining stress-free!

That idea fucking flies out the window when I walk into the classroom. I stand in front of my desk, eyes staring in disbelief as my  _ once _ best friend, Sasha Braus, has decided to switch seats with...Eren. I glance over to the side of the room and she’s hiding her face from me, turning to Mikasa and grabbing her just for some sort of excuse. Eren’s eyes meet mine as he reaches over to pat his hand on my desk.

“Sit down already. You look stupid standing there like that.” I’ve never been so close to breaking in my entire life.

Before I even have a chance to open my mouth and release every piece of profanity I know, I notice a few curious glances my way and I sadly allow the pressures of societal norms to keep myself quiet and sit down. But I don’t like it!

I take quick, shallow breaths as I sit as stiff and far away from Eren as possible. I don’t even look at him when I whisper, “What. Are. You. Doing?”

“I need to talk to you between classes and knowing you’d run off and complain if I showed up at any other time, I decided to switch with Sasha. You can’t run away anymore, Jeanne.”

“Don’t start with this cryptic shit. I don’t want to talk to you and goddamnit I’m gonna exercise my right to remain silent for the rest of the day.”

Eren scoffs, halfway laughing. “You know damn well that you can’t remain silent for more than five minutes. You’re so loud…”

_ Deep breaths, Jeanne _ . I tremble in my seat, fighting the urge to skip school again. I can only feign sickness so many times before my father notices something fishy. Thankfully, before a mysterious interrogation could even begin, class starts for the day and I decide to throw Eren a nasty glance. He just looks at me with an unreadable expression. He’s not mad or pissed off like usual. He just looks...disappointed. Go to hell, you weirdo.

Once Mike leaves at the end of class, reminding us to study hard for the first wave of finals beginning tomorrow, I dread the next five minutes until Pixis comes in, knowing Eren is going to demand my attention. So I decide to preempt him and grumble, “What d’ya want?”

“Oh come on. You didn’t forget, did you? My birthday is in a week and, uh, it’d mean a lot if you came.”

_ What the fuck. What the fucking fuck? _ I actually turn my head to stare at him, repeating his request over and over in my brain until I fully comprehend what exactly he said. “W-What?”

“Y’know, it’s been a long time since you hung out with me, Mikasa, and Armin.” 

Gee, I wonder why.

“I’m just kinda tired of this avoiding each other bullshit a-and I want us to be friends again. Look, what I said in middle school was super stupid an-”

“I’m not mad about that!” I say a little too quickly. There’s no way he’d know. What the hell? I swear I’m in some alternate reality. Thankfully, Pixis waltzes on in, effectively shutting Eren up and giving me peace of mind for the next forty-five minutes. I find myself barely able to concentrate on the history review, however, with Eren’s words spiraling around in my head.

How in the world did he manage to appear after Marco left? He’s not... _ oh God _ , he’s not planning on confessing, is he? Wait, no, thankfully he’s not because I just remembered Mikasa is a thing. Okay, the worst part is done, but what is he planning. Why did this come up all of a sudden? Fuck, I’m stressed out.

What was I just telling myself at the start of the day? That this is a new beginning and I’m gonna happy and live how I want. Now this bullshit comes out of left field and I find myself just begging for some comfort. I know, I also said earlier that I was over Marco, but we all know that’s a goddamn lie. I indulge in my need for support and glance over to him, thankful that he has more or less regained his normal, happy expression. He’s concentrating hard right now on the review, asking a question or two for clarification, but his eyes didn’t seem to light up fully. It’s like the battery is stuck at 70 percent and just won’t charge up anymore. 

Wow, did I just compare his eyes to batteries? Call the psych ward because I think I’m losing it.

I used to always know what to do and how to handle situations but these past two months have been absolutely crazy. My world has been totally turned upside down and I don’t know what to do. I’ve already acknowledged that I’ve made a mistake with Marco, but there’s nothing I could ever do to fix it. I scared away a boy who didn’t even deserve to be treated so horribly. God, I’m a piece of work.

And now someone whom I’ve hated and ignored for over a year now is all of a sudden attempting to make a peace treaty with me? He wants to be friends again? How does that even work out? I don’t know how you go from not talking to talking again. I’ve never had to apologize and move on before.

Yikes, I’m feeling overwhelmed again. My throat is closing up and my mind is shutting down and all I want to do is find a quiet place to sit. What’s happened to me?

\-- 

The walk back to the classroom from my art class is a long one and I’m left wondering if Eren is going to bombard me with even more bullshit like earlier. My heart drops when I see both Sasha and Connie have abandoned me to sit with Marco and Mikasa while Eren and Armin occupy my desk. I squint at the two of them as Armin offers me a polite smile. 

“Hey, Jeanne. I hope you don't mind us sitting with you.” I mind so much that you don't even know. 

“Eh,” I grunt, not in the mood to offer them a formal response. It seems like Eren brought in reinforcements for his plan. I shudder to think about what would happen if Mikasa were to be brought into this. 

“Yo, did you think about what I said?”

“No,” I lie. 

“Jeannie, seriously. This isn't a joke or anything. I'm sincerely inviting you to my birthday party, nothing weird.”

“This is happening suspiciously after I broke it off with Marco.” 

Armin gives Eren and nervous look and sighs. “Didn't you tell her that already? Jeanne, Eren and I were talking to Marco for a while after that event. He was hurt really bad a-and…”

“And it made me upset because it's one thing to ignore us and pretend we don't exist, but to do it to him? What did Marco even do?”

I cross my arms, doing nothing to hide the disgust on my face. “Y’know, I’d expect this sneaky shit from you, Eren, but not Armin. Who the fuck do you think you guys are? I had my reasons and they don't concern either of you.” What the fuck is with this all of a sudden? I don't owe them a damn thing and I can't believe they tried to smuggle details out of Marco like that. 

“I don't like that you do this to literally everyone you meet. When are you gonna put Sasha and Connie on the chopping block, huh? Why can't you just let people be near you?”

“That's it. End of discussion, Eren. I don't have to explain shit to you. Do  _ not _ talk to me for the rest of the day. Hell, don't ever speak to me for the rest of our lives.” I sit up quickly, suddenly losing my appetite along with my motivation to even remain in this school. This is horrible. Of course, leave it to this dumbass to ruin everything. I pick my things up and walk out of the room, but not before sneaking a look back at Marco. He was watching the entire time with hopeful eyes, eyes that quickly look away and become dull by my reaction. 

I hurry to the bathroom and sit there thinking for the rest of lunch. Actually, I stay there all throughout my next class, because who honestly gives two flying fucks about Shadis and his stupid class. 

I just want this nightmare to end. Fuck, I'm even thinking of transferring classrooms for the remaining three years. How the hell do I manage to turn everyone I know against me?

I pick my sorry ass back up when it's time for Levi’s class, for once knowing that I can't skip his review, not with finals starting tomorrow. 

\--

I walk home from school alone today, since Sasha decided to stay back with a group of people that Armin offered to tutor. Good for her, but I feel bad for him. Despite all the chatter and noise of the outside life, it’s so quiet and lonely to me. It’s difficult to live with only two friends, especially when both friends are busy with their own lives. Marco would’ve kept me company…

“Hey! Wait!”

My eyes widen as I look up at the bright blue sky. Remember when I said I was feeling lonely without anyone? Yeah, no, that’s a lie. I was perfectly content with being all alone so long as it meant Eren not being with 70 feet of me. 

“I’m not done talking to you. We’re gonna settle this right here and now.” I hear him pant as he stops to catch his breath. Was he running after me? Bitch…

“We’re not settling anything because there is  _ nothing _ . Bye.”

“You coward. Why won’t you let yourself get close to people? Why are you always taking the easy way out?”

“Insulting me and calling me names ain’t gonna help your case, fucker.”

“Look, just come to the party. Come and be with all the people you know. Having fun for once wouldn’t kill you.”

“You don’t know that…”

“Shut the fuck up, Jeanne. Sasha and Connie agreed to go. I got a few of the upperclassmen to come. It’s literally going to be a group of people you know so it won’t be awkward.” 

_ Those traitors! _ There’s no way in hell he got all those people to agree to come to some fifteen year-old’s sweet sixt- this motherfucker is going to be sixteen.

“Please, Jeannie. If you just come to the party, you don’t have to stay the entire time. Just come over a-and socialize and then, if you do that, I’ll never bother you again.”

I turn to look at him directly in those desperate green eyes of his. I must look so tired and gross, but I don’t care; I want that to add to my anger and amplify it. I don’t care about him, I don’t care about his birthday, and I sure as hell don’t care about anyone else at this moment, so it doesn’t take me long to come up with my response.

“No. Leave me alone.”

“Marco said he’s coming too.”

“ _ No _ .” I turn on my heel and hurry home, making sure that that dumbass isn’t following me. I can’t believe that he said that shit to me! Did he really think he’d keep Marco as his trump card? Did he really think I’d say yes? This feels more like salt to the wound than anything that would motivate me. In fact, were it not for finals, I’d skip the rest of the week. I’m done. I’m so done.

At least...I want to be done. I’m so tired and the tears are already falling. I can’t even go home like this, not without my parents blowing it all out of proportion. Once I find a quiet little spot on the sidewalk, between a couple of bushes and a short gate made out of bricks, just out of sight of the other kids who are also walking home, I just sit down and cry; I cry my eyes out in painful, choking sobs. I must look like a complete dumbass to be sitting here in the in the shade and getting pricked by the sharp pins of the leaves, crying like a baby.

I never want to feel this tired again. I was supposed to be happy, dammit! I broke up with Marco to save him, but instead I made everything worse. It was a mistake, a really, really dumb mistake, but I can’t take it back! Who does that? I threw away the person who made me the happiest for the stupidest reason. Fuck, Eren was right. I’m a goddamn coward. I didn’t want to admit that someone as horrible as him was right.

I curl up into a tight, little ball, bringing my knees up to my chest and burying my face into them. It’s cold and my face is uncomfortably hot from all the tears. They don’t understand me. It’s not that I really don’t want to go, to see Marco again; it’s that I  _ can’t _ . I’ve dug my own hole in this mess and there’s no climbing back up. There is no recovery from this.

Even if I were to go, there’d be no special reunion waiting for me.

Never for me.

\--

When I finally bring myself to get home, I notice that the shop is closed for the day. That’s weird, did something happen? I’m not too sure how much more sadness and negativity I can handle before I finally go insane. I unlock the shop door with my spare key and walk in, locking it once more behind me. I hear muttering upstairs and the distinct sound of my father waddling back and forth through the living room.

Oh, fuck. It’s March. That explains why there’s so much ruckus going on; my dad’s six month leave is up and he has to go back to Stohess.

When I come in through the kitchen, I get a good look at the living room. Well, what  _ used _ to be our living room until Dad scattered his army shit all over the place. “It looks like the army threw up in our living room,” I say, giving myself a mental high five as I watch my dad close up one of his large, green bags. He shoots me an unimpressed look and returns to rolling up his shirts into little tubes.

“Hi, sweetpea. How was school today?”

“It was all right, I guess. How’s getting packed up again going for you?”

Dad sighs, wiping his brow of sweat. “A lot harder the older I get. Could you push that crate over for me, Jeanne? I need to make sure I can fit this bag in there and still be able to carry it.”

“Okay,” I respond, first attempting to push it with my foot but failing miserably. I crouch and push it with both of my hands and manage to get it to budge a few feet. “I think you’re gonna need a forklift to carry this, holy sh-crap.”

Dad shoots me another look, muttering to himself about profanity at such a young age. With that piece of luggage out of the way, I can safely take a seat on the couch, watching him work and test the heaviness of all his army gear. This is a sight that I should already be quite used to seeing, but...it always leaves me feeling empty when he has to leave. It’s sad, only being able to see your father for half of the year before he has to run off to literally do nothing. I just thank whomever I can that he isn’t stationed in Maria Country, not with all the nonsense going on over there.

I remember once as a little girl, I cried so hard when he had to leave that it literally took my mom and my aunt to pry me off of his leg. He tried to sound so brave, but when I looked up at him, he was crying himself. What a sap…

I say as I begin tearing up again. At least I can hide the fact that I was crying earlier about my social life with my father leaving and no one would bat an eye.

“Aww, sweetheart, please don’t cry. I don’t like seeing you like that. Here, come over to me,” Dad says in a gentle tone, gesturing me over to him. I don’t hesitate at all and I walk over to him, slumping down by his side and hugging him tight. He wraps his large arms around me and comforts me, patting my back. “Don’t worry, Jeanne. You know nothing will happen.”

“I know…”

“There’s no need to cry, sweetpea. I’ll be back in September to annoy you before you even know it.”

“That sounds so far away…”

“It’s okay, honey. I just need you to be strong and take care of yourself. I want you to promise me that you’re gonna concentrate hard on the new school year coming up and not give your mother too much trouble.”

“I’ll try…” I whimper softly, sniffling and burying my face in his shoulder. I really wish that he wasn’t leaving tomorrow morning. Not now, not after the shit I’ve been going through. I can’t take it anymore. “I-Is it okay if I go lie down? I’m starting to get a-a h-headache from crying…”

Dad chuckles warmly and plants a kiss on my head. “Just don’t be too long. I want to spend some time with you and your mother tonight, all right?” I reply by nodding. As much as I’d love to spend what little time I have left with him, I really need to get myself together before I have another breakdown later.

I’m exhausted.

I kiss his cheek, grab my discarded bag from the couch, and head up to my room where I promptly throw my bag to the side and get into bed. It’s warm and soft and I melt right into it with no hesitation. My mountain of blankets does wonders to warm me up after crying outside on a cold day.

“At least my bed will never hurt me or let me down. It’s the only stable thing I have in this life.”

\-- 

“And time is up. Everyone pass up your exams and make it quick.” I’d usually be startled by Levi’s sudden commands were it not for the fact that I stayed up close to three in the morning last night studying for this exam. Holy shit, I think I’m going to sleep for the next 72 hours in order to recover from this; plus, I think I’ll need to ask my mom to take me to the hospital because I’m pretty sure it’s not normal to not be able to feel your hand and wrist after writing this much.

With a shaky grasp, I hand the packet of papers to Levi as he passes by to collect and settle back in my chair. I am dead. I am dead on the inside and I still have another three years with this insane man. I glance over to Sasha and she looks just as pale as I do. 

“D-Do you...do you wanna go get breakfast after this, Sasha?”

“I...I don’t even know...if I’m hungry.”

Fuck. If Sasha doesn’t want food, then you know something is wrong. I think this exam killed her too.

Once Levi has collected all of the tests, he returns to the desk in the front of the room, using the hard surface in order to organize the papers into one, neat pile. He clears his throat and says, “As you all know, your scores will be mailed to you within a few days, just in case any of you need to return for a supplementary exam. Other than that, enjoy your week and a half break and you better come in April 7th ready to start the class immediately. No slacking off. Dismissed.”

Normally us kids would be pushing each other over, racing to the door as we’re let out, but not with Levi. All of us are just shells of our former selves and we exit in a calm and quiet fashion. Sasha is the first of us to regain her energy and soon she’s talking to me at the speed of sound.

“Are you still up for breakfast? Oh my god, I was so nervous this morning that I skipped it and now I’m staaarvinggg, Jeanneeee,” she drags out, clinging to me. “I-It’s still before lunchtime. D-Do you think we can go to that new crêpe shop that just opened up?” I’d find the way she asked cute if she hadn’t started drooling halfway through. 

Backing up about two feet, I nod, giving into something so comforting. “Yeah, why not. You look like you’re about to pass out anyway.”

“Carry meeeee,” she whines pathetically, reaching out with her hands. I take a step further back.

“I’m way too famished to even lift a pencil right now. Besides, I’m pretty sure we’re gonna need to amputate my hand because it’s gone, bro.” To emphasize, I hold up my poor, exhausted hand and let it set limp, putting no effort into moving it. Sasha looks surprised to even see me alive.

“Okay, fine, I’ll let you off just this once.” She grabs my still-functioning arm and tugs me off to the direction of the new store, leading me out of the school. Just before we make it out, I catch a glimpse of Eren (of all people) and he’s throwing me an annoyed glare. I have half the mind to give him the finger were it not for the fact that I’m being dragged at light speed out the doors.

Once we get our hands on a couple different flavors of crêpes, each with different fillings so we could try them  _ all _ , Sasha and I take a seat on the benches outside the shop, enjoying the sweet smell of crisp, cool freedom. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m cold as shit, but when am I not? My jackets are so thin…

Despite indulging on the warm, sweet goodness of our breakfast, Sasha does seem a little quieter than usual. I’m curious and I want to ask what’s up, but some part of me is screaming to not even think about it because somehow I already know. She fidgets a little and keeps her eyes focused on the sidewalk below us, a piercing breeze cutting through us and chilling us to the bone. Maybe sitting outside wasn’t that smart.

“So, uh, we’ve got some time to just chill out until the next school year starts. Do you wanna hang out any time during our break?” she asks innocently. I’m skeptical of her words, but keep an open mind.

“I mean, of course, why not? I could use some company just in case my mom decides to bug me at all. She gets so needy after my dad leaves for duty again in Stohess,” I try to say with slight annoyance in my voice, but it just comes out flat and dull. I haven’t noticed much of a spark in my voice for awhile now. Oh well.

“Well, I’ll be sure to rescue you if needed,” Sasha giggles, trying to lick some nutella off of her nose. Unsuccessful in her endeavors, she eventually opts to just wipe it off with her finger and eat it like that. “Hey, in fact, I could steal you for a bit on Monday! We could go out a-and have s-some fun.”

“No.”

“W-What? Why ‘no’?”

“Because that’s Eren’s birthday and I know damn well that you were invited and you’re trying to drag me along.” I’m not stupid. I can’t believe my own best friend tried to trick me into going to that lame-ass, stupid-ass party...ass. I take a big chomp out of my crêpe, watching in horror as a  huge dollop of whipped cream falls off and lands on my lap. “Dammit!”

As I clean it up with an uneven wad of napkins, I glance up to Sasha to see the largest pouty face in the entire world. The entire world is out to get me and I’m overwhelmed. I think this is karma’s way of saying “Fuck you, Jeanne Kirstein! That’s what you get for breaking up with Marco Bodt, you piece of shit!”

“Come oooon, it’ll be fun, I promise! You can just shadow me and Connie all night and we’ll make sure that nothing bad happens to you.”

“I don’t do well in spaces that force me to be within five feet of Eren at all times. Plus, I heard Marco’s gonna be there. Don’t you think that’d be really fucking awkward for the both of us? After all the stress I’ve been through, I  _ really _ don’t think I could handle any more awkward or negative situations; I’m pretty sure it’ll be bad for my health.”

Her pouty face falls into one portraying complete failure. Even I have to look away when her bottom lip quivers, otherwise I’d end up giving in to whatever she’s saying. Look, I’ve made up my mind and not a single soul on this planet can tell me what to do. This is a decision that you make for yourself, no one can make it for you, and I’ve decided that it’d be better for me and everyone else that I not show up at all.

The sooner I’m forgotten about the better, honestly. Sasha and Connie, on the other hand, seem to forget everything  _ but _ me. I never fully understood how that worked.

“O-Okay...I won’t ask you anymore nor bring it up again, but, Jeanne? It’d be really nice if you could maybe change your mind. I’d love to see you there.”

I take another huge bite and deadpan, keeping my eyes on hers, “No. Now, don’t ever bring it up again.”

Sasha sighs, knowing when to stop because she’d just be fighting a losing battle. “Okay…” Her response is quiet and resigned and I trust her to keep her word. We finish our breakfast in silence until Sasha brings up some funny joke that Connie told her a few days ago and she’s back to her bouncy, old self again. I’m glad that she has some sense of respect; she’d honestly put Eren to shame with his constant nagging. I ask her to keep talking as we walk back to my place, desperate to get out of this cold weather and into my nice, warm bedroom. Plus, snuggling with Sasha is surprisingly comfortable because this woman is essentially a walking heater! It’s a two-in-one deal for cold-ass Jeanne Kirstein.

As she speaks, my heart beats faster as my mind wanders off to the party that’s just around the corner. I’d never admit it, but just this once I allow myself to indulge in the idea of talking to Marco again because if I actually go through with the transfer, I’m not sure if I’d really be able to see him again.

I get a little choked up whenever that thought passes by.

\-- 

My eyes flutter open, attempting to focus on the wall just inches before my face. Shit, I slept soooo good last night, why did I have to wake up? I stretch my legs and my back, letting out a big yawn at the same time as I switch to lie on my other side. I throw my arm over my head, groping around for wherever my phone might be, hoping it didn’t fall off. My fingers finally come in contact with the cool screen and I grasp it gently, bringing it down to my face.

It’s half past three in the afternoon. Nice.

That means it’s only an hour and a half until Eren’s party. Not nice.

I told everyone that I ain’t going about four hundred times until they got the message. Sasha was the only good one and stopped after the first time. There must be something in the water for everyone else to keep forgetting my answer like that. I mean, who could forget a very angry, resounding “no”?

The only text I got was from Sasha with a gentle reminder that she’ll be at the party but if I need anything, then don’t hesitate to text or call her. Aww, so sweet. I put my phone back to its previous spot and reach for the remote, eager to watch my cooking shows. God, whenever I watch those, I feel like I can do anything; I also feel like I can eat anything and I am often disappointed due to the fact that usually I’m left in bed starving. The show that’s on now is about some heavy-set lady talking about how if I can’t find some sort of obscure spice then store bought is fine.

Yeah, well, this dick can’t be store bought.

...I’m sorry. I just woke up.

I snuggle deeper in my comforter, enjoying my time off and time alone for once in my life. Who knew what good a few days of sleeping in could do for one’s health? I feel like I’m in fucking heaven over here. No responsibilities, no homework, and no exams to worry about; this is the life.

Some time passes and now some show about cooking with sabotages is on and I swear the host is awfully good looking for how evil and conniving he seems. Who in the world can even cut meat with a cigar cutter? That’s fucked up, man.

Obsessively, I check my phone again to check the time and frown when I see that it’s only 5:23 PM. Welp, happy fucking birthday, Eren. I hope you’re enjoying stealing my ex-boyfriend and the only two friends I have left.

Ugh, here come the heart palpitations again, followed by the small seedling of doubt in my decision. I said “no,” goddamnit. I can’t just turn around a-and show up all of a sudden after I shouted from the rooftops my response. B-But, fuck, I’m starting to shake. S-Should I go?

Holy shit, I can’t handle this. I release myself from my blanket cocoon and hobble over to the bathroom. I’m shaking and sweating now and I’m...I’m overreacting again. I mean, if I have to admit anything, a small part, like, an atom-sized part of me kinda sorta wanted to go, but the part that didn’t overrode that completely.

I take a washcloth and dampen it, pressing it to my hot, sweaty skin as I look at how pathetic I am in the mirror. I’m fine; I swear I’m fine. Taking a few deep breaths, I seem to calm my heart down significantly, but I stay standing there nonetheless. I’m absolutely losing my mind now and I’ve only been awake for like two hours, shit. I just need to get back to bed and watch more food-related shows to get my mind off of this party bullshit.

I waddle back into my room, climbing back into my little piece of heaven just as the commercials end. Nice.

I grab my phone to check for an updates and I see that Sasha has sent me a long series of SnapChats. Fire. Hellfire. Despite the little voice in my head telling me not to do it, I open up the app and swipe to see Sasha’s name and the little purple square beside it. Bracing myself, I tap it, waiting to see the compilation of guilt-tripping she put together.

The first snap is just a sweep of Eren’s living room, something I already know too well, and I make a face, noticing it hasn’t changed at all. It’s dark and there’s music playing, so I can’t really make out any specific figures. It changes over to a new scene where Sasha has Reiner as the main focus. He’s just at the table, playing on his phone and chatting, and all Sasha does is zoom in and out on his nose and, fuck, I’m sputtering out a laugh. The snap ends with a very shaky and zoomed-in view of Connie’s eye and I’m left laughing like a lunatic into my pillow. This shouldn’t be so funny.

The app returns to the name screen, saying that Sasha’s is loading with new stuff. Oh boy. The small, red square loads up and I tap on her name once more.

It’s a blurry selfie of Sasha with a drink up to her face. The hand holding the clearly non-alcoholic drink is also holding a peace sign up. God she looks stupid. The caption for this one says “lmao gettn turnt up in here.” Sasha, shut the fuck up; you’re too white for this. Before the snap ends, however, I get a glimpse of the other person on the couch next to her and my heart drops. It’s Marco.

I try to fight the urge to replay that snap; the keyword is “try.” Giving in to the small defeat, my eyes go directly to Marco once I’ve reached the still image. You can’t see him that well, but the poor boy looks so awkward, sitting on the couch like that. I think he’s kinda nervous…

The snap ends before I could really get another good look at him and I’m left feeling disappointed. If he knew he was gonna just sit around then why the hell did he go? I’m about two seconds from yelling at this boy before remembering that we don’t talk anymore. Oh.

Some more snaps from Sasha come in and I’m a little too quick to watch them. This one just has Eren in the main shot as Sasha’s hand slowly descends from the top of the screen with an empty cup. Eren’s making a stupid face when the cup is placed upside down on his head while Sasha’s hand forms a thumbs up in front of the camera. The caption says, “he is the Chosen One.” What the fuck.

I don’t know if this is some divine intervention making me go to this god awful party, but, fuck, is it working. Look at all these goofballs interacting and having fun while I...mope around in my room, watching cooking shows.

Sasha texts me, saying she’s got just one more snap for me before they head off to do something. I brace myself, wondering what the hell it could be.

When I switch back to the app, the purple square loads up again and I hesitantly tap her name once more. The main focus this time is Marco and my heart beats rapidly upon seeing him. Damn, I’m weak. He’s not really smiling and looks completely distracted by his phone. I jump slightly as Sasha’s voice startles me from my intense staring.

“What’cha doin’?” 

He turns and gives her an incredibly fake smile. If I were Sasha, I’d be offended with that display, but she doesn’t know how to pick them out like I do.

“I’m just watching everyone enjoy themse-” The snap ends and I’m left staring at the white screen, feeling empty inside. Why did you go, you dummy? Why do that to yourself? Stupid, you should’ve stayed home like me…

My phone vibrates in my hand as I receive a barrage of texts from Sasha.

**From: The Rare Seshe**

> jeanne!!! U have to come quick bc i think marco’s about to leave

> pls pls pls just come to the party

> u only have to be like 5 mins tops

> im sorry i broke!!! I promised i wouldnt bring it up again but i dont want him to go!!!

**To: The Rare Seshe**

> u clever girl

I can’t believe what I’m doing. I slowly stand up from my bed, texting at the speed of sound as my heart races with worry.

**To: The Rare Seshe**

> keep him there 

> dont let him leave

What am I doing? I think I’m just as stupid as he is. I rush to my dresser and grab the first items of clothing within reach and change quickly. I put on a long sleeve shirt and a pencil skirt and reach under my bed for some suitable shoes. I’m going to look like a damn fool in this tiny thing out there in the cold but reason has completely left my brain at the moment. God, I just hope she can convince him to stay long enough for me to get there. Eren’s house is a good fifteen- to twenty-minute walk from here and I’m going to try and run for the most part.

I don’t tell Sasha what I’m doing, just in case. Besides, I have no time when I’m running around my room at the speed of light, getting decently dressed to be seen outside of my room. I rush out my door and run down the old, wooden stairs, creaking underneath me as if there’s a stampede coming down with me. Maybe if I run past Maman fast enough, she won’t have time to yell at my choice of clothing. Well, my semi-choice, since I just kind of grabbed it and threw it on. 

I shout out a goodbye to Maman as I pass by her and hurry through the shop door. She’s dealing with a customer, so thankfully she doesn’t have much of a chance to stop me. I’ll just need to remember to text her later where I am so she doesn’t panic.

The cold, brisk air is the very first thing I feel once I’m outside of my home and I’m already shivering, but I don’t care. All I know is that I  _ need _ to get to that party. I’m done with avoiding everyone. I’m done with not talking to Marco anymore. God, I hate Eren so much for this, but he was so right about everything.

I end up only running about halfway to his house, while walking the rest of the way. I can’t show up fashionably late to a party on the verge of coughing up a lung, can I? I check my phone and it’s already close to six and I’ve gotten a few messages from Sasha, saying she’s trying her best to keep Marco at bay and so far it’s working. I’m relieved but I’ve still got a few minutes left before I even reach the neighborhood. It’s dark and cold outside and there aren’t very many people out on the town now. It is a Monday evening after all and I’m sure a lot of people got home from work not too long ago; no one in their right mind would want to wander outside after a long, hard day.

I’ve finally come up to Eren’s neighborhood and turn into it, keeping an eye out for his house. It shouldn’t be too hard since there’s a party going on; all I have to do is go by the noise of disgusting teenagers and music. Speak of the devil, coming from my right is the exact thing about four houses up the road. I can’t remember the last time I went down here, but I’m being bombarded with a wave of nostalgia. It’s funny how the brain works and just doesn’t let you forget shit no matter how much you don’t want to remember it. I take a deep breath and run up the sidewalk, skipping steps up to his porch and stand just before the white front door. I’m here. I’m here and I can’t fucking believe I was brought here through SnapChat. I’ll need to remind myself to kick Sasha’s ass later because I think she did that shit on purpose.

With another nervous gulp as my heart threatens to beat out of my chest, I knock on the door as loudly as possible, wondering if I could even be heard through all the chatter and music. It doesn’t take long for me to hear Eren’s voice just on the other side of the door and I watch as he opens it up.

His eyes are wide with shock and disbelief as I stand there, waving pathetically at him. “Hey…”

“Uh, h-hey…”

Silence.

“A-Am I too late for anything? ‘S kinda c-cold out here...can I come in?”

“S-Sure, yeah.” He moves to the side, allowing me in, and closes the door just behind me. We stand there awkwardly, all thanks to me not thinking of anything to say. This is the last time I impulsively run to someone’s house without a speech made up. Ugh.

“Happy birthday, fucko.”

“Thanks.”

I follow him into the living room where all the fun is being had. Whoever isn’t in here is probably in the kitchen stuffing their faces. Before I can truly assess the situation, a small gremlin flies up onto me, hugging me tight.

“Jeanne!” It’s Connie. “Holy shit, you  _ missed _ the best part already! Bertl and Armin were in the kitchen, talking about some super serious stuff, and then all of a sudden, Bertl starting roasting the hell out of Armin! Like, damn, it came out of  _ nowhere _ .” He hops off of me and starts gesturing wildly as he continues his epic story. What a wild hour so far.

“So what happened?”

“Bro, Armin got up to leave the room for a second and he tripped and accidentally bit Bertl! It was insane!” Connie is practically screaming at this point. “And then Eren and Mikasa showed up and they were ready to fight. Bertl got up and said it was all okay and he eventually apologized to Armin. So it’s all good.”

My eyes are wide as I listen to this clusterfuck of events. I’m surprised Bertholdt managed to get out of this alive, considering Eren and Mikasa were already within two feet of him. I scan the room and see the tall, sweaty man sitting next to Reiner and leaning on his shoulder. It’s so cute I just want to vomit.

“Jeanne!” comes a screech from my right side as Sasha pummels me, pretending to cry as she holds me close. “AAAAA! I can’t believe you actually came! I was so sad without youuuu!”

I pat her on the back, soothing her. “Nothin’ like being fashionably late, am I right?” Shut the fuck up, me.

She leans close to my ear and whispers, “I managed to keep Marco here. Hurry and go to the couch! He’s still sitting there.” Both Sasha and Connie practically push me through the living room, throwing me down onto the same couch as Marco, just about a foot away from him. As they casually make their great escape, I’m suddenly stiff and my face is burning and probably bright fucking red. I chance a look from the corner of my eye and Marco is looking the exact same as me.

Shit, this is super awkward. We both fidget in our seats, looking around, trying to find any sort of distraction to focus on. I sigh, admitting to myself that I’m a super coward supreme. I don’t even know what to say to him…

“Y-You look nice...Jeanne.” Oh.

“U-Uh, thanks. Y-You look as dorky as ever.” Even I can’t tell if that’s a compliment or not. I give in and turn my head to him, my heart melting as I see the tiniest bit of a sincere smile.

“I try. Hehe,” he giggles, reaching his hand up behind his neck, giving it a nervous scratch before returning my gaze. “You’re, uh, just in time, I guess. I was actually planning on leaving soon. That is, until Sasha bent over backwards trying to keep me here; I think she was just buying you time.”

“Y-Yeah. I wasn’t gonna come at first, but...I dunno, Sasha has a way to bring you in, huh?” Those fucking snaps that she sent are what broke me. 

“It’s nice to be able to talk to you again. I-I’m sorry if this is out of line, but...I missed you, Jeanne.”

Ow. My heart is hit directly with a pang of guilt over these past two months. I’ve accepted it now that this decision to separate from him was the worst thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I slump over, leaning my elbows on my thighs, and keep my head down, sighing sadly.

“I know...I-I missed you too. A lot.” I’m sorry. Ugh, why can’t I just say it?

Marco shifts closer to me, his knee just a few inches from mine. “I was a little sad earlier today, knowing that you weren’t coming to the party.” Despite the loud chatter of the guests around us and the music shaking the floor, I almost don’t hear any of it. My senses are just solely focused on Marco and the words coming from him. “M-My mom insisted that I go anyway. Heh, now that I think about it, I think she practically threw me out.”

The guilt is almost becoming too much for me, and I grip my shirt at the spot just over where my heart is. I’m sorry, Marco. I’m really, really sorry, okay? Normally, I’d probably be close to tears right now, but I’ve cried so much in the past two months that I’m not really sure I have anything left to get rid of.

“I-I only came because of you. W-When Sasha was sending me snaps of you, I-I saw your face. Ugh, that fake smile you gave her just... _ hurt _ .” I turn to look up at him, looking directly into his eyes. “I wanted to see you again. Can we go somewhere a little quieter? I don’t know how well I can concentrate on anything with all the noise and people around.”

“Won’t anyone notice us gone? Aside from Eren, we’re hot topic number two.”

“Fuck ‘em.” Marco smiles, almost leaning in closer to me, but correcting himself as soon as he realizes. He clears his throat and looks away. 

I get up quickly from the couch, offering him my hand to sit up as I scan the surroundings. The biggest threats, and by threats I mean those most likely to gossip, are Sasha and Connie. I can hear them, but I can’t see them, so I figure the sooner we get out of here, the better. Marco hesitantly takes my hand and sits up, watching me carefully to see where I go. Thankfully, I’ve been in this house many a time to know there’s a fairly empty room around here that barely anyone went into. I just hope that that’s still going on because I really don’t want to be walked in on when I’m talking about...feelings.

I’m glad that the lights are dim enough to not really be able to focus on anyone moving unless they’re right in front of you and I grab Marco’s wrist, leading him down the hall across from the couch we were just on.

“W-Wait, is it okay to just walk through his house like that?”

“Honestly, Eren would not give a shit unless you went into his room. Besides, we’re just talking.”  _ Just talking _ .

Marco mutters out a quiet “okay” as I pass by a certain amount of doors before finding the right one. I shove Marco through it first, taking another good look around the area in case there are a few sneaky stragglers around. Content that we haven’t been followed, I close the door behind us, knowing  _ no one  _ would hear us in a million years over that music, damn. I flip on the lights and there he is. Marco Bodt, my ex-boyfriend, standing before me and all to myself now. God, what I wouldn’t give to just run up and drape all over him...but I have to apologize first.

When I get the courage to look up into his eyes, he’s blushing hard and looking off to the side.

“W-Wow...you’re really pretty, Jeannie,” he whispers and I look down at my outfit, finally being able to see it. Shit, I’m surprised he wasn’t blinded by all the skin being shown from my legs. I shift around slightly, feeling a little self-conscious. 

“H-Hey, now isn't that time for that. This is serious. Feelings are serious.” I get a giggle out of him and the corners of my mouth perk up. “Look, I hope you don’t think I’m just some heartless jerk. Of course, I wouldn’t blame you if you did, but just hear me out, okay? I...I-I...what I did wasn’t right and it unfortunately took me about two months to figure that out.”

I let out a sigh, happy that I at least got that much out. Marco stands in front of me quietly, politely listening to my trainwreck of an apology.

“I don’t know what I want for us or what kind of outcome will stem from this, but I’m sorry, Marco.”

“It...It really hurt. You didn’t even give me a chance to properly talk about it,” Marco starts, already saying the exact thing on my mind. “I am, er, was your boyfriend, Jeannie. I care about you a lot a-and I want to be there when you’re feeling bad, but you have to tell me. You have to trust me and tell me the truth. I know it wasn’t your intention to hurt us both like that, but I really wish you’d talk to me instead of making that decision for me.”

I never thought of it like that before now. Not once did I ever think that I took Marco’s answer and morphed into my own. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing to protect him and give him a better opportunity to find someone much more worthwhile than me. I didn’t give him a choice at all; I just said what I did and that was final. God, I’m literally the worst.

Feeling horrible and sorry for myself, I wrap my arms around my body, needing some sort of physical comfort as we carry on with this painful conversation. Shit, man, I wouldn’t blame him if he holds a grudge against me. I know I would…

“I-I was scared...I was scared that I wasn’t good enough for you.”

“You are, Jeanne. You’re so good for me.”

“B-But I hurt you so bad,” I whimper.

“You did, but you apologized. You’re listening to me now and I can tell you’re understanding what I’m saying.”

“I do. I really, really do.”

“You don’t have to be scared of me. I’m not your enemy. I just want to make sure you’re happy and taken care of; I don’t like to see you so sad and scared.” Marco approaches me cautiously, closing the gap between us ever so slightly. I stand there stunned, my hands shaking as I try my best not to cry. I’m failing.

A few tears slip down from my eyes and over my cheeks as I stand there, probably looking like a lunatic. “I-I’m sorryyyy…I-I messed up s-so bad. W-Will you forgive m-me?” I hate the sound of my crying voice; it’s so whimpery and pathetic.

“I already have. Is it all right if I come over there and give you a hug? I hate seeing you cry…” I nod quickly, already opening my arms for him. Marco takes a few steps forward and wraps his arms around him tight and for the first time in two months, I feel whole again. I’m warm and I have something to hold that’s alive. I have Marco in my arms again.

I wail loudly into his shoulder, feeling a little guilty for getting it wet. God, everything feels so good now; it all feels right again, but I can’t stop the waterworks. I’d pull the boy down and kiss him like I’ve never kissed him before were it not for the fact that we’re still in that weird kinda friend, kinda something zone.

“What d’ya wanna do now, Marco? I see you’re not too eager to head for the hills just yet.”

“Hehe, I’d only go to the hills if it meant being with you.” That was so corny and I hate how it’s making me cry and smile like a sap.

“What’s that s’pposed to mean?”

“Well, it could mean a few different things depending on how  _ you _ feel. I want this to be a decision we make  _ together _ , okay, Jeannie?” 

I nod, heart beating eagerly at what he may or may not be asking in just a few moments. “You look like you got somethin’ to say. Say it, Marco,” I whisper, surprised at how much closer my face has gotten to his as I gaze up into his bright, brown eyes.

“W-Will you be m-my girlfriend...again, Jeannie?”

I’m smiling so wide that my cheeks are actually hurting.

“Y-You idiot.”

Marco reaches up to his eyes, wiping away a few tears that threaten to fall as he lets out a cute chuckle. I reach up as well, grabbing his face, and offer him a small, sweet kiss.

“I meant yes. Yes, Marco.”

Marco hugs me tighter, pulling me against him as I bring him down for another kiss. I’m overjoyed, to say the least. I haven’t been so happy and giddy for such a long time now that I’m absolutely addicted to this feeling. I’m addicted to him and his smile and the way his lips feel against mine. Everything is so right and perfect.

We pull away for a brief moment, out of practice as we regain our breath. “I’m so glad that you didn’t leave, Marco. Thank you for staying just a little longer.”

“Thank you for showing up. I’m so happy to see you again. Sorry that this was kinda set up, though. Eren was really intent on us getting back together and I can’t help but admit I was eager to give it a shot.”

“I can’t believe that asshole actually did something good in his life. That explains why I used to catch him whispering to you in class.”

“Well, that was maybe forty percent of it. The rest was him just asking me to explain what the lecture was about.” We both burst into a fit of laughter, rubbing our noses together as we just enjoy this moment of intimacy. “Ahh, I missed your laugh, Jeanne. Just...everything about you. I missed you.”

“I know, I know. I missed you too, Marco. But, hey, guess what; I’m here now and I’m not leaving ever again,” I assure him, pressing another kiss to his lips. Before I can pull away, however, Marco places his hand gently on the back of my head and keeps it there. I let myself go, trusting him completely as we kiss and I squeak once our kissing evolves into something a little less innocent. His tongue gently probes my lips, asking for permission to go further; I gladly let him in, eager to feel more of him, to relearn everything about him.

The kiss deepens quickly as Marco’s hands begin to trail further down my body to rest on my waist while I slide mine down to grab onto the front of his shirt. It doesn’t matter where we are or what’s going on, because this room feels like our own little world, private and all to ourselves; it’s closed off from the rest of reality as we take our time with one another. The only thing remotely bothering me is that bright light shining above our heads.

“Lemme, um, lemme turn those lights off, okay? A-Are you okay with all of this?”

“I’m more than okay, Jeannie.” His voice is low and husky and it’s making me feel some type of way. I gulp and detach myself from his grasp momentarily, crossing over to the light switch and flicking it off. The sudden darkness of the room mixed with the steady vibrations from the music does wonders to my arousal. 

Marco comes from behind and wraps his arms around me, kissing my neck softly before resting his chin on my shoulder. “It doesn’t feel like we haven’t done this in awhile. Everything feels normal with you.”

“Yeah, it does.” I turn around and kiss him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. His mouth is hot and I can feel him panting in between kisses. This fucker is just as excited as me! And in someone else’s home no less! “When do you wanna go back to the party?”

“After I’m done spending time with you,” he breathes and I shudder, preparing myself for what’s to come next.

We eventually found our way to the couch at the opposite end of the room. It’s a comfy little love seat that’s just perfect for us as we make out. I’m not exactly sure of how much time has passed, but I honestly don’t care when Marco, my sweet boyfriend, is on top of me, holding me close and kissing me. I place his roaming hand up to my chest, allowing him to touch and grope me all he wants. I’m trembling with desire beneath him, longing for everything he can give me.

This has to be the fastest progression from exes to lovers in history. I mean, the separation was all from a misunderstanding and an inability to communicate feelings, but still. My thoughts are quickly interrupted as I let out a soft moan from Marco’s naughty hand grabbing my breast.

“I just wanna spend the rest of the night with you, Jeannie. I don’t even want to go back and join them.”

“Heh, it’s so nice to see you so undone like this again. Why don’t we move behind the couch and get a lil’ more...comfortable. We don’t want anyone walking in on us like this, do we?” I’m surprisingly seductive for someone who was just crying their eyes out not thirty minutes ago.

Marco hums in delight and offers me another kiss. “I’d like that.”

Moving quickly so we don’t have to be apart for too long, Marco and I sneak behind the couch, luckily having enough room between it and the wall it’s up against. Marco lays me down first before taking his place on top of me. He rests in between my legs this time, causing me to blush deeply. Thankfully the lights are off and he can’t see my dumb expression that well.

Resting his hand against my the outside of my bare thigh, he pauses, looking down at me seriously. “I want to touch you. I want to make you feel good.”

“Touch me all over.”

With that, Marco leans in to kiss me as he slides his hand from around my thigh to go under my skirt. I’m panting harder, aching to feel him all over me. Man, I heard that reunions were very emotional and leave you feeling something strong, I just never knew it’d be like this. Of course, not that I’m complaining.

“U-Uh, Jeanne.”

“Wha?” I’m dizzy.

“Where are your panties?” 

I squint at him. Is this a trick question? They’re right the- no they’re not. I reach down myself to feel, face burning once I realize that I fucking forgot to put on the new pair when I was speed dressing.  _ Holy shit _ .

“I, uhh, I guess I kinda, sorta forgot to put them on.” My voice is quiet and meek, bracing for the laughter...or disgust. Who knows anymore.

Marco stifles his laughter into my shoulder and I roll my eyes. “Thank you for finding amusement in my pain! I was in a hurry to get here so you didn’t leave!”

“Well, it’s not like you needed them anyway, so it all worked out in the end.” His hand settles nicely on top of my exposed pussy, bringing me back to that hazy warmth that I was intoxicated with earlier. His fingers slowly dip in through my folds, gently massaging them as he takes his time to explore me. Once he’s satisfied, Marco moves up to my clit right away, rubbing the aroused numb with his index finger.

“You’re so wet, baby. Is this really turning you on so much?”

“Marco, we are hiding in a room of someone else’s house between a couch and a wall, fondling each other like a couple of horny teenagers. Well, we are teenagers, but you see where I’m coming from, right? This is like the most ideal time to be dripping wet.”

“Actually, I don’t see you coming at all…”

“Now! Now is  _ not _ the time for sex jokes, Marco! What are you, twelve?”

Marco laughs so hard that he snorts and I follow along after him, giggling like a lunatic before settling back down. Marco’s hand feels so nice and warm against me and I’m already vocal from the slight touches he’s offering me.

It doesn’t take long for this little rubbing session to get serious as my legs tremble from the intense pleasure. In the meantime, Marco has lifted my shirt up, sucking and playing with my breasts, making me go crazy. I don’t know how long we’ve been here. Thirty minutes? Three hours? Fuck, who even cares, really?

Heat begins to pool up between my legs as I get closer and closer to my climax. Two months without any sort of action is apparently a really long time for me, huh? I swear this is the quickest I’ve managed to get this riled up ever. And Marco’s touch is so good. He knows everything about me and hasn’t forgotten one single detail.

“J-Jeannie,” he pants, whispering into my ear as his fingers rub furiously over my clit. “I-I wanna...I wanna be inside you. I-I can’t s-stand just sitting here and watching you any longer.”

I thought he’d never ask. “G-God, please, Marco. L-Let me come around you…”

He presses a sloppy kiss to my cheek before sitting up, working to quickly get his jeans down. As I wait for him to get ready, I replace his hand with my own, lazily stroking myself as he pulls his cock out. I lick my lips when it comes into view, missing it so much.

Marco chuckles nervously as he searches through his pockets, looking for a condom, I guess. He stops for a moment and his eyes go wide. “O-Oh no…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t have any protection...of course, I didn’t think w-we’d be doing anything like this tonight, s-so I don’t have anything.” Oh no. Oh, no, please don’t just stop everything because of that, fuck. I’m too damn horny for this.

I whine loudly, resting my head back against the carpeted floor. “Marco, nooo. I-It’s okay! We can still fuck.”

“B-But, Jeanne, that’s-”

“Marco, please. I’m s-so horny right now a-and I need you. It’s just once a-and I’m sure if you pull out before you come it’ll be fine, right?”

Marco gulps, thinking it over quickly. He’s got me in front of him, lying back on the ground and sprawled out just for him. My shirt is lifted up high and my pussy is soaking wet with desire and he’s kneeling just before me with his cock out and ready. We’re so close, Marco. Please, say yes!

“J-Just...pull out before I come, yeah? O-Okay...but this’ll never happen again! Next time we’ll be better prepared.” He takes a few deep breaths and hovers over me, that lustful desire returning to his voice once more. “Y-You know...I always d-did wonder what it would feel like raw, t-to feel you and only you around me. Nothing else.” I can’t take it anymore and I pull him down for a hot, wet kiss.

He positions himself carefully before me, pressing the head of his dick in me gently before inching inside of me. I’m so aroused and wet that there’s practically no resistance between us; he fits in me so perfectly. Marco shudders and lets out a few puffs of air as I take all of him in me. Fuck, this is so amazing; I can feel  _ everything _ .

Gripping my waist as I keep my hand down on my clit, rubbing it at a quicker pace than before, Marco starts thrusting his hips into me, slow and steady at first before building up speed. The air in the room is so hot and stuffy and my mind is in a cloud-like daze as I try to focus on each touch separately. His rhythm is sloppy and desperate and the room fills with the sound of skin hitting skin.

Marco starts sucking on my neck, biting down as he thrusts harder into me and I can’t keep quiet any longer. Moaning and panting as I finger myself, I feel the intense burning from earlier amplify, soon to bring me over the edge. Fuck, I want him; I  _ need _ him, and I’m so happy to have him back. Why did I ever leave him in the first place when it’s clear that we were meant to be?

I lean my head up into Marco’s shoulder, biting down as I come hard around him, my muscles contracting sporadically around his thick cock. My body that was once so tense and pent up feels its well-deserved release as I pass a long drawn-out moan from my lips. Marco’s voice so close to my ear is heavenly, and I can’t get over hearing such pretty noises from him, especially since I’m the reason for them.

As I begin to come down my from erotic high, Marco digs his fingers into me, pounding me deeper and harder, almost begging for his own release.

“C-Come on, baby. Come f-for me, o-okay?” I pant, wanting to hear more of those beautiful noises as he derives pleasure from my body. With a few more jerky movements, Marco moans out my name, burying his cock deep inside of me as he comes as well.

We both lie there, breathing hard and sweating profusely as we hold each other close on this unfamiliar floor. The music in the main part of the house is banging and I can hear the muffled voices of my friends screaming and having a good time.   
With a dumb, goofy smile on my face, I turn towards Marco to give him a nice, big kiss, but I stop when I see how wide his eyes are. Never before have I seen him so scared in my entire life.

Wait.

Oh shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's been awhile.
> 
> I'm here with a friendly reminder to always make sure you're wearing underwear when you run out of the house and goddammit don't fuck behind couches.

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy! This is my first fanfiction ever and the only AU I've made that has stuck with me vividly. I first came up with this AU well over a year ago and I'm proud to have this out of my head and into words. This means a lot to me to have actually completed something.
> 
> So special thanks to Saphruikan for being my beta and overall a really good helper during my endeavor. Writing is difficult and I have so much more to learn.
> 
> And also a big thank you to all my tumblr/twitter followers because you all are lovely people and have encouraged me to be confident in what I create!


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